I had a hilarious situation today.
There is a player who I wouldn't call a regular, but he is a long time irregular player. He will show up and play 3 or 4 days a week for a month, then we won't see him for a month or two.
He is literally in contention for one of the 5 nicest humans I have ever met. He is always very gracious and friendly to everyone around him. He never gets mad at anyone, even if a dealer screws up and messes up his hand he is polite to them and half blames himself. He always is helpful to other players even to his detriment. Oppenents can suck out on him with the most ridiculous calls and he is always gracious and happy for them. Literally a really nice human. One of the best. He reminds he of Greg Raymer. That nice of a person. He is also a pretty decent poker player. Certainly a long time winner.
Physically, he is about 5'7" and at least 375, probably 400 pounds if not more. He is so obese that it is hard to estimate his weight. If he said he was 500 pounds I would believe it. This matters later.
It is a $1/$3 table and he is in seat 5 directly accross from me. Normally he plays $2/$5 or $5/$10, but for some reason he was at $1/$3. Maybe he was waiting for an open seat, maybe he didn't bring much money. I don't know.
So partially through my down there is a big hand. It is three bet pre-flop but still three or four players see the flop. Action continues postflop. Pot gets to be huge. Well over $1000. Probably $1300 or $1400. On the river there are only two players left. Seat 9 checks the river, seat 4 bets a decent amount, seat 9 shoves. Seat 4 only has to call maybe $200 (onto a huge $1300 or $1400 pot). He goes into the tank. It is obvious he has a good hand and therefore it should be an easy call just because the size of the pot, but it also looks like he is probably beat. He thinks a really long time. Well over two minutes.
Everyone sits quietly at the table while he thinks. Everyone knows it is a big spot. Especially for the stakes.
The protagonist (who is not in the hand) decides he is going to leave to table. The table is crowded, not just because he is a big boy, but there are all sorts of drink tables, the player in seat 2 has his girlfriend behind him, etc. It is a tight table.
Seat 5 pushes his chair straight back and starts to stand up. While standing up he lets out a really long and loud fart. At least 10 seconds. It reminded me of the story about Andre the Giant farting when filming Princess Bride.
https://www.snopes.com/articles/3491...6-second-fart/
Everyone at the table was quiet for about 15 or 20 seconds. Everyone is trying to confirm they heard what they think they heard.
The poor guy wanted to shrink and hide and pretend it was not him, but he was dead to rights. Everyone heard it, it was obvious. So he did the best he could and started apologizing to everyone at the table.
So of course everyone at the table breaks out in laughter. Loud public farts are never not funny. He is such a nice person that everyone tries not to laugh, or at least hide their laughter, but no one is successful. The whole table is giggling like 15 year old boys. Even I am, I try and be professional, but it is impossible.
The guy apologizes again, the laughter sort of slows down, but never really stops, people are trying to be polite, but everyone is sort of snickering. There is a little older Asian lady in seat 7, she says "That was a good one!"
That opened the floodgates. Everyone broke down and openly starts laughing loudly. Half the table is crying from laughing so hard. It was made worse because no one WANTED to be laughing. No one could help it.
This goes on for a while, I couldn't tell you how long because I was laughing so hard. My eyes were watering. Probably a other minute or so. Everytime someone tried to gain control of themselves it just made them lose it that much more.
Eventually the guy in seat 4 who is still sort of laughing pushes his cards forward and openly says he is folding. He says he has no idea if he is good or bad, but he cannot think because he is laughing too much.
While openly laughing, I slowly collect the cards, and push the pot to seat 9.
For the whole rest of the down, everyone would calm down and play would be normal, but suddenly one person would start giggling and the whole table would break out.
I don't think I dealt more that 12 hands or so that down, but it was easily one of the best downs I ever dealt.
Farts.
Always funny.