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Old 03-03-2010, 11:33 AM   #51
cuddlesgeage
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

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Originally Posted by mn_trader View Post
She whispers to me "yeah, like I am going to fold when I flop 2 pair".
I love this one.

My personal favorite, one that has not yet been mentioned is this: any pocket pair is warranting of committing one's stack pre-flop. 2's, 3's, 4's, 5's, the main goal should be trying to get it in pre since "it is just a coinflip with 2 overs." Of course, we will not take into account that the hands willing to get it in with you pre flop might be better than A-K. In conclusion, with any pocket pair, a huge raise is a must because "that's the only way to play those!"
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Old 03-03-2010, 11:52 AM   #52
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

Vegas, live tournament hero's m=5. Hero has AQ and pushes. Called by CO's TT and hero hits an ace and scoop the pot. Other donk not in the hand (angrily) "AQ???!!!, you keep pushing with that junk and we'll see how long you last!" Hero

BTW- donks hate AA and JJ (and they really hate JJ) because they do not know how to play them and do somehow do manage to turn them into long term losers. Example- limping with JJ, and letting 5 people see the flop (really common). AA- min raising and then absolutely REFUSING to fold no matter what the board or action because "I has AA"
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Old 03-03-2010, 12:09 PM   #53
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

"You should always play 10 5 because every straight has either a 10 or a 5 in it."
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Old 03-03-2010, 12:15 PM   #54
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

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BTW- donks hate AA and JJ (and they really hate JJ) because they do not know how to play them and do somehow do manage to turn them into long term losers. Example- limping with JJ, and letting 5 people see the flop (really common). AA- min raising and then absolutely REFUSING to fold no matter what the board or action because "I has AA"
Yep, or open-blasting JJ to 10x pre, that way only QQ+ gives you action.
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Old 03-03-2010, 12:17 PM   #55
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

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level?
No. But I believe whoever said it that THEY lose more money with Aces than they win.
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Old 03-03-2010, 12:20 PM   #56
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

So I'm at work before New Years and this customer talks about Vegas, and I mention that I am go to Vegas for New Years. He procedes to tell me about how many times he's been to Vegas and how he loves it so much blah blah blah. He then asks me what games I play, to which I just respond "poker". He then goes into this huge strategy rant about how AK is a horrible hand that is overrated and that 23 is just as good as AK because it hits the flop just as often. So, he tells me to play 23 every time because it hits just like AK. The worst part about it was that another customer overheard him, and agreed with everything he said.
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Old 03-03-2010, 01:19 PM   #57
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

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Originally Posted by AngryJohnny View Post
Vegas, live tournament hero's m=5. Hero has AQ and pushes. Called by CO's TT and hero hits an ace and scoop the pot. Other donk not in the hand (angrily) "AQ???!!!, you keep pushing with that junk and we'll see how long you last!" Hero

BTW- donks hate AA and JJ (and they really hate JJ) because they do not know how to play them and do somehow do manage to turn them into long term losers. Example- limping with JJ, and letting 5 people see the flop (really common). AA- min raising and then absolutely REFUSING to fold no matter what the board or action because "I has AA"
Had a donk yesterday min-raise from BB with AA after 5 people had already limped in. I was absolutely astounded. Of course, he spiked an A on the flop, so it ended up picking him up like $150 or so, so I was happy. Min-raise. From the big blind. Maybe it was some super-expert move on a level I will never figure out...
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Old 03-03-2010, 01:25 PM   #58
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

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Originally Posted by AngryJohnny View Post
Vegas, live tournament hero's m=5. Hero has AQ and pushes. Called by CO's TT and hero hits an ace and scoop the pot. Other donk not in the hand (angrily) "AQ???!!!, you keep pushing with that junk and we'll see how long you last!" Hero

BTW- donks hate AA and JJ (and they really hate JJ) because they do not know how to play them and do somehow do manage to turn them into long term losers. Example- limping with JJ, and letting 5 people see the flop (really common). AA- min raising and then absolutely REFUSING to fold no matter what the board or action because "I has AA"
This, although, long term, they still probably win with aces. I played with one guy, he has a hat. Aces S....
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Old 03-03-2010, 01:59 PM   #59
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

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I folded K8o second to act in a 9 or 10 player game. Someone says that's why this table is so tight and says to me you gotta play K8. I said oh yea? She said yea that's a good hand. I smiled and said better than K7 right. And she said yea definitely.
If you folded second to act how did the player know it? Last thing I want opponents to know is hands I folded.
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Old 03-03-2010, 03:36 PM   #60
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

One of my favorite old guys at 3/6 LHE in Council Bluffs... Whenever he limped pre-flop in early position and it got back around to him raised--no matter how many times it had been raised--he always always called. As he put his additional 3 [or 6 or 9] chips out to call, he would say, "If it's good for three, it's good for six [or nine or twelve]!"
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Old 03-03-2010, 03:54 PM   #61
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

The other night, I was playing in a MTT at the Borgata. It's getting near the bubble, and some guy is UTG, shortstacked, and about to go through the blinds that will wipe out a good portion of his remaining stack. Nevertheless, he still decides to open-limp, despite his obvious all-in or fold circumstances.

After a few players fold, another player raises UTG, putting him all-in. UTG calls, of course, showing 44. He winds up getting stacked by A9 who spikes a 9.

After the hand, a strategy discussion breaks out, some wondering why A9 pushed, others confused by the limp-call line taken by the shortstacked UTG. This prompted the player to my left to get all agitated.

"How can you question what UTG did," the guy wanted to know? "It would be suicide to open-shove from UTG with 44."

"Then why not fold?"

"Fold? Are you crazy? He had a pocket pair!"

"But if it is suicide to open-shove with 44, then why should you call an all-in with it?"

"Implied odds."

Last edited by mxp2004; 03-03-2010 at 04:00 PM.
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Old 03-03-2010, 04:25 PM   #62
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

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Originally Posted by mxp2004 View Post
The other night, I was playing in a MTT at the Borgata. It's getting near the bubble, and some guy is UTG, shortstacked, and about to go through the blinds that will wipe out a good portion of his remaining stack. Nevertheless, he still decides to open-limp, despite his obvious all-in or fold circumstances.

After a few players fold, another player raises UTG, putting him all-in. UTG calls, of course, showing 44. He winds up getting stacked by A9 who spikes a 9.

After the hand, a strategy discussion breaks out, some wondering why A9 pushed, others confused by the limp-call line taken by the shortstacked UTG. This prompted the player to my left to get all agitated.

"How can you question what UTG did," the guy wanted to know? "It would be suicide to open-shove from UTG with 44."

"Then why not fold?"

"Fold? Are you crazy? He had a pocket pair!"

"But if it is suicide to open-shove with 44, then why should you call an all-in with it?"

"Implied odds."
Epic.

I've heard to always play your tens and fives since you're more likely to get a straight, never fold your pocket pairs since you might hit a set, play any suited since you could flop a a flush, but I expect those are all pretty common.

My personal favorite though is when someone says (and lives by) never raising before the river, because you never know if something will come out to beat you. Extra bonus points for one losing reg I know who believes this but also raises before the river, as long as he's on a total bluff, but never any other time.
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Old 03-03-2010, 04:39 PM   #63
BARRY181
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

the best i have heard, and more then once, when sitting to my right, "i have position on you" oh yeah, care to explain, "i get to bet first and can steal pots"
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Old 03-03-2010, 04:45 PM   #64
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

I posted this in the "most absurd things you heard at the poker table" thread a while back. It was while I was dealing:

"Raising from the big blind in 2/4 LHE is the worst bet you can make in the entire casino."
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Old 03-03-2010, 04:57 PM   #65
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

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the best i have heard, and more then once, when sitting to my right, "i have position on you" oh yeah, care to explain, "i get to bet first and can steal pots"
Given that the first time I ever heard someone say this it was Gus Hansen, I suspect you're often being leveled, good sir.

If it's on the TeeVee then it's funny, amirite?
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Old 03-03-2010, 04:57 PM   #66
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

"only play bad hands, that way, you only play small pots and cant lose as much"

although this was from some old guy sitting behind a 1k stack at a 400 max buy-in 1/2 game, so im pretty sure it was some sort of reverse level
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Old 03-03-2010, 07:49 PM   #67
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

Omaha

There are no hands in Omaha worthy of a pre-flop raise.

My favorite one:

I was playing 10/20 Omaha Hi/Lo at Borgata with a bunch of gray hairs who only play A2xx, A3, AA type hands. UTG raises, gets 2 callers, MP raises, C/O calls and I 4b-cap with 9TJQds since all of the babies are out.

Flop 78J. 5 way Cap Flop.

Turn K. UTG leads, 3 callers and I raise, UTG 3 bets, 3 callers and I cap...all call.

River 9. UTG leads... ONLY 2 callers this time, I raise, UTG 3 bets 2 callers and I cap...all call

I scoop monster

UTG AAxx

Callers had 2 pair and low draws

UTG to me "You are so lucky" ; "you raise that trash preflop and get lucky" blah blah blah..the 2 callers also were beating me up about how "lucky" I got.

After 10 mins still telling me how lucky I got and I respond "You are right sir I was lucky...lucky you guys kept reraising into the nuts and calling down drawing dead"
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Old 03-03-2010, 09:01 PM   #68
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

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After 10 mins still telling me how lucky I got and I respond "You are right sir I was lucky...lucky you guys kept reraising into the nuts and calling down drawing dead"
IMO what you should do here is just keep a giant ****-eating grin on your face and agree with them wholeheartedly. Firing back at them will just make them even more sour or slink off, keeping them happy will let them give you another chance to "get lucky" again.
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Old 03-03-2010, 09:34 PM   #69
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

Dude. Just make sure you've got plenty of beer, and make sure to straddle a lot too.
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Old 03-03-2010, 09:59 PM   #70
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

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Please tell me this was at HG. I heard this exact quote last week.
Nah...Vegas.
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Old 03-03-2010, 10:33 PM   #71
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

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IMO what you should do here is just keep a giant ****-eating grin on your face and agree with them wholeheartedly. Firing back at them will just make them even more sour or slink off, keeping them happy will let them give you another chance to "get lucky" again.
I know but I couldn't help myself. Was too easy...lol
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Old 03-03-2010, 10:34 PM   #72
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

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If you folded second to act how did the player know it? Last thing I want opponents to know is hands I folded.
I left that part out by mistake. I accidentally exposed my cards when I threw them in.
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Old 03-03-2010, 10:42 PM   #73
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

I don't think it right to pick on a class people like this. It would be okay if it was dealers
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Old 03-04-2010, 03:30 AM   #74
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Thumbs up Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

This is one of, if not, the most enjoyable threads I have ever read on here. I wish it could go on forever...
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Old 03-04-2010, 02:45 PM   #75
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

Takes something special to surprise me anymore, but this one guy blew me away. First, he tells me he made a final table at the Sunday Millions two weeks ago on a $10 satellite, and tells me a bad beat story. What kind of a bad beat can you get that you win $12.5K on a $10 entry? Dude, you're not entitled to a bad beat.

He goes on to say he's in the top .4% of tournament winners on Pokerstars. He plays 18 hours a day.

Then he says he never plays SNGs or small tournaments, only mega-fields, so they can't collude against him. "There's guys who sit there and IM and text playing against you."

"How can they all get in the same SNG when there are like 100 at a time?"

"They know how."

I lost a few bucks to him when I reraised with KQ versus his AQ. He said he played the hand differently than he usually does. He never raises AQs.

As I said, you gotta be different to get my attention.
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