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Old 03-04-2010, 03:08 PM   #76
MezMan
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

I once played with a guy who said, "there is nothing more exciting than getting it all in on the river with absolutely nothing"....

Once seemed to be enough for hiim.
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Old 03-04-2010, 03:12 PM   #77
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tilt-N-Spew View Post
Also, I heard a guy say "two bet" about five times that night.
I'm gonna start using this at the cazza for sure... almost lolled off me seat
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Old 03-04-2010, 03:27 PM   #78
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

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I once played with a guy who said, "there is nothing more exciting than getting it all in on the river with absolutely nothing"....

Once seemed to be enough for hiim.
LOL I've never heard that one before. Some people just love the thrill of gambling...who doesn't
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Old 03-04-2010, 03:49 PM   #79
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

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Originally Posted by MezMan View Post
I once played with a guy who said, "there is nothing more exciting than getting it all in on the river with absolutely nothing"....

Once seemed to be enough for hiim.
An old roommate of mine used to say, "you haven't lived until you've lost $1000 on a single bet."

Well sit down good sir, and let me make you feel alive.
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Old 03-04-2010, 03:52 PM   #80
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

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Originally Posted by MezMan View Post
I once played with a guy who said, "there is nothing more exciting than getting it all in on the river with absolutely nothing"....

Once seemed to be enough for hiim.
followed by

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Originally Posted by trip_kings12 View Post
LOL I've never heard that one before. Some people just love the thrill of throwing up in your mouth a little...who doesn't
FYP.
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Old 03-04-2010, 04:21 PM   #81
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

The one's I love are the one's who just hate pocket jacks.
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Old 03-04-2010, 04:27 PM   #82
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

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Originally Posted by MezMan View Post
I once played with a guy who said, "there is nothing more exciting than getting it all in on the river with absolutely nothing"....

Once seemed to be enough for hiim.
perfect
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Old 03-04-2010, 04:44 PM   #83
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Experienced a couple of things:

One really weird guy told me: "I ALWAYS fold aces preflop. You know what, out of the 50 times i've had aces, i've lost 51 times. Queens and tens are what win me pots."

Later we talked about Gus Hansen and he said "what would you do if you had AK and the flop came KJJ, and your opponent raised TEN TIMES your bet?" I said: "Erh i dno, i would probably fold." He says (while creepingly staring me in the eyes) "GUS WILL CALL THAT. Thats why Gus is a pro. I'm glad we settled that argument".

Weird ****. Later on he told my friend that he was in organized crime, had cooked for 7 royal families/3 american presidents, owned 2 nightclubs, his three favorite things in life were hookers, cocaine and poker, he started crying suddenly because his son was ill etc etc. A very entertaining person

Besides always hearing how online poker is rigged, i've also once spent 10 minutes trying to convince a lady that a flush draw vs. a set all-in on the flop isnt 50/50. 30 minutes later she called my all-in preflop shove with K8 (i had AK).
I usually try to agree with this type of player -calling station by stating "yep ya either win or lose 50 50".
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Old 03-04-2010, 04:48 PM   #84
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

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i've also once spent 10 minutes trying to convince a lady that a flush draw vs. a set all-in on the flop isnt 50/50.
NEVER do this. Beyond the general "don't feed the fish" advice, I believe that it is this very exact specific example (and the related OESD+FD vs. set) that triggers the most "a-HA!" moments in beginners' minds.
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Old 03-04-2010, 05:23 PM   #85
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

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NEVER do this. Beyond the general "don't feed the fish" advice, I believe that it is this very exact specific example (and the related OESD+FD vs. set) that triggers the most "a-HA!" moments in beginners' minds.
It's definitely with the OESD+FD versus less than a set. You'll get that time when it's actually the OESD+FD is FAVORED, and the guy can't figure out why his top pair is actually, even though technically "winning" at the time, is actually less likely to win the hand overall.

That's the exact moment a lot of new players start to think about poker at any sort of level beyond " I have a pair, I call".
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Old 03-04-2010, 05:26 PM   #86
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

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Old 03-04-2010, 06:06 PM   #87
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

In a live tourney it folded to my SB, and I shoved my 30BB stack in for ~2BB effective against an old lady who hadn't played a hand yet. She called with AQ and my J4o won. She then berated me, saying "How can you move all in there?? I'm the tightest player at the table and you're happy to get it all in with J4 against me??"
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Old 03-04-2010, 06:49 PM   #88
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

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Originally Posted by Birkin View Post
In a live tourney it folded to my SB, and I shoved my 30BB stack in for ~2BB effective against an old lady who hadn't played a hand yet. She called with AQ and my J4o won. She then berated me, saying "How can you move all in there?? I'm the tightest player at the table and you're happy to get it all in with J4 against me??"
Did you tell her abt the 2p2 BBV forum?
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Old 03-08-2010, 04:24 AM   #89
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

This one was always a fun one. Not sure if it was advice, but it was an absolutely hilarious statement that only a donk could make.

At a pretty tight table of either internet grinder types, or old dudes who are equally tight. Getting ready to switch tables since, although beatable, the lack of easy loose/passive donks (who are very common at this casino) means that other tables would be much easier. Suddenly, two friends sit down. One plays LAG, ******edly, raising with any two cards as if he's Gus Hansen. The other plays loose/passive, calling with anything to draw because, as he says, "the implied odds were there".

They suck out a few times, but eventually lose all their money and leave. Takes about an hour. One busts out, then the other busts out five hands later, and they both leave. A few of us talk about the hands they went bust on (short story - ******ed calls in both situations).

At this point, internet hero grinder, who literally could not be more stereotypical, begins to speak. This guy is wearing a black hoody, with a hood that dwarfs his head, with huge shades and an i-pod and had not said a word for the entire time he was there, which was about 3 or 4 hours. He removes his earphones and says "Thank god those morons are gone - now we can get back to real poker".

At first I thought he had to be joking, but someone else at the table nods and says "Yep", and then internet hero grinder follows up with "I just can't believe those two guys; such bad players. I hate playing with people like that, it's so frustrating because they're so bad it's hard to play them".

I still think there's a chance he was joking and trying to see if anyone else at the table would fall for it, but if he was, the dude is one heck of a good actor since he looks as serious as I have ever seen. I ask for a table change and move to a table with two drunk guys throwing chips around like it's ping-pong, and enjoy.
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Old 03-08-2010, 05:54 AM   #90
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

I tell the donks that they have to see all five cards to win. Quitters never win.
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Old 03-08-2010, 11:37 AM   #91
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

i heard an interesting one this weekend: a guy bet out on the queen high flop with two clubs and a lady folded her hand while saying," I folded my queen there because i thought he might have had the flush draw."
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Old 03-08-2010, 12:02 PM   #92
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

- the only sure way to lose a pot is by folding
- i hate playing against player x, he is a luck-player. he always calls down my AA all the way and hits something (referring to loose-passive fish)
- i was raising to see if my ace was good
- i cant beat 1/2, those guys just play too bad, they always call and suck out, its impossible to win at 1/2 (several 2/5 reg-fishes)
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Old 03-08-2010, 01:19 PM   #93
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

I was talking to a fellow at a bar where small games run daily.

We were waiting for a game to start up and had a bit of a chat, he said this is his first time here, but he plays at the casino.

I told him that I couldn't beat the rake at the casino. He told me that only losers care about rake. .

Ouch so pwned.

The rake is $5 an hour plus 10% up to $8 on a 1/2 50bb max buyin ($100).
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Old 03-08-2010, 01:27 PM   #94
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

Quote:
Originally Posted by Overcooked View Post
I was talking to a fellow at a bar where small games run daily.

We were waiting for a game to start up and had a bit of a chat, he said this is his first time here, but he plays at the casino.

I told him that I couldn't beat the rake at the casino. He told me that only losers care about rake. .

Ouch so pwned.

The rake is $5 an hour plus 10% up to $8 on a 1/2 50bb max buyin ($100).
Ouch. And I thought I had it bad with 10% $7cap + 1BBJ.

Since I posted in the thread I should contribute.

Spewy 2/5 reg at 1/2 game sitting beside me is HU with someone across the table. Facing a bet on the river, he shows me ace high and mutters "I cant get away from nothing", and shoves ~pot.
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Old 03-08-2010, 02:45 PM   #95
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

Playing 100-300 buy in 2 3 blinds at the Bike last week. 30 minutes into the game utg limps in with AA. middle postion has smallest stack of 55, he raises to 25 with KK. everybody folds back to AA who goes all in. KK loses to AA and gets mad because AA didnt raise first preflop!!..After hearing his BS for about 20 min I finally told him that it made no difference, he was losing his 55, especially with a 10 high board on the flop...To make matters even worse, about an hour later, the same donk raises to 15 preflop. I have AA and make it 25 to get him heads up. he calls. flop 10 j q.. he goes all in for 100 and i call. he turns over k 9 off..it holds and he wins.
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Old 03-09-2010, 01:36 AM   #96
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

Can't think of any bad advise per se, but I like it when noobs excitedly demonstrate their insider knowledge of poker culture.

"Anyone hear of this guy Phil Hellmuth or see him on TV? Man, what a whiner! Not like Phil Ivey. That's a class act. Ever heard of him? Chris Moneymaker? Did you know that's his real name? Yeah!"
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Old 03-09-2010, 01:54 AM   #97
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pot Odds RAC View Post
"You're not winning any hands because you're not playing in enough hands. You fold too much."
This is obv true
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Old 03-09-2010, 03:03 AM   #98
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

I play better when I drink.
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Old 03-09-2010, 03:44 AM   #99
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

Here are a few conversation pieces everyone should try to work into their next live session:

-Reverse implied odds/fold equity
-Variance
-EV
-Adding 1/2 outs for backdoor draws
-Aggressive call

Also, make sure to use the following akronyms (mainly to yourself, but so people around you can hear): imo, lol, afaik, iirc, ftw and ldo
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Old 03-09-2010, 10:40 AM   #100
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

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Aggressive call
Was Vanessa Rousso's brain even turned on when she said that?
Spoiler:
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