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Old 03-01-2010, 11:17 PM   #1
trip_kings12
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Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

It seems like every time I'm playing a live game in a casino, I always get offered stupid, yet hilarious advice from my neighbors.

I was playing a tournament a few weeks ago, and the guy on my right was showing down hands left and right (VPIP of 99%). However, he kept winning. To inflate his ego, I asked him how he got so good at the game, "you must play online or something?" He told me online was rigged and, pretending to be a donk too, I agreed with him.

I asked for some advice so that I could one day be as good as him and he told me: "Always play a hand if you have an Ace. Except A2 and A3 because those are too low for kickers. A4+ and you will flop an Ace at least half the time. Otherwise, you can bluff them out because you have an Ace."

I tried so hard not to lol.

I'm sure you guys have similar stories. Please share!
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Old 03-01-2010, 11:38 PM   #2
IWearSportsJerseys
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

Always re-raise a raise with suited connectors heads up pre-flop, as you have a 50-50 chance of hitting your flop and them missing, and you have the built-in straight and flush draws.

This was the excuse I was given when he called by all-in with 89s against my KK. He then proceeds to flop 2 pair, I catch a K on the turn, and he calls me the luckiest "kid" alive.

I donks.
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Old 03-01-2010, 11:50 PM   #3
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

I folded K8o second to act in a 9 or 10 player game. Someone says that's why this table is so tight and says to me you gotta play K8. I said oh yea? She said yea that's a good hand. I smiled and said better than K7 right. And she said yea definitely.

Not a great story but it's the one I remember that isn't the standard stuff. Other people just saying stuff like be careful now when they get tired of me raising pre-flop, etc.
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Old 03-01-2010, 11:51 PM   #4
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

best piece of "advice" i got was from an older lady (mid 60s) about how I should never fold suited connectors when the BBJ is over 100K. "you never know, you might hit a straight flush and have a chance to win the BBJ"
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Old 03-01-2010, 11:51 PM   #5
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

dude said that internet poker "rewards" those who raise on the button with any 2 cards..."like you're supposed to," he said.

I was like whoa
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Old 03-02-2010, 12:22 AM   #6
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

A few days ago I overheard a guy say he had a friend who folded AA preflop. His friend was playing 2/5NL and had 3k in front of him. Apparently a guy who had him covered shoved on him pre so he opted to fold and show.

I laughed pretty hard and commented on how awful that was. He got kind of angry with me as I continued to laugh. Told me there's no reason to gamble when you have that much. I said, "But you have the best hand." He said, "Before the flop. But not once the flop comes out you can lose. I've seen it million times."

He looked to my friend for support and got none. As it was discussed at the table two players agreed that it's not really that good of a spot to get that much in and didn't think it was such a bad fold.

A few minutes later my friend lost about half his stack when some guy slow played a set of fours against his aces. The guys said, "See."

Also, I heard a guy say "two bet" about five times that night.
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Old 03-02-2010, 12:24 AM   #7
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

"I can't win with Ace/King, that's why i play 5 7."
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Old 03-02-2010, 12:55 AM   #8
trip_kings12
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tilt-N-Spew View Post
Told me there's no reason to gamble when you have that much. I said, "But you have the best hand." He said, "Before the flop. But not once the flop comes out you can lose. I've seen it million times."

Also, I heard a guy say "two bet" about five times that night.
HAHAHA I've heard something similar to this before. Hilarious!
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Old 03-02-2010, 01:01 AM   #9
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tilt-N-Spew View Post
A few days ago I overheard a guy say he had a friend who folded AA preflop. His friend was playing 2/5NL and had 3k in front of him. Apparently a guy who had him covered shoved on him pre so he opted to fold and show.

I laughed pretty hard and commented on how awful that was. He got kind of angry with me as I continued to laugh. Told me there's no reason to gamble when you have that much. I said, "But you have the best hand." He said, "Before the flop. But not once the flop comes out you can lose. I've seen it million times."

He looked to my friend for support and got none. As it was discussed at the table two players agreed that it's not really that good of a spot to get that much in and didn't think it was such a bad fold.

A few minutes later my friend lost about half his stack when some guy slow played a set of fours against his aces. The guys said, "See."

Also, I heard a guy say "two bet" about five times that night.
this would so incredibly frustrating!
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Old 03-02-2010, 01:15 AM   #10
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

Not poker related, but right after I graduated high school, I was talking about my college plans with some regulars at my dads convenience store/coffee shop.

One of the old timers told me I should forget about college and become a truck driver because that is where the real money is.
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Old 03-02-2010, 01:34 AM   #11
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tilt-N-Spew View Post
A few days ago I overheard a guy say he had a friend who folded AA preflop. His friend was playing 2/5NL and had 3k in front of him. Apparently a guy who had him covered shoved on him pre so he opted to fold and show.

I laughed pretty hard and commented on how awful that was. He got kind of angry with me as I continued to laugh. Told me there's no reason to gamble when you have that much. I said, "But you have the best hand." He said, "Before the flop. But not once the flop comes out you can lose. I've seen it million times."
what game is this =D
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Old 03-02-2010, 01:57 AM   #12
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

i was once told that i should not masterbate under the table because if the dealer sees it she might be offended... lol at that donk
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Old 03-02-2010, 02:02 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jmccarthick View Post
Not poker related, but right after I graduated high school, I was talking about my college plans with some regulars at my dads convenience store/coffee shop.

One of the old timers told me I should forget about college and become a truck driver because that is where the real money is.
Reminds me of a Internet site I read every now and then where everyone swears they make more in a day than anyone makes in a month at a real job. Pretty good stuff.
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Old 03-02-2010, 02:50 AM   #14
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

An important part of good play is changing it up and playing less than premium hnds on occassion. It helps to show down such hands as well whether you win or lose to confuse the tables image of the player.

Of course, not every player who shows down 3/5 off is changing it up, they may be the donkey the other player imagines they are.

But when I ee a regular at the 2/5 games flip over 4/6 off and take down a big pot, the funny part is the player who then says:

"I hope you keep playing hands just like that buddy, I'll be waiting." and they then proceed to turn into a calling station sure they will catch the player with a crappy hand again.

Last edited by Dealer-Guy; 03-02-2010 at 02:59 AM.
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Old 03-02-2010, 02:56 AM   #15
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

4/8 LHE 1/2 kill

"The first preflop raiser loses 70% of the time."
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Old 03-02-2010, 03:18 AM   #16
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

Quote:
Originally Posted by pshabi View Post
4/8 LHE 1/2 kill

"The first preflop raiser loses 70% of the time."
Please tell me this was at HG. I heard this exact quote last week.
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Old 03-02-2010, 10:26 AM   #17
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

Quote:
Originally Posted by BillyBoy5885 View Post
"I can't win with Ace/King, that's why i play 5 7."
lololololol ive herad that one so many times.

once i heard: "poker online is rigged. always when i win a big pot with a big hand, and get dealt a big hand the nest round, i fold cause i know that the second time im going to lose. the site wants to tilt everyone to fabricate more rake".
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Old 03-02-2010, 10:54 AM   #18
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

"Online poker is DEFINITELY rigged. I've just seen way to many hands like monsterhand>monsterhand, or someothermonsterhand>someothermonsterhand while playing online."

All the while they are sitting at their B&M talking about/drooling over the chance of hitting a BBJ that requires a hand like they just described.
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Old 03-02-2010, 11:38 AM   #19
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

Playing a $200 tourney in Shreveport, pretty turbo structure. 5000 chips, 20 min levels, blinds go 25-50, 50-100, 100-200, 200-400, etc. I lose a big pot with KK when J8 limps for 100 then calls my raise to 525, then calls 1/2 his stack on the flop with OESD and binks. So I'm down to 2400 at 100-200. Several limpers, I'm in the SB with A3s, and I shove. The table was full of chronic limpers, figure I can scoop up a nice pot most of the time. Gets to the last limper, who I have covered, he has about 2100. He tanks for honestly 90 seconds, and finally calls.

He shows JJ. I roll my eyes and say "what were you thinking about?" He says "I was thinking that this ain't that great a hand to go broke in the second level of a tournament!" Then he looks to the old timer next to him and says "I've NEVER seen THAT hand lose, have you? hyuk hyuk" "NO NEVER EVER. Some of us know how to play tournaments and don't just stick it in with any old hand". God it was so tilting. Expert plan to not get your JJ beat like it "always" does, limp it in behind 4 other people. SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO TILTING.
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Old 03-02-2010, 11:41 AM   #20
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

I have a standard shtick which is kinda the reverse of the thread. I like to offer the following, as an homage to the 2+2 BBV forum, to players who continuously spout odds while playing pub poker...

Dude who thinks he is a good player: How can you call with that!? You're a 4:1 dog there!
Me: Actually, he was even money.
DWTHIAGP: What!?
Me: Yeah, it was a coin flip. Either he was gonna hit or he wasn't.
DWTHIAGP: [confused look] What!? No! He only had [X] outs! [He goes through the outs.]
Me: Yeah... [look at dude like he's an idiot] and either he was gonna hit them or he wasn't.

This exchange sends DWTHIAGP on complete monkey tilt about 75-80% of the time. (Well, maybe 50% of the time: either he tilts or he doesn't.)

Quote:
Originally Posted by whickerda View Post
"Online poker is DEFINITELY rigged. I've just seen way to many hands like monsterhand>monsterhand, or someothermonsterhand>someothermonsterhand while playing online."

All the while they are sitting at their B&M talking about/drooling over the chance of hitting a BBJ that requires a hand like they just described.
Glorious.
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Old 03-02-2010, 11:50 AM   #21
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

Playing 2-5 NL at what was Harrah's IN near Louisville....
we start the table, and guys are setting down keys, chips, card caps, etc to mark their seats. One guy grabs the 1 seat, and then about 5 seconds later, he switches the 10 seats.

I make some lame joke about switching seats to get on the dealer's good side having no idea why you would grab either the 1 or the 10

He looks at me and says, "well, see .... Hold 'Em is played clockwise (and he makes the rotation motion with his finger). If I sit in the 10 seat, I get to act after everyone has acted."

I pause, waiting for the punch line that never comes. I then look at him and say, "you do realize that the button moves, right?" He looks at me like I'm from outer space.

I considered he was leveling me until I saw him play.
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Old 03-02-2010, 12:24 PM   #22
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

Always play A9, cause 9's hit the flop more than any other card according to Kathy Liebert.
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Old 03-02-2010, 12:29 PM   #23
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

Not really advice, but...

One time I raised pf with AQo, two callers. Flop was Qxx rainbow, I cbet and both players fold. As I'm scooping the pot, both players said they called so they can try and hit the bad beat jackpot.

Probably my favorite is when people say they hate/dont want AA. Last time I was at the casino some guy said"Oh man, I dont want aces. Every time I get them I lose with them."
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Old 03-02-2010, 12:36 PM   #24
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

"Go read 2p2 if you wanna get good at poker" this guy told me! LOL
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Old 03-02-2010, 12:38 PM   #25
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Re: Stupid & Funny Advice that Donks give you

Oh, there are always the guys who say they don't like AA or KK. My standard response is to say "well, the next time you get them, just let me know and we'll trade cards".

Was playing my regular £1/2 one night when the flop seemed to constantly have a ten as the high card or where the board would pair the ten on the turn/river. Someone notices and points it out, and sure enough every time a ten appears someone pipes up. The regfish start telling people to play their hand if there's a ten in it, because tens were hitting hard that night.

From the showdowns I saw that night, many of them actually did decide to play lots of rag tens. And amusingly enough it paid off as they tripped up every now and then. Tens were hot that night.

Ah, SR live variance. Gotta love you.
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