Here's another one...

It's about 3 in the morning and I playing 1-2nl with my buddy on our annual Vegas trip. We've been drinking since noon and having a great time. My buddy is wasted, and on top of that has no concept of the value of money when gambling. The table is loving him when this had comes up:

Drunk Buddy is on BB, UTG limps along with a couple of others. Drunk Buddy raises to 30 when action is on him. UTG calls, everyone else folds. Flop comes A37 rainbow.....

Drunk Buddy quickly bets 60, then UTG says: "Well, if you got me you got me. I'm all in for 300 more."

Drunk Buddy gets a weird look on his face, and just turns his hand face up, showing J 10 offsuit, with a A 3 7 board. UTG, assuming this is a fold shows his hand: A3 for two pair.

The dealer reaches over to muck Drunk Buddy cards, but before he can reach them, he says "Oh two pair! You got me!"

The dealer says "Thats a fold, right?"

Drunk Buddy with complete confidence says "No way! I call! I'm on a draw!" and pushes his chips out.

Dealer says "Ummmm, OK..." and proceeds to bring an 8 on the turn and a 9 on the river, making J 10 a runner runner double gut shot straight!

UTG just slaps his forehead and walks away. I fall out of my chair laughing when Drunk Buddy says "I had to call! Too many outs!"

To this day I introduce him to people as the Best Poker Player in the World.

The only slightly funny thing here was your misspelling of "action"

+1 FTW

Weirdest thing I saw at a poker table had nothing to do with the cards.

Laws just changed in Colorado and its about 2:30 in the AM no adult beverages being served. This guy that was in his late 70s or early 80s asks this waitress for a shot of whiskey. Of course the waitress tells him that she can't violate the law and lose her job. This old guy then says "f*ck your job, I'll pay the stupid $500 fine and pay your bills untill you find another job. Now dammit woman, get me my f*cking shot of whiskey."

needless to say, floor was called and he was told to leave.

I didn't really enjoy the puke stories or ass/dick stories, but I couldn't help but laugh just imagining this being said.

omg, I think this is the winner!

[ ] Double Gutshot

[X] Runner Runner

[X] Other story was better

Hey,
nice tread- i have no story to add but i found a funny video were a guy bets a bag of weed in a casino.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s31YQAJN7ac

He should be charged with being criminally stupid, and then castrated to prevent infecting the rest of the human race.

AB

NO they're not profane! Just fun.

AG

Small MTT $50 rebuy with about 60 something entrants. Final table I'm in the 9 seat and a 26 year old drunk girl is in the 10 seat. Her boyfriend who was finished losing his shirt at the roulette wheel was sitting close by waiting. She begins holding her cards up in the air about an inch from her face and is unaware when the action comes around to her. She is constantly mumbling incoherently to herself. She goes on to take out 3 different people by sheer luck to the shock of the dealer and the players she takes out. The dealer tells her not to put chips in her mouth because they are extremely dirty. Top 5 are paid, and it is down to 4 way action. The drunk girl holds her cards up in the air once again pre-flop and I can't help but see that she has 88. I call small blind with A 9 and she checks her BB (its just me and her). Flop is 2 4 9 and action is to me. I bet 12,000 and she thinks about it for about 10 seconds and calls. Turn is a blank, I put her all in and she calls with her remaining 4000ish. We both table our cards. The river is an 8... The dealer and another remaining player gasp. I was unhappy to say the least and had 3000ish remaining. A few hands later she folded her BB to me (I had just called SB). The dealer was laughing as he passed me the chips. This girl was oblivious. She went on to come in 4th, Yes 4th. I came back to take 1st with AA, the other remaining player who was pretty good had AK the flop was a rainbow with an A. I guess this is a true donkament.

Well written, great post!

Yet another one....

Afternoon tourney at the Sahara. About 13 tables I think. As the tourney starts the seat to my left is unoccupied. After about 5 minutes this 20 something girl sits down and hands the dealer her seating card. She's wearing a large down stuffed overcoat, like a swimmer would wear in between races at a swim meet. It's probably over 100 degrees outside so this is kinda strange. She's also got on trucker style ballcap with a picture of a pole dancer that says "Support Single Moms". She's sorta hot, but in a dirty stripper kinda way.

As soon as she sits down she drops all this crap on the table next to her chips. Ipod, cell phone, wallet, various casino chips, etc. She puts in her headphones and proceeds to completely screw up every hand. She seems to know how to play poker, but is waaay to intoxicated (and not just drunk, I mean really out there) to know when to act or what the bet is. She loses some chips and rebuys...

Somewhere along the way she removes the overcoat and is wearing a skimpy tank top underneath that doesn't leave much to the imagination. Eventually she manages to get all her chips in and loses the hand. Game over. Now we can all start to play.

But no, she wants more. "Dealer, I wanna rebuy"

Dealer says "You can't rebuy again, but we're still in the buy-in period so go talk to the guy up at the counter and he can let you start all over at another table."

I had just won the hand to knock her out so I'm looking down and stacking my chips as she stands up and walks toward the counter, leaving her coat and accessories at the table.

Suddenly I hear players gasping and some people saying WTF!!!!

In a heavy British accent, the guy to my right looks up and says:
"My goodness! She's not wearing any pants!"

Sure enough, there she goes waltzing up to the counter through the middle of a packed full poker room with nothing on but a tank top and some tiny lace panties. Nobody, including the floorman, knows quite what to do, so he just lets her buy back in and play in her underwear.

She stumbled to a new table and sat down. I got back to playing and forgot all about her until she cracked my AA with her AK 4 hours later, knocking me out on the bubble.

Only when done correctly

How often do you give them?

Let's hope not, otherwise discussions of Bad Beat Jackpots would get very confusing.

bump.
please let the stories keep coming.

this is the best thread EVER!

3 am, tiny lady in a bathrobe walks into the poker room and looks around.

She spots her husband and walks up behind him and
starts hitting him and yelling at him in a foreign language.

He racks up with one hand while trying to block her blows with the other arm.

All the way to the cage and all the way out the door she's hitting him and yelling.

Bump.

Friend and I are at the Beau Rivage in Biloxi, playing the 1/2 NL. Douche on a short stack ($100) opens for $10. Friend on a deep stack ($600) raises to $25. Flop comes K-hi with two hearts. Kid bets $25. Friend shoves. Douche tables A-Ko. Turn brick. River third heart. Friend turns over 10h-4h. Douche stands up, "You reraise with that? You're effing terrible. You're an idiot." Friend reaches into pocket, pulls out a hundo, holds it in Douche's face, and rips it in two. Douche lowers head, slinks out of the cardroom.

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

I did a move like this once, but it was only with a $1 bill. This guy was complaining that I was talking too much, so I offered him a pair of earplugs. Then I started tearing up the bill and rolling the pieces into little balls. He said 'if you give those to me I'm going to shove them up your ass'. I said, 'you don't want these, huh?' and took them back. It looked like he wanted to start a fight, but he didn't bother me the rest of the night.

It would have been much better if I'd have done it with a $20 or something, but then again I was only playing 4/8 so whatever.

This happened a few years ago in a 3/6 game at a local card room. The whole scenario reminded me of the movie "I'm gonna get you sukka". Remember the scene when Chris Rock tries to buy one rib and a sip of soda......?


Action: There is a really aggressive loose Asian man that had been coming in for the past two weeks that would raise EVERY bet he made, no exception. I never saw him call (only if it was a cap). As suspected, variance was high with him and he either busted out quickly or had a bunch of chips in front of him.

I arrived later in the night and he had a bunch of chips and proceeded to donate about 5 racks in about an hour in some massive action. After his all in fails to win, I watch him take a WAD of cash out that is held together with one of those black JUMBO binder clips. He proceeds to count through 76 100 dollar bills and gets to the last one and peels it off and announces.........

“32 hard 68 soft please”. There is a minimum buy in of 30 at the table.

One more, from the Bike a few years back:

I sit down at a 3/6 table and immediately recognize this hispanic woman who had fished and got lucky three or so times against me the last time I was there several months ago, so I was excited to get another crack at her. A few hands into the game, a seat opened up and another hispanic woman sat across from her. The guy to my left immediately was like "are you sure you can sit here, there's a board you know" - it was 12:30 AM at that point and there hadn't been a waiting list for at least an hour, so I was wondering what his deal was. Moments later I understood why he was trying to break 'em up as these two cackling hens started to talk a mile a minute in spanish. Now, as we all know, the table rules say english only, and this started to get annoying really quick, but I stayed quiet. On one particular hand, at the river, this black dude bet (for you overly PC people, I point out that he was black only because it's necessary for the remainder of the story), the guy behind him was pondering a call, and latina fish turbomucks out of turn from the button as she had been doing constanly. Right after this the guy calls and it turns out the black dude had been bluffing. Black dude makes the very valid point that she needs to play in turn because he might not have called with someone still to act behind him, especially considering he only had middle pair. Of course this ruffles her feathers and she claims that it doesn't matter. He says not only that, the table is supposed to be english only. She then gets REALLY upset and goes crazy, chirping on about she can talk how she wants. Then, her friend completely unnecssarily starts this pleasant exchange:

"At least we can talk english...why don't you go back to the ghetto and get an education."
"Yeah, I'm straight from the ghetto, and d*mn proud of it."
"Yeah, well you look like it."
"Oh yeah, I bet you wouldn't even go near the hood. Where you from? Mexico?"
"Ah no, maybe you should learn some geography if you even know what that word means. Go get the floorman if you got a problem."
"OK, I will, *******."

At this point some flaky hippy-looking white chick chimes in with "hey there's no need to get racial". I instantly tell her to shut up and stay out of it.

Finally the floorman comes over and everybody starts talking at once. Once it calms down, another neutral party explains what happened. Stupid f*cking hippy chick AGAIN insists on saying "but he said some bigoted comments" - no way I'm having that. I HATE the notion that a retaliatory stupid one-word slur is the "racial" part of the exchange. I quickly tell the floorman that the women obviously started the racial stereotyping, and again told the hippy chick to stay the hell out of it. The first lady tells the floorman that as long as SHE doesn't have cards, she should be able to talk in Spanish. I say that is completely absurd, she could just tell the other spanish speakers what she threw away on every hand. The floorman agrees, and tells her that she can talk how she wants when there are NO cards on the table. She goes sh*thouse and her and her friend get up and storm to the manager's office. The black dude just shakes his head and kinda chuckles, and hippy chick AGAIN says "you really shouldn't have said that racial comment" - jesus!! I ask her "did you NOT hear the sh*t that those women said about him being ghetto and uneducated?" "oh, no, did they say that?" "Ah, yes, they did. Perhaps you should rely on more than your political correctness filter when assessing a situation." Black dude thanks me for backing him up, I tell him there was no way that I couldn't have. F*cking hippies!

A few minutes later, the floorman comes back and tells us that the first hispanic woman predictably rounded up a gang of her friends and told the Bike manager that the floorman said that she cannot speak spanish anywhere in the casino. Gee, cue up the shocking-turn-of-events-o-meter. We all agreed to back the floorman up if need be. He thanked us and left again. While waiting for him to return, some shrunken old white guy takes hispanic lady #1's seat, and a not-quite-as-old asian guy takes her friend's seat. Everyone kinda rolls their eyes when shrunken old guy sits down, so I'm expecting some more antics.

Shrunken old guy denies posting in the cutoff - kinda weird but ok, so he wants to wait for the actual BB. finally the big blind gets to him and the dealer motions for him to put in his $3. He says "no thanks, I'd like to post." Huh? Dealer says "yeah, post $3." He again says "no thank you, I want to post." Dealer as well as the whole table is confused. Other people chime in telling him to take the blind now. He starts getting frantic, again saying "no, no please, I'd like to post!" Finally not-so-old asian guy says "you're holding up game - put your g*ddamn money in!" Shrunken guy's eyes widen and his voice wavers and he points at asian guy and yells out "YOU'RE LUCKY I DON'T JUMP OFF OF A BRIDGE WITH YOUR NAME IN MY POCKET!! THEN THEY'LL ALL KNOW WHY I DID IT!" holy sh*t. undaunted, asian guy retorts with "here, get me a piece of paper, I write it down for you. Or how about I just take you on freeway and run you over!" HOLY SH*T. The poor floorman comes back just as he finishes this statement, and shrunken guy is CRYING. He sobs to the floorman "I just want to wait for the button to pass me and the dealer's saying that I can't!!" Of course no one knew that's what he meant, and that's a completely asinine thing to do anyway, but f*ck, logic went out the window the instant I stepped in that place. The floorman assures him that he can and starts to walk away, but asian guy stops him and says "can I have a piece of paper - I need to write down my address so he can go jump off bridge with it." Wow.

This post is getting too long, so I'll wrap it up by saying that shrunken old guy ending up crying twice more that night. Once when the board didn't pair when he was audibly pleading for it too, and another when some guy berated him for sucking out on a runner runner straight.

HOLY ****

moar posts like this please

These are the best posts on 2+2. Keep 'em rolling.