Wow, fantastic entries these past two. Romo, I don't care if your stories are true--they were hilarious. Well done.

Did you mess up here? Was it Nitward or Straddleboy that screamed?

"Local casino" and "location: melbourne" was more of a clue.

Got 1/2 through the first page and I figured id add a recent story from binions.

This was last summer, after me and bones finished shooting dice we rolled into binions to kill time, bones had an early flight.

Theres some dude whos obviously got some issues in the 1 seat and bones is in the 5 seat, right across the table. Somehow bones starts antogaonizing this guy and he plays into in, they go back and forth and eventually bones just starts calling him a bitch to his face, nonchalantly. Keep in mind bones is like 130 lbs and this guy was easily 200+

It was one of the funniest things I'd seen in a while, but it got weird when this guy raised his fist over the table, while holding a stack of red for some reason, and declared; "I've been in prison, I've ****ed an ass, I'll **** your ass!!"

First and last time I've been to Binions cardroom.

My bad - it was Straddleboy screaming at Nitward.

I should've stuck around, I'm pretty sure that the Oi Oi Rugby guys at least got their hands on him.

Dealer win. I lol'd.

Great thread. I got one. Last summer.

Sunday morning, maybe 6-7am, @ the Taj in AC.
Showed up for the midnight tourney, busted out, was playing 1/2 with a buddy.
So I go out front for a smoke, no lie,
this dude(maybe 35-40 yrs old) is sitting down against the wall drooling and talking to himself.
No biggie, you know, its the Taj. Nuff Said.
But I look closer, and the guy is cradling a full rack of reds.
His wallet on the ground next to him, packed with what I can only assume to be hundos.

So I must be like his guardian angel or something, cause I am now noticing that the vultures are swarming around the poor bastard.
So, standing at a safe distance, I ask him if he needs help getting up.. he just drools something off at me to the effect of, "leave me the f* alone".

I tell him to go cash out and go to ****ing sleep.
He pulls himself up off the ground, and i swear the redbirds are gonna go flying, but he mystifyingly keeps them in the rack.

By this time I see security on their way and the vultures disperse.
I courteously remind him of his wallet.
He grabs it, and no lie, proceeds to haul ass thru the valet, on to the strip, and god knows where to from there. With a full rack of chips..
Not too funny, but man, what alcohol does to some people is just sad..

Kudos for not being 1 of the vultures and actually trying to help.

I must say as I was reading this tl;dr type post, i was skeptical - however post delivers.

Tonight I get into a pot (1/2nl) with this hot 21-24 year old chick who clearly has never played in a casino before.

She raises to $8 on the button. I have AQo and make it $22 she calls and is only caller. Flop comes 872 rainbow I bet $27 she calls. Turn comes a 10 she bets $20 into me and I call. River come a 3 she checks I bet $40 she calls and she flips over A3s. I am obv pissed but don't really say anything out loud worth mentioning.

Twenty minutes pass she gets up and cashes. One of the other regs says man I am dissapointed she left and I say "Not me she kicked my ass". Then out of nowhere this guy sitting two seats down says "you better shut the **** up that is my cousin!" I tell the dude to stfu I didn't mean bad by it or anything and he keeps going off on me. I call the guy an idiot and he gets up from his seat and approaches me very quickly. I thought for sure he was going to take a swing right there but he didn't. I then say "think about what you are doing do you really want to hit me in a casino with all of these cameras to see?" By this time there is 3-4 security guards swarmed around us trying to calm things down. He says, "you want to take this to the parking lot?" I say, "No I will just bust your ass on the table." He ends up leaving the next hand. Dealer, Floorman, security, and all of the players are just shocked and laughing making jokes about it. Everyone thought this dude was way out of line. People were like "hey Sam lets take it outside" etc. every two minutes. I left an hour later watching my back in the parking lot.

Not the most hilarious moment in the world of poker, but I wanted to contribute to this thread...

A couple of years ago, playing at the Showboat in AC. 1-2 game, very late night and a stumbling drunk comes to the table. He's loaded, but not "I am going to spew off my chips" loaded, more like "I might cold **** you at any second" loaded. He gets a bit surly, and of course I am sitting next to him. So I take a bathroom break and on the way back in I talk to the floor.

"Hey, you might want to be careful, seat 4 is really drunk, and it could get ugly, he's kinda cranky. If you could keep an eye on him, but don't necessarily tell him I said something, please." I said.

"Sure, sir, no problem."

Fast forward 3 minutes. Floor comes over and points to Drinky McSlursalot and stares right at me. "Is this the drunk guy?" She asks.

"Um... uh.... well...." I eloquently respond.

The upside was that, as he was being escorted out of the casino he promised to kill me in the parking lot. Sweet.

Snitches get stitches obv.

you sound like quite the misoginist (I don't know how to spell that). Why do you believe that you have a right to get in the middle of it while you are telling her to stay out of it. You're a piece of work.

Great character development. I was starting to feel Ice. Rad story. great thread obv; I just posted in a year old thread.

Small contribution I saw tonight that made the table and observers laugh quite a lot.

It's a lively game and a solid player has obviously been card dead for several hours with the same dealer for the last few of those. There has been another raise with a couple of callers and the player looks at his hand, shakes his head and mucks. He moans "I just can't win a pot tonight". The dealer replies with a completely straight face "To do that sir you actually have to put your chips over the line."

Ouch! Dealer burn ftw

I have lots of fun stories from casinos but I can't remember a lot of them. These three stick out in my mind, but I doubt they'll be that funny to read.

1: At the vic casino in london, I'm playing the self-deal £1/1 tables, and this very elegant young girl walks past the table. I recognize her as someone from my group of friends from school, and say hi. She remembers me and sits down next to me, and we get to chatting, and flirting. Very heavily. And loudly. As the focus of the entire table.

After I come back from a cigarette, I mention that it's very cold outside, and that my hands are still freezing. She responds by grabbing my hand and sticking it down her top, onto bare booby.

We dated for 3 months after that.

2. At the old gutshot, playing £1/2 PLHE, a guy with a £50 stack raises to £7 from mid position, folds to me in the small blind. I look down at TcTs and decide to commit myself and 3bet to £25, big blind folds, he thinks about it for a while and shoves, I instacall and table my hand. The flop is all unders and I ask him 'have you got a pair?' he says no. I ask him 'well have you got an ace?' and he says no. The river is a blank, I say 'well I must win then', he shakes his head, and then turns over AA.

The very next hand, he limps UTG, and I'm on tilt, and make it £9 to go with QhTh. He calls. The flop is As Kh Jd, he checks, I bet, he check-raises, I think for a while and jam all-in. He hums and haws and ends up calling, at which point I become visibly upset/angry. Turn and river blank, I shake my head. He asks me what I've got and I tell him I missed, and motion to muck my hand. He turns over K7o. 'WTF? How can you call me with a king? FFS, such a donkey' and I slam down my nuts. He gets a disgusted look on his face and leaves.*

*Disclaimer: this was more than 4 years ago, before I went pro, since this day I have never slowrolled anyone since, despite several people deserving it more than this kid.


3. Most recently, at the international (new gutshot), a guy at my table, Paul is reading harrington on holdem and explaining how he's the best guy at the table, but is half-joking and mentions that he's only been playing for a couple of months. We're playing £1/3nl and he's probably losing ~£1.5k or thereabouts over a few hours session. He's also one of the funniest guys I've ever played live with - had a continually deadpan expression on his face while saying some ridiculous stuff, and constantly had the table laughing their faces off. He's losing with some dignity, as well.

With a £150 stack, he puts another guy all-in on the turn on a QQJx board. The river is a blank. The other guy tables KJo, and before he turns over his hand, Paul notices the other guy still has £1 in his stack, and says 'I want that last £1 in the pot'. The other guy looks bemused, and says 'out of principle'. At this point, everyone at the table is 110% sure Paul can't beat jacks up, and is just being a nice guy.

The other guy concedes, and throws in his last £1. Paul also chucks in his £1 and says 'I have quads'. Now we're all 200% sure he's just joking. 'Seriously, I have quad queens'. And a wry, unexpected smile on his face. He then proceeds to turn over, very, very slowly, two queens. I was in complete shock for about an hour.

wow, smoking in a bar, whats abnormal about that?

cigarettes and alcohol go really well together.

i think its abnormal when you cant smoke in a bar.

Wazz im in Africa and have been browsing over the 2p2 forums every couple of weeks without posting but thought i had to log in and post my amazement that in your top 3 cardroom stories you didnt include the one where the irish guy and aggressive tanned guy argue for about an hour. Then the tanned guy says ok if you say one more word were fighting outside, the irish guy says "ok lets go" and they both leave their stacks and leave the room. Then the Irish guy returns and says "Had to call it off, he pulled a knife on me as we walked past the restaurant!"

Tanned guy has since been banned for life, i ended up playing against him at the Vic, he hates me aswell because of a situation where I IWTSH to his girlfriend in a spot that was not unreasonable.

That was a pretty uncomfortable episode for me, given I have at times been friendly with the israeli dude, his girlfriend, and the scottish guy (not irish), and I have friends in common with all of them.

I love how a COMPLIMENT is what sets the other guy off. Talk about an itchy trigger finger.

1. it's misogynist.

2. he's staying out of it and telling hippy chick to stay out of it. he only talks to the floorman to give his report of the incident.

3. this statement is absolutely correct.

a) The girls did start the stereotyping

and b) hippy chick obviously had NO SENSE of what was occurring, as evidenced by the timing of her reaction to it all. No part of the rest of the conversation was ever in her head, all she heard was (i'm assuming, because of the filter) '*******' and made all her assumptions from there, and they were incorrect.

Actually, in that story he seems like one of few individuals with a lick of sense in that situation.

BUMP (and a weak story)

Playing 1/2 NL at the NJ Trop. They just opened a new table for us. I take seat 8, young guy (about 22-24) takes seat 7. He refuses to play until it's a full table. OK, whatever, maybe he just doesn't like playing shorthanded. A few hands go by and and now it's full and he starts playing. A few more hands go by and he notices the dealer has been manually shuffling the entire time. As the dealer is collecting the cards from the last hand, young guy, in an accusatory tone, asks the dealer why he isn't using the automated shuffler. Without missing a beat the dealer hooks a finger into the panel that, on most tables, houses shuffler and lifts it up, revealing a hole in the table, with no shuffler beneath. The dealer smiles, the guy doesn't say a word, the rest of the table laughs.

lolll good stuff.

I got lots of stories as well but can't think of any atm. I will re-post when I do.

They are starting a new 2/5 game at the venitian. I go to the table and plyrs are taking thier seats, racks are being brought to the table. a guy is in the #8 seat reading a magizine, and I offer him 20$ for his seat, ( only the 5 seat was still available, and i hate that seat) he accepts, and gets up and starts walking out of the poker room. Everyone says that that guy was just hanging out, and was'nt even on the list. I follow him out and demand my $ back, telling him that it was'nt his seat to sell. I got 10$ back. lol hustled again in vegas!