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Old 12-13-2016, 03:38 PM   #26
cafepoker
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Re: Give me a frank and honest assessment...

Honestly you make enough money that you can do what you please. Set a budget with her ($1000 per year) and set a budget with yourself she doesn't know about ($3000). You could probably play all year on this money If you book some wins.

You are making it harder on yourself and her by doing anything else. Just enjoy your leisure activity and play when you want. Also get a little better at poker or stick with limit.
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Old 12-13-2016, 06:20 PM   #27
Talladega
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Re: Give me a frank and honest assessment...

Sounds more like you need to find out why she freaks out so much by you playing poker for a couple of % of your annual salary? Spending that kind of money on a hobby should be of no concern really, I spend alot more than that on stupid bicycle parts while earning alot less.

There has to be a reason why she is being quite irrational about what you are doing.


I am all for being kind to the wife and being on her good side but you are still your own person. So if playing some poker is something you like she should be supportive of that as long as you handle it like you do, setting a yearly budget and sticking to it. You have a right to your own money and spending it on things that makes YOU happy.
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Old 12-13-2016, 06:35 PM   #28
Scott7x
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Re: Give me a frank and honest assessment...

I think maybe she knows she's a ten, and she knows that you know your a 4, so she exploits you
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Old 12-13-2016, 09:44 PM   #29
Howard Beale
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Re: Give me a frank and honest assessment...

If I were married to a 10 I'd never walk into a casino again.
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Old 12-14-2016, 08:15 AM   #30
Bob148
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Re: Give me a frank and honest assessment...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Scott7x View Post
I think maybe she knows she's a ten, and she knows that you know your a 4, so she exploits you
Asymmetrical range game theory itt. 😄
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Old 12-14-2016, 01:31 PM   #31
ARCANGEL0
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Re: Give me a frank and honest assessment...

Women and poker don't mix. Your wife proly tells u that u rather to play poker than being with her. Sucks. I have been in that situ and it doesn't end well. If u really wanna keep ur wife around quit poker. If u think that u can ''work a deal'' the deal should be: -dear wife i am a grown up and i am responsible of my actions i am gonna keep paying the bills and putting food on the table. I work hard and deserve to be a good recreational player. I'll keep playing and you and me are never talking about poker ever again for the health of our relationship-

GLGL
GLGL
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Old 01-11-2017, 04:28 AM   #32
AreYouQualified
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Re: Give me a frank and honest assessment...

You don't have a gambling problem but you do have a wife problem. She is the one who has an unhealthy relationship with money if she goes off on you for losing $200 when YOU make 6 figures per yr.
Also the power dynamic in your relationship is clearly out of whack, in her favor, and is likely irreparable. Consider divorce sooner than later because every day you wait will cost you more when it happens.

Sorry to have to offer you this advice. You will be better off without her. I know it's nice to have a warm place to stick it sometimes but it's not worth what comes along with it in most cases.
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Old 01-11-2017, 02:27 PM   #33
tirtep
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Re: Give me a frank and honest assessment...

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Originally Posted by AreYouQualified View Post
You don't have a gambling problem but you do have a wife problem. She is the one who has an unhealthy relationship with money if she goes off on you for losing $200 when YOU make 6 figures per yr.
Also the power dynamic in your relationship is clearly out of whack, in her favor, and is likely irreparable. Consider divorce sooner than later because every day you wait will cost you more when it happens.

Sorry to have to offer you this advice. You will be better off without her. I know it's nice to have a warm place to stick it sometimes but it's not worth what comes along with it in most cases.
A brutally honest suggestion. But, it's never easy.

As I said somewhere else, in another interesting thread:

From black bright eyes and melted blue,
I cannot choose between the two.

P.S. Only the owner knows where the roof is leaking.

Last edited by tirtep; 01-11-2017 at 02:39 PM.
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Old 01-19-2017, 06:15 AM   #34
baker2g
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Re: Give me a frank and honest assessment...

Just because your married doesn't mean you have to turn into your wife's pet, tell her to add up all her manicures/pedicures/shoe shopping or whatever she likes to do for the year, and that will be your new poker budget for the year.
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Old 01-19-2017, 06:42 AM   #35
Mr.DjiSamSoe
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Re: Give me a frank and honest assessment...

I think you are addicted to Poker..but the fear of losing your wife(her trust,the relationship or whatever that is)bis suppressing that feeling..

You need to get help or at least talk to the wife about it.. Don't sell yourself short a 4 with six figures digit income equal 10 nowdays lol

GL with the cruise and poker
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Old 01-19-2017, 06:46 AM   #36
mira
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Re: Give me a frank and honest assessment...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bob148 View Post
Nice post.

I think dal needs to watch "white men cant jump." If you haven't seen it then don't read this:

Spoiler:
hahaha. This is absolutely hilarious, and i can so relate!
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Old 01-22-2017, 07:41 AM   #37
swivet
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Re: Give me a frank and honest assessment...

Post 34 says it all....

However (I guess not all) The issue is that your wife's nose is out of joint, but money cannot be the real reason....is it time? is it control? Serious question.....Are you getting all the sex you want, and is it good?

Alternative suggestion:

Take up a VERY expensive hobby....or at least talk big about one....coin collecting; professional photography; or to make it more believable, something that she knows you have some interest in already, but get SUPER SERIOUS about it....

Then, take up a cheap but really time consuming hobby.....porn is good.....


Does she work? What is her income compared to yours?

Gauge the complaining

I agree with the 'taking advantage post' above.
I was with a 'too hot for me' girl twice, and both times I put up with Stuff I never would have put up with if she were a 5 instead of an 8 or so.

Please post results
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Old 01-29-2017, 12:26 PM   #38
Hardball47
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Re: Give me a frank and honest assessment...

OK, I want to make sure I got this story clear.

You're a well off guy making six figures with a hot wife who spends boatloads of money on shopping, pedi/manicures compared to your poker spending. And you spend a lot of money every year in vacation. Does your wife work, or is her only job spending your money, looking pretty and being a trophy wife? If you answered no to the first part and yes to the second, then my advice to you has nothing to do with poker.

Be a man, put your foot down, and tell her how it's going to be. You're the man of the house, so take charge. Tell her if she doesn't like you spending money on your hobbies, then you want her to cut down her trips to the spa. Say it in those words. Be stern and serious about it. If you show any inkling of fear in your body language, then she'll respond negatively. Don't flinch even for a moment. The moment you do is when she's reassured that you're a pushover and she has power over you (read: she thinks you're a pussy and doesn't respect you). This assumes that you're her sole source of income.

Look, if you're being a responsible father and husband by taking care of your personal and family business (taking care of the house, kids, wife emotionally and financially), which from the looks of it you are, then your wife has no right telling you how to spend your money on the things you enjoy. She only has that right when your obligations to your family are impeded by your spending/hobbies.

Now find your balls and get back on the felt.
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Old 01-29-2017, 07:01 PM   #39
westwd
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Re: Give me a frank and honest assessment...

a lot of these suggestions sound like they come form people who have never had a successful relationship. You are definitely not addicted or a problem gambler. You set your limits and stick to them better than 99% of people.

You don't need to lie or be mean to her (tell her how its going to be or tell her how much she spends relative to you). Just have a sit-down conversation like an adult and tell her you really enjoy poker. If you have solo vacations each year she clearly understands the idea of enjoying time by yourself. Bring those up say poker gives you the same solo enjoyment. Ask her why you playing poker bothers her so much. Maybe she knows you are a -EV player and just thinks it is dumb that you play because of it or maybe she has some deep-set disapproval of gambling in general that you don't know about. I think you can talk to her about it and find some middle ground where you can still play poker and not be afraid to lose. It is also possible that she is very selfish and even though she spends more than you she doesn't want you to spend anything on yourself. If this is the case then you can try to fix this issue as it will probably become a bigger issue later in life.

I think your hourly rate would be much better if you weren't so afraid to lose. Being afraid to lose is very bad for a poker player's decisions.

You married her for a reason (hopefully a good one ). Try to talk through your issues. Don't let her push you around but don't be a dick to her either.
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Old 01-29-2017, 08:27 PM   #40
DalTXColtsFan
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Re: Give me a frank and honest assessment...

Quote:
Originally Posted by westwd View Post
a lot of these suggestions sound like they come form people who have never had a successful relationship.
I didn't want to seem unkind or ungrateful, but you nailed it here. DIVORCE because my wife doesn't like my poker habit? Preposterous.

I'll react to the other pieces of advice (all of which were appreciated whether or not I agreed with them) later.
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Old 01-29-2017, 11:09 PM   #41
Howard Beale
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Re: Give me a frank and honest assessment...

Some of the responses are overly harsh, nobody knows your circumstances except that we all agree that for those few dollars that you can easily afford your wife is being unreasonable ACCORDING TO US.

Many ppl simply view gambling as a waste that may lead to horror and they are often enough right but it grates that your wife isn't treating you like an adult.

How about trying a shockeroo? 'Maybe we should see a marriage counselor?' That might be the splash of cold water that she needs.
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Old 01-30-2017, 08:14 AM   #42
DalTXColtsFan
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Re: Give me a frank and honest assessment...

Here's a quick update on the situation:

The wife and I did sit down and have a talk. The long and short of it is she is convinced I'm a gambling addict. She even talks behind my back to *her* family about how scared she is that I have a "vice". When I give her all the evidence to the contrary, like how many times I've gone 9 months without going to the casino and the time I stopped going to the casino EVEN THOUGH I WAS UP FOR THE YEAR out of respect for HER feelings, her response is simply "all of your denials are just evidence of your addiction".

This changes things a bit IMHO. It's not about a power struggle (she has NEVER actually STOPPED me from going to the casino), it's not about finances, it's about her feelings.

It makes no sense - she knows alcoholics and drug addicts, so she knows that there's no way any of them could go 9 months without a drink or drug. We even have a friend who had to divorce her husband because he gambled away their daughter's college tuition on sports betting. I'm nowhere NEAR that bad, not even close.

If it was about her being controlling or manipulative or bossy I could tell her listen just let me do what I enjoy, I'm *not* irresponsible, but since she's genuinely scared it's a totally different story.
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Old 01-30-2017, 11:51 AM   #43
Howard Beale
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Re: Give me a frank and honest assessment...

Maybe try establishing 'poker nights?' IOW, a certain date every few months. Or you can do what many others do: LIE TO HER! 'I have to stay late at work.'

How many years have you two been together?
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Old 01-30-2017, 12:15 PM   #44
cafepoker
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Re: Give me a frank and honest assessment...

Lie is fine. She has a problem with the money right? So just say your profiting all the time and play when you want. Try not to lose obv but she doesn't need to know the details of your poker escapades. Some people have bad preconceived notions about the demon game of gambling devil poker.
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Old 01-30-2017, 03:01 PM   #45
DalTXColtsFan
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Re: Give me a frank and honest assessment...

We've been together 16 years, married 14. Got hooked on poker about 5 years ago.

Everybody's entitled their opinion, and mine is that lying to someone you've known 16 years, been married to for 14, have a family with and want to be with for the rest of your life not a recipe for success.
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Old 01-30-2017, 04:39 PM   #46
Howard Beale
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Re: Give me a frank and honest assessment...

That's fine. Give up poker and there will be one unhappy person in the marriage instead of two.
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Old 01-30-2017, 10:33 PM   #47
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Re: Give me a frank and honest assessment...

It's a freaking card game and not worth losing your marriage over especially if children are involved. Yes, it will suck to have to quit but you'll get over it in time. Man up and focus on your wife and her needs so you can do what's right for your family. If you really are playing as little as you say, it should be pretty easy to stop. There are plenty of other enjoyable hobbies you can take up that your wife might be more than happy to do with you.
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Old 01-31-2017, 12:54 PM   #48
ARCANGEL0
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Re: Give me a frank and honest assessment...

She even talks behind my back to *her* family about how scared she is that I have a "vice". When I give her all the evidence to the contrary, like how many times I've gone 9 months without going to the casino and the time I stopped going to the casino EVEN THOUGH I WAS UP FOR THE YEAR out of respect for HER feelings, her response is simply "all of your denials are just evidence of your addiction".

>>>OMG wow just... wow!

You should play the more expensive hobby card someone above suggested.
Tell us how that goes.


glgl
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Old 01-31-2017, 01:06 PM   #49
Howard Beale
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Re: Give me a frank and honest assessment...

There are a very great many ppl who think that gambling is the Devil's work and no one is going to convince them that 'poker is different' or that it's not a problem for them. OP's wife seem like one of them since she's so adamant. 'Happy wife, happy life' is a saying for a reason. If OP can give up poker w/o building a resentment over the course of time that might affect the marriage that's the way to go.
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Old 02-02-2017, 11:24 PM   #50
ZeckoRiver
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Re: Give me a frank and honest assessment...

1000 is cheap for an im guessing entertaining hobby
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