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Old 07-19-2008, 09:00 AM   #26
gongshow
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Re: Ima Try Be a real TOOL this Saturday Night when I play POKER

The idea about min-raising your BB every time it gets limped to you is gold. Nothing frustrates a table full of reg nits more and I guarantee this will get you action.

However, it's even funnier when you make it like a dollar or 2 more than a min raise you will be shocked that some people will actually fold. I play this delightful game all the time.
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Old 07-19-2008, 09:01 AM   #27
kamo
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Re: Ima Try Be a real TOOL this Saturday Night when I play POKER

I lmao pretty hard for some of these, but if I was in the table and someone is doing this ****, I probably would think 'em as a scumbags, so you're in the right track m8.
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Old 07-19-2008, 09:03 AM   #28
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Re: Ima Try Be a real TOOL this Saturday Night when I play POKER

BBV/NVG?
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Old 07-19-2008, 10:06 AM   #29
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Re: Ima Try Be a real TOOL this Saturday Night when I play POKER

My friend did this once:
Every time he raked in a pot (no matter the size), he got up to shake hands with the loser(s).
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Old 07-19-2008, 10:25 AM   #30
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Re: Ima Try Be a real TOOL this Saturday Night when I play POKER

Make sure everyone knows that you play live because online is rigged and the best hand never holds up online. Wait, oh you said tool...with the above you'll have everyone nodding in agreement with you.
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Old 07-19-2008, 12:32 PM   #31
CaptainAAmerica
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Re: Ima Try Be a real TOOL this Saturday Night when I play POKER

Quote:
Originally Posted by VanGoghsLeftEar View Post
My friend did this once:
Every time he raked in a pot (no matter the size), he got up to shake hands with the loser(s).
w00t gotta love this one, it makes the list for sure
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Old 07-19-2008, 03:11 PM   #32
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Re: Ima Try Be a real TOOL this Saturday Night when I play POKER

If someone calls with bad odds and loses to you at showdown, look at their cards real hard then look up at the ceiling, pause a second and say "I'm just checking to see if there's a Beginners Only sign above the table"

If a guy sucks out say, you play real good--does your husband play too? (And vice-versa)

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Old 07-19-2008, 06:38 PM   #33
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Re: Ima Try Be a real TOOL this Saturday Night when I play POKER

tell everybody that u'd win every time if there was no luck in poker...
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Old 07-19-2008, 06:52 PM   #34
Marzipan
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Re: Ima Try Be a real TOOL this Saturday Night when I play POKER

...or continually tell bad beat stories or tell one then repeat it an hour later

...fart and burp continually and loudly

...encroach upon other people's personal space by using your legs and elbows

...ask each player at the table how much they're playing with every few hands
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Old 07-19-2008, 07:01 PM   #35
TightyMcTight
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Re: Ima Try Be a real TOOL this Saturday Night when I play POKER

#82: Every time you leave the poker room for whatever reason come back and tell the whole table how you just hit a jackpot on the slots or picked up a few hundred playing blackjack
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Old 07-19-2008, 07:49 PM   #36
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Re: Ima Try Be a real TOOL this Saturday Night when I play POKER

Instead of acting like a tool because you hate all these tools, just walk into oncoming traffic, and then maybe they'll go follow your lead.
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Old 07-19-2008, 08:09 PM   #37
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Re: Ima Try Be a real TOOL this Saturday Night when I play POKER

Quote:
Originally Posted by Malucci View Post
Instead of acting like a tool because you hate all these tools, just walk into oncoming traffic, and then maybe they'll go follow your lead.
This is a good example of being a message board tool
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Old 07-19-2008, 09:18 PM   #38
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Re: Ima Try Be a real TOOL this Saturday Night when I play POKER

#315: "I said top top!"
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Old 07-19-2008, 09:37 PM   #39
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Re: Ima Try Be a real TOOL this Saturday Night when I play POKER

Whenever its on you say "I bet juan meeyon" then "I always wanted to say that"

warning: be sure not to have over $1,000,000.00 on the table at the time since verbal declarations are binding

AW
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Old 07-19-2008, 10:01 PM   #40
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Re: Ima Try Be a real TOOL this Saturday Night when I play POKER

Don't bathe or brush your teeth for a few days prior.
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Old 07-19-2008, 10:31 PM   #41
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Re: Ima Try Be a real TOOL this Saturday Night when I play POKER

Don't.
Stop.
Talking.
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Old 07-19-2008, 11:02 PM   #42
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Re: Ima Try Be a real TOOL this Saturday Night when I play POKER

Quote:
Originally Posted by BigBuffet View Post
If someone calls with bad odds and loses to you at showdown, look at their cards real hard then look up at the ceiling, pause a second and say "I'm just checking to see if there's a Beginners Only sign above the table"

If a guy sucks out say, you play real good--does your husband play too? (And vice-versa)


The above are both brilliant and scintillating. Will you be accusing anyone of collusion as well?
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Old 07-19-2008, 11:10 PM   #43
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Re: Ima Try Be a real TOOL this Saturday Night when I play POKER

Shaking hands with the loser is gold, love that.

Everytime you're in a 2 or 3-way pot make sure to ask how much chips someone has (when it's raised) so they'll have to count. Then just fold. Or minraise.
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Old 07-20-2008, 12:41 AM   #44
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Re: Ima Try Be a real TOOL this Saturday Night when I play POKER

Quote:
Originally Posted by 3Rivers View Post
sit next to the jackpot drop and when you win a hand emphatically thank the dealer as you drop two cards in the jackpot slot.
FYP, I've always wanted to do this.
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Old 07-20-2008, 01:03 AM   #45
outro
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Re: Ima Try Be a real TOOL this Saturday Night when I play POKER

Quote:
Originally Posted by BigBuffet View Post
If someone calls with bad odds and loses to you at showdown, look at their cards real hard then look up at the ceiling, pause a second and say "I'm just checking to see if there's a Beginners Only sign above the table"

If a guy sucks out say, you play real good--does your husband play too? (And vice-versa)


this is the winner, i will be sure to use it next time i play
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Old 07-20-2008, 01:06 AM   #46
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Re: Ima Try Be a real TOOL this Saturday Night when I play POKER

I know: I'll completely miss the point of the OP, that it's a commentary on behavior in brick and mortar games and in fact is not low content. And I'll post a mildly rude public comment to that effect.

Oh, wait: that's what I'll do next time I'm a moderator. At the casino, I'll just follow the advice given in this thread.
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Old 07-20-2008, 01:08 PM   #47
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Re: Ima Try Be a real TOOL this Saturday Night when I play POKER

From Vegas daily tourney play come these excellent ideas...

-- Bring your own little shark with you and regularly do your own rendition of Best of Humberto.

-- Hide yourself in your hoodie after every large bet.

-- At every possible opportunity, loudly state "the kiddie game is DOWWWWN the street."

-- When the blinds are 1000/2000 and will double in 3 minutes, and you're short stack, wait until it is your turn to look at your cards pre-flop. Then when the action gets to you, first slowly stare at each player around the table, carefully examine the bets already on the table, and SlOwLy, oh so slowly, look at one card. Then make a comment about the quality of said card ("oh baby" is a bit tired...be more creative) and smile at the entire table. SLOOOWLY look at the next card and jump around when you see it and make random comments about how well it fit the other. Then restudy the entire table and comment about how this one is a toughy. Then fold.

-- Do the above on the next hand. When asked by the players and dealers to knock it the hell off, explain to them that you will do as you please, that you are paying just as much rake as they are, and that you'll stop if they can show you in the rule book where it says you're doing something wrong.

-- Play a hand blind. And be sure you tell the entire table, repeatedly, that you are playing blind. You haven't looked at your cards yet. You don't know what you have. You still haven't looked. Then when someone at the far end of the table says "he hasn't looked at his cards yet" scream at them "DUDE, SHUT UP--ONE PLAYER TO A HAND--That's information they are not entitled to." (I am *NOT* making this one up...The Orleans can be a strange place.)

From cash game play I bring you:

-- Sit down at a table with lots of room. Tell your neighbor, who is not in your space, to get out of your space. He will probably move about 0.5" trying to be accommodating. Tell them again, more emphatically and impolitely, "get your stuff out of my playing space". When they won't move any more, whine at the dealer. When the dealer rolls his eyes, storm off and drag the floor back by the tie and point and tell him to make that person move. When he floor tells you to get a life, become indignant (you'll be very good at this since you obviously get told a lot that you're a tool, and you always become indignant about it).

-- Wait until you're a cute 80 year old little old lady and sit down to play 2/4 with your social security check. When you get check-raised on the turn, scream obscenities as your throw your cards off the table.

-- When you're losing, repeatedly tell the dealer "thanks a lot for that." Continue to "thank" the dealer for several minutes. Comment on what a "great" dealer he is. Lose again and throw your cards off the table. Then start throwing your cards into other people's cards on the far end of the table every time you fold. When told to stop, fold by moving your cards forward from the 3 seat 0.5". When asked to please push the cards forward, explain "I'm only doing what you told me to do...you're such a good dealer you shouldn't have any trouble with this." Lose again. Tell the dealer "go back to China you effing <insert_slur_here>." Claim you did absolutely nothing and have no idea what anyone is talking about when the floor is called. When told to leave, tell the floor you're a diamond card holder and you know the VP of something at Harrah's and will have his job for this.

...ok... Tired of typing. The list is endless.
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Old 07-20-2008, 01:25 PM   #48
idlikeadrinkplease
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Re: Ima Try Be a real TOOL this Saturday Night when I play POKER

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimbo View Post
Sounds like a primer in tilt control would be more helpful to your winrate.

Jimbo
I think OP is being sarcastic. but then again, I tend to have a level 3 sense of humor....
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Old 07-20-2008, 01:29 PM   #49
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Re: Ima Try Be a real TOOL this Saturday Night when I play POKER

When it looks like the hand will win the bad beat jack pot and you are not involved, say real loud so that everyone can hear you, including all the floor people that it looks like a Bad Beat Jackpot hand is in the works so everyone should just check it down, so no one will fold and lose the bad beat chance......(be careful with this one...if there is a bad beat jackpot hand you will have just voided it and someone may stab you with the plastic fork they are using to eat their really smelly food)

Also where are you going to play, I want to watch.
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Old 07-20-2008, 02:08 PM   #50
FondueBar
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Re: Ima Try Be a real TOOL this Saturday Night when I play POKER

Here's one I personally saw at the Borgata that could translate well to a lot of places:

Find a table with several players who are members of ethnic minorities that look vaguely similar (for example, several Asian players who may or may not be of different Asian ethnic groups; this of course only works if you are not Asian yourself). Every time you get involved in a pot with them, comment on how they are "Chinese" and how "these Chinese players keep raising." Of course, use a word more offensive than just "Chinese." Then, if another member of that ethnic minority sits at the table, turn to the first white guy you see and say "how many f***in' Chinese people have you seen here tonight?". Then when an offended player finally calls the floor, challenge him to go outside with you as security is dragging you away.

(For anyone who doesn't know sarcasm when they see it, I'm relating this story because it was probably the most uncomfortable I've ever felt at the poker table. If you want to be a tool, being a racist and then asking others to join you in your racism is probably the height of tool-ness.)
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