Funny story about a guy whose oscar winning performance of I have no clue about poker got him a sweet pot. It's long, but I think it's worth it. Cliff Notes

Guy comes to our table (2/5, min buy-in is $200). Puts down $100 in chips. Dealer informs him of the rule, and he says he didn't know that, and then asks why that's the rule, and whatnot. After a while, he says to the dealer, "okay, fine, what do most people buy in for at this table", dealer declines to answer. Player in question says, fine, all right, I'm up huge in blackjack so screw it, I'm in for whatever he has, and points to me (I'm actually not the biggest stack, but I'm over $1000 and I try to keep as many black chips as possible, so it probably looks like I have the most), and has to be explained that the max is $500, but if you win your stack can grow above that size.

So he finally buys in for $500 after this song and dance. After winning a limped pot with something wierd like 94 or 93s (it hit two pair on the flop), he says "hey, you never know with this game, two suited cards, I'll see a flop, and even if the flush don't come, you can get something like that". So there's your pretend to be a donk with stupid logic statement.

I'm suspicious, not because of what he's saying, but rather because he knows to put a chip on his cards, which seems to me a sign he's not some clueless donk.

When his wife comes over, and he gets up to talk to her, he doesn't go far away from the table, someone at the table says "boy is that dead money or what?", we all laugh, but someone else says, much quieter, "Hey he's right there, he may be able to hear you, shut up!"

So anyway, here's where it got good. There was a raise to $30, button calls, gets to clueless guy in the small blind. Big blind, (the same guy who called this player dead money), raises out of turn to $110, by using a black chip and two red chips. I suspect it was intentional, he wanted the clueless donk to know about the $105 raise before deciding whether to put in $25. But that's just speculation, it may have been accidental. So anyway, button bets out of turn. Clueless donk says "Okay, so wait, it's $110 to me?", to which the dealer clarifies it's only $25, and then two different people try to be helpful and explain the whole "big blind would be forced to raise if you just call" rule...clueless guy pretends to be royally confused, and just puts out $25 and says "That's what it is to me right now, right?" and the dealer says yes, so the clueless guy calls. This of course should have set up alarm bells (warning bells #1) - but it's lost because this guy's obviously the next Daniel Day Lewis.

Button is held to the raise to $105. UTG and the other guy fold. Gets back to the clueless guy, who turns to the guys trying to explain the rule "Ah...I see...he had to do that"...he turns to the big blind and says "That seems like a silly rule, you being forced to raise after a mistake like that...okay, I'll take a shot, only because I feel bad that you had to raise like that" (Warning bell #2, always be afraid of the "let's gamble" line)...and then grabs three chips from his stack and fires it out there. However, he has grabbed two black chips and one red chips, not one black and two reds. Dealer says "re-raise to $205", and the clueless guy says no, wait, and half-hazardly protests, claiming he meant to throw out 2 reds and a black (warning bell #3, the half-ass protest). Dealer shrugs and turns to the BB seeing if maybe he'll agree to let the clueless guy change his bet.

BB insists that hey, he was held to a rule, so too should the clueless guy...(moral of the story, don't be a dick about the rules, particularly when you're doing so to take advantage of someone you think is clueless and doesn't know the rules at all). Clueless guy pretends to be all admirable and says "You're right - rules are rules, I hear ya, is there a book I can read up on all these things later? Everything's so complicated in here, no wonder people are scared to play!"

So action goes back to the button and he says "Yeah, it's tough, sorry man...I have a real hand here, I can't just call. I'm all in", his stack is approximately $600-$700.

Clueless guy snap calls and shows pocket aces.

Big Blind's jaw drops, he gets quite flustered, and after the board runs out, takes one last look at his hand before mucking it. The table is in shock, everyone is torn between laughing and sheer amazement at what just transpired. Clueless guy stacks his chips up and smiles. He then says, with a perfect smile "Pretty good for dead money huh?". BB leaves. Clueless guy is all smiles and then says "thank god he raised to $110 - I wouldn't be able to 4bet by accident by just grabbing the wrong chips if he bet $95".

I smirk.

Now, of course this all may have been completely pointless as if BB had Queens or Kings, it's entirely possible it would have gotten in pre or post flop anyway. But if BB had AK or something, who knows.

"I play $1-$2 for a living."

Easily the most absurd thing I ever heard.

Why? Lots of people earn min wage for a living and you can easily earn more than that playing 1/2?

how does someone who suggests folding AK on the button know what a balancing range is??? i was a winning player for like 4 months before i knew what this term meant.

If he said this word for word, it's hilarious.

Great read, sir.

If I was a 22 year old with no debt, a cheap apartment, and a roommate, I could play 1-2 for a living, and I'm not even that good.

Just depends on how skeevy your definition of "a living" is.

Okay so check this one out. My roommate just came back from playing 3-6 at the local casino. Now this is a super SUPER soft game, and sometimes we half-joke that it's the worst/easiest 3-6 game in the world.

So my buddy is on the button with AJs. Raise in MP, he calls as well as a few others and the BB. Flop is 888. BB immediately bets, several callers, so my buddy calls as well.

Turn is a 3. BB bets again - at this point the pot is ~60. Two MP calls and my buddy calls again.

River comes the case 8 so my buddy has the nuts. BB leads out again, both MP fold and my friend raises to 12. She calls, turns over KK and calls my friend a dick for raising the river. The dealer ALSO said it was 'kind of a dick move.'

Seems pretty bizarre. Also worth noting is that I have played with KK chick and she's one of the worst players I've ever seen. As in capping the betting every round with air in multi-way pots.

Any thoughts here? Other than my friend crazily calling bets with A high.

Live 1-2 Tonight.

UTG + 1 limps, as do two others.

I make it 16 to go on the button with KK, and UTG + 1 calls... others fold.


Flop is 988 two tone.

Villain checks, I fire 35.

He calls.
Turn is a 3. He checks, I fire 65. He calls.

River is another 9. He donks into me for 25.

I call.

Villain shows 95s

Villain then says "You had an overpair right? I knew what you had and that I was drawing... even pre flop."

*Slow clap*

i've self harmed in live games as a result of
"oh I always lose with aces" people just calling re-raises and folding flops of like xkq saying oh they obviously have kq or pocket queens.
I've just gone in the toilets and self harmed as a result

I had a guy say that TAG is the only way to win. LOL NIT CITY

I remember at a local $5/$5 NL game there was one other guy on the table who was somewhat competent. The table of donks were discussing about how sure they were if they kept track of their AA hands they'd be down lifetime, and it's not a good hand.

The competent guy at the table goes, "well if you have AA just shove all in pre no matter what the action is in front of you or you're first to act. impossible to lose this way."

I swear I think i literally saw a light bulb go off on top of the guys head who was complaining about AA.

he was watching me play and i was telling him a few things. he still has alot of learning

I am by no means an expert on limit, but isn't your friends line like... 100% standard?

KK player is just a whiner.

ummm.... Raising the river when you have the nuts is standard.

Not raising the river when you have the nuts is fish-donk stupidity at its finest.

"No, this is a dick move."

Proceed not to tip dealer. Bonus points for hit-and-run.

I had a lady tell me the other day, as well as several times before, that raising preflop is stupid and doesn't understand why people do it. I kindly asked if she was looking for an explanation, as she was of grandmotherly age and might not understand the strategic implications, and she gave me the look of the devil and told me that I was stupid and that raising preflop was a bad play.
One could say that I was mortally shocked. I was told that my face was priceless. I then proceded to raise every single one of her BBs for the next 2 hours.

Had a guy this week who if he was in the hand on the river would say "You can't win, unless you're in." He would call with bottom pair or ace. I must have beaten him ten times in two hours. I asked him where he got that saying and he said his father taught him that. I can see them now, twenty five years ago, sitting in their double-wide, sipping their Milwaukee's Best pop top beer. "Son remember these words, "You can't win, unless you"re in" remember that and to use your food stamps on tuesday's cause the food is cheaper then.

I play with a guy who plays literally any two preflop, and is borderline offended that anyone would fold preflop in an unopened or limped pot. He loves to say "you can't win 20 if you don't put in the $2.."

He doesn't win very often.

"I never go all in because they always call"

Pretty stupid but not uncommon at all, I've heard this many times from older players. They always want to "see what the flop brings"

"No such thing as bad cards, just bad flops"

This is obviously the catch phrase of anyone over 50 that regularly plays 2/4 limit....

Back when I was young and foolish and played 3/6 limit there was an older lady who literally only raised aces - and told everyone that too.

I wish those people played NL.

Other best one is the old nits that practically SCREAM at you for 3betting with anything less than AA's and KK's. I mean 3 betting with AK is like a Sacrilege in the old nit poker bible

I love when they pat you on the head and say 'You'll learn that raising AK is silly.'