A couple other ones I hear all the time

"You never win big-pots unless you slow play"

"What's the point of raising AK? It is only a drawing hand"

Someone tried to tell me the other day at the ft of a live tournament that I was playing too aggressive and that I need to be tighter 3-handed because its so much easier to be dominated with the hands I was playing...he folded himself down to 2bbs and finally called me with ak vs 33, I flopped a set and he berated me for sucking out with such a crap hand. He then proceeded to explain how bad I was to his friends who were railing and said he had played "enough 3-handed poker
to know that plyers like me always lose in the long run."a

This line is an absolute classic. I hear this pretty much at least once every time I sit down to play at a casino. Whether it's someone limping in a 6-way pot because "it still needs help to improve", or betting pre-flop and then folding when the flop comes QQ9, or who knows what, DONKS HATE AK. They absolutely hate it. I've seen people just fold AK pre-flop without any raise because "nothing good ever happens with it".

The easiest way for me to spot a donk is when they say or do something along the lines of AK is overrated/drawing hand/never wins. I don't think there's a single better defining line between "complete moron" and "guy who isn't that good but at least has some clue of what he's doing" then how they handle AK.

It's gotten to the point where I know people are faking making these statements so that others think they are donks. Maybe I should try that once in a while, say something like that and hope others think I'm an idiot and will thus pay me off down the road.

Lost $200 in a hand tonight with AK after a hefty pre-flop raise and a flop of K63 and a K on the turn rainbow to a guy heads-up who slow-played a set of flopped 3s and boated. When the opponent turned on me for raising so much with AK and for not thinking he had a set of 3s, I didn't know whether to laugh at his remarks and actually gambling with 3s in that spot pre-flop, cry about the loss, or vomit about the fact I would have likely not paid him off if I didn't hit trips on the turn .

I bring this up because the talk at the table shifted to this as being "another classic example of why you should never play AK aggressively". These are the people who also call me down with Qs when my AK hits because "it is a made pair"...I find a pretty high correlation between people who despise AK and people who believe that they are good with any pocket pair, even when an overcard is on the board.

LOL I love this one. I hear it every time I go to the casinos here in FL where the max buy in is 20bb at 2/5 and 10bb at 5/10.

"I BET YOU PLAY ON THE INTERNET DONT YOU?"

I should do a survey of donks; we could get evidence as to how strong this correlation is, because you're right, the same people who get tied to their middle pocket pairs are the ones who swear off AK - because the first is a "made hand" and the second is still just a draw.

Not advice, but this is pretty lol.

In a small $150ish buyin tourney at local casino:

Don't remember exact stack sizes obv, but will be close:

300-600 100 ante

UTG (t7500) raises to 1200
MP (t4500) raises all in
SB (t8000) reshoves

UTG sits and deliberates for literally 3 minutes. FINALLY shows his hand and mucks AQo.

MP shows 66 and SB shows QQ.

UTG goes crazy - "I knew it! If I could have seen your cards I would have called instantly! Then I know if I hit my Ace I'm golden!"

I had to try pretty hard not to LOL in his face.

"You should play this for a living.", in 1/2 NL.

One can probably earn at least a partial living doing this live, but I would agree that the people who usually spout this are donks who are up 2 buy-ins after a day of luck.

my favorite (or least favorite, because sometimes it starts to tilt me) is when I bet out and people criticize me...AFTER I WIN THE POT! "Why did you bet so much, i would have called you if you hadn't bet so much!" Where "so much" means any bet over about $10 in a 1/2 game, pot size be damned.

Or even better: "You should have just checked it down, then your AA could have been cracked and you'd win $100 in the promotion!" Or some variant of advising me to play weird on the off chance that "random casino daily promotion #387345" would hit me that hand.

And of course "I hate AK" or "I hate JJ". Give them to me, then, i'll play them!

27 is not the worst hand in poker....23 is....he was not talking heads up either

Oh, for sure. It's a nice side income for a student like myself.

As a career choice, however, grinding 1/2 NL sounds like a terrible idea. Let's say you play 2000 hours a year, making $18 an hour, which is pretty damn decent for 1/2 NL (Sure, you'll make more on weekends, but really, how much are you gonna make in a Monday night game with 8 other regulars on the table?). That comes to $36k, without any of the benefits of a real job, such as saving up for retirement and insurances. Add to that the limited fun of grinding 1/2 for 40 years and I don't see why anyone would WANT to play 1/2 NL for a living.

And indeed, as you said, it's usually donks that tell me that when I'm having a nice evening. Somehow they seem to assume that for decent players making $300 a night is standard. Which is good.

Playing 5-3-2 NL a guy who has been chopping from the button suddenly decides to raise.

Everybody folds and they start giving him grief as he shows his AA and says that he will chop any hand except AA. They continue to pester the button so I offer to trade seats with the big blind so he will not have to deal with this anymore.

Did I mention the button min raised?

I essentially heard that exact comment when someone called a pretty substantial all-in shove with 75o. Turns out the guy shoving "only" had AK, and sure enough, the 7 hit.

The AK took it in stride, and asked the guy "Call with 75, huh? Must like to gamble pre-flop", to which the guy responded with something similar to the above quote (and no, he was not being sarcastic, he truly meant it).

Since I was getting ready to leave, I decided to be the ass for once, and I told him I would bet $500 that, if he picked any two pre-flop hands, and I got to pick which one I wanted and which one he got, that I would win more times than not if we ran it as if it was all-in pre-flop 100 times. He turned and said "well some hands have marginal ends over others, so you'd probably end up with 55 wins, but there's no such thing as domination; I'll always take my chances."

I then decided to stay.

The AK guy decided to have some fun with me, he whipped out his i-phone and began looking for a hand that was truly 50/50. The best we came up with was 43s vs 22 where the two deuces were not of the suit that the 43 was. It was something like 48.2 vs. 47.8 with the rest being ties.

Just to be a nit to FTS:

Closest 2 overcards will be a dog to 22:

41,095,296 games 0.047 secs 874,368,000 games/sec

Board:
Dead:

equity win tie pots won pots tied
Hand 0: 49.959% 49.21% 00.75% 20222292 308574.00 { J6s }
Hand 1: 50.041% 49.29% 00.75% 20255856 308574.00 { 22 }



Closest 2 overcards is a favorite over 22:

41,095,296 games 0.046 secs 893,376,000 games/sec

Board:
Dead:

equity win tie pots won pots tied
Hand 0: 50.024% 49.72% 00.30% 20432736 124710.00 { A8s }
Hand 1: 49.976% 49.67% 00.30% 20413140 124710.00 { 22 }

It's fine. I was actually hoping that someone would give me the answer.

So the closest you can get to 50/50 is A8s vs. 22 (where I assume the 22 is of different suits)?

I'd love to see someone get exactly 50/50.

Actually:

1,712,304 games 0.005 secs 342,460,800 games/sec

Board:
Dead:

equity win tie pots won pots tied
Hand 0: 50.216% 49.92% 00.29% 854825 5027.50 { As8s }
Hand 1: 49.784% 49.49% 00.29% 847424 5027.50 { 2c2d }

22 in the first example was all 22 combination. If 22 doesn't have 1 of the A8s suited card, A8s is a small favorite, if the 22 does, then 22 is a favorite:

1,712,304 games 0.005 secs 342,460,800 games/sec

Board:
Dead:

equity win tie pots won pots tied
Hand 0: 49.832% 49.52% 00.31% 847903 5365.00 { As8s }
Hand 1: 50.168% 49.86% 00.31% 853671 5365.00 { 2c2s }

"Well, I'm done here in the sandbox, so might as well urinate in it for everybody else."

STOP BEATING YOUR BIG MANLY POKER CHESTS, PEOPLE!

You have nothing to prove!

This person is perfectly happy running "flips" with dominated hands. LET HIM BE! No, he's not going to turn into a master poker player, but he very well might fix that particular leak, or be self-conscious about it for a while. Follow the campsite rule for poker tables: leave them in as good of shape as you found them, if not better.

You are 100% right. But had I done the right thing and said nothing, there wouldn't have been a story to post (not that it excuses me going off on him). Although it wasn't being about a big manly poker player. It was more just bewilderment at such a statement / me trying to be humourous for those who actually understood things. Also, there was at least a small chance he would actually take me on my offer, so that has to mitigate it a bit.

Not really advice, but... tourist shoves from button when folded to with 40bb or so in 1-2NL. SB calls and shows AKs. Tourist has AJo, and says "O well, I'm okay with a coin flip." When asked to explain himself, he states that he has seen a lot more jacks dealt then kings in the past few hours. A J4J flop shut the table up.

1,712,304 games 0.015 secs 114,153,600 games/sec

Board:
Dead:

equity win tie pots won pots tied
Hand 0: 50.000% 02.15% 47.85% 36730 819422.00 { 4d4h }
Hand 1: 50.000% 02.15% 47.85% 36730 819422.00 { 4c4s }

I was trying to think what kind of hand matchup would be exactly 50/50, but this seems obvious now.

But it depends on whether or not more clubs have been coming out on the board lately....

Thanks.

According to your numbers (which I don't dispute) we do, just after a leisurely 18ish hour day.

On and off topic: Has anyone found themselves being the donk in these stories when you know damn well what you're spouting off isn't accurate? After hanging around the casino crowd, I find myself joining in the "7s are hot!" observation or the "I hate AK, no matter what I do with it I lose money" chant.

I think a lot of people say these things and don't really mean them, it's just a friendly way to blow off steam after you fold AK postflop or 73o scoops a monster.

This!

Last night I was spouting off about how any two cards are 50/50, they either hit, or they dont. I think I got a few of them convinced when they start to do the, "Oh, I see what your saying, yea, I can see that" kinda stuff. So, boys, careful your not being leveled out there. lol. anything I can do to dumb down the pokernation.