Hey guys. Sorry for bad English

I'm 25 years old and I've been playing poker for money since I was 22 but not on a regular basis. At that time there were small periods that I tried to take poker more seriously but most of the time I played only in a recreational way, although I always study it and try to be profitable but completely ignoring bankroll management and other important aspects. Recently I entered a period in my life that finally I have a certain stability, complete graduation, stable employment, good salary, girlfriend and felt that it was a good time to take poker seriously as a 2 job, or at least a lucrative hobby, since now I have free time, money and psychological for this and I know that no downswing would really affect me.
I returned to play (this time with good bankroll and with a greater seriousness). I play Cash Game on line in NL10 (I started with NL2 and my goal is to get at least NL50) and Cash Game live 1/2 in two clubs in my city (where the field is incredibly easy). Sometimes I also play live tournaments. My goal is not to professionalize myself in poker, but just to improve, try to be the best that I can and earn some extra money.
What I realize, however, is that by incorporating the ideal mentality to play poker (coldness, logical and rational thinking and prudence) my social skills get lost and I get to see people the same way I see them at a table, as people to be exploited. The more I win in poker, the less I win in my social life and same on the other side. What I feel is that the logic of the game is so cruel that if you do not turn into a human being too cruel, cold and purely logical you can not withstand the logic of the game. The less human the better.
These days I fought with my girlfriend and, while she was very angry, crying and talking irrational things, I was simply seeking, in a rational way, the best solution to the problem and it made her even more angry because I seemed very cold . Later she told me that I was becoming listless for the sentimental things in life after I started thinking about taking poker seriously and I realized that it was true.
What do you think? Do you feel that you have become listless or too cold after you started playing? How do they manage to maintain healthy relationships while living on exploiting others?

You don't need to remove emotions to be a good poker player, emotions are how you stay motivated , having a balanced live can keep you from feeling like you are losing sight of what's important in life

I think a lot of people struggle with what you're describing.

From what you have written, I can infer that you supress your emotions in order to function coherently with the outcomes of poker. However, a more well rounded and balanced approach exists: to recognise your emotions when they arise and acknowledge whatever feelings do spring up that they are not reality.

An activity that would help you immensely would be to meditate to develop your skill in mindfulness.

Not to mention, having a process that effectively allows you switch off after playing would help you immensely.

Poker is the same as any business. If you are good at say, creating and selling shoes, then someone, somewhere is losing money from the shoes they are creating and selling. By improving your business and creating more revenue, someone else's business suffers. Does this mean we should try to NOT be "too good" at business? Of course not.

I use this same way of thinking with my poker. I am doing the best I can to make my business the best and make the most money. If others do not put in the work, or are irresponsible etc. That is not a responsibility I need to carry. We do our best to play the game the best we can. It is not about "stealing money" from people by exploiting them. It is studying and working hard to improve our own business.

The other week a young guy sat down with exactly $100 and lost it in his first hand. He looked sad. Hurt even. He got up and walked away from the tables. I had AA in that hand and I slow played it to get every last dollar. Should I feel bad? No way! I am not responsible for HIS choices. I can have compassion for his loss and not be an arrogant dick about it. But in the end he chose to use his $100 in the way he did and that's that.

Treat poker like a business.

Away from the table be yourself. As for your relationship. It's pretty normal for men to offer solutions to their gfs/wives. But women just want to be listened to and understood. Even if you see the solution to their problems, just aim to have her feel understood "so you're not feeling good about that... sorry about that... yeah that sounds tough" etc. This doesn't have to conflict with poker.

I think it depends on your work. If one plays poker professionally, there is still enough time for other things.

I play poker by GTO, adjusting, stats and feeling the situations as the hand progresses; more or less all that happens in communications and dealings with people and things also (move with the moment, deal with the moment, the situation, use knowledge, experience and even the GTO) and is no way a bad thing but a good thing. It is said that poker is good for us.

The emotional types can feel left cold by the logical thinkers but they can also value the logical input. I do see and understand the emotions also, though, and I don't think I am leaving anyone cold there but I have not faced your situation.

It seems to me she wants emotional support also, so it may not be too difficult to exploit that and find the adjusted GTO solution to the problem.

"I had AA in that hand and I slow played it to get every last dollar. Should I feel bad? No way! I am not responsible for HIS choices. I can have compassion for his loss and not be an arrogant dick about it. But in the end he chose to use his $100 in the way he did and that's that."

I mean also, we all agreed to sit down and play poker together and the default assumption is that we're all going to try to win rather than lose. If he had won your $100 by hitting a hand and getting you all in with your aces, he would have been quite happy. I kind of consider after the fact displays of distress about losing money you chose to play poker with to be a bit of an angle shoot, maybe hoping to dampen the other player's edge against you in the future by guilting them.

I'm a compassionate person and I strongly support a social safety net, and I contribute to a local food bank. If I won money from someone in poker and they told me it was the grocery money to feed their children, the first thing I would do would be to indulge in healthy skepticism and guess that they're just BSing to get the money back for more gambling or drugs, while assuming they would never give me the money back under any circumstances. The next thing I would do would be to tell them they need help if they gamble with grocery money and to offer to go over to casino security with them to help them voluntarily set up a ban until they resolve their issues. Another thing I would do is to give them the name and address of a food bank. I would certainly tell them that if they ever sit at a table with me again I will move and tell casino security that I am moving because I know this player to be a problem gambler who is blowing grocery money for his children. I wouldn't give them back the money, and I wouldn't buy them groceries either because they might just sell them in the grocery store parking lot. And I certainly would not, under any circumstances, deliberately play poker badly to lose to them to "help" them.

I'm looking for people to play poker with because I like playing poker, and if you buy in and sit down, you're representing yourself as someone who is willing and able to play for that stake and willing to risk it. I'm honest and compassionate and I won't abuse you or harass you or cheat you. But I'm going to play poker to the best of my ability and assume that your finances are your own business as an adult.

In a word, balance.

Also correlation: it may be isolation and having volatile emotions from swings that causes OP to be dispassionate with his friends. Could even be from being around jerks all day. Also selfishness: poker requires one to think only about poker. Becoming more rational of a thinker should benefit relationships.

As a side note, poker has helped me improve financially. I used to have a poor person mentality always buying the cheapest stuff on sale and too scared to invest or take risks. Now I invest in real estate and crypto and use my money in plus ev situations to gain more wealth. Poker taught me to use money and not just sit on it.

And @hlance i 100% agree. I have a friend who is easy money but has a gambling problem. I encouraged him to take a break and study poker. I also stopped sitting to his direct left whenever I can help it.

We hear this about poker all the time. How we hate to take money from others. And, how by playing poker, mostly from pros, we're not all pros, we don't contribute anything to society. And, it always drives me crazy!
A lot of good points have already been made. First of all, when someone loses their money to you, and you see them get upset, you should despise this person, not feel pity for them. A good person, one who accepted the fact that he might either lose to you or win money from form you, once he sits at the table, will lose graciously just like you would expect a good person to win graciously.
But, enough rambling and to the point.
Poker is a recreation. That's why most poker players are called recreational players. So, you, as a better poker player, are an entertainer.
It may sound silly, but just as another poster said, poker is a business, entertainment is a business.
When I go to a concert, I pay. Nobody sings, or acts for free.
I never heard Robert de Niro say, I'm only an actor, I should be doing something instead to contribute to society!

Well said

"...Poker is a recreation. That's why most poker players are called recreational players. So, you, as a better poker player, are an entertainer..."

Damn that is good, forgive me when I steal it and use it elsewhere.

With poker I bought a nice car, I took 1 yr vacation, i paid for a couple of licences I used later to work, for yrs i bought myself clothes without actually checking price tag.
Then I stopped, now I'm 35 and just to stay in front of a laptop almost gives me nausea, i have suffered much more than others having a normal/avg salary, i talk about myself in the past as I'm talking about a person I used to know. If I could, to be honest, i would try that again but I know that now knowing what 1k is I couldn't play free minded and I physically can't pay attention to 10/15 tables, maybe I couldn't play even 6x.
Players acting like they smarter, acting cool for no reason and everyone's else is a loser to me are more annoying than poverty, don't be one of them.
To me online poker it's a world with many cons (idiot players, alienation, stupid shifts and so on) and 1 big 1: money.
If you starting to feeling that way change your way to see it: PLAY JUST AND ONLY FOR FUN OR SEND EVERYONE TO **** OFF AND MAKE YOUR xK $.
You said you ok with money right ? Then u don't need a second job. You said you want to play nl50 at least? Then skip nl10 and play less time but bigger.
If you care about swinging 5k uninstall it before happens or play nl10 for fun (is it fun?)

I try to be nice and friendly to everyone. Playing games always involves winning and losing. It doesn't make anyone a bad person for winning.

wow great point, I feel so much better about myself now =) I still want to give back to community and do some good in the world tho