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Old 03-10-2010, 12:07 PM   #101
zecasaralegu
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

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Originally Posted by cuddlesgeage View Post
i heard an interesting one this weekend: a guy bet out on the queen high flop with two clubs and a lady folded her hand while saying," I folded my queen there because i thought he might have had the flush draw."
lovely, FD seems to be the nuts, at least against me...

wise woman
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Old 03-10-2010, 12:09 PM   #102
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

-"AK is the second best hand in poker, cause when you hit the A, not even KK is gonna win you"

-"agree 100%, ladie"
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Old 03-10-2010, 12:09 PM   #103
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

-"I play all my sooted hands, in case a flush comes"
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Old 03-10-2010, 12:54 PM   #104
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

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Can't think of any bad advise per se, but I like it when noobs excitedly demonstrate their insider knowledge of poker culture.
"Blinds are 100/200? Hmm, I'll make it 400, a minraise. I'm isolating."
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Old 03-10-2010, 03:47 PM   #105
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

One of my good friends from Vegas told me this. The funny thing is that this guy actually played for a living. This is right after I flopped a set and lost to a rivered flush after betting flop and turn and calling the river.

If you flop top pr/set/a strong hand always wait until the turn to bet so a flush draw wont call you.
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Old 03-10-2010, 04:38 PM   #106
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

Young Asian businessman, who has played almost daily since he learned the game about 3 months ago. He's discussing strat with the miserable donk euro woman next to him:

"Well, I'm a much better player than him, so position doesn't matter."

I find talk like that charming at first and have to try really hard not to laugh but when they simply do. not. stop. talking about EVERY hand, it stops being cute imo and just becomes irritating, especially when they engage me in conversation unsolicited, concerning how I played a hand I just lost.

I'm not a grumpy old nit by any means but while I am guilty of a degree of antisocialism, I'm only referring to donks like Young Asian businessman, who think they are amazing and need everyone to know about it, and feel you to realise how and why you played the last hand wrong. Regular, unassuming donks are always fun to listen/talk to.

This reminds me of a mouthy dealer I once had. A multiway limped pot resulted in one gentleman being AI with top pair vs another gentleman's flopped trips. Dealer ships pot to trips guy and says (concerning top pair guy): "You know what they say, don't go broke in a limped pot."

I was pretty shocked to hear this from a dealer. Same dealer later asked a guy what he mucked after a big hand went down that resulted in said guy being stacked. Wtf?
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Old 03-10-2010, 05:09 PM   #107
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

From this past weekend:

Old guy (relative to my 52) sits literally for 6 hours without playing a hand on a wild table then completes the SB after 6 or 7 limpers. Flop is K82 rainbow he immediately shoves and after everyone folds he shows his pocket kings declaring that "this is the way to stop those suckers from drawing out".

A couple of hours later the same guy raises utg $25 bucks, gets a call, then checks down to the river when he shoves into a paired, flushed board. Opponent folds. Showing six high he declares "this is the way to bluff those suckers out".

Unexploitable imo.

Four hours later I finally leave, he is still sitting there looking for a third hand to play. I tell him to take it easy, he says, "I'll take it any way I can get it."

You bet.
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Old 03-10-2010, 06:36 PM   #108
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

^^lol @ unexploitable



things donks say i hear all the time:

"i hate pocket jacks, i rather be dealt tens. jacks are losers."

"AK is better then AA, with aces or win a small pot or lose a huge"

"wow, 3 all ins in front of me. now i have to call with any2. pot odds obv."

"this is a river game. until the last card havent dropped, there are no bad cards."

"why do you keep raising? cant u see ure just making a pot for other ppl? limp and see if u hit."



but imo these are all std, i think everyone must hear them all the time.
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Old 03-10-2010, 07:12 PM   #109
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

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I tell him to take it easy, he says, "I'll take it any way I can get it."
You have to admit, that is kind of an epic response.
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Old 03-10-2010, 07:46 PM   #110
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

2/5 $300 max game. UTG limps, UTG+1 makes it $25, only UTG calls. Board runs out 84664 UTG c/r's ai, UTG+1 instacalls w/ AA, UTG rolls the mighty 84o. When UTG+1 berates him the only response is, 'You dont even know the story about me and 84." At least half the table agrees that 84 is a decent hand b/c AA is only a pair but 84 can make a straight.
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Old 03-10-2010, 07:50 PM   #111
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"never go all in with AA until all 5 cards have hit the felt."

"whenever i have kings, an ace always hits. just call and move all in if there is no ace."

"always play small cards. they usually win the big pots."


^insta-tilts me like no other... facepalm.jpg..

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Originally Posted by BARRY181 View Post
the best i have heard, and more then once, when sitting to my right, "i have position on you" oh yeah, care to explain, "i get to bet first and can steal pots"
loool facepalm.jpg

Last edited by Rapini; 03-10-2010 at 08:32 PM. Reason: merge
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Old 03-10-2010, 08:29 PM   #112
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

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Originally Posted by lolnoobaments View Post
^^lol @ unexploitable



things donks say i hear all the time:

"i hate pocket jacks, i rather be dealt tens. jacks are losers."

"AK is better then AA, with aces or win a small pot or lose a huge"

"wow, 3 all ins in front of me. now i have to call with any2. pot odds obv."

"this is a river game. until the last card havent dropped, there are no bad cards."

"why do you keep raising? cant u see ure just making a pot for other ppl? limp and see if u hit."



but imo these are all std, i think everyone must hear them all the time.

JJ is the worst hand is the classic one, i've heard it 3 million times

Aces win small pots but loose big ones is in every single book i read, and pretty right, especially for cash...
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Old 03-10-2010, 08:37 PM   #113
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

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2/5 $300 max game. UTG limps, UTG+1 makes it $25, only UTG calls. Board runs out 84664 UTG c/r's ai, UTG+1 instacalls w/ AA, UTG rolls the mighty 84o. When UTG+1 berates him the only response is, 'You dont even know the story about me and 84." At least half the table agrees that 84 is a decent hand b/c AA is only a pair but 84 can make a straight.
yeah, and a "double set" or "2 way-full house"

this reminds me a guy with exact board (except QQ instead of 44) gets overshoved, villain was almost showing his fh with a queen, the other one calls with his 8 and loose like 200bb or something (first or second level of a tourney) and claims: " I knew he had a full house with the Q, but i have a FH myself, i cant fold a full house"

this guy KOed me later with KT against my QQ, **** him
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Old 03-10-2010, 08:47 PM   #114
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

1/2 NL at Montreal Casino.
9 handed. I am on the button.
UTG 4x to 8$, MP2 reraises to 24$, I just took a terrible beat and went from 190$ to 90$, I say as I tank holding AA "I gotta push my favorite hand here." UTG calls with A8s, and MP2 says to me as he calls with KK hesitantly "What? You got Q10?". My cards turn over as I tell him "Nope. Aces." And he smirks at me with an awkward "Ohh niiice"

He hits his K on turn and he says "Sorry man"

Yawwwwn.
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Old 03-10-2010, 09:04 PM   #115
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

Quote:
Originally Posted by jolyroger View Post
From this past weekend:

Old guy (relative to my 52) sits literally for 6 hours without playing a hand on a wild table then completes the SB after 6 or 7 limpers. Flop is K82 rainbow he immediately shoves and after everyone folds he shows his pocket kings declaring that "this is the way to stop those suckers from drawing out".

A couple of hours later the same guy raises utg $25 bucks, gets a call, then checks down to the river when he shoves into a paired, flushed board. Opponent folds. Showing six high he declares "this is the way to bluff those suckers out".

Unexploitable imo.

Four hours later I finally leave, he is still sitting there looking for a third hand to play. I tell him to take it easy, he says, "I'll take it any way I can get it."

You bet.
Oh My God! That is the funniest thing that I have read in a log time. I laughed uncontrollably for 10 minutes!
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Old 03-11-2010, 11:01 AM   #116
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

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Originally Posted by zecasaralegu View Post
JJ is the worst hand is the classic one, i've heard it 3 million times

Aces win small pots but loose big ones is in every single book i read, and pretty right, especially for cash...
"There are 38 ways to play JJ, and every single one of them is wrong."

Always gets a laugh.

And...

"There is a 17% chance of an A coming on the flop, unless you have Kings, then it's 84%. It's a statistical anomaly."

Donks love lines that play into their cherished beliefs.
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Old 03-11-2010, 11:08 AM   #117
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

I heard this one when I first started playing and the person was 100% serious

"Why would you ever fold PF? Any cards can win the pot".

At least they were playing limit at the time...
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Old 03-11-2010, 11:09 AM   #118
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

Amazing how many say they've never read a poker book, and say it with pride. Never have figured that one out.
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Old 03-11-2010, 12:26 PM   #119
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

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I laughed pretty hard and commented on how awful that was. He got kind of angry with me as I continued to laugh. Told me there's no reason to gamble when you have that much. I said, "But you have the best hand." He said, "Before the flop. But not once the flop comes out you can lose. I've seen it million times."
This is my wife..

I've argued with her about it, and sadly I can't convince her otherwise. I even started a horribly stupid thread on here asking if a person would ever fold AA pre-flop, just to show her that other people think it's ridonkulous as well.

No dice, she still maintains that "AA is only the best hand PRE-FLOP, you don't know what's going to come down by the river.."

But, my all time absolute favorite is when donks give you advice that they learn from the online sites PLAY MONEY TABLES. I have some people I know who fall into this category. Once they heard I play poker, they decided to regale me with their bad beat stories and tales of how much fake chips they won. They like to throw in gems such as:
- "8 people were all-in so I had to call with J3 from the blinds, you never know what will win."
- "I always play suited cards, because there is a flush draw on almost every flop and you don't know if it's going to be the draw of your suit.."

Poker, Bingo, what's the difference?
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Old 03-11-2010, 01:01 PM   #120
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

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Originally Posted by starvingwriter82 View Post
You have to admit, that is kind of an epic response.
Eric Morcambe FTW!

Also love how donks talk about Facbook poker bragging to each other about how many million chips they had before they lost it all in an hour. I feel like telling them to learn about Bankroll Management but then think to myself 'don't educate the fish'
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Old 03-11-2010, 02:26 PM   #121
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

I was in invited to home game by a player that I had played with him and his friends severe times that were absolute awful. The host was a complete idiot that thought he knew everything there was to know about poker and I could go on all day about the stupid things he said.

I am the first to show up. Me and the host are talking when the third guy who I have never played with before shows up. We continue our conversation when the third player chimes in how he has never really played poker before and asking questions about how to play.

The host replies with the the quote from Rounders where Mike and the professor are in the bar and Mike gives him advice on how to play. “ Tight aggressive. That is you style. You only play Jacks or better 99's or better wired......”

I don't remember the quote word for word but he had it down pat. You could tell he had rehearsed until he had it perfect. It come right off his tough word for word with out any thought.

The only problem was that we were going to play $1/2 NL Holdem
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Old 03-11-2010, 03:01 PM   #122
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

Talking about Jacks or better split, 9's or better wired is awesome when giving advice for Hold'em. Be sure to tell them that "split" is when they have J7 and the board is AJ2, they have "split Jacks" and they're good to go.
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Old 03-11-2010, 03:11 PM   #123
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

"79 is an unbeatable hand. Play it every single time, just go all-in preflop if you can."

The guy who told me this was dead serious too.
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Old 03-11-2010, 04:48 PM   #124
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

"If you can't spot the fish after 30 minutes, there isn't one."

I'd like to think that it was said as a joke, but after seeing how bad the guy played, I'm not so sure.
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Old 03-11-2010, 06:02 PM   #125
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

My friend that is just learning to play swears that "you should never play pocket pairs less the 10's because you always get sucked out on and then all you have is a 2 outer" he is 100% serious!

he also told me that he believes that being "first to act is the best position because you can bet into people and they fold" I always hear about how he likes to act first instead of last because he always gets "check raised"... NO, this isn't a joke! he actually believes this and will not listen to anyone. He has lost over $7,000 playing 1-2 in about 6 months part time, he chalks his losses up to bad luck!

I am so glad that there are still super donkeys playing this game!
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