Hey guys,

I hope this is posted in the right section. My post has more to do with life advice than on gambling but here we go:

For around the past 5 years I'm more or less stuck in the same place, mentally and location wise, with no real idea or plan how to move forward and pull myself outta this. The whole situation has been nagging me for a while and took its toll. My confidence, self worth and positivity is completely shot and lot of times I just feel depressed and helpless without having any answers on how to change my life.

I'm 28 years old now and nothing productive or serious has happened for the past years. I half-heartedly tried out a few jobs and things, knowing its not the right fit for me anyways, which never lasted long nor got me anywhere.

Quick summary about my life: (Spoiled) only child, always played poker on the side. Was never really super serious about it or fantastic, yet profitable due to the soft online days or easy live games. Had enough money in my pocket to play 2/5 comfortably and take the occasional trips to Vegas in my early 20s, no worries, care free life without any responsibilities, but would never call myself a professional and didn't put in any serious work on my game. Visited a language school for 2 years until 2011 to learn "something real" and got a diploma from there. Right afterwards I went to Vegas and lost a huge chunk of my roll, making stupid decisions like gambling in the pits, playing bad as a result etc. Came back home to Europe completely defeated without having anything on the horizon. Tried a few odd jobs to keep me busy and to make some money, none of that last longed. Tried going back to school which also didn't last long. I've never found anything that I got excited and passionate about. Maybe for the first few weeks then it quickly went away again. The worst part is this has been going on for years now without having made any real progress. 2 years ago I thought real estate would interest me (still haven't given up on that), got another diploma in that area but except a month long internship nothing ever happened. I've been going in a circle for years now and would love to change that and my whole life, but I just dont know how. This whole on going frustrating process has depressed me alot at moments too, but the depression part has never been taking seriously by others close to me.

I never got up to that 5 figure bankroll part again and even though poker, sports betting etc. in my current situation just makes no sense, since I'm so unhappy with where I'm at in life at the moment, I've been ocassionally doing it with terrible results. I did have an ok paying decent job which was only for the holidays which I suprisingly managed to master for 25 days straight working 8 hours a day. During that time I also felt more energized in general and got more stuff than even after work compared to now where I got all the time in the world. That I lost most of the pay back within a few weeks running like crap at poker is not even worth mentioning, but the main thing I took away from that job is that there has to be something out there which I can do and also enjoy. I'm interested in a few different subjects work wise, but since I'm usually a pessimistic person I blame not having enough funds, lack of certain requirements like job experience, other excuses for not seriously persuing any of them.

I more or less know what's good or bad for me at this point at my life, but I often fall back in old bad habits and give up to easily. I know I can't expect a new positive result that way.
At this point I'm prob just trying to look for a job that I know I can take for a few months, build up a little capital then move to a different city or even country if I found a job there beforehand. I've been living in the same city for my whole life and I'm fed up with it.

I know that I find something I'm passionate about I can work really hard, as long as I enjoy what I'm doing.

I think that would be all for now. Thanks to whoever took the time reading through this. Any (brutally honest) advice is appreciated. Fire away.

Thanks

I can relate to a lot of what you posted my friend and I have empathy for you. I guess my best word of advice is don't give up the fight (whatever that fight may be). Try to see what you've gone through or what you're going through as lessons and not necessarily as failures and try to take something away from those lessons. The more we "fail" the more we grow, life is not easy and it's not meant to be easy. I don't mean to sound like a dick, but you mentioned that you had a spoiled childhood, this could be a reason why you might expect good things to happen rather than working hard to achieve want you want in life. Good things usually don't just happen, we have to work for them and the only way out of a "depression" is to keep the battle going. It can be vicious cycle if we remain stagnant and not do anything.

You're still very young and have a big life in front of you. I can't really tell you what to do, but from experience I know how depression is and I know that helpless/hopeless feeling it brings. You can dwell on how bad things are and not do anything to change them or maybe you expect things to miraculously change, but I know for sure that this way of thinking just makes things worse.

I am reading a great book right now called "Mindset" and here's a quote from the book:

"How do you act when you feel depressed? Do you work harder at the things in your life or do you let them go? Next time you feel low, put yourself in a growth mindset-think about learning, challenge, confronting obstacles. Think about effort as a positive constructive force, not as a big drag. Try it out!


Hope this helps a bit.

Thx for the kind words. I'm trying to work myself outta this mess I sort of created.

Europe, trips to vegas, 20 something, ability to get diplomas...

ur life is great u just don't/can't see it
+ u r young

i envy u

glgl

You summed up/ identified your problem in the first word of the summary of your life . SPOILED!!!
95% of people are not passionate about there jobs, maybe for a few months or a couple years if there lucky but it fades for everyone. Just be lucky that you don't have a wife and kids to support and a job you hate because then quitting is never an option.
Millions of people out there wish they could go back in time and be in your shoes. If you strike out it hurts no one but you, so what do you have to lose?
I would kill for that option.

If you only knew what you had.

Just keep trying and failing. But learn. Grow. Experience. Try new things. Talk to strangers. You know?

Don't let the gambling get you in trouble tho. That's a trap

It's good to be both reflective and self-aware, however dwelling on mistakes and missed opportunities won't help you move your life forwards.

What are your dreams? what would you really like to do with your life? These and other big questions are the ones you need to be able to answer before you can really move forward.

I absolutely agree with you. I kinda already knew that but still fall back into old habits and also bring up old negative memories from the past which still bother me.

I can't seem to fully answer all those questions even though I've been trying to for years now. I don't know even know how to answer all these questions regarding my future anymore. I lost sight after not really getting anywhere.

I'll respond to this, as OP is probably in a similar spot.

The first thing is accepting that none of this is easy, and you have to be proactive about it. When I was 30, out of shape and overweight from a bad back injury, depressed, broke, and had just been fired from my job - I sat down and made a list of possible "careers." I thought about what I liked to do when I was a kid, my interests, etc. I came up with 7 or 8 things. I researched every option until there was only one left(and it wasn't a great one). I went forward with it and never looked back. Getting rid of entitlement is key. We are not entitled to anything in this life. It could end at any second. And though it doesn't seem like it, things could be worse.

I relentlessly read personal development books throughout this process. The ones involving Stoic Philosophy were the most helpful, particularly The Obstacle Is the Way by Ryan Holiday.

Just get busy doing SOMETHING. It doesn't have to be your calling or your dream job, in fact - it probably won't. OP I think you mentioned feeling good about doing that job for 25 days right? Keep doing things like that. It will snowball into other ideas. Life is a struggle for all of us

That's a difficult question to answer without more context. If you are single with little responsibilities, then you most likely have far more options than someone who is married with children, with a mortgage to pay.

That's not to say one is better than the other. Getting married, having children and buying a house are all significant achievements in life. You might be stuck in an unsatisfying job, but you have an awful lot to be proud of.

Thanks for for your great post. I'm trying to figure the possible career thing for a while now, but haven't got anywhere yet. Most of the times the process just frustrates me too much and I just give it up.

How long did it take you to figure it out and to get there? Was the right decision in hindsight?

I can relate. Was also consindering the move to a different country and going from there. But let's be realistic. If we can't figure stuff out right here what's going to change about it in a different country...

All the soul searching I've tried also hasn't got me anywhere unfortunately

I got into personal training because I had always played sports, lifted weights, and I had also recently lost 30lbs so I figured it made sense as a career path especially since there was almost no barrier to entry. I tried to be a fireman, and I think would have enjoyed that a lot actually, but I had just missed the age requirement. I considered being a cop too but I'm colorblind so that was out too. I don't think any of us ever really have it totally figured out. I am a barbell coach now, which is a more specific niche within the fitness industry and I like it a lot. I've worked in landscaping, been a delivery guy, worked in finance, bartended, and a few other jobs. Sometimes its just about figuring out what you DON'T like. No need to second guess about right/wrong decisions. Just try stuff and eventually you'll hit your stride

I was also looking into becoming a cop but found out I can't. It sounded like a job with lots of different tasks and not the same daily routine which I hate, but I wasn't 100% determined anyways to become one. I guess the little bit of working experience i got, doing retail and office work, sucked so bad that I got the whole job thing totally twisted and still got it in the back of my mind.

Sounds like you've also tried out tons of stuff. Have you ever been diagnosed with ADD when you were younger or do you also get bored from a job after a while and hate the same routines there?

I just have the fear of never being happy doing x job for a longer time and always looking for the next thing which prevents me from starting somewhere and eventually settling for something. Since I'm so pessimistic (depressed?) in general I never pursue whatever I think could be the right thing or getting talked out of it by somebody else.

I'm not pretending I have all or even any of the answers. Life is tough.

I can empathize with your pessimism. Sometimes cynicism is just realism. However, being negative all the time (even for seemingly good reasons) won't get you very far. I get the impression that you are shutting doors on yourself and probably giving off a negative (or dispassionate) vibe to those who may be able to give you an opportunity. That could be due to choosing the wrong fields for you, lack of work ethic, some psychological issue, etc., or a combination of the above.

What language(s) did you learn, how well did you learn it/them, and were/are you passionate about it/them? Maybe you could be an interpreter or translator.

Myself, I don't see how someone could be really passionate about real estate. I can see how the money could motivate someone and therefore excite them, but that's about it. What makes you interested in real estate?

I find that I am often passionate about things I am good at and vice versa. It can be a virtuous cycle. However, in terms of a career, while it's ideal to be both passionate and competent, you have to be competent to maintain and advance your career. So it's a matter of finding something that has the best combination of passion/interest and ability/competency for you.

Maybe make a list of at least a couple areas that you are passionate about or at least interested in and at least a couple areas in which you feel you have above average ability. Try to find some overlap between interest & ability, then try to determine field(s) which utilize that overlap (even if you have to start at/near the bottom, which you very probably will).

No ADD. After a while I just came to a logical conclusion that I could never work in finance or the bar business long term. So at that point it was about
getting out and doing something else. I find frustration/stress to be a much bigger factor in a job than boredom. When that becomes too much its time to leave. Since you're mentioning things like fear, pessimism, boredom and depression I feel like this may be a bit more than a surface area problem

How long did it take you to get from writing out everything that could interest you to finally deciding on something? Everytime I try to figure that stuff out it eventually frustrates me too much and I just put it on hold for a while unfortunately.

What you said about negativity is prob very true. I studied English and Spanish for 2 years. Why did I go to language school? I can't say. Seemed like something easy to do for a couple of years without much stress. I wasn't really trying to make a career out of it. I forgot most of my Spanish by now since I haven't done anything with it for over 5 years...

Real estate was one of a few things that sounded interesting to me at some point. I guess the mix of office work and being out on tours and interacting with potential buyers sounded interesting to me since I thought it was a field with a variety of tasks. In the end I spent about 2k on a real estate diploma which I received after a 2 week crash course and all I did was a short internship afterwards.

Maybe I rushed into it too soon but out of all the things that interested me it was the easiest to get started somehow without going to school for a while or needing any form of capital.

At this point I feel like I don't even know anymore what my strengths are. Thinking about the word career makes me gringe a little. Like what if I'll never really have one and just go from bs job and idea to another without ever figuring it out...

Listening to myself sometime I realize I'm just too ***** soft and just need to get my act together since I'll be 30 next year and the clock is ticking. I just wish I'd finally find a job that fits me or a passion I could turn into eventually and then never look back from there and finally start my life. It hasn't happened the past few years which worries me. Sure I could have tried harder to speed up the process but alot of the times I just feel completely lost with zero ways out and don't even know where to start again.

I don't know much about Real Estate, but you could post in the Business forum here (or somewhere else) and find out what it takes to become a RE agent. I thought you just needed to get your RE license.

Do you live in an area populated by many hispanics? If so, brushing up on your Spanish might give you an edge and help you find a good niche in that market.