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Old 03-16-2010, 09:07 AM   #176
starvingwriter82
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

Playing at a casino I don't usually go to and the following happens.

Flop comes J 9 x, and two players get it all in, one with J9 and the other with AJ. Ace comes on the river and Mr. J9 explodes.

"Come on, these stupid f***ing dealers, and what about this guy, chasing a f***ing one outer!"

I say nothing, but he keeps going on and on about the guys "one outer." Finally I can't tell if maybe I missed something so I ask him, "how many outs did he have there?"

He says: He needed to hit an ace to beat me, and it's statistically likely someone folded an ace preflop, maybe two people did. So he had one out, maybe two if he's lucky.

I just said, "wow dude, you sure are unlucky."

He proceeded to get stuck for a total of about $2500 that night at a 1-2 table. More than I've ever seen one player lose at those limits.
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Old 03-16-2010, 10:30 AM   #177
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

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Originally Posted by StackerBA View Post
Pretty much any combination of complaining that everyone calls their bets + slowplaying big hands against the same players.
this is a classic. was on a casino cruise and they were only spreading a 5-10-15 limit game. guy is bitching nonstop wanting to switch to NL. constantly chirping "wah wah this isn't poker, you can't bluff anyone, everyone just calls with anything blah blah". so he raises AhTh, gets a couple tables' worth of callers, flops nut flush, checks it to river obv. well played sir.
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Old 03-16-2010, 11:05 AM   #178
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

"I don't care what anyone says, anytime you are all in pf its 50/50. Either you make your hand or you don't. It doesn't matter what the cards are."
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Old 03-16-2010, 11:12 AM   #179
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

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I'm bringing up one more gem from the previous thread of this nature. Unfortunately I can't take credit for this because it's quite absurd.

"I put you on pocket aces and that means my 44 is as good as KK here and I'm never folding KK. I call."

Something like that...you get the idea.
and just like that thread half of these are 2p2ers who can't identify subtle sarcasm. "He was 100% serious!!?!!#!"
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Old 03-16-2010, 11:32 AM   #180
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

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ok? what is the problem? he had an open-ended open-ended straight draw straight draw.
That one really cracked me up
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Old 03-16-2010, 01:57 PM   #181
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

Had a lady tell me she likes A7 much more than A8 because 7's flop more than 8's.

Also a friend who used to host a 10 man tourney home game is staring at a final board of A-10-9-6-3 and he is heming and hawing, going back and forth on whether to call a decent sized river bet. So I lean over and he shows me KQ and he says "see! its such a good hand". Well his wife peaks over his shoulder and says "if you want (slang for vagina) tonight, you better fold that F'ing garbage." And he promptly folded.
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Old 03-16-2010, 02:06 PM   #182
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

[QUOTE=Ace_frehly;17528649]Had a lady tell me she likes A7 much more than A8 because 7's flop more than 8's.[QUOTE]


I think this stems from the "Q7 is the Computer Hand, because statistically speaking, Queens and Sevens hit the board more often than any other cards."

Been told this by numerous live donks.
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Old 03-16-2010, 02:36 PM   #183
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

Please tell me where you guys play!
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Old 03-16-2010, 04:44 PM   #184
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

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Originally Posted by MetlEtl View Post

I think this stems from the "Q7 is the Computer Hand, because statistically speaking, Queens and Sevens hit the board more often than any other cards."

Been told this by numerous live donks.
was lol'ing (except it wasn't outloud it was in my head) one time when a dealer and a player were talking about Q7, the computer hand. The conclusion between the two of them was that Q7 has that name because it wins more than any other hand. Wow.
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Old 03-16-2010, 07:12 PM   #185
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

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Originally Posted by chilidog0425 View Post
was lol'ing (except it wasn't outloud it was in my head) one time when a dealer and a player were talking about Q7, the computer hand. The conclusion between the two of them was that Q7 has that name because it wins more than any other hand. Wow.
IIRC it's called that because it has the best chance of winning*

*According to a 70's simulation with a terribly small sample size.
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Old 03-16-2010, 08:44 PM   #186
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

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He needed to hit an ace to beat me, and it's statistically likely someone folded an ace preflop, maybe two people did. So he had one out, maybe two if he's lucky.
I would be eager to get AIPF with him with pair over pair, and express my condolences that he's drawing dead before the flop.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sublimemoment View Post
"I don't care what anyone says, anytime you are all in pf its 50/50. Either you make your hand or you don't. It doesn't matter what the cards are."
And with him, I'd offer to play shove/fold HU. But only I get to decide which hands we can shove with. He shouldn't care, since I'm never better than 50/50.
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Old 03-16-2010, 08:51 PM   #187
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

old guy at a small live tourney once went off on a rant about how much better AK was than AA, "with aces you just have a pair, with ace king you can flop something good"
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Old 03-16-2010, 09:16 PM   #188
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

I was playing 2/4 Limit at the Mille Lacs in Minnesota one night.

I am about an hour into my session and I pick up QJ in the big blind. everyone folds except an old guy in middle position. Flop comes QJ3 rainbow. We eventually cap it. The turn comes K. We cap it again. River comes a 9, we cap it again. I flip over my two pair and he shows 99 for the trips he got on the river. I ask how he is calling with 9s when we are capping on each street with all of these overcards on the board.

He responds, "implied odds."

.......
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Old 03-17-2010, 03:14 AM   #189
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

"The UTG straddle is the best bet in poker."
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Old 03-17-2010, 08:48 AM   #190
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

Was playing 1-3 nl when an oldnit makes an ace hi club flush on the river to win a huge pot.
The very next hand he raises pf and gets a caller. The flop comes low cards with 2 clubs and his opponent bets out and he shows AQ of clubs and folds saying "what are the odds of making 2 nut club flushes in a row".
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Old 03-17-2010, 09:45 AM   #191
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

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Originally Posted by Ace_frehly View Post
Also a friend who used to host a 10 man tourney home game is staring at a final board of A-10-9-6-3 and he is heming and hawing, going back and forth on whether to call a decent sized river bet. So I lean over and he shows me KQ and he says "see! its such a good hand". Well his wife peaks over his shoulder and says "if you want (slang for vagina) tonight, you better fold that F'ing garbage." And he promptly folded.
Hahaha! If she's hot as well, this could be the perfect woman.
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Old 03-17-2010, 10:30 AM   #192
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

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Originally Posted by Jack Bando View Post
IIRC it's called that because it has the best chance of winning*

*According to a 70's simulation with a terribly small sample size.
Probably this, but nobody seems to be sure.

It is neither the median hand (J6s) vs a random hand, nor 50% vs a random hand (closest is J5s, closest over 50% is Q5s).

Some groups seem to have adopted a new false story to explain the name, that you'd play it online but not in person.

As per the 2+2 archives, here is a story that may not be true but is probably closest thing to truth on this matter.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ray Zee
it got that name as a tandy computer was used to run simulations in the 1970's. the generator repeated at 1000 hands i think or less. so by accident queen seven showed up to be the best starting two cards. the guy that did it was from kalispell. named robert zarobsky. and put out a little computer holdem book. so since it was obviously silly and wrong it got the nickname computer hand. so now you know the real story.
"and now you know"
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Old 03-17-2010, 01:38 PM   #193
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

I had never heard the term "computer hand" until I heard Mike Sexton use it on the WPT. He said it's called that because if you give one other player a full range of hands (say, you're in the small blind, everyone folds to you, so there's just the big blind yet to act) Q7 is 50% to win.
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Old 03-17-2010, 02:23 PM   #194
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

Guy constantly raises hands like KTo, any ace and all kind of crap out of the sb an bb if people limp an don´t raise pre. after he shows down a couple of thouse, he proudly says: "if i get called i know i am beat!"... and keeps on doing it
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Old 03-17-2010, 02:41 PM   #195
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

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Originally Posted by starvingwriter82 View Post
I had never heard the term "computer hand" until I heard Mike Sexton use it on the WPT. He said it's called that because if you give one other player a full range of hands (say, you're in the small blind, everyone folds to you, so there's just the big blind yet to act) Q7 is 50% to win.
I could have sworn he said that specific definition on WPT (or it popped up in one of those boxes that WPT has). That's where I remember hearing the name, and also hearing the explanation. I kind of figured it was true, since it seemed about right - if your opponent is playing blind, for example, Q7 is statistically the neutral point versus the entire range of possible hands. But apparently it's not true, J5 is...I did not know that.
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Old 03-17-2010, 02:43 PM   #196
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

Sat next to a nice guy... reasonably friendly... losing the occasional pot but still friendly... then all of a sudden he makes a giant raise preflop and then shoves a King-high flop.

I say to him "wow, you must have picked up a monster there!"

He looks at me and smiles. "Do you know what hand you win with most often?" he says.

"Go on..."

"King-nine of hearts. And that's what I just had" he finishes with another grin.
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Old 03-17-2010, 02:48 PM   #197
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

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Most of the bad poker advice in this thread is obviously coming from people who wouldn't recognize the definition of "implied odds" if it hit them in the face. That's almost understandable in that many, many people don't take the time to really study the game. But a lot of it isn't even because of that. it's just advice based on superstition and magical thinking.
Or...like the guys who excuse their bad play with "I can't win with good cards, only garbage," usually while they are stacking chips, before they finally bust out and leave the table. Self-delusion: it's a wonderful thing.
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Old 03-17-2010, 03:39 PM   #198
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

"Hold 'em is a flop-game, so if you can see three cards relatively cheaply it is a good idea." FKN DONK!
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Old 03-17-2010, 04:59 PM   #199
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

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"Hold 'em is a flop-game, so if you can see three cards relatively cheaply it is a good idea." FKN DONK!
Are you intentionally quoting Gus Hansen's book?
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Old 03-17-2010, 09:18 PM   #200
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

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Originally Posted by jkeats View Post
"You should always play 10 5 because every straight has either a 10 or a 5 in it."
If you have 10 5 offsuit, then every card in the deck is an out
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