Two Plus Two Publishing LLC Two Plus Two Publishing LLC
 

Go Back   Two Plus Two Poker Forums > >

Psychology Discussions of psychology as applied to poker and other gambling games.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 08-07-2006, 02:35 PM   #1
HIV
Pooh-Bah
 
HIV's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: bomb on his waist, mask on his face
Posts: 4,547
I am tapped

Well, I am officially done, folks, at the age of 18.

About 6 months ago....was it really just 6 months ago? I was broke. I had no money and owed my parents $1,000. I had hit my low point, or so I thought. Somehow I scraped up a couple hundred dollars playing live poker with my friends and deposited into pokerstars. I lost most of it, and was on my last 40$, depression started to set in deeply, like it has in my past.

However, then, a breakthrough. I final tabled one of the new 20$/180 tourneys, and cashed for 300$. Then, I went on a heater like you wouldn't believe.

I started at 5/10, where I ran well. I eventually got to multi tabling, 4 tables, and just killing. Moved up to 10/20, got my ass beat down, moved back to 5/10, built up a roll and moved up to 10/20 for good, or so I thought.

Anyways, after a month of this, I cashed out 5K, left myself with a couple hundred to rebuild with, lost that, deposited another 1K or so, built it up and made another couple thousand or so, my memory is kind of fuzzy but I know at some point I went broke on stars, and deposited into BoDog.

What a fishfest boodg was. I started with a 500$ deposit and luckily ran good at the 20/40 tables. Ran it up to a couple thousand, started playing 30/60 there, found it incredibly easy, ran it up to around 10K or so. Cashed some of it out, had over a 5 digit bankroll and was feeling as good as I ever did. Left some of it in and continued to win, went up to Turning Stone with $4K in my pocket, came back from that with $5K so it was a winning trip. Played some more online and continued to do well.

At some point in this fishfest, I got sick of bodogs horrendous software and equally horrendous players. I put another $750 on stars and sat 30/60. I ran good so I didn't go broke, and ended up building that 750 into around $12K during an insanely good rush. I then emailed stars and asked for access to the 100/200 tables. I didn't know it at the time, but this would be the start of my even more horrendous downswing.

After getting access to 100/200, I quickly sat down and had a -$2K losing session at a full table. However, I kept trying, and sat at a shorthanded table where I quickly and efficiently busted 2 people for $4K each. This gave me such a natural high that I didn't know what to do. I now had a bankroll of around $40K and ended up cashing all 40K of it out. It was at this time the school year ended and I went home.

My parents did not know about my success, and it took me about a week before I spilled the beans to them. I told them about the money and they said they didn't care what I did as long as I paid them back and paid for my own tuition. I said fine, and was free to play poker all summer.

I played on bodog again for about 2 weeks, where I hit the 60K point for the first time in my life. However, I then went on the first prolonged downswing of my young career. I ended up losing all the 20K profit on bodog and losing another about 7K back. So my BR was 33K, and with that, I embarked on a mission to Turning Stone, with $10K in cash in my pocket, determined to break the limit games there.

Turning Stone was a success at first. I met a lot of cool kids who were huge ballers online, like empire, zappy, ozzy. I chilled with them and felt like I was THERE, I was one of the top young players in the world, and it would be no time before I went pro. I was up $7K in the limit games and felt like I was unstoppable.

Then came the worst day of my poker career. Turning Stone spread 100/200 for the first time ever, and I sat 3-handed as the game began. I quickly ran over the old guys at the table with me, but then the table actually filled up, which I wasn't expecting. I was never strong at full table, and some bad beats quickly put me on tilt, and I began playing every hand trying to get back to my 17K peak. I had sat with all the money I had on me at the time, and within 12 hours of playing this game, I didn't have a cent in front of me. I had been cleaned out by what I had viewed as inferior players. I was so pissed and depressed, and immediately left the casino.

When I got home, I was resolved to making the money that I had lost back. I jumped onto stars and started killing their 30/60 games again. Within a couple of weeks I had hit 40K again. Within another few days, I hit 60K. I was playing 100/200 often when I was around this mark, and this was where the WORST day of my poker career and my life was to happen.

I sat with a player called "lily420" heads up at 100/200, and absolutely destroyed her. She came back several hours later and I was waiting for another match. However, her play seemed, different to me, much much more aggressive, and I had trouble adjusting. It turns out that earlier I had been playing Mrs. Grinder, and now I was playing the actual Grinder. Well, he ran incredibly hot over a 24 hour heads up battle, and I went on tilt at one point and ended up losing every penny in my account, over 36K. I sunk into a deep depression and started depositing on other sites, trying to get back what I had lost.

I ran 1500 on absolute up to over 10K in the soft 40/80 games, but ended up losing it all at a tilt-filled session with mark seif and jennicide at 75/150, then lost another 5K that I deposited from neteller

I ran 2500 up to 16K at one point playing MINIVAN666 heads up on UB, but ended up losing it all plus another 2500.

I ran 600 on full tilt up to 9K playing 10/25 NL against drunk people on a saturday night, then sat the biggest game I ever played, 200/400 vs Tiger and lost it all within less than 15 minutes. This was the quickest I had ever lost so much money and I was very depressed.

So I had like 10K left in my roll, and resolved, once again, to build it back. I put it all back on bodog, my fave site to win at, and ended up building it back to around 25K. I put some of it on stars and built it up again to like 30K total bankroll. Then I had a rough night multi tabling 30/60, and lost about 6K in an hour. I then sat 100/200 and proceeded to not win a hand in 20 minutes, and lost 9K very very fast. I then stopped playing for the day, but the damage was done, and I would never again have over 15K to my name.

I took the 10K I had left after the tilt filled session, and moved down to 10/20, sporadically taking shots at 30/60. Whenever I would take shots at 30/60, I would invariably lose, and I would lose more and more each time. I finally got my bankroll down to 600 at one point, and got pissed at myself and said, JUST WIN. Which I did, I played 10/20 and built that 600 into just over 13K. However, then I played 30/60 again, and lost 8K, played 10/20 but found it boring, and continued to play 30/60 until I was completely broke.

I then got a stake from a friend, 1K, built it up in small games, paid him back, lost what I had left, got the stake again, worked it up again, paid him back again, lost it all again, got a stake again, lost it this time, but then my friend and I swapped 5% in the sunday mill tourney and he won it.

Now at this point, he sent me 9K, and I was set, because tuition + housing for college for me was just over 7K, and I had it. So I cashed out what I needed and played with the rest. I paid for my tuition but left my housing money in my bank account.

I got my roll from the 1500 I left on there up to 10K. However, then the downswing reared its ugly head again. I lost the 10K so fast I didn't even know what happened. I didn't want to play with my housing money but I had left 500 in there to pay for books and stuff so I deposited that. I lost it, and then said [censored] it and deposited 3K. Lost it, said [censored] it [censored] it [censored] it, and deposited the rest of my bank account into bodog, where I quickly lost it. I only thank god I had already paid for my tuition or I'm sure I would have lost that money as well. The next day I asked my friend for a 2K stake, which I played 30/60 omaha hi/lo with, god knows why, and lost that too.

Yesterday I played the stars and bodog sunday tourneys as a last gasp chance. I lost the stars but cashed in the bodog for $550, which I quickly lost to 3 3-outers in a row in the 20/40 game. So, now I am completely broke, I have 200$ in the bank and $10 in my wallet. I owe $2K to my friend and I don't quite know how to tell my parents and my girlfriend, who will be devastated.

I have thought a lot about this, and it seems my only choice is to get a job, live at home for the semester and commute to school, and completely stay away from poker, perhaps forever. I really like the game but right now I am just sick of it. I have to completely isolate myself from it and that means not contacting a few friends that I am very good friends with, and I will miss that.

However, I really don't have a choice, because I want to graduate from college. I feel that if I get great grades this semester and prove that I have turned things around, my parents will be willing to pay for my tuition for the rest of college, but who knows.

So, goodbye 2+2 forums, I will be removing you from my bookmarks...I will not be watching poker on TV, I will not be talking about poker with my friends, and I will not be playing.

I guess the hardest part about all this is that I now feel that all that time, all those hundreds of thousands of hands I played, all those thousands of hours I spent at the tables, are all now a waste. I really thought I could go pro, but I just don't have the emotional stability required.

Hopefully someone might see this and recognize some warning signs for themself and learn something from this.

Regards,
Jon (iamhiv)
HIV is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-07-2006, 04:01 PM   #2
PokerAce
See our Commercial Software thread
 
PokerAce's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 4,309
Re: I am tapped

Quote:
my only choice is to get a job, live at home for the semester and commute to school, and completely stay away from poker forever
FYP.

You have no concept of bankroll management and it sounds like you have way too much gamble in you. Be thankful you started off on a lucky streak or you could be in much worse shape. You might be a winning player, but with your lack of discipline, it's unlikely you could ever find out. You should do yourself a favor and stay away from poker and gambling.
PokerAce is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-07-2006, 04:07 PM   #3
Usagi_yo
journeyman
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Ocean\'s 11 Table 4 seat 1
Posts: 232
Re: I am tapped

"Rush .... tilt .... broke ..... heater .... rush .... tilt .... broke ... rush .... tilt .... rush .... more tilt .... broke .... broke ..."

I think we've identified the problem here. You'll be okay. 5 years of broke will teach you respect and constraint. Your problem now is you've lived 30 years in what ... 3 months? Put yourself on a realistic recovery plan that takes into consideration that year over year, expect to profit 2BB per 50 hands.
Usagi_yo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-07-2006, 04:35 PM   #4
JCCARL
adept
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: In search of my luckbox
Posts: 1,009
Re: I am tapped

When you get things worked out and decide to play again, poker will always be there. Start out slower, use some good judgment and learn some BR management skills before you fall into the same cycle. It seems as though you were playing way over your roll. But you probably already knew this.
Regards,
Carl
JCCARL is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-07-2006, 04:41 PM   #5
Full Metal
banned
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 1,099
Re: I am tapped

Greed and no constraint. You had more than enough money for your tuition and probably everything you could possibly do at 18 but you blow it all playing over your head. I see no real skill here. You're up and down and don't seem very consistent. I think you should quit poker and quit 2+2. Get some help.
So many people here seem to want to maintain this baller image rather than satisfying their real priorities in life. Now you're left broke with broken promises to your parents and your friends.

edit: I don't know why I come off as such an [censored] in this post. Best of luck to you. In the long run all of this is meaningless as long as you can learn your lesson. Don't rely on poker and don't even consider going pro. Go to school, get an education and get a real job.
Full Metal is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-07-2006, 05:02 PM   #6
Assani Fisher
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
Assani Fisher's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 48,128
Re: I am tapped

See my bankroll management thread in the high stakes PL/NL forum. They convinced me to play within my bankroll, and I'm on a quest right now to try to learn it as I detail near the end of that thread. Sounds like you could use something similar.
Assani Fisher is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-07-2006, 05:25 PM   #7
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: I am tapped

Wow.

This is why adolescents shouldn't play poker. Self control and emotional stability are sorely lacking.

I count adolescent as anyone under about 25. There are exceptions of course, but poker is just a terrible thing to do to a person still trying to achive emotional maturity.
  Reply With Quote
Old 08-07-2006, 05:44 PM   #8
cts
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
cts's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 7,738
Re: I am tapped

Quote:
I am a degenerate
cts is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-07-2006, 06:19 PM   #9
klonpucko
adept
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 844
Re: I am tapped

Quote:
Quote:
I'M, RICH *****
klonpucko is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-07-2006, 06:26 PM   #10
Reef
banned
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: PCPforums
Posts: 13,188
Re: I am tapped

ok, see you at the tables next week.


But seriously- gl with quitting.
Reef is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-07-2006, 07:25 PM   #11
Ignignokt
veteran
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Home o\' the Raising Rock
Posts: 3,133
Re: I am tapped

Absolutely. It doesn't sound like you're cut out for poker.

Money management is a real problem for most people with steady day jobs, much less poker players, and money management is critical for poker.

Ask 100 poker-playing college students if they're capable of managing their money and dealing with downswings, and 99 of them will look at you like you're insane, of course they are. It's something they have to discover on their own.

A hard lesson, but a good one, on the fragility of success.

I wish you luck and success. It's a big world out there; poker is a grain of sand on the beach.
Ignignokt is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-08-2006, 12:05 AM   #12
shaundeeb
Augie's stunt double
 
shaundeeb's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Wafflecrush?
Posts: 16,232
Re: I am tapped

Sorry but that 1/2 game at tston was a bad game to sit at as soon as tongni sat down.
shaundeeb is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-08-2006, 01:28 AM   #13
bruin
veteran
 
bruin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: if they hate then let 'em hate
Posts: 3,100
Re: I am tapped

I really felt sorry for you all throughout this post. best of luck (i mean it).
bruin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-08-2006, 01:34 AM   #14
orange
THE WOLF
 
orange's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Staking
Posts: 37,644
Re: I am tapped

Man, sucks. IMO, after reading this post, I would say that you are likely a degenerate gambler.

Moving up too quickly will kill you. Running hot then facing a cooler is devastating.

Good luck in the future. If you ever do plan on returning, I suggest you approach poker with a more professional attitude. Meaning, putting in time to evaluate hands, not playing outside your BR, etc.

Good luck.
orange is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-08-2006, 02:54 AM   #15
one_eye_mike
centurion
 
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 148
Re: I am tapped

Quote:
This is why adolescents shouldn't play poker. Self control and emotional stability are sorely lacking.

I count adolescent as anyone under about 25. There are exceptions of course, but poker is just a terrible thing to do to a person still trying to achive emotional maturity.
This will fall on deaf ears but I agree completely.
one_eye_mike is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-08-2006, 05:30 AM   #16
JP OSU
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
JP OSU's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Austin
Posts: 8,853
Re: I am tapped

Quote:
So, goodbye 2+2 forums, I will be removing you from my bookmarks...I will not be watching poker on TV, I will not be talking about poker with my friends, and I will not be playing.
Your whole story sounds frighteningly similar to my own, except that i have managed to get real with myself and drop down and grind it out (still in progress) ... Also, I think that what you said above will be the hardest to do... I actually decided to quit poker after going off for 19k at 10/25NL in Vegas... I just decided that I was reacting too harshly to the swings, and that if I played within my br I could still do it successfully...

I had made my whole life poker, which is why it was so hard to walk away from... I have almost resigned myself to the fact that I probably will never fully quit poker... It is a game that I love and for the time being it is a fantastic way to make good money, which is great cuz i am a lazy [censored]...

I really hope that you are successful in quitting b/c I know quite well the emotional turmoil that poker can put you through... I don't know how much luck you are gonna have completely shutting down such a huge part of your life...
JP OSU is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-08-2006, 03:29 PM   #17
vanwely
journeyman
 
vanwely's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 317
Re: I am tapped


Another bit of evidence for the complete elimination of online poker.

Yours truly,

Senator Jon Kyl
vanwely is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-09-2006, 01:01 AM   #18
bruceypants
banned
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 167
Re: I am tapped

Owww. That was painful just to read. I hope you are able to stay away from poker because it sounds like you could eventually do real damage to your life if you try to keep playing.
bruceypants is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-09-2006, 02:12 AM   #19
Erik Blazynski
journeyman
 
Erik Blazynski's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 284
Re: I am tapped

by definition this player is not a winning player. Winning players posess the emotional fotitude to manage their bankroll properly and stay level headed in the face of drawdown.

This player writes "I really thought I could go pro, but I just don't have the emotional stability required."

This player gets the learning that he created for himself in this dramatic episode. Because of this experience this player may go on to win in his non-poker life. But the damage that he has done to himself phsycologically surrounding poker will require a lot of work to undo. When drawdown starts these emotions will present themselves and the player will not be able to properly play. The player is best advised to move on with his life.

This brings up another point, that being... To be a winning, high stakes player one must encounter player's such as this. The winning high stakes player must set aside any sympathy or emotional empathy that he may have for this player, and must spend massive amounts of time with people that he neither cares about nor respects.

Peace
Blazman
Erik Blazynski is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-09-2006, 02:27 AM   #20
Poker Plan
adept
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Shropshire, UK
Posts: 797
Re: I am tapped

Quote:
Moving up too quickly will kill you.
At least I don't have to worry about that.

Ian (grinding away at 10c/20c)

To the OP: Seriously: A fascinating but painful read. It's just a shame you don't have the emotional control to match your obviously high poker skills.

All the best in the future.
Poker Plan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-09-2006, 10:19 AM   #21
sternroolz
veteran
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,704
Re: I am tapped

I really couldn't stand to finish reading your entire post.

But from what I read, it seems you really have no clue at all. You play games delierously underfunded and so far have luckboxed a LOT.

You sound an awful like an idiot sitting next to me at Commerce's $9-18 table last weekend. He kept talking about how he was staked in that game and if he got $500 he was going to play $20-40. LOFL! $500 is like one or two hands at Commerce's $20-40.

Keep playing understaked and poker will make you its
b$%ch.
sternroolz is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-09-2006, 03:24 PM   #22
holdme
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
holdme's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 11,218
Re: I am tapped

Don't be so hard on the guy. Learning to be patient with your bankroll and to control your emotions are two of the hardest things for a beginning player. When I started playing i dumped $500 into party and played 5/10 o8. Oops. Granted, most people learn their lesson a little sooner...
holdme is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-09-2006, 04:47 PM   #23
QuadsOverQuads
old hand
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 1,540
Re: I am tapped

I have a very hard time believing any of this story is true, simply because the swings involved are so ridiculous.

If it's not just a fish story, then the player here needs more than just "you're an addicted gambler" talks. He really needs to learn how to play poker -- a major component of which is risk-management and playing only in situations which are appropriate to your bankroll. Beyond that, I simply don't believe that any player would achieve upswings like this without putting a lot of money on very bad play -- and this goes double if the player in question is only 18 years old.

Word to the wise, kid: every player thinks he's "ready to go pro" when he's running exceptionally well. But one of the things that separates a real pro from a lucky amateur is the ability to recognize the difference between merely running well and actually playing well. From what you've posted, you need to study up on this concept -- a lot. That, and bankroll management.

Anyway, I don't mean this as attacking or criticism, just an honest assessment (which I presume you were inviting by posting this). Best of luck to you, and I hope you're able to learn from this experience and build something positive out of it, wherever you go from here.


q/q
QuadsOverQuads is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-09-2006, 05:46 PM   #24
thekiller
centurion
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 183
Re: I am tapped

i didnt read it all because it was exremely boring, and i dont know what the point is so i prescribe:
1) stop masterbating
2) stop gambling
3) get a job
4) get a trade
5) leave america for 4 years.
thekiller is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-09-2006, 05:58 PM   #25
BigBiceps
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
BigBiceps's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 6,206
Re: I am tapped

Quote:
ok, see you at the tables next week.


But seriously- gl with quitting.
BigBiceps is offline   Reply With Quote

Reply
      

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 02:14 AM.


Powered by vBulletin®
Copyright ©2000 - 2021, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright © 2008-2020, Two Plus Two Interactive