The goal is happiness.
You don't like the poker lifestyle but are spending all your free time on it. Sounds like you are playing it because you can't think of anything better to do with your time. And you want something to work towards.
The solution is simple. Find something else to spend your free time on. Something that fits into the lifestyle you prefer. You weren't happy back when you had your 50k roll (not surprising, you spent all your free time living a lifestyle you disliked). So what do you hope to achieve by winning something back? You can only lose more of your life to something you dislike and makes you depressed.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jonkotemmer
I have been playing poker for the past 10 years.
I dont like poker lifestyle ... I feel really depressed ... I dont like the stress, sleepless nights, long hours of thinking/grinding, dealing with losses, smoking areas (homegames), junkfood etc. I feel like im destroying myself,
I realize you're caught up in your own situation, but take a step back and read the quoted parts which you wrote yourself. You put 10 years of free time into this. Do you really want to put in more? Life doesn't last forever.