Probably the funniest two incidents that happened to me at a poker table was in May of this year playing 1/2 NL in Caesers. Table had two guys on who were rather drunk and kept insulting the players. We took it all in jest as they were seeping money.

The first came about after one guy (glasses, mustache and a little chubby) was laughing and winnign few pots. Young guy (22 or 23) comes over, taps guy on shoulder and says "Are u Norman Chad?", this was funny in itself, guy replies "No", Young guy shouts "SHIP IT!!" while pumping his fists. Guy had a prop bet with someone on their table to the tune of $1 lol.

What was even funnier was the Norman Chad look-a-like (he did actually look very like him, only noticed after this incident) looks at all of us and slurs "Who the f**k is Norman Chad?"


Second incident was the same table, same night. About an hour after this incident one of the guys at the table is getting more and more drunk. He's loud and Italien (not that that makes any difference to the story). He's getting no cards (or so he says) and is berating the dealer. Starts cursing at everyone at the table. Dealer calls over the floor, understandbly so after getting abused. Floor warns the Italian to watch his mouth or he is out. Suddenly he is all innocent and wide eyed, "I didnt do anything, im sorry, im sorry". Floor walks away.

Italian then says to the dealer, "sorry u cant hack it here buddy, must be a hard first night for ya!" Dealer laughs and says "First night?! Dude ive been working here for best part of 6 years!" Not in any way aggressive by the way. Italian replies with "well done, go buy a cookie you c**t!" and tosses him a $1 chip. Im falling off my chair laughing as dealer calls floor yet again. This time the floor kindly asks him to leave. He says "Fine, this dealer is a d**k anyway. What table can I go to?" Floor responds with "The one in your hotel room sir". I burst my **** laughing.

I ended up down for the night due to laughing so much at these two incidents lol.

Not mine but from another thread. And this was CONFIRMED by Stan (Borgata Poker manager) in the Borgata Poker thread:

We head down, my 3 buddies and me. Only two of us attend the poker room. It is pretty big, 100+ tables compared to about ~20 at Ceasers. I finally get seated and its a new opening table. Few hands go by, nothing to major.

After about 20 minutes, a man, Chinese, about 28 with 800$ chips sits down. He moves down to 300 which is table limit (1/2$ NL). He is obviously a bit drunk and a complete racist. He starts off with some stupid jokes then moves to even stupider jokes. "Oh this guy is black, he is bluffing." or "Great a Chinese dealer, this is going to go slow." No one is laughing. He continues. Eventually, some people start to giggle only for the sole fact that he is being so stupid. I have 99 and it flops 246 Not going to go into all the betting but I did bet and he kept calling. 5th street was a and he shows his A8. What ever. He took like 90$ from me.

So now im getting upset a bit with his attitude. Here is where the story begins. A hand involved with about 5 people at the table starts with the person to my left and the main 'man' of the story. They are both betting crazy. 50 Preflop. Chinese man calls. Flops 4 9 A. Raise from the man to my left. Another call by Chinese man. Raise on Turn. Another call. Man to my left checks river. Chinese man fires 110$. Man to my left calls.

Now. In Poker. You raise you show right? This guy didn't believe it. So it start off, did you hit the 4? Man to my left replies, "You show first." then we get, did you hit the 9? "You show first". You got the flush? "You show first." I am not joking. He starts even saying hands that couldn't exist, like quads. Obviously wasting our time.

After about 1-2 minutes of this, I call time. yes! I called TIME ON a SHOWDOWN. He replies to me, "Shut up you piece of white trash, orange shirt kid." (Im 22). I just laugh and then call Floor. Floor comes over and while walking, she watch him as he tells me to "Shut the f*** up.". I ask the floor to calm him down and he replies, "Suck my nuts, kid." Ok....?... He continues and says, "You know what, let me help you!"



HE PULLS OUT HIS SACK!


I kid you not, this guy, in the midst of the entire 100+ tables pull out his goods. Everyone at the table goes "Whoa!" and turns away. One guy quickly replies, "Omg he shaves". The floor lady quickly removes him from the table and the dealer says "Well, that was F*** up." Two dealers got to see it as it was table change time.

After about a minute of talking to the Floor, we have to wait for him to cough up his 110$ that he bluffed with. After its all handled, we watch for some time. One cop comes. Two cops. Five cops. Eventually they have him surrounded. They tell him to come over to the table and pick up his chips. He comes over and says " I don't know what happened but I have to leave now "..... /laugh. Of course for the next hour we were the talk of the entire floor and every dealer wanted us to explain the story. We quickly came up with small jokes like, I guess he thought he really had the nuts and such.

Congratulations, you made me cry from laughter in work. People are looking at me very strangely now lol

5/10 nl... character is a 60 year old high roller Venezuelan guy that does not speak english, who plays like, well you follow him around to whatever table you see him at.

this is at venetian

he wins a hand. (one of the words he knows in english is bluff) he starts saying in this weird voice bluff,,,bluff,,, then he throws his hand in the muck. it lands in the dealers tray, face down. the guy is in the 7 seven seat (sort of far away from the dealer). some guy says ill pay you five dollars to see your hand. the guy says no! no! 5 dollars from everybody! we all start saying no 5 dollars is enough, he says no, and chaotic bargaining from at least 5 people ensues. the dealer is shuffling the next deck while this happens. the spanish guy gets up and grabs for his cards that are still in the muck.

now i do not know what provokes him to do this, maybe he thought one of the guys who was standing up during the bargain was trying to grab his cards. whatever the case he is trying to get a hold of his cards like it is the most important thing in the world. he is frantic. and he is a big man so it is not a graceful motion.

he finally gets his cards

I am ****ing dying laughing by now. the dealer asks for the cards, everybody does not know what the hell this guy is doing. there is no talking to him, he doesnt speak english. He is not giving the cards back. I am dying. dying, dying laughing. the players who thought it was funny start getting aggravated now. he will not give the cards back. hes got that high roller i can do anything i want attitude. the floor is called.

the floor comes and requests the cards. no! the floor asks again. no! the floor tries to grab the cards. in the scuffle the spanish guy gets up from the seat and the funniest moment in a poker room i have ever seen and will ever see happens.

the floor man is on the spanish guys shoulder trying to reach around and grab the cards. they battle for the cards. they proceed to spin around, fighting for the cards, for like 2 minutes. I am ****ing dying watching the action. imagine a floor man and a 250 pound man fighting for cards. a silent battle. everybody in the place was silent in disbelief. it was in the high stakes saloon in the venetian poker room, ill never forget it

This might be the funniest poker thread I've ever read!
I need to play online less and go to casinos more often.
Please keep the stories coming!

[x] thread delivers

Not funny, but weird...

Was at foxwoods a year or so ago and this drunk guy gets the table. The guy had a smallish roll of 100s, but a decent roll nonetheless. He is extremely drunk and has no idea what's going on. I basically designate myself to help him with options (which is easy enough as it's 4/8 limit). He never makes an action on his own, and I have to tell him call/fold/raise which generally is always a raise no matter what.

Now the interesting part is this. The guy keeps telling everyone he's there to lose and wants to give everyone a "little slice of heaven". What happens next is the guy actually hands out $100 bills to certain players who bust at the table. He slurs his speech and says that he wants 50% of the winnings but doesn't care if anyone loses the money. Some guys pull the trashy move and bust out, get the $100, and go on a "bathroom break" before getting chips and never come back. Most people just end up losing the $100 or blending it in with their stack.

The guy was in his 50s and kept showing me a picture of these two girls in their 20s and how they were his girlfriends lol. The sad thing is the guy was so drunk, we just didn't know if he really had the money or if he emptied his checking account out and was losing everything he had.

Later, I tried to recommend breakfast to the guy and the other players mentioned that if I take the guy away from the table, they'd break my legs in the parking lot. Of course they were joking (somewhat I think) but I suppose you don't get rid of the fish no matter what the circumstances are.

It's been quite some time since I've laughed like this! The "three inches of naked, obese, sweaty ass crack" bit absolutely killed me hahahahaha

Hello,

I went on a Carnival cruise and they have the Poker Pro automated tables.

We were playing along well, when the guy to my right, has his wife and kid come to watch at the table. We were in the middle of a hand and i check the action, as first to act and then his wife hands him one of the kids and he takes the kid and turns towards the table, as the guy to my left bets the minimum, gets around to the guy on my right, with the kid in his lap and the the kid starts hitting the buttons and puts they guy all in for $150 or so.

I fold, the guy to my left insta calls, evryone else folds. The kid guy had a 4-7 off and the insta caller had trip K's and wins the pot.

A few hands later the winner feels bad and hands him back 100, still coming out ahead though.

I love stories where guys show their nutsacks!

NTTAWWT.

Actually, there probably is something wrong with that, but funny anyway!

My fav. story:

I'm playing 1/2 NL at Riverwind, in Norman OK (where I play, because, hey, I live here).

There's a new waitress with simply an eye-popping set of jugs. They change waitress unis every few months and these ones are super skimp. And believe me, she is working 'em. This gal actually only lasted a few months, I think because I saw dudes throwing tips into her cleavage.

Anways, she's workin em and the Indian dude next to me (east indian, not Native American) is drunk and hittting on her and tipping $5 a drink. He keeps asking her "I could be your sugar daddy you know" (Imagine this in a drunk Indian accent-- I'm talking Apu-eqsuqe) the whole table is yukking it up .. Her response -- incidentally -- is "you don't have enough money to qualify"

Anway, I'm not paying much attention at the moment (watching a game, I think) when it dawns on me that the table is having a discussion about whether the monuments are real or not. Now, this gal is tiny. and the rack, is like huge. My wife has 40DD and they were bigger than that. On a small girl? Sorry, they not only weren't real, I couldn't believe anyone would think so. I chime in, and several people insist they are real. I offer $5 a head at 2-1 odds they aren't. And when I asked how we will know, point to drunk Indian sugar-daddy wanna be and say "he'll ask her" and of course he will.

He asks her "so, are those (points at rack) naturally grown or did they require medical assistance? We have a wager" She laughs and thinks for a while (and I'm like will she actually lie?) and says, no, not natural but you'd never be able to tell honey."

I collect 4 redbirds from these idiots. Best +EV bet of the nite.

You should have told the sugar daddy to ask her if she had two tickets to Pittsburgh...

Playing 2/4 at the River Rock whilst waiting for a 4/8 table to open up. Things have been pretty typical and boring... 7 players to a flop, anything suited being played.

Things were pretty dull until an older british tourist sits down UTG at the table. He buys in for about $30 and posts his blind.

Cards are dealt, I fold, the flop is capped w/ 5 in the hand and he's just called each time the action was on him.

Flop is 2, 4, 5 rainbow.

Old British Guy is first to act and bets.... as he does this his hands are now shaking, so I'm assuming here he's hit a monster.... (remember, it's 2/4 limit)

It folds around to an asian regular who raises, old british guy reraises, asian guy caps and gets called.

Turn is a K

Again this street is capped putting the British guy all in.

River is a blank.

British guy announces "Straight" turns over 9/3o and says "2, 3, 4, 5"

Asian reg is about to muck, but realises his 2 pair wins and shows taking down the pot. I couldn't help but laugh at the poor guy here... when he announced "2, 3, 4, 5" I was doubled over I was laughing so hard. By far both the funniest and weirdest thing I've seen at the table.

This is a few years old but I'll repost as it is still a favorite:

I sign up on the 3-6 waiting list at the lovely Normandie Casino. What a cast of characters in THIS place. I like it though because the game has no small blind and the rake is pretty low. With two names ahead of me, I survey one of the 3-6 tables. The first thing I observe is a guy berating someone for their play, always a good sign of moron-ness. Granted, he did get rivered, but it was while holding J6 offsuit and KQ caught a king, so I don't know who should really be getting berated. Nevertheless, I can tell that this guy is a character. He has one of those extra long-tailed, shiny suits in a sort of powder blue hue - the type that only him, Deion Sanders and Michael Irvin would be caught dead in - and a big black derby. I could tell he was one of those guys who thought because he talked the most that he was the best player at the table. Constantly announcing his reads (which were almost always wrong), etc. etc...well, much to my delight I get seated right next to him.

Across the table from this guy and I was a short puerto-rican looking dude with the whole "look like a poker player" starter kit on - the oakley shades, the visor, and a t-shirt saying "take me to the river" or something like that. One of my favorite targets. Him and Deion Irvin are chatting it up, and he says "I can only play until my wife calls, man" - Deion responds with "yeah, me too, but my wife is here, so she'll just yell 'Hey Ice, get y'ass over here!'" Wow - his name is Ice. That meant that it was time for me to get chatty, the potential is just too great for entertainment. I started jawing with Ice for a while and he takes a liking to me, discussing all the hands, some strategy - he even introduces me to his wife (who was pretty darn foxy, actually). Meanwhile, a burly construction-worker looking white guy sits next to the puerto rican dude.

Things are chugging along smoothly, I'm folding 90% of my hands, Ice is playing 90% of his and steadily donating, basically as expected. Well, on one hand after a junk flop, this absolutely AWFUL old lady bets $3. I fold, Ice goes all in for his last $4. Now, because Ice's all-in is only $1 more, it's considered a call, not a raise. The guy next to act is confused and asks the dealer, whose first language predictably isn't English, whether there was a raise and how much he needs to put in, $3 or $6. The dealer motions at Ice and says "no, no, only four dollars, SHE all in". Obviously what she MEANT was that the lady bet and Ice went all-in - however, Ice did not pick up on the obvious slip. He stands up INSTANTLY and is like "WHAT? WHAT? Who the F*CK you callin' SHE?!?!? I ain't no mothaf*ckin' SHE!" The dealer (who btw is female and about 80 lbs.) quickly goes into "sorry sir, sorry sir" mode and Ice calms down. The rest of the hand is dealt, Ice just continues to shake his head and looks over at me - "do you believe that my man? calling me a mother f*ckin' she!" I just kinda shrug my shoulders - burly construction guy chimes in with a "she didn't mean it man, it's cool." Ice goes to buy more chips, and play proceeds.

About five minutes later, Ice returns with a new rack of chips and presumbly a new disposition because he's smiling, so it seemed like everything would go back to normal. That is, until burly guy sips his beer, looks up at Ice and says "hey, SHE'S back!!" The next five seconds felt like ten minutes as EVERYONE at the table just stopped and I think I heard a needle scratch across a record although that may have been in my head. Ice's eyes widen and finally the barrage ensues:

"What the F*CK did you just say to me?" (repeated three times)
"Oh come on, you know what I meant"
"Oh H*LL no you didn't say that sh*t to me"
"OK sorry man, I thought you had a sense of humor"
"You wanna take this outside mother f*cker?!?!?"
"I hope you're kidding" (please note that burly guy is about five times Ice's size)
"Hell no I ain't kidding. I'll stick a d*ck in a n***a ass, Compton style!"

Now picture this - this is in the middle of the casino, in plain sight and earshot, and yours truly is sitting DIRECTLY underneath it. At this point I have my hands over my entire face just FORCING myself not to show emotion. You wanna practice your poker face? Find this situation. Moments thereafter, the floorman, who of course is the most unassuming diminutive asian guy comes over and is like "mr. ice, it's ok, please calm down" (the use of "Mr. Ice" here is great on so many levels). Finally everything reverts back to normal and play starts up again - only Ice is now on tilt to a degree of which I have never witnessed. He's playing every pot, raising and reraising with absolutely nothing. Trying to muscle people out of pots might work in NL, but in 3/6 limit it just meant that he was donating at twice the speed. Every five minutes he would again shake has head and say to himself "callin' me a mother f*ckin' she - damn!". At one point burly guy tried to reconcile, saying "I feel bad man - can I buy you a drink?" Ice glared at him and replied "you can buy me a big glass of leave me the f*ck alone!" Nice. Finally Ice busts out again. Within 2 hours this dude probably went through $400. And to top it all off, his statement upon leaving? "F*ck this garbage, nobody here can play. I'm playin' 6/12 next time, forget this bullsh*t". Amazing.

I didn't see this but I heard it.

$2/$5 game. Lady slid her hand toward the dealer after a Guy shows 2 pair.

Guy said "IWTSTH"

Dealer turns it over and shifts direction on the pot push and gives it to the Lady who had a straight anbd a flush draw. She was looking for a heart and missed the straight had hit.

"Hey, she mucked her hand, she mucked her hand!" Guy shouted.

Floor comes over, hears Guy's side of thing which is just what dealer had told Floor and says.

"You asked to see the hand, it became live at that point in time. She gets the pot"

Floor walks off and all over the room (Big room BTW) you could hear:

"But she mucked her hand, she mucked her hand!"

A bad one is. A good one is profound.

should of bought him an ice tea

Haha can imagine that being pretty funny since it probably took him a while to realise.

My story: Playing £1/£1 in my local casino a really drunk guy buys in and asks what the minimum buy in is, i tell him £50 and he goes and gets £50 of chips sits down and gets dealt in, ep raise and a few callers to him in the bb, he says to the dealer whats the minimum buy in? Dealer reminds him, and he goes "oh that puts me all in then" and pushes his chips across the table!

At this point he hasnt looked at his cards, so dealer says no thats not the minimum bet i meant minimum buy in, but calls floor, floor rules that he is all in, ep raiser calls with j10 suited and drunk guys king high holds for the early double up!

"The floor lady quickly removes him from the table."

There's something wrong with that. I'm sorry, but shouldn't they have had a male floor or a male security guard take this guy away? Oh, and life banaments for the Chinese man. They should ban him from all AC rooms, imo; Taj has enough to deal with as it is.

hell yeah it does

OK, here's one from like five years ago.....

I'm dealing a short handed no limit game. There's four drunk dudes at the table and one super hot asian chick showing lots of cleavage. The guys aren't even paying attention to the game, just calling her bets and competing to see who can flirt the hardest. She's winning every pot she plays, but I can tell she's getting tired of the drunken attention.

She's on the big blind and I deal a hand. Before there's any action she says:

"OK boys. I'm bored of playing cards and you've gotten me all hot. How about we all just put all our chips in this pot and see who wins. Then I'll take you all out to my car in the parking lot and f**k you one at a time?"

They all get excited and push in the stacks without looking at their cards. She turns over aces and scoops the whole thing. They step outside the room and wait while she cashes out all their money. She gets her cash, tips me a hundred, and walks right by them and sits down next to her boyfriend on the Blackjack table. They just stood there looking confused while her gangster boyfriend gave them hard looks.....

Thread winnar

This one happened at Windsor casino a few years ago and involved me and another 2+2er.

Back in the day, Windsor spread 3 poker games during the week: 2/5 NL 200 max, 1/2 NL 100 max, and 3/6 limit. Myself and a few other degens went down for a night, and 2 of us end up at 1/2 and 2 at 2/5. Shabamabam sits down at 2/5 with another one of our friends, and notices theres some huge stacks at their table with no idea whats going. Over the course of the next few hands, he manages to slide in a few blacks to his stack when no ones looking. Old fat italian table captain eventually notices whats going on and calls him out on it. I am sitting across the room and can hear this conversation.

OFITC: "Hey take those out of your stack and put them back in your pocket"
Shab: "Huh?"
OFITC: "I SAID TAKE THOSE OUT OF YOUR STACK AND PUT THEM BACK IN YOUR POCKET!"
Shab: "I have no idea what you're talking about"

OFITC then turns beet red and gets out of his chair and comes around the table and grabs Shab's shirt and pulls him out of his char

OFITC: "YOU LISTEN WHEN I TELL YOU TO DO SOMETHING"
Shab: "Let go of me right now"

At this point I notice that absolutely no one on the floor or the dealer has said a word about this or moved a muscle, so I go flying across the room to intervene, surprised Shab hasn't hauled off and hit the guy already because of his tendency to not back down from fights.

Shab: "I said let me go"
OFITC is just kind of holding him and glaring at him and breathing heavily
Me: "I suggest you let go of him before I break your arm"

All of a sudden, all 3 floors come flying over and grab me and tell me to go back to my seat before I am ejected from the casino. I point out that one of their players is currently assaulting another player. They call OFITC by name, and tell him to go sit down. He lets go of Shab, and returns to his chair like nothing happened. They then tell me that they're watching me and I am real close to getting the boot.

Oh, Windsor Casino. That place is a complete sideshow.

This was taken from my Vegas TR back in March.

Summer of '09.
I was a bit hungry going to the poker table, I asked if I can get food and eat it at the table. They told me sure as long as I kept the table clean and used those little mini-tv trays-on-wheels thing. I bought in for the table max and went to my room to get my menudo in a cup that was still warm.
A player asked me what kind of drink was it, seeing as it looked a little funny, like reddish brown through the glass. Somebody else asked if it was a chocolate bloody Mary, Told them no. It was menudo. Of course the first guy had to ask what was menudo and if it was good. I told him yes, it is very good when heated, also it is a soup consisting of hominy, chili paste, and cow intestines. One other guy looked like he was ready to puke while I took a sip through my over sized straw and chewed a little slowly.

I was drawing dead, and I felt a little more hungry. So I got up and called my family member and told her to order me a thick slice of beef, as rare as it can be, like bloody rare that blood will just drain out, and have the waiter ask the chef to keep as much of the blood run off from cooking into a glass and add mushrooms so I can have soup for later.
What I didn't realize was that I was talking a bit louder than I should have.
I turned around and all eyes were on me with a "WTF?!?!" look to them.

I look down to see cards and I thought action was on me and I say, "Oh sorry guys, didn't know it was on me, *peeks*, *folds*. Took a sec for the dealer to snap out of it and says, "huh? OH!, no Vampction is on seat X."

I quit about 30 minute later when dinner was done.
Soup was excellent.

Recipe for best steak.
Heat skillet on high, slap steak on pan for 5 sec each side, and enjoy the best damn steak ever.