We've all been there. A really fishy, totally unbalanced player sits down. You profile them perfectly in like 5 minutes, usually they either have way too many bluffs, or (more typically) none at all. They win some big pots against various people at the table, you run cold for like 3 hours, and right after you suffer a big loss they suddenly start telling you how to play the game, mistakenly thinking that all that time they've spent playing Pokemon has somehow made them a Pokermaster.

Typical comments:

• "The money should never have gone in the middle." The situation was a coin flip and they just don't know the odds.
• "If you're not getting good cards you just have to make more bluffs." Wrong, you should make bluffs when the situation calls for it, and not just because you're getting bad cards.
• "You're raising too many hands, try to make a hand before putting money in the middle." Except that if I do this, the same exploits I use against 90% of my opponents will be usable against me.
• "It's better to bet small so they can call you." Typically this player has made full house like seven or eight times this session and has barely managed to double their buy-in.

etc.

Like, do you just nod sagely at their "timeless wisdom"? Do you somehow pretend not to be irritated? Personally I mostly just sit there gritting my teeth, but it's honestly quite tilting hearing this crap and not saying anything about it.

Whatever you do, don't try to show them how smart you are. Just make some joke and make fun of them for taking the game too seriously.

Probably just work on why it’s tilting for you to sit with bad players who tell you their entire strategy

Why would I need to pretend?

I usually just look at them and say '...lessons are extra...'

It's part of the learning process we all go through. You start to learn something new and your instinct is to share the information with others. Talking about it helps you think things through and move on to actual understanding. Have you ever talked to a child who's excited about something they just learned and won't stop talking about it?

Sadly some players never move on to the actual understanding part. All we can do is take their money and treat them like we would a child - encouragement and sarcasm they won't pick up on.

A fishy, unbalanced player sits down and, being the PokerMaster that you are, you've profiled them perfectly in record time. And now they want to tell you exactly how they play.

What a horrible situation...so tilting.

"Oh totally. Yeah, for sure. 100%"

Okay, this is a caricature of a typical actual situation. Yes, it'll usually take longer than this (though I honestly feel like 5 mins is enough with some players). In any event, my question still stands. Like, is it just as simple as shutting up and trying to get along with them? Or is there a better way to handle it? It's probably easier if you're not irritated by this kind of behavior, but personally it makes me grit my teeth.

Then I would humbly submit that live poker is not for you.

If you are a winning player, you are in the customer service business. Losing players are your customers, so yes, just do your best to get along with them and let them have a good time. I personally could improve in that area, but I'm typically just a quiet person at the table who likes to keep to myself. With that said, it's not hard to just give players like that the affirming answer they are looking for when they make those sort of comments.

Once you start feeling that way it might be time to rack up and leave.

Reading your post it sounds like you're still feeling that way, long after the game. That's obviously not good.

Not disagreeing with what you're saying, but keep in mind we're not all professional cash-game grinders. The workplace for many of us is already mostly about shutting our mouths when silly things are being said, and it's nice when poker doesn't just feel like more of the same. That said, I definitely agree that if you're getting useful information from the other player about how they approach the game, that makes the whole thing a lot less tilting, even if the other person's tone is pretty condescending. It's harder when you worked out how they approach the game several hours ago, and are just keeping your mouth shut purely to keep them coming back next time.

1. A practical answer is headphones. I bring them, I certainly don't use them 100 percent of the time but I use them to refocus my concentration like I would before a sporting event or to shut out the noise.

2. Why would you want to understand his thought process for free, even if it's annoying.

3. Perhaps you are over-estimating your own abilities and his criticisms hit a nerve because he is right. And again, why won't you want this info?

Not sure what you are looking for from us. Do you want someone to say, "here's a put down that makes most of those people get up from the table and leave?" Or advice on a technique or drug that will calm you down?

what do you hope to accomplish by saying anything? Do you think you can suddenly make them stop being a jerk by an erudite comment? Are they going to stop being unbalanced because they immediately took your advice to heart and made a 180 degree change in their personality? Give up, don't say anything, just nod your head as if you agree and go on taking their money.

I'll take it under advisement, thank you

If I’m tilted it’s not going to be because a bad player said something stupid. Not really sure I’d say much of anything in those cases. Probably just be like “yeah true” or something like that haha

If you find yourself getting annoyed with people or playing emotionally, I would take a walk, do a table change, or even leave for the day. If your image is **** more people will pick on you, look up your bluffs, bluff you, etc. Even more so if you’re visibly tilted.

There is literally not a better answer than this.

I think you are on the right track.

If you are more skilled enough than your opponents to the point you think you can gain more from a discussion than they can, then you should literally encourage any strategy discussions with them. Players will literally tell you their thought processes. Flawed or not.

Understanding what your opponents are thinking is literally the 2nd best skill in poker (game selection is first) .

You are there to win,they are there to lose and have fun. Do what you think that keeps them happy. It's that simple

Smile and nod.

You seem to feel the need to prove to him and/or the table how smart you are.

Yep.
I sometime have my headphones on with the sound turned down or off.
It's amazing what people say when they think you can't hear them.

Man up and say what you feel
Tell him you don't want his poker tips
Whatever
I mean, it's the same in life.. you can agree with someone just to hope they shut up or you can tell them to shut up
You're not in customer service.. conflict is fine in poker. Actually makes the game juicier

"That's an interesting point"

"Yeah"