Hello,

I have recently lost 40k euro in 3 weeks playing PLO and I just cant forget the losses. It drives me crazy.

I am 28 years old and I have been playing poker for the past 10 years. I cant remember that I have skipped one day without playing. I always had my ups and downs. In the past year I managed to build up 50k roll playing live holdem and online omaha,, just to lose it all in 3 weeks.

I was on a crazy tilt, playing PLO 2/4 straddle 8. And before I knew I lost almost my entire bankroll. Now I got 7k left to my name, and it feels like nothing...

I earn with my job 1k a month, so you can imagine how much this 40k was for me. Thats like 3 years of working and not spending anything...

I dont like poker lifestyle... I feel really depressed even when I had 50k bankroll. I dont like the stress, sleepless nights, long hours of thinking/grinding, dealing with losses, smoking areas (homegames), junkfood etc. I feel like im destroying myself, but all I did with my free time is to play poker.. so I dont know what I can do when I quit this game. But I really wanna quit.

However, I just cant forget my losses... I wanna quit, but I also want to win something back.. but im also afraid to lose the last 7k which can provide me from living short term..

I need some advice. Im feeling hopeless..

The goal is happiness.

You don't like the poker lifestyle but are spending all your free time on it. Sounds like you are playing it because you can't think of anything better to do with your time. And you want something to work towards.

The solution is simple. Find something else to spend your free time on. Something that fits into the lifestyle you prefer. You weren't happy back when you had your 50k roll (not surprising, you spent all your free time living a lifestyle you disliked). So what do you hope to achieve by winning something back? You can only lose more of your life to something you dislike and makes you depressed.

I realize you're caught up in your own situation, but take a step back and read the quoted parts which you wrote yourself. You put 10 years of free time into this. Do you really want to put in more? Life doesn't last forever.

Same situation like me. I lost about 10k in the last 2 years playing online PLO...
The money is gone you have to get over it. You have to think about what is now and how you can make your life better now without poker. I never had a good bankroll management and also have some tilt issue and never study enough to beat my stakes (50cent/1$). I know why I failed.
But the thing is: don't try to change your past.
Find a way to fulfilling your life now and without always looking at your bank account and your money.
Money can be one small aspect of your life NOT make it the only one.
Poker is not only about winning and losing money and spending some time to have some fun playing cards, poker is also a good life teacher.
Is teaching you how you react to some situation and why. Why you have the desire to win some money back? Why is money so important for you? Why is the game so necessary for you? ...
There is so many question poker is asking you and you can't ignore all the questions....

Harder said than done but you need to quit...either for a while or for good.

I personally play lower limit live stakes (1/2 NL), but even losing a few buy-ins has a negative effect on my emotional state. As you can see by my username I meditate and have even done a silent retreat. Still, it's extremely nerve wracking.

I have a theory that the poker lifestyle if only for a small percentage of the population. Most others would be happy with consistent income not the up and down swings of poker. Even if you have a job and consistent income the losses for no reason just **** with you. I don't care who anyone is, nobody can say it has NO effect.

If I look back on the past few months and the times I was most angry or negative it was after losing my stack. That tells me something is very wrong. I'm also going to take a break for a long while.

I lived in Germany for many years and worked just regular jobs and I know what it's like to just make enough just to survive.
People in the States get this false idea about how wonderful life in Europe is, with all the vacations, free health care, free education; it's malarke.
If Europeans didn't have these things, with the little money they earn, there'd be a revolution in every European country.
An unspoken class system still exists in Europe.
So, why has Jonko been doing something that he hates for 10 years, because he only earns 1k a month!!
I'm sorry Jonko, I don't know exactly how to help you but I thought it might help if you realize why you were really doing what you were doing.
It's the first step i think.

I would find a new hobby and also drop PLO. The variance is brutal.

were you making good plays? you said you were on crazy tilt. Doesn't sound like you were playing good.

I just lost 5 grand playing mtt's. Do i regret losing 5K? No. Will I keep playing? absolutely.
Time for me to review hands, look at hands in the high stakes forum, take a break from playing poker since I don't want to use the money I have on playing lower stakes mtt's.
I gotta be a little responsible.

I suggest you do the same. Don't use your 7k to play poker with. Move on from your loss. browse the plo forum. watch some videos on subscription sites. get a second job to help speed up the process.

Come back with $5000 and play PLO at the end of the year. that gives you 12.5 buyins still not nearly enough if you get unlucky or play bad or a combo of both. However if you play well or get lucky or preferable have both you could have a more sizeable roll and could be playing more PLO more often.

You don't need to play poker. You don't need to win money right now. You don't need to lose it either right now. Be responsible.

If the 40k were your bankroll then that money wasn't discretionary money for you, anyhow.
Though I think with the types of finances you describe you should have made a different split between what you consider your bankroll and what you consider your savings (which might have given you a chance to go to smaller stakes earlier in your downswing).

Agree with mttplayer. Don't burn your 7k trying to start and come back.

Go big or go home , just kidding , take a rest you live to fight another day and get your **** together

I have losses nowhere near you have, OP. But, I think I know that opened void you have there. Just ban yourself from poker for a while. Yes - you went degen. We all do sometimes. Accept it. Now - move on. It's summer. Spend 2k from a bankroll and go for a long vacation to Lithuania, Latvia, Sweden, Finland, whatever [bankroll is not a sacred cow]. Be alone, drink alone, meet people, be with them. Or don't. Do what you want. Don't play. Come back in a month and tell us, how awesome it was.

There are no easy answers here OP. However, I'll make a couple of suggestions.

Firstly, have a think about what you want from life. You're 28 and are in a low paid job - do you have prospects? If not, what would you like to do? It might not feel like it, but 28 is still young. I was older than 28 when I re-entered education, for example.

Secondly, spend some of that 7k on yourself - I'd advise a nice holiday somewhere. Then think to yourself whether you want to risk tossing that 7k away, or whether you prefer to spend it on things that will make you happy or make a positive difference to your life.

Finally, if you do decide to continue playing poker 7k is a big bankroll. I used to play 2/4 PLO until Black Friday. That locked my bankroll up and I really lost interest in poker for a while after that. When I got my money back from FT, I invested it and some time later began playing $0.02/0.04 PLO with a $50 bankroll, made a series of videos for Cardrunners, and built my bankroll to PLO50 where I eventually quit to concentrate on my studies. So, poker can still be part of your life, but it has to be on your terms.

Successful poker pro player is just a pipe dream, many of them tried very few of them succeeded. Unless you bink a tournement with very huge prizemoney. If you cant handle losses then work a job and make poker on the side. With 7k You can start it all over.

You cant win every single day come on , theres losses and wins, work on your mental your skill your game and you need a little bit of luck.

If you don't enjoy playing poker - don't play it. Figure out how you can become the boss in the work you do or switch careers. Think about what are the steps you need to take to have your boss' job (whether at your company or another one) or figure out a side business you can run - you could probably make an extra $500 or so a month by just finding a locally made product you could sell on eBay.
If you do not enjoy poker and poker lifestyle, do not play it. That is the equivalent of starring in gay porn, while being straight or being a plumber while also being a germophobe. Sure, you can make the money, but you will never be happy doing so.