As someone who primarily works from home full-time and only plays poker on the weekends, poker is my main social outlet. I would like to make some friends who play poker but am having difficulty. I'm in my late thirties if that complicates things. I used to play poker full-time and I definitely still approach the game like a pro, but because I don't spend a lot of time at the casino anymore, I'm probably seen as a rec.

I know the saying "Don't make friends at the poker room" which mostly pertains to poker players being shady/casinos attracting scum/making friends with fish hurts your winrate..... But I see many people (especially regs) at my local card room who have developed real friendships in the poker room, and they chat and hang out outside of the casino.

How did you make friends in poker? I've made friends in poker in the past by being at the card room every day, and eventually warming up to the regs and bonding through hands we've played. But now that I'm a weekend warrior, I find it unnatural to attempt to make friends at the casino.

I've always been very introverted and not very socially savvy, hence poker was a career choice for me in the past. I've never been called creepy or ugly though. I'm in shape, don't smell, courteous and considered attractive. I'm just more of a quiet person and not very good at making friends. And it seems to get harder as I get older.

Would appreciate your stories and insight.

I don't know that this question is unique to poker. How do you make friends with someone at work or in your neighborhood or on your church softball team? You engage them in casual conversation. If you seem to hit it off, suggest grabbing a drink or a bite to eat after your session. If you have some common interest besides poker, like watching baseball or playing golf, suggest doing that together. Maybe suggest driving together to a poker room that's farther away than where you usually play. Maybe offer to help if someone needs to move some furniture or a ride to the airport—or whatever it is that comes up in casual conversation.

Having said that, my experience has been that it was much easier to meet new people and make new friends in college and in my 20s. I went to a lot more parties, where everyone seemed more open to new possibilities. As people hit their 30s and 40s, their socializing patterns changed for a number of reasons. Many of them were married and bought homes and had kids and either started their own businesses or had increasing responsibilities at work. So they tended to focus more on all of those things and less on friendships. And with social media it's so easy to keep up with people online without ever actually seeing them in person. So now many of us are bowling alone.

The bottom line is that you have to make an active effort to form new friendships or maintain the ones you've got. Good luck.

Hang around the poker room all night and you'll end up meeting plenty of degens to befriend.

Probably not the best friend choices but I must admit one of the nicest people I ever met or spent time with at the casino was a guy who was busto one night and I ended up giving him a ride home.

Turned out he wasn't a serial killer. We bumped into each other a lot after that and I would give him a call when I was going or check for him when I was heading home.

Yep ... This thread should end up pretty short lived. You already know that there is a fine line between on and off the felt. So you really need to gently grow any time spent together outside poker carefully.

Basically you need to hear if anyone has similar outside interests, maybe even just going to lunch and talking more poker, and pry your way into the conversation. Lots of times you need to have similar schedules as well. You may need to initiate an event yourself rather than waiting to get invited to one. Some Players ride together .. and that can get tenuous when one busts the other during the sessions.

Sometimes I find myself playing less hard or avoiding spots against some Players due to relationships, but I'm not so sure it works both ways! I have similar hobbies with a few but have never been asked to join in and that's OK, but I probably would if asked.

You just need to drop a few hints at the table about who you are 'outside' and see if you get any bites. GL

Poker is probably a little different from other hobbies in the sense that there are a nonzero number of degens who are hiding addictions from their spouses or coworkers.

Like if someone is stealing from the till at work to gamble, they're going to be pretty reluctant to share where they work.

That aside, it's not that different from finding a friend or "networking" for business or even hitting on someone: find a common connection, use your interpersonal skills to see whether they're interested in expanding your relationship, and then leverage your common interest into something bigger.

And then text them a picture of your dick.

lol id never want to make poker friends. everyone is a target id never want something interfering with that. im friendly with people at the table but they know im going for the throat 100% of the time. just imo

I don't about 'friends', but I'm on good terms with several players. I play once or twice a month. I recognize most of the other players and have picked up their names. The reverse is probably true also. After a point there is nothing strange in saying " you rivered me, Krissy", or "you're on fire tonight, Richard". Everyody gets accustomed to some level of table talk.

One day you come in and get a seat beside Richard, and you can ask him how he's been runnng, or what the lucky seat is. Small talk will grow from there. Eventually, you will become friendly with some of the other players that way.

Often, there are naturally gregarious and talkative players who will start conversations with you, and the relationship grows from there, if you want.

TV is a good way to bond with some others. Two Jaguars fans can get to talking about the game, and later the conversations may turn to other interests/topics.

I suppose part of the whole process is to be available yourself, and be open to the invitations of other players. Once they have seen you often enough, it's easy to build up a poker relationship, and from there it can go in other directions.

Having said all that, I don't think I would want a relationship that extends beyond the casino.

Why is friendship and competition mutually exclusive for you?

Thanks for your insight. I’m wondering why the last bit though. Most of us come on 2p2 because we all share a love/hate/interest in poker. Where else can you meet people in real life that share your hobby outside of the card room? Is it because you want to separate your regular life from poker? Kinda like “dont shht where you eat”?

I suppose I find more in common with those who gamble. Poker friends have more flexibility and money to do things than average folks, such as not sweating the cost of an expensive meal and being able to spontaneously travel.

I have one really good friend i met thru poker
I'm not sure if he's better or worse than me but he's a pain in the ass to play and we've stacked each other many times

Ultimately, it is hard to be friends with someone from whom you're trying to take money. Anything you tell them poker related they can potentially use against you. 2+2 works because I'll never play against the vast majority of people reading my posts.

Are you talking about making friends that cross the poker room boundary or just friends at the poker room?

If it's the latter, just don't be a dick. If it's the former, I don't know, to me, I just keep poker friends compartmentalized.

I meant people you see around the poker room over time, and occasionally end up on a table with. Not specifically someone that’s playing at your table that day.

Mainly, it's just a me thing. I'm not a big social person, and my time at the table meets my needs. I also don't have a lot of time to devote to a friendship beyond the tables. The players at the casino come from all over the city (and outside the city), and physical/temporal distance gets in the way of maintaining an outside relationship.

For other people, though, if you get to know someone and they match up wih you really well, by all means pursue the friendship. Just be sure that you have more in common than poker. A one legged stool doesn't work very well.

I've made some good friends with posters on 2+2 after meeting IRL check the venues and communities subforum and see which posters play in your area then you have already have at least one commonality. There are also Facebook groups and sites like meetup.com where you can find other people interested in poker and maybe hit up some home games.

Best way to make friends is to be friendly.

I have no poker friends. The truth is, I like the poker room staff more than the players.

this. too much ego in poker. its silly to try to befriend someone who you are literally trying to rob of their money. AKA bluff.

Why would you give up information to regs who you play with so often by befriending them? Poker WILL inevitably end up in the conversation. It makes it so much harder to beat the grinders if you tell them all their bad tendencies, of which many regs absolutely have.

I talk exactly 0 strat, though i do provide the table with as much misinformation and fishy logic that i can produce

its like NHL players have a disdain for most other players, except those on their teams. even then sometimes not....very rarely are off-team players friendly.

you have to have that killer instinct in poker and sports or else you arnt maximizing your profit or playing perfect and optimally.

I know this is going to come off a little judgemental, but it sounds like you have an issue with poker, not with your friends. Did you not make friends in school because you were competing in academics or sports or whatever?

Poker is not robbing people. It's a glorified math competition.

Assuming you don't play at a national level (like the 1000/2000 game in Bobby's Room or something like that), you should take an honest look at your games and ask where your money is coming from.

You and a friend who enter in arms race trying to outcompete the other will easily destroy all those not in the arms race with you. You won't make as much off your friend, but you'll make more off everyone else.

Inherent in the assumption that discussing poker with your opponents is bad is the idea that there's not a lot of room for you to grow. That is, your assumption that talking will lead them to plugging their leaks which is bad, is somehow ignoring the possibility that you plug yours.

Sports in school are fun. You want to win but it doesnt matter in the end because nothing but childrens ego on the line.

People that lose at poker, at least many ive met, take it personally if you 3b them constantly or win big pots off them, or bluff them. its very ego based at a table that has action at it. Many players at 2/5NL and even 5/10 are playing out of their bankroll, so losing big pots hurts them.

Sometimes regs are on losing streak and you can just FEEL the hate radiating from them when they lose their 3rd buyin of the day. But that 3rd buyin happens to be lost to you. Now imagine if they are your "friend". lol.

I can't imagine that person looking at me as a friend for the rest of the day, which makes it awkward, which leads me to avoid making poker friends. Makes sense yea?

I can't control people getting heated from losing big pots to me, which is my 1 huge deterrent from making poker friends.

Perhaps if i was a losing or breakeven player id inquire discussing strat with others but ive been doing this for 7 years now, my BIGGEST gains in knowledge and winrate have been trials by fire. dissecting my losing and winning hands myself and figuring out what i could have done differently, without giving up information to the people im losing and winning hands from. Reg battles happen even at 2/5nl.... doesnt need to be bobbys room.

I think the idea is that you seek friends with players who are on your level, in other words close to as good as you are. There are benefits to sharing strategies and observations about the player pool.

I personally wouldn't want to be friends with someone who takes competition and losing personally. They are likely petty people, or they're not good at managing their emotions which is a huge leak in their game and possibly personality.

I respect those who can have friendly competition and not be sore losers. I have had poker friends in the past and we play hard against each other. Then we talk strategy afterwards. Sometimes you do get into awkward spots, for instance if you know your friend is on a downswing and you want to go easy on him. It is no doubt difficult to balance wanting to see your friends do well and being cutthroat for maximum EV at the table, but like I said I respect those who can accept this dynamic and not take anything personally. The biggest problem is if friends think there is some unspoken agreement of soft playing, and one ends up taking advantage of the other. Again, that's why I would try to befriend people who I know are rational and have honor, thus respectable.

If I were to seek friends at the poker table, I would want to find a protege, an Anakin to my Obi-Wan. I believe that we sometimes learn by teaching. Explaining yourself leads to clarity.

So, I would look for someone who plays at lower stakes than I do and has the capacity to read a poker book. Right now, I mostly play PLO, so I can feel generous about sharing my hold em knowledge. It has to be someone who is not a dick at the poker table, doesn't whine too much about bad beats, shows the ability to study, and keeps track of their results.

This.

WateryBoil brings up a good point. There is a difference between being friends with the people at your table and being friendly with them. Go for the latter at all times, I say. Go for the former at your own risk (it may be worth it, but maybe not).

I would be interested in hearing about people who found a poker buddy who they were able to trust enough to be willing to split a hotel room with on a poker trip and if they ended up regretting it.

What percentage of your player pool would you say you'd 3-bet constantly or win way more big pots from than they'd win from you? Is it such a high percentage that there's zero overlap between people who don't hate you and people you don't hate?

No, it doesn't, but at this point I'm pretty convinced that my friendships are just pretty different. I understand what you're saying, and I think many people think the way you do, but I see the world differently.

What you describe happens in the office all the time: two people are so competitive that they can't get along. Both believe that the other would be pissed if they were promoted over the other. It's kind of a self fulfilling prophecy IMO.