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Old 07-22-2008, 10:19 AM   #101
mazjr13
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Re: Ima Try Be a real TOOL this Saturday Night when I play POKER

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Originally Posted by Elbow Jobertski View Post
When heads up on the river and your opponent shows his hand make up some completely weird reason to argue his hand is dead, like he threw his face up hand forward and it touched a board card. Don't take no for an answer, insist on the floor coming over, argue with the floor over the "rule" and how you saw the same thing on TV and how you play in the WSOP and saw this happen and this cardroom is a joke for not declaring his hand dead.

Once you have pushed your luck as far as it will go, turn your winning hand face up.
ZOMG! This ones soooooo amazing.
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Old 07-22-2008, 10:35 AM   #102
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Re: Ima Try Be a real TOOL this Saturday Night when I play POKER

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Originally Posted by ekabe View Post
or.. keep all your chips in the smallest denomination. when you raise, manually count each chip - if someone tells you the dealer will do it, tell them you've been cheated before and want to be careful - proceed to act like you lost the count because they disturbed you
Hold your chips in your hand, and as you're counting, drop each chip out with your thumb into a pile in front of you. When you're finally done, push the pile past the betting line.

"How much is it? $10? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10..... I raise... 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 *grab more chips* 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11. What? This is not a string bet the line is right there! Now I've lost count. *pick up pile* How much is it? $10? 1, 2, 3..."

* Witnessed this event over the weekend.
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Old 07-22-2008, 11:19 PM   #103
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Re: Ima Try Be a real TOOL this Saturday Night when I play POKER

*Forget* to post your BB. Ensure the dealer needs to ask you a 2nd time after he has finished dealing the cards. When he does, look down at your cards. Announce how your cards are terrible (make sure you say it so the whole table understands you have a terrible hand), and attempt to fold.

When the dealer tells you that you are the BB and you do not have to fold, wait for the action to come back around to you. Announce "I raise" loudly, and throw out a healthy size raise. (This works better if you have a good hand. Nobody at your table will believe you have a good hand, or you will confuse the hell out of most of the table at least)
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Old 07-23-2008, 12:29 AM   #104
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Re: Ima Try Be a real TOOL this Saturday Night when I play POKER

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that was one of the funniest posts i have read

Hysterical post. I want to try being a complete dick at the table just to see how it goes.
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Old 07-23-2008, 01:53 AM   #105
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Re: Ima Try Be a real TOOL this Saturday Night when I play POKER

Just tell them you're name is Captain America obv.
Where American Flag attire though.
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Old 07-23-2008, 02:10 AM   #106
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Re: Ima Try Be a real TOOL this Saturday Night when I play POKER

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ok, one more. See, the problem I'm having is I can't figure out how to make these short and still properly convey the fine details of the event that are needed to maximize the tooliness.

Hide your cards from the table. After the flop watch with incredulous annoyance as the dealer doesn't see your cards, raps the table twice, double checks the action, and then puts out the turn, and the first player bets, the next guy folds, and the dealer starts to push the pot. Then ask "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? I HAVE CARDS!"...

...When the dealer tries to straighten it out without calling the floor, and the first player says to you "I'll do whatever you want here" state "fine... I want you to fold your hand and I want the dealer to push me the pot." When the other guy laughs thinking it's a joke, glare at him and state loudly and menacingly "YOU SAID YOU'D DO WHATEVER I WANT...I WANT YOU TO FOLD YOUR CARDS." When the kid says "uhhhh.... no... call the floor" state he's a lying POS and you expect him to be true to his word...

...When the floor comes over and incorrectly as hell lets you keep your cards, despite all the action, and calls for a new turn, tell the floor he's a moron and repeat that the pot rightfully belongs to you. Go all in when a completely different turn hits, and then glare at the bastard kid who folds face up his two suited cards that the original turn had made into a flush, and call him a name.
I ****ing hate people.
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