waiting for a seat, i get stuck at 50bb max 1-2 nl. a guy with about $525 limps in in the cutoff after 2 other limpers. the button makes it $5 to go (!!!!). everyone calls (obv). flop of JJ4. BB moves all in for $16. 2 callers. the big stack of 525 ends up showing AA (loses to J9) and complains for like 10 minutes how he never wins with that hand.
the guy next to me says "but you didnt raise it preflop!" (i say "shhhhh"), and the cutoff says "he would have called -- he had 3 jacks!"

we are playing 100NL.. this guy watches 3 people go all in before him ... one has AA, another has KK, another QQ.. this guy instant shoves when the action comes to him like it was for sure the correct and only move POSSIBLE.. he had 55 and wins the pot with trip fives...

20/40 LIMIT

I was just walking by when a table made me stopped.. it was already at the turn. both players have about 1500+. player a raises, player B re raises... and they do this back and forth like 10 times.... river comes... they raise and re raises.. again for like 10 times since there is no limit when its heads up.. and keeps going until the losing quits when he has about 100 bucks left...

the flip the cards over.... player a flopps the nuts... QUAD 8888
player B had pocket qq and made a full house on the turn

Ok, what the hell is going on here with the random uninteresting anecdotes that have nothing to do with the actual thread idea?

I don't find any of this funny anymore. Stupidity like this at the poker table just tilts me to no end. I get really angry when people are this stupid. Even if it means these people are definitely going to lose a lot of money, I still get ridiculously frustrated by this sort of stupidity. Just reading all of these stories made me an very uneven mix of 5% laugh 95% super angry. And watching people bet also makes me crazy. I really have to be in the right environment to even wanna play live anymore, and home games are almost out of the question unless the right people play.
Yeah we need these people to make poker profitable for us, but still they just life tilt me. I wish I could find this thread funny but I just don't anymore. Does anyone else have this problem?

Here's my best one, culled from dozens of boneheaded plays and statements made by my opponents:

Game is 2/5 NL at Borgata. My stack is roughly $1.2k. Table has been playing for about six hours with no one leaving. Other stacks range from $600 to a couple of guys with $2k+.

UTG (with about $900) raises to $35. Button (one of the big stacks, with about $2k) reraises to $135. I'm in BB, and look down at AcAs. I raise to $290.

UTG hems and haws, and shoves. Button doesn't even think about it, and reshoves. Of course, I call.

UTG has QQ.
Button has KK.
I have AA.

Flop comes 8 5 10 rainbow. Turn is the K. River bricks. Button scoops huge pot.

... Random douchenozzle to my right turns to me and says, "You shoulda folded when the button went all-in." ... Taking my beat well, I laugh. He says, "No, I'm serious, how do you put all your money in against two all-ins?" ...

He then repeats his logic to the entire table.

seems to work against me

Yes, I do. These people drive me NUTS. Do you know how many times I've wanted to punch some idiot in the head at the table for saying one of these things?

I have a sneaking suspicion that were I to explain my thinking aloud to some of you that I would get punched in the face.

I saw clips from a Latin American TV candid-camera type show where customers arrive at a mechanics shop to pick up their vehicle they dropped off earlier, only to see the car driven in by a drunk acting "employee" asking if he could borrow the car for a few more hours, etc.

Almost to a man each of the customers began beating on the poor guy, one guy kept beating on him after they told him it was a joke.

I can imagine how well this "gun" trick would go over.

I might have posted this a while ago in another thread - but anyway, at the risk of getting shot or punched in the face, here's some absurd "thinking":

1/2 NL, $200 effective stacks, there's a straddle to $4, a handful of callers, LAG in MP raises to $40, extremely tight player in LP who is stuck a bunch pushes for $200-ish, folded to raiser who tanks.

While he's tanking, MP asks, "do you want me to call" and LP guy says something like, "I'm strong, but don't want you to suck out on me" and MP begins tanking again and LP guy shows is AA, and then MP guy says, "you shouldn't dis me like that" and calls with QsJs.

After the AA holds up the QJ guy says, "I would have folded if you wouldn't have shown me the Aces, now I gotta call"

Shoot well this isn't live, but you can definitely find some funny thinking in the online micros too.
Playing .50c/1.00 minbet the other night, someone checked her big blind option with AA.
Flop comes 9 high, turn 9, 9T takes it down.

"I lost minimum."
rofl

you do know this is the Brick & Mortar forum, right?

He says it right in his post that it isnt live. I think it still applies. Almost all of the stuff in this thread i have heard online as well. It must be universal that the amount of lessons people give at the table is inversely proportional to actual poker knowledge.

yeah, I know he said that - I quoted it.

but this is the BRICK & MORTAR forum and the thread is about absurd poker "thinking" you have heard in live games.

by your logic, folks could post funny things that happened on TV Poker too.

Shouldn't this conversation take place in one of the Two Plus Two forums rather than in Brick and Mortar? Try the "About the forums" subheader.

It's still closer to the topic at hand than "I saw nut full house get cracked by quads and they put a bunch of monies in the pot."

Flop: K 3 J
Turn: Q
River: 7

I raise huge on Turn, shove on River, then the person tanks for 3 mins before calling. Person thought they just lost the hand to me when I flipped my QJ and they showed K7. Only after the table told this person they won did they say:

"It was 50/50 if you had me beat or not. So I went with my gut"

We have a two-fer'. One for showing the aces and one for the caller.

This story is about one of those typicall people who Say/argue/think they are the greatest poker player (at every table they ever play at). this dude has not EVER won any of our weekly friday night fish tank of a tourney, and has not once ever left the B&M with a single penny in his wallet. Its 1/2 NL at the local casino i've been for maybe 4 hours and see him show up. blah blah blah,
the board was AT7A9. i lead out hard on every street. he folds the river and shows me A2. i smile at him and turn over JTs and he flips out. then he starts ranting about how he was worried about his kicker(fair statement) but then mentions that if he at least had A4, he would've called. i laugh harder and tell him that it doesnt improve his hand his kicker is still on the board. in order for any A to have been better(other than makin a boat) he would need A8/J/Q/K and he laughs at me calls me stupid and that A4 is better than A2 and that i should pay more attention.

I hope you apologized and said "you're right" after that

MK7749 started it, and we're still trying to figure out what he said.

Star City Sydney, 1-2. UTG opens for $14, one off the button makes it 45. Button, an acquaintance of mine whom i met through pub poker events lifts his cards up so we can all see it. Aces, he mucks. I stand there in astonishment as AJ rivers a straight and he explains to us all about how the others had his outs and thats how you make a sick lay down...

the 20 game at aces

2/5 at Taj last week. I raise preflop middle position with AsJs. Flop comes 7h 10h Ac. I bet out $50. Immediately raised to $100 - One more caller - I call behind.

Turn is a 6c - First to act checks, I check, button makes it $250. UTG goes into the tank for at least 5 minutes, messing with chips, etc... he only has about $275 infront of him) finally CALLS. I insta-muck. River comes a Jd

Board is now: 7h 10h Ac 6d Jd

UTG checks river - Button pushes out $100 to cover remaining chips of UTG. Back into the tank for another 5 minutes - clock is called.. finally he throws his remaining $25 into the pot and flips over 8h9h.

WTF? Everyone asks "What could you possibly be thinking about? You flopped the straight flush draw, and turned the straight... you had the nuts"

"I was afraid he might have had a straight flush"..