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Old 07-18-2008, 08:14 PM   #1
CaptainAAmerica
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Ima Try Be a real TOOL this Saturday Night when I play POKER

...cause never tried it before and I just think it would be fun.

Im open to all reasonable further suggestions because I really am getting sick of always being a nice guy at the table, and have come to suspect it is seriously hurting my win rate. Besides that, a lot of poker players deserve it so whatever, make the suggestons good please and Ill do my best to put them into practice and give you all a trip report next week. Yes a bonafide trip report will be provided in exchange for your ideas on how to be a real tool next time I play.

creative idea #1:

Be looking around for the cocktaill waitress at the showdown when it is my turn to show the winner and try to call her over from a couple tables away to place an order. Briefly pretend not to hear that everone is telling me to show my cards as I make sure to catch her eye and try to ortder from two tables away. Shake my head before turning over the winner, and say "Sorr-eee" in a voice sounding like lead.

creative idea #2:

Hold my winning cards up by the side of my head between thumb and two fingers and slowly spread them to reveal the second card while staring into my opponents eyes with a look of total scorn

creative idea #3:

After the hand, casualy "notice" and comment to a player not involved in the hand, that if an opponents card were slightly different, he woulda had the winner ("if those were the two red sevens he woulda had the straight flush!")

creative idea #4:

Develop an especially annoying type of laugh and use it often

creative idea #5:

Keep bringing up a big pot someone lost and verbally replaying the hand every ten or 15 minutes or so after it happened. Do it agaim two hours later for good measure

creative idea #6:

Smirk and try not to laugh under my breath after witnessing a truly horrible beat. Do it again during each of the next few hands and appear to be trying to not let it show. Glance a few times at the bad beat victim a half hour later and try (somwhat unsuccesssfuly) not to laugh.

creative idea #8:

While waiting on the blinds, step a few feet back from the table behind a recent bad beat victim and call up a poker friend to tell him the incredible hand I witnessed just a few minutes ago. Of course be standing mostly behind the bad beatee so he can hear the story all over again. Be just far enough away that he doesnt think its on purpose.

Well thats about a wrap for now, I'll be looking forward to all your suggestons before tomorrow night. And believe me youre suggestons wont be going to waste. Im convinced being too nice ogf a guy is hurting my win rate and I am sick of all these scumbags I play with at the cardroom anyway.

Thanks for any really good suggestons in advance. Im going to take the best suggeston offered and do it at least twice, also. The trip report will be here by Monday assuming I dont play two days straight around the clock.

P.S. its important that they dont think Im really doing these things on purpose or much of the good effect will be lost. So all suggestons have to be good in effect but not totally obvious. Like some of the above suggestons I can get away with by sort of pretending to not be paying much attenton or by sipping my drink when I do it.

creative idea # 9: lean back my head and close my eyes like Im tired and then start to smile like a suppressed laugh like I thought of something funny. Of course right after a horrible beat someone took.

#10: ask the dealer to show the losing hand in a monster pot that Im not even in. Ask it in a loud demanding and accusatory-sounding tone.

Last edited by CaptainAAmerica; 07-18-2008 at 08:24 PM. Reason: spelling, and added #10
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Old 07-18-2008, 08:48 PM   #2
TheJunkyardGod
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Re: Ima Try Be a real TOOL this Saturday Night when I play POKER

Just wear headphones and constantly ask whats going on. Everyone else seems to do that.
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Old 07-18-2008, 08:52 PM   #3
J23Smith
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Re: Ima Try Be a real TOOL this Saturday Night when I play POKER

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Originally Posted by TheJunkyardGod View Post
Just wear headphones and constantly ask whats going on. Everyone else seems to do that.
Yes, do this and wear a pair of sunglasses. Maybe a football jersey.
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Old 07-18-2008, 08:54 PM   #4
TheJunkyardGod
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Re: Ima Try Be a real TOOL this Saturday Night when I play POKER

Actually, a better idea would be to NOT act like a tool at the table.

There's far too many actual Tools to deal with. We don't need actors too.
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Old 07-18-2008, 08:57 PM   #5
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Re: Ima Try Be a real TOOL this Saturday Night when I play POKER

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Originally Posted by TheJunkyardGod View Post
Just wear headphones and constantly ask whats going on. Everyone else seems to do that.
There are very few things more annoying than this.
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Old 07-18-2008, 09:02 PM   #6
CaptainAAmerica
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Re: Ima Try Be a real TOOL this Saturday Night when I play POKER

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheJunkyardGod View Post
Actually, a better idea would be to NOT act like a tool at the table.

There's far too many actual Tools to deal with. We don't need actors too.
Im tired of being the nice guy at the table and as I said I beleive it hurts my win rate. Now I just want to out-tool the tools. Im not kidding, poker players mostly annoy the hell out of me nowdays and I want to give them a good dose of there own medicine.
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Old 07-18-2008, 09:07 PM   #7
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Re: Ima Try Be a real TOOL this Saturday Night when I play POKER

When you go make sure your medical coverage is up to date and wear a cup.


please post a trip report and don't leave out the richly deserved ass whipping and or being 86'd by the casino....
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Old 07-18-2008, 09:48 PM   #8
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Re: Ima Try Be a real TOOL this Saturday Night when I play POKER

Here's another suggestion: go to a table where one of the dealers is from another country, and learn to say some things in their native language. I love when dealers don't enforce the English-only rule because they're one of the people speaking a different language at the table.
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Old 07-18-2008, 09:52 PM   #9
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Re: Ima Try Be a real TOOL this Saturday Night when I play POKER

Quote:
Originally Posted by CaptainAAmerica View Post
Im tired of being the nice guy at the table and as I said I beleive it hurts my win rate. Now I just want to out-tool the tools. Im not kidding, poker players mostly annoy the hell out of me nowdays and I want to give them a good dose of there own medicine.
Sounds like a primer in tilt control would be more helpful to your winrate.

Jimbo
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Old 07-18-2008, 09:53 PM   #10
TheJunkyardGod
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Re: Ima Try Be a real TOOL this Saturday Night when I play POKER

Quote:
Originally Posted by CaptainAAmerica View Post
Im tired of being the nice guy at the table and as I said I beleive it hurts my win rate. Now I just want to out-tool the tools. Im not kidding, poker players mostly annoy the hell out of me nowdays and I want to give them a good dose of there own medicine.
It's not a matter of being "the nice guy" at the table. I'm not sure how acting like a jerk will help your win rate but I guess go ahead.
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Old 07-18-2008, 10:07 PM   #11
onoble
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Re: Ima Try Be a real TOOL this Saturday Night when I play POKER

that was one of the funniest posts i have read
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Old 07-19-2008, 12:28 AM   #12
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Re: Ima Try Be a real TOOL this Saturday Night when I play POKER

lol funny thread. A couple more:

#12 Play your normal game (or non-game) except when you're in the BB, be a complete ass. Always be watching the TV, etc. Make the dealer always ask twice to put your blind. When it's your action always ask "Is it on me?" If there's a raise always ask "Who raised?" Finally, if it was limped around to you, ALWAYS make a minimum raise.

#13 When you leave for the night, tell the dealer to hold your seat.
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Old 07-19-2008, 12:34 AM   #13
TheJunkyardGod
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Re: Ima Try Be a real TOOL this Saturday Night when I play POKER

Also, if you're playing Limit, always ask "how much is it to me?" and "how much can I raise"


Or just go all in.
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Old 07-19-2008, 01:04 AM   #14
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Re: Ima Try Be a real TOOL this Saturday Night when I play POKER

Great post OP. #9 made me laugh the most.
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Old 07-19-2008, 01:10 AM   #15
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Re: Ima Try Be a real TOOL this Saturday Night when I play POKER

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheJunkyardGod View Post
Also, if you're playing Limit, always ask "how much is it to me?" and "how much can I raise"


Or just go all in.
haha this.... play limit and say all in whenever u feel
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Old 07-19-2008, 01:26 AM   #16
3Rivers
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sit next to the jackpot drop and when you win a hand emphatically thank the dealer as you drop two chips in the jackpot slot.
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Old 07-19-2008, 02:20 AM   #17
BigBuffet
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Re: Ima Try Be a real TOOL this Saturday Night when I play POKER

Quote:
Originally Posted by stargazer View Post
#13 When you leave for the night, tell the dealer to hold your seat.
I do that all the time
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Old 07-19-2008, 02:28 AM   #18
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Re: Ima Try Be a real TOOL this Saturday Night when I play POKER

Quote:
Originally Posted by CaptainAAmerica View Post
I'm open to all reasonable further suggestions because I really am getting sick of always being a nice guy at the table, and have come to suspect it is seriously hurting my win rate.

Besides that, a lot of poker players deserve it so whatever, make the suggestons good please and Ill do my best to put them into practice and give you all a trip report next week. Yes a bonafide trip report will be provided in exchange for your ideas on how to be a real tool next time I play.

creative idea #1:

Be looking around for the cocktaill waitress at the showdown when it is my turn to show the winner...

creative idea #2:

Hold my winning cards up by the side of my head between thumb and two fingers and slowly spread them to reveal the second card while staring into my opponents eyes with a look of total scorn

creative idea #3:

After the hand, casualy "notice" and comment to a player not involved in the hand, that if an opponents card were slightly different, he woulda had the winner

creative idea #4:

Develop an especially annoying type of laugh and use it often

creative idea #5:

Keep bringing up a big pot someone lost and verbally replaying the hand every ten or 15 minutes or so after it happened. Do it agaim two hours later for good measure

creative idea #6:

Smirk and try not to laugh under my breath after witnessing a truly horrible beat. Do it again during each of the next few hands and appear to be trying to not let it show. Glance a few times at the bad beat victim a half hour later and try (somwhat unsuccesssfuly) not to laugh.

creative idea #8:

While waiting on the blinds, step a few feet back from the table behind a recent bad beat victim and call up a poker friend to tell him the incredible hand I witnessed just a few minutes ago.

creative idea # 9: lean back my head and close my eyes like Im tired and then start to smile like a suppressed laugh like I thought of something funny. Of course right after a horrible beat someone took.

#10: ask the dealer to show the losing hand in a monster pot that Im not even in. Ask it in a loud demanding and accusatory-sounding tone.
wtf happened to #7

Pretty funny Capt.A I'm going to print these out in addition to others' suggestions.

These ideas are good for Tags to do to increase action. At live 10-player final tables where only 9 get paid, but a unanimous vote will give the first player out their entry fee back I vote No just to piss everyone off and make them want to come after me. Then I just trap them one by one.
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Old 07-19-2008, 03:32 AM   #19
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Re: Ima Try Be a real TOOL this Saturday Night when I play POKER

CaptainAAmerica - there is a low content thread for posts like your op, please use it in the future.

okthanksbye.
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Old 07-19-2008, 06:44 AM   #20
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Re: Ima Try Be a real TOOL this Saturday Night when I play POKER

Say "okthanksbye" every time someone leaves the table.
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Old 07-19-2008, 06:51 AM   #21
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Re: Ima Try Be a real TOOL this Saturday Night when I play POKER

#34 Strike up conversations with people around you and continue them while they are involved in hands. If you're involved in conversation with someone not in a hand, turn to someone that IS in the hand and ask them what they think about whatever it is you're talking about.

#53 Offer to "buy" a beer for one of your table companions, and when the waitress comes back with two beers, give her $1 and say, "this is for both of us."

#35 Talk about, "when I played in the main event with Chris Ferguson...."

#40 If someone should happen to lose with aces, be sure to comment on how much you hate aces and how you figure its best just to raise a lot with them so that they don't get cracked.
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Old 07-19-2008, 06:54 AM   #22
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Re: Ima Try Be a real TOOL this Saturday Night when I play POKER

#29 If you get called on a bluff, be sure to say something like, "YOU CALLED WITH XX!!!!! JESUS! you are bad." Alternatively, if you get called light and your one pair is good, say, "What the hell did you call with!!! I thought I was bluffing!!!"

Oh, and be sure to snort.
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Old 07-19-2008, 06:57 AM   #23
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Re: Ima Try Be a real TOOL this Saturday Night when I play POKER

oh, and you MUST work in a few slow rolls.

#65 Try a table tap... a pause... then turn over both cards, but so that only one card which isn't good enough to win is shown... a pause, then slide the other card out and slowly tap your winning cards while looking your opponent in the eye with a thoughtful/meaningful/serious look.
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Old 07-19-2008, 07:02 AM   #24
Kevroc
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Re: Ima Try Be a real TOOL this Saturday Night when I play POKER

Call "clock" everytime someone takes more than 15 seconds to act.
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Old 07-19-2008, 07:52 AM   #25
CaptainAAmerica
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Re: Ima Try Be a real TOOL this Saturday Night when I play POKER

Quote:
Originally Posted by CardSharpCook View Post
#34 Strike up conversations with people around you and continue them while they are involved in hands. If you're involved in conversation with someone not in a hand, turn to someone that IS in the hand and ask them what they think about whatever it is you're talking about.

#53 Offer to "buy" a beer for one of your table companions, and when the waitress comes back with two beers, give her $1 and say, "this is for both of us."

#35 Talk about, "when I played in the main event with Chris Ferguson...."

#40 If someone should happen to lose with aces, be sure to comment on how much you hate aces and how you figure its best just to raise a lot with them so that they don't get cracked.

CardSharpCook has the winning suggestions so far
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