That looks like a 9 high straight flush to me. Take out a heart and you have a 10 high straight

This.

If you must say something, just agree with them when they make an idiotic play -- "Yeah, you definitely had to call there.", "Nothing you could do about that.", etc.

This.

I am such a donkey. I love all this stuff and am sure I make as many errors... you guys would just love to play me!! Great thread.

This morning in cheap game...

JdTd one caller to the BB and I am in late position raising 3*BB (my standard raise in this game)

BB calls as does first caller

Pot 3c Ts 4s

I raise 1/2 pot after a check and see fold call.

Turn 3s

Ok I know a flush is sitting in front of me but feel I need to show some continuity and bet 1/3 pot. He re-raises me what I put in and I figure he has the flush to my 2 pair. I know I am pretty much on a 2 outer (I have not discounted the fact he may have a 3) but have large implied odds (in my carrot chewing donkey mind) so I call.

River is Tc making my boat.

He puts in a raise of the blind. I re-raise 10* that and he re-raises so I push all in thinking no way he called on the flop with trip 3's and suddenly has got all aggressive on me. He calls.

He turns 5h 3h for 3's over T's and I more than double up.

Feel free to rip me a new one for my errors... it will help me learn!

Playing in a bounty tournament last night and i flop TPTK after turn board shows Q56T. River comes 2. put him on maybe any ten so bet 8500 of my remaining 18000. guy just calls and shows 34 for the nuts. could have won himself an extra £25 cause i probably would have called rest of stack. I asked why didnt you move in on me and get my bounty he said i knew i wasnt gettin anymore out of you I went on to knock him out lol

YOU JUST RIPPED HIM A NEW ONE, good one sir. well played

nice try. But where I come from a straight flush is not the same thing as a straight.

like steamboatin', I like to throw a bunch of smart-sounding B/S out there sometimes. One night, playing fairly deep, I raise UTG about 6x blind, it's folded (strange in and of itself) to button who over-raises the pot, and says, "watch out, I have position on you". Blinds go away, and I mumble, "Position is only for LIMIT holdem, it's over-rated in No Limit". He then says, "Where did you hear that? That's stupid".

So I push. and grin.

I had a similar hand playing $3/6 limit back in the glory days of Party Poker. Villain open-raises in EP, I 3-bet with QQ in late position, villain caps. Flop is something like QJ7. Next three rounds go donk/raise/RR/cap, with a final board of QJ732. My top set of queens is the nuts. Villain shows AA, of course.

Another glory PP hand, either $2/4 or $3/6: 6 or 7 handed preflop, I'm in the blind holding Ace-rag. Flop comes down 333, and is checked around. Turn is the case 3. I bet out, and get five callers. I bet out again on the river, bet three callers, one guy folds, one guy raises. I 3-bet, and one of the middle callers whines in the chat box about "hey, stop raising, all you are doing is raising the rake in a split pot!". Five(!) people get to showdown on a capped river. The three of us with the nut Ace kicker split the pot.

After a pause, one of the non-ace callers types "ooooohh... I'm a moron".

I hear this one all the time.... someone raises from UTG then 2 callers then CO calls 10x bb with J4 off in a 50bb capped game becuase hes PRICED IN!

I don't play limit poker ever but is this really THAT terrible of play by AA?

I thought the "online poker is rigged" discussions on two plus two were just a joke, but....

Tonight at the casino they start up with an "online poker is rigged" discussion. The dealer is in on it talking about this hand he saw. One guy to my left says he paid $450 for some software that tracks your hands and after 2000 hands or so it can predict what cards will be dealt because all the poker sites use a random number generator which is exploitable. Now if they would only make one of those predictors for the state lottery....

It really is THAT terrible.

Playing 5-150 and 2 players get into a raising war on the river. Guy sitting to my right who has the whole get up going (ipod, sunglasses, hat) tells me that the aggressor in the pot either has "the joint" or 72. I ask why those are the only 2 possiblities and he says "well when you bet, you have the nuts or nothing".

Well, put yourself in his shoes. Let's say you have AA (I have aces, woo!). Flop comes QJ7. You bet, the lone opponent on the button raises, you re-raise, and he caps. Turn is a 3. You donk bet into the button, he raises, you re-raise, and he caps. River 2. You bet, the guy on the button raises. The button has now raised and re-raised on the flop, raised and re-raised on the turn, and raised again on the river. What does he have?

Mr. AA dropped the max $72 on the hand because he couldn't think beyond omfg I got AA he can't beat me omfg.

Casual NLHE home game, 5 handed:

I raise KQs from UTG to 4xBBs on the first hand.
The whole table calls.

Flop is JT4 rainbow.

I bet a little under the pot and get 1 caller, everyone else folds.
A on the turn, I bet around the pot again, he calls.
Brick on the river, I bet around the pot again, he calls.

One of the guys (he's about 20 years older than me) who folded on the flop looks at me with the most serious face possible and says "Listen Shoe Lace, how can you bet so much when you have nothing? Wtf you only saw 2 out of the 7 cards. You must be one of those lucky players".

Then about 90 minutes later a different guy makes this comment towards me... "Man you're playing so tight than you're ruining the game for everyone, seriously just play more hands. We're playing every hand so you should play too, you never know you might win more".

At this point I've honestly played like 40% of my hands (I pretty much played every hand from the button/LP) and encapsulated myself into a fortress of chip stacks.

Coming from playing 99.9% of my games online I wish I lived closer to a casino. I didn't know poker players like this existed.

This would have been about 1000 times more awesome if you weren't subbing your nick and he had actually called you a shoe lace.

Next game I'm at I'm gonna drop that line, it's golden. "Listen, shoelace, how can you bet so much when you have nothing?"

And yes, FYI I play against players like this in a home game 5 handed about 2-3 times a week, and 7-8 handed for higher stakes about once a month. I'm guessing its slightly more common to have this type of player at home than in a casino, although not by much.

Heh, agreed. It wasn't until after I read the post that I realized it was his handle.

Sounds like 30s gangster speak.

About halfway through the turn bet-raise-reraise-cap sequence, I start to ponder the possibility that maybe this guy flopped a set, I might want to check-and-call with my aces just in case he did.

And I suck at LHE.

one night in wild live game after a certain player got rivered for the 3rd time by a lesser hand he finally snaps and berates the dealer, asking why is he constantly getting shafted on the river. Then he says, "I should just play online, you don't see that kind of stuff".

I've yet to ask if he was serious or not. But I think he was.

3-6 Limit hold'em, action unimportant before the river. 8 people to the river. The river board was A,K,Q,J,10 rainbow (may not have come out in that order).

Action: Check, check, check, bet, call, call, call, call, call, call, raise, reraise, call, call, call, fold, call, call ...

But how high does that even register on the "absurd" level?

Funny thread =)

I played in Vancouver @ a 1-2 table, and this guy tries to convince the table to read the fine print of poker sites. He said that he read it himself where fulltilt says that they are allowed to hold back 2 cards from a deck and give it to anyone in order to create more action... WTF?

=)

Well, you inspired me. Took a very small amount of artistic discretion with the dialog:

http://www.xtranormal.com/watch?e=20090319175516887

Enjoy.

-regression-

^^ Awesome.