Hello,
I used to be able to play like tens (30,40) of HU some years ago. I just grinded it. But not at home, I was at my GF then.
Situation is, at home it's almost impossible for me to play and maybe I have this unconcious fear that has build from the home pressure. By this I mean everyone at home, from parents to grand-parents, hate seeing me playing it. They will talk to me - disturbing me, they will express negativity, they will load me with some stuff needed to do, etc.
I also smoke a lot of weed. Not the strong ones, not so much during the day, but at the night when I play poker. I always used to smoke while playing. It's a big habbit.
So I play from 10pm on (till 3-5am), when everyone is basicly asleep. It's because both - poker&weed. It's kind of hidding from everyone to play in peace state. But the "net" play is probably 2 hours, not more. I sleep from 4am to 2pm. I have like no reason to wake up earlier, even if I do, and I do firstly wake up earlier most of the time.
I also see it's really overwhealming for me from the emotional part. A few Sit&Goes and I definitly need a break. HU's even a bigger problem. 3 in a row and I like ... DIE. It's like my mind is saying "stop, you can't make another hour lasting sit and go. You won't be able to have the motivation and concentraion needed!!".
I also do a lot of things at the same time. Was thinking of getting the tablet to just have a pokerstars open, laptop closed somwhere, and freaking grind it.
But, I always hated to work 8 hours. Did a lot of job, but rarely felt into the zone. If possible, I ended job before 8 hours ended usualy. I have a rushing mind, overthinking a lot, maybe a bit of anxiety, and a lot of impulsitivity and stilness problems.
Plus, those fears and because of that, bad self esteem. Maybe I don't only have fear becaue of pressure in the house, but also because the body remembered poker is hard for me from the emotional point of view.
... but my true self WANTS to play, my biggest wish is to play 10 hours daily if possible, to leave everything behind. So I definitly ain't thinking about quitting it.
Did anyone expirence some similiar problems? Any advice for me, maybe? I am reading 7 habbit of highly succesfull people, and have a bunch of good reviewed books downloaded, but I like never finnish a book, anyway.