a lot of these suggestions sound like they come form people who have never had a successful relationship. You are definitely not addicted or a problem gambler. You set your limits and stick to them better than 99% of people.
You don't need to lie or be mean to her (tell her how its going to be or tell her how much she spends relative to you). Just have a sit-down conversation like an adult and tell her you really enjoy poker. If you have solo vacations each year she clearly understands the idea of enjoying time by yourself. Bring those up say poker gives you the same solo enjoyment. Ask her why you playing poker bothers her so much. Maybe she knows you are a -EV player and just thinks it is dumb that you play because of it or maybe she has some deep-set disapproval of gambling in general that you don't know about. I think you can talk to her about it and find some middle ground where you can still play poker and not be afraid to lose. It is also possible that she is very selfish and even though she spends more than you she doesn't want you to spend anything on yourself. If this is the case then you can try to fix this issue as it will probably become a bigger issue later in life.
I think your hourly rate would be much better if you weren't so afraid to lose. Being afraid to lose is very bad for a poker player's decisions.
You married her for a reason (hopefully a good one
). Try to talk through your issues. Don't let her push you around but don't be a dick to her either.