Wow! That's pretty funny, but at the same time, if you're playing at the table but not involved in the hand, I guess you go for a run or read War and Peace on your Kindle while they sort that mess out.

1/2 NL at The Stardust back when, well back when there still was a Stardust.

Bad beat is Aces full of Tens busted by Quads or better, and Quads must have a pocket pair in the hand.

The board at the turn is AK6K and a Dude ships it in. Action is on a Chick who takes her time. Finally she says "Well if this is not good, I guess I win the BBJ, I call." and then she flips over AA. Dealer burns and flips a K on the river. Dude flips over AK for the winner. It takes the woman 10 minutes to accept that she not only lost the pot, but her AAAKK didn't qualify for the bad beat either.

I can just picture the K9 guy planning this out for weeks and waiting for the perfect time to spring his trap, thinking he figured out the ultimate angle.

Two spades and two clubs on the final board. Woman calls an all in river bet with a black ace thinking she had the nut tlush

Ok, here is my story...

Playing late one night on a cruise ship, in a 1/2 200NL i had been completely card dead for about 2 hours. I had roughly $125 left in front of me. About 30 minutes prior, new guy (NG) joined the table, i could tell he wasnt very sure about what he was doing. I decide no matter what 2 cards i get next deal, i am either gonna win the hand or go broke trying then go to bed.

I get dealt 52o from MP. UTG calls, folds to me, I raise to $12, NG to my left calls, folds around to UTG who also calls. Flop comes 68Jr. UTG checks, I raise, NG tanks for a minute, then calls, UTG tanks about 10 secs, then calls. Turn is Kx, UTG checks, I put in another raise, NG tanks longer this time then calls, UTG tanks for about 30 secs then calls. River is 10x, which also makes a possible back door flush. UTG checks, I pause a couple secs then shove all in for roughly $55. NG calls which puts him all in, UTG tanks, then folds. I say good call, turn over my 52o which has me playing the board. NG sits for a second then stands up, mucks hand, (looking like he cant believe he lost) then walks away. At this point UTG goes into orbit, saying he folded his 2 pair because NG called on river. A couple of the people including UTG try to call NG back to table before dealer picked up the cards, i told them they had better just shut up, because that hand was dead. Took down a roughly $300 pot with 52o on an all in show down on the river where i was playing the board.....

Are you sure he was the one who didn't know what he was doing?

This all day

lol

Felt this thread needed bumping as I've just spent the best part of a week (on and off) reading through it and, my god, it was worth it.

Will add my own quick story from the small casino on the small Island I live on.

Was playing cash one night and about 8/9 players sat at the only table which is up a little ramp slightly separate from the casino floor.

There is a pot going on when all of a sudden there was a bang, bang...SMACK!?!@@£%$ It was a disgusting sound. Everyone at the table jumped and turned round to see this B I G guy sprawled out of the floor like a beached whale and his mate trying to help him up whilst talking in foreign.

The Dealer (who happened to be a pit boss) saw what happened. The guy was drunk and was walking up the ramp to play on some roulette machines near the poker tables. At the top of the ramp he stumbled and then full on face planted the brick wall that was opposite the top of the ramp. It honestly it sounded like he took a running jump into it.

His mate gets him up and perched on a stool but within 30/40 secs the guy is back on the floor and out cold.

By the time paramedics arrive he is awake and talking but it takes 3 bouncers and 2 paramedics to get him into the wheelchair before he is carted off to hospital.

Dealer tells us the next week that the guy was fine so no harm done. I walked away from the cash about £540 up too

One of the first times I played poker was at a home game. Hand gets to showdown. Friend of mine (who had been drinking, but still, wtf) tables hand and screams "full house." He had no pairs. Everyone just kind of looks at him like "wat are you talking about"? He clarifies proudly "full house, three clubs and two diamonds."

My favorite part is that this was a couple hours into playing. So, I've always wondered how this is the first time he had thought he had a FH. Since you will have 3 of one suit and 2 of another so often.

The old Horizon Casino Riverboat in Vicksburg, MS. Couldn't have been more than 3 months post-Moneymaker. Poker room is at the far end of the boat, up a wide flight of stairs.

The 2-5 game there usually consisted of about 7 or 8 regulars and 1 or 2 unknowns that would shuffle in.

Been playing for a few hours with very little turnover at the table when a regular racks up and heads out and a 21 year old kid in Sunglasses, big headphones, Fubu jacket, you picture a douchebag, that's what comes bounding in like he's finishing the Kentucky Derby with a rack of reds.

Very first hand he fires out a smallish $15 raise pre-flop. Action is fairly loose at this point and he gets a few callers. Flop comes K22.

I swear you could see this kid grinning ear to ear and every part of his body shaking violently. He checks... shocking. And one of the tight-aggressive regulars bets something pretty small, like $30 into the pot. Everyone folds to the Kid who snap calls. Turn comes a 7.

Bright purple, smiling, and shaking, kid checks again. Regular now puts $100 in, and kid snap calls again.

River comes a 4. Our young rock and roller frowns and sighs, "I guess I'll go all-in."

Regular calls without fanfare. Without missing a beat, kid flips over his kings, while our regular simultaneously flips over the nutty pocket deuces.

Kid literally screams... nothing coherent, not words... just a guttural scream. He then, I swear to you, starts crying, and physically runs... down the stairs, past the table games, through the slots, and out of the casino. The Doppler effect from his scream was clearly noticeable.

Tight regular, "I guess he didn't put me on that hand..."

Never saw that kid again.

^ I lol'd.

Witnessed this at my local card room a few months ago.

Drunk guy and regular in hand. Drunk guy has been kinda loud, and has lost a couple of buy ins by making a lot of large river bluffs.

It gets to the river on a board of K23J7. Regular checks his AK. Drunk guy shoves $150 into a $75 pot. Regular calls. The drunk guy turns over a Jack and then is hesitating to turn over the second card. The regular just flips his AK up. Drunk guy never turns over his second card mucks his hand. He stumbles away from the table muttering to himself. The regular asks the dealer "what did he have with the Jack?" The dealer replies "ten beers"

:O

Playing in The Vic in Thursday, and a couple of the players & the dealer get onto the subject of toilet breaks and associated stories, and one story gets told by the dealer about a guy playing at the Rendezvous Southend who needed to take a pee, but didn't want to leave the table, so he just relieved himself under the table.

I looked up from a game the other night to see an older, very meticulously coiffed, well made-up (you know, the almost too much make up look) older woman licking a poker chip and sticking it to the middle of her forehead. When it fell off, she'd just do it again...

We have a 60+ Asian male reg at my regular card room. Pretty aggressive in game, pretty nitty in life. He usually takes advantage of the free iced tea all day. Sometimes makes his own lemonade lol.

One night I witness him stand up from our NL game. He turns around towards the 6/12 LHE table. Walks up to a tray with half-eaten breakfast food on it, reaches down and grabs some half eaten toast, proceeding to bite into the pieces that haven't been touched. Drops the mutilated toast on the plate and walks away like he didn't just take a bite of someone else's food!

Weirdest thing I have seen at the table:
Well I have a couple stories (need to rethink)
But here this just recently happened at Parx, PA
1/2 game: 3 players involved. Well call Lag Asian Man(LAM). Conservative Asian Man (CAM) and old man coffee (OMC) all 3 are in this pot.

OMC(180$): Big blind, LAM(450$) on button, CAM(250$) Cutoff.
Folds around to CAM who makes a raise to 12$. LAM calls, Sb folds, OMC calls.

Flop comes Jd-7c-9c. OMC checks, CAM cbets 27$ into the pot. LAM calls, OMC folds.
Heads up.

Next card 2h. Brick. CAM checks, LAM just insta shoves all in.
The table quiets down. Ive seen LAM do this with monsters and draws. CAM CALLS

Last card comes Jh. board is Jd-7c-9c-2h-Jh.

CAM instantly says, "I have ace high".
The LAM looks at his cards, looks at CAM. Looks back at his cards, says "ace high good".
"ace high very good". Whole table erupts lolol. The way he said it was hilarious
CAM shows Ac-Qc. Pretty sick 500+ pot w/ just ace high.

A little over a year ago, Sept. or Oct. 2012, I was at a 3/6 Kill table at one of the two places I regularly go. This particular place is a little...relaxed with rules about drinking and other stuff.

Super drunk college-age dude is there with some buddies and can barely keep his head up, but is somehow winning the occasional big pot. Next to him is this bleach-blonde tanning bed type woman in her 20's with an Eastern European accent who blows through a buy-in overplaying A-rag and then goes to the pit to ask her mom and dad who are playing pit games for more $$$. They've been talking a bit while sitting next to each other but I'm at the other end of the table and can't hear them.

Woman comes back from her third trip to the pit with a pissed-off look on her face and sits in the seat the dealer is holding for her but doesn't put any cash on the table. She turns to the super-drunk kid and says something quietly in his ear. They both wander off and return 20 minutes later. Kid then shoves her two stacks of white chips and looks embarrassed. After she busts that $40 and finally leaves the table everyone at the table starts opened mocking the drunk kid and calling him "BJ."

So the whole table was jealous he got a $40 BJ?

Seems like a decent deal

Well, technically most of that $40 was mine within a few pots, and I barely had to do anything!

Some tournament at Hollywood Hardrock in Florida. Action folds to the small blind, who looks at the big blind (who is in a wheelchair), folds and says "I'll give you a walk." I laughed out loud for a split second, but quickly shut up when I realized no one else thought it was funny.

^ rofl. I would probably laugh for a minute or two.

Playing at a $2-to-$10 spread limit game where usual buy in is $200-$400. Middle aged guy walks in and at first appears drunk but upon closer inspection he very well may have been on prescription meds like Oxy.

Anyways, he walks back to a table before putting his name on the board and sits down at an open seat. There was no list but he was still told to talk to floor. At floor, he tells the floorwoman he wants to buy in for $1K. Floor is like normally people don't buy in for that much in this game but he insists. She says OK and then for some dumb reason he gets it all in $2 chips (me: WTF???).

Guy sits down and his eyes are bugging all over the place. He dumps his mountain of racks out and has this pile of chips that is bleeding into over players areas. So so dumb floor didn't force him to get some color. Guy is doing the usual stuff like not knowing when it's his turn, taking forever, not knowing the bet. His eyes are bugging out and darting around like crazy. I'm convinced he's tweaking on something as he often will say call a bet of $10 for example and then grab a fistful of chips like $50 worth and dump it into the pot.

The guy is also mumbling weird stuff to himself between hands. Something about a song he heard on the radio reminding him of something else or w/e. Just random weird **** that furthered our belief he was stoned. Anyways, he gets involved in a hand and folds on the turn. River is dealt and he out of turn, with no cards bets like $40. Dealer jokingly says "Gotta have cards to bet sir!" He mumbles something incoherent and then asks how much he is able to bet. He is told $0 and then gets hacked off and racks up (which takes f-o-r-e-v-e-r) and then leaves.

We were just hoping the guy wasn't driving home.

If he were missing a hand or some fingers, would it be inappropriate to ask, "Chop?"