Quote:
Originally Posted by DonLigretto
I hope someone took the time to read this long post, thanks for your advice
I did, I saw this was posted years ago, you're still here? How are you doing!?
You are addicted, I am addicted aswell, but I never excluded myself, I am more addicted than you, if you take a look at my posts you'll see where I am at. I am completely ****ed up because of this.
Just to the guy that agreed, and the 1st that told you to smoke weed, that's incorrect as hell:
I smoked before starting to play, daily, and I still smoke, and it doesn't help at all smoking to forget...
Because as you said when you get bored you get an urge to play...
If you smoke, anything that you do, because you are addicted to play, will lead you to play, even more, it will turn the urge to play even more strongly, and everything will seem pointless unless you are playing stoned.
I've lost everything over and over again, because I smoke and then the urge to play doesn't go off no matter what, everything looses 101% interest compared to playing. And that's what I do, I go and play.
And playing stoned is more easy to tilt, you'll not take things as rationally regarding tilting.
Bankroll management is another detail, you don't have it, you don't manage anything, you'll loose, just like tilt, it appears and will not go away until you hit 0.
These things you probably already noticed.
A lot of users in this thread have already said what needs to be done, and the truths that need saying, the ones that no gambling addict wants to hear/read, I am not the right person to tell you the right way.
I'll tell you what I need for my gambling addiction to stop.
I need the country where I live, to ban online gambling, like one time they banned in Portugal for a lot of months all the gambling sites for legislation purposes because it was never been legislated. That time, I stopped playing completely for months, and I was good, I wasn't no where near close to any casino also nor any home-games, so I stopped playing completely and I even forgot about that.
Then as soon as I emmigrated, the 1st salary I got I started playing, daily, until today, it's been 2 years now. And Portugal already has legalized everything.
I went to my country for some months during this 2 years, and because I was living near Casino Estoril, I ****ed my money there, I used to work, and after work, all tired and exhausted, I still went and play on the casino.
Because that will never happen, no country will ban online gambling that's just preposterous, I should ban myself for life... I don't do it because I am afraid I would suffer of anxiety when I wanted to play again and couldn't anymore, I would completely loose my mind. I would get a depression and think about playing 24/7.
And if I did it anyways, I know it would lead me to chase casinos, I would probably go live near a casino to play there every day I could. Like I did in casino estoril. And in the casino, when I tilt, it's for everything I have, until it closes or I don't have anything.
So, what is my solution for myself?
Like you said, you get bored and want to play. Hear hear.
I also don't do anything other than binge watching and playing video-games watching memes and surfing the net, these are not the right ways to spend time...
So I have to start there... Stuff to do that are productive to my health and pleasurable... I still haven't started doing anything other than stupid useless ****, so the urge because I'm not with my mind busy will always be here, possessing me completely.
But that's not all... I need to find a person with whom I can have a serious and dedicated relationship, which will translate in goals for life, for the future, I also don't have any goals for the future, at least goals that I am dedicated 101% to pursue, I don't have goals, I have hopes.
But that's not all... because even if I find stuff to do to occupy my mind, and a person to share my life with and goals to pursue, I will still have alone times...
So... I need to be honest about this, and stay away from my money, that's the only way I think. And that's what I'm thinking about, next salary, I'm going next my only family member, one that is crazy and sick about the way I've been leading my life, that lives near me, and has a wife and a small kid and has his expenses and life, with a lot of responsibilities and knows about me lighting my money on fire every single month, and he's been seeing me do that, for more than 1 year now,
so what I mean to say is I can't stand talking with him about my actions because it will bring back the self-awareness of loosing and destroying everything I have and will make me have to face it, in the face of another person, that sees things like they really are and tells me what I already know and I don't want to hear: YOU KEEP ****ING UP.
So I avoid at all costs speaking with him one more time after having destroyed everything once again...
He's the right person to keep my money, not all, but money so that I can have savings in the future.
I didn't want to do it, I didn't have confidence in him... And I still don't know if it's the right thing to do, but I don't care anymore, this month, I decided I don't care anymore, I will do it, he's the only person that can keep money from me, because I won't talk to him if I loose everything, because I never do, it comes up because we are together a lot of times and he ends up knowing, but I don't ask him money, and I will certainly not ask him my money, because I can't stand to face him, not that I would have to argue with him, it's just that it's to painful and shameful for me to admit to him I did it. It's more than wanting to play with the money he will keep for me.
So, family. There you have it, or a person that you trust 101%, will have to keep your money for you, and work as a savings account, but a savings account that will not allow you to go there get the money.
So, I will still play, I will still try to find another stuff to do and keep me busy, but I will have money saved and adding up, no matter what, and if I end up going degenerate gambler and loose everything, I'll just have to live with that like I always did. And the money will keep adding up, like the rent money, after I pay my rent I forget about it, I will never get it back, and with a person like my uncle I will never get my money back because I don't want to get it back, it's with him to keep for the future, vacations or whatever.
Or him, or my mother, I don't know yet to whom I will ask to keep my money, some of it, but it will not be in any way close to me in any bank account I can have access to.
The thing is my cousin doesn't know I have debts, and he knows how much my salary is, when I give him money for him to keep he will probably ask me if I'm joking because it will be much less than what I get paid, so that will probably create a ****ing ****-storm because he will argue I should've have told him before, even tho he doesn't need to know, he feels he should.
But hey, I don't care, if he keeps 100 dollars for me each month, which I have no idea what amount will I be giving him, it will be 100 dollars saved, after 5 years destroying pretty much everything, it's 100 dollars well used.
Wanting to play above doing anything else 24/7 is sickening and depressing, but that's me.
I look at me and I pity myself.
I could be so great, and I am so bad, it's confusing, and seems unfair, but it's my fault, I really don't understand, and yet, I really do, because of the impulses I get I do what I do because I don't really care about anything more than I care about playing, and that's why I say this is like heroin, because heroin addicts don't care about anything else more than they care about their heroin.