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Old 09-20-2017, 09:34 PM   #1
Jonkotemmer
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The end is near, losing my mind. How do I move on?

Hello,

Im 27 years old, been playing poker since I was 18. I used to play online, I had my ups and downs, however last year I was completly broke.

I switched from online to live poker since last year, and things went good. I grinded my bankroll to 30k in 1 year live poker, then I discovered baccarat in the casino. I lost 18k in that game over a time period of 2 months. When I had 12k left, I decided that enough was enough and I will only stick with poker before I would go busto. So I jumped back to the tables and been running insanely bad since then. I have now 7k left to my name and im completly broken.

I just came back from another live session where I lost 1700$. I think I played fairly well, but I never runned so bad in one session ever.

Anyways, I cannot forget my losses. My soul in empty, I cannot sleep at nights, im almost busto? That feeling is insane. I feel broken, when I wake up I got that very bad feeling how much money I have lost. How can I get myself together?

I played 2/4 live. I dont know if I can still play those stakes with this bankroll, And if yes, should I min buyin 250?

Any advice is appreciated. I would never put myself in this position again, only If I could overcome it this time.
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Old 09-20-2017, 10:24 PM   #2
Jonkotemmer
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Re: The end is near, losing my mind. How do I move on?

Also, maybe I can apply for a creditcard to be able to grind. I honestly believe that my game is profitable. Would that be a bad idea?
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Old 09-20-2017, 10:26 PM   #3
JackInDaCrak
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Re: The end is near, losing my mind. How do I move on?

You're not a poker player you're a gambler. Hang it up.
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Old 09-20-2017, 11:21 PM   #4
esspoker
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Re: The end is near, losing my mind. How do I move on?

7,000 isn't the end of the world. Take a step back and breathe. There's more to life than poker, get a job and recoup. The reality is you may have just run good for a while. Running bad happens in poker and it's hard for everyone but that's the price of being a poker player
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Old 09-21-2017, 12:49 AM   #5
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Re: The end is near, losing my mind. How do I move on?

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Originally Posted by Jonkotemmer View Post
Also, maybe I can apply for a creditcard to be able to grind. I honestly believe that my game is profitable. Would that be a bad idea?
Yes, that would be a very bad idea. Credit cards are great tools for people who have the funds to pay them off every month and not accrue interest. They are terrible for people who want to borrow money to use for gambling.
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Old 09-21-2017, 01:18 AM   #6
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Re: The end is near, losing my mind. How do I move on?

If u have 30k u should use another 20k to grind 5/5 comfortably...baccarat is for luck sake, you will lose in long run, control yourself. Set a limit for barccarat

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Old 09-21-2017, 01:20 AM   #7
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Re: The end is near, losing my mind. How do I move on?

You should be glad u still have 7k br..now I don't even have 5k for 1/2. Don't use credit card, do something outside gambling, poker to recope your positivity. Never, EVER chase losses

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Old 09-21-2017, 01:31 AM   #8
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Re: The end is near, losing my mind. How do I move on?

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Also, maybe I can apply for a creditcard to be able to grind. I honestly believe that my game is profitable. Would that be a bad idea?
This is the absolute worst thing you can do. You've got 7k! Drop down and play 1/2 and spin it up.

You need to not be thinking in terms of BBs and NOT dollar amounds and your fluctuating bankroll while you play. Haven't you ever heard the degen term "scared money don't make money" Also buying in for the min and playing 40,50,60bb deep is a bad idea in nearly every NLHE scenario.

Oh and this goes without saying, stop playing pit games! If you have an edge in poker, why on earth would waste your time playing a game where the house has an edge?
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Old 09-21-2017, 07:32 AM   #9
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Re: The end is near, losing my mind. How do I move on?

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This is the absolute worst thing you can do. You've got 7k! Drop down and play 1/2 and spin it up.

You need to not be thinking in terms of BBs and NOT dollar amounds and your fluctuating bankroll while you play. Haven't you ever heard the degen term "scared money don't make money" Also buying in for the min and playing 40,50,60bb deep is a bad idea in nearly every NLHE scenario.

Oh and this goes without saying, stop playing pit games! If you have an edge in poker, why on earth would waste your time playing a game where the house has an edge?
Can you tell me why is it bad to min buyin in NLH? I always bought in max. when I had the bankroll. But now the bankroll is not strong enough to buyin max. If I buyin 500$ which I normally did for 2/4. I will have 14 buyins left. I can drop stakes ofcourse, but the homegames I played in run only 2/4 game. I can go to the casino for 2/2, but the homegames are much juicer.

I dont plan to apply for a creditcard now, but if Im completly broke, wouldnt that be a good option for me? I can honestly say that my game is good. What made this downfall for me is the pit games. Ofcourse, bad run is a part of the game. But after I blew up 2/3 of my roll in the pitgames, I started to run badly also in poker. Nice timing for the bad run, huh?
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Old 09-21-2017, 05:00 PM   #10
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Re: The end is near, losing my mind. How do I move on?

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Can you tell me why is it bad to min buyin in NLH? I always bought in max. when I had the bankroll. But now the bankroll is not strong enough to buyin max. If I buyin 500$ which I normally did for 2/4. I will have 14 buyins left. I can drop stakes ofcourse, but the homegames I played in run only 2/4 game. I can go to the casino for 2/2, but the homegames are much juicer.

I dont plan to apply for a creditcard now, but if Im completly broke, wouldnt that be a good option for me? I can honestly say that my game is good. What made this downfall for me is the pit games. Ofcourse, bad run is a part of the game. But after I blew up 2/3 of my roll in the pitgames, I started to run badly also in poker. Nice timing for the bad run, huh?
Stick back to 2/2 with 7k br, idc how great your skills as a poker player are. You will need higher br to sustain downswings...when u have ~12k back. Use the 2k to restart 5/5...

at least min 5000bb for each level

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Old 09-22-2017, 12:06 AM   #11
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Re: The end is near, losing my mind. How do I move on?

this has to be a troll
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Old 09-22-2017, 07:27 AM   #12
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Re: The end is near, losing my mind. How do I move on?

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this has to be a troll
why?
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Old 09-22-2017, 08:48 AM   #13
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Re: The end is near, losing my mind. How do I move on?

I've got some novel advice for you. Be proud of your pain and suffering, it will help you become a good person.

https://www.brainpickings.org/2014/1...on-difficulty/


As for practical advice, I'd recommend starting simple. Cleaning your room regularly is a excellent practice, then there's daily exercise and meditation. When the world gives you too much crap, it's time to start looking for happiness inside, instead of outside.

Do challenging things in life and don't let failure stop you . Actively seek out situations in which you can fail. Everything external you do only for the internal good, because you recognize that the only way to happiness is through adjusting your attitude.

This will make you resilient. It will make you happiness-independent.


Sort yourself out! Jordan B Peterson is the best!
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Old 09-25-2017, 02:00 PM   #14
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Re: The end is near, losing my mind. How do I move on?

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I dont plan to apply for a creditcard now, but if Im completly broke, wouldnt that be a good option for me?
Not sure what you mean by a good option for you. The absolute WORST time to get a credit card is when you are completely broke. You would have no chance of paying it off, and all you would do is sink deeper and deeper in the hole. If you think getting it in order to facilitate gambling - that makes it even worse.

First off, if you are completely broke and have no credit, any bank that gives you a credit card is going to charge you a ridiculous interest rate. It makes everything you buy more expensive. That is not a good way to get out of the hole.

Credit cards are great tools for people who actually don't need them, because they have the money to pay them off every month without paying interest. They are terrible tools for people who can't afford to pay them off, because they encourage them to spend money they don't have (which is what you are suggesting when you think it would be a good option if you have no money) thus forcing you deeper and deeper into debt.
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Old 09-25-2017, 02:07 PM   #15
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Re: The end is near, losing my mind. How do I move on?

Stop playing for a 'living'. Get a job, any job. Work the job for 6 months without gambling/poker. After that, begin playing poker on the weekends. If you can't stop playing 6 months, you have an addiction for which you need to seek professional help.

And FFS, DO NOT gamble on credit!
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Old 09-30-2017, 02:57 PM   #16
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Re: The end is near, losing my mind. How do I move on?

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Stop playing for a 'living'. Get a job, any job. Work the job for 6 months without gambling/poker. After that, begin playing poker on the weekends. If you can't stop playing 6 months, you have an addiction for which you need to seek professional help.

And FFS, DO NOT gamble on credit!
He's right about getting a job - but don't just quit playing poker if you like it. Just play like 1 or 2 days a week at 1/2.

Also money is relative. 30k is not that much money even though you may feel like it is. It's just 1 nice car. And you still have 7k left - at least you aren't in debt.

You shouldn't quit your job unless you have over 200k imo - and even than it's probably not a great idea as most people lose themselves with work.

Go get a bartending job if you like the gambling life style.

Running bad or good in poker can last a very long time. People mistake run good for being a good player - or run bad with being a bad player. Variance can trick your mind. You probably are decent if you ran up a bankroll to 30k. That is not that easy to do - and it depends on a lot of things including game selection - your thought process at the time, and if your poker economy is good. But 30k is not enough imo to not work. Games in casinos are pretty easy, but you still need to game select, because you want wealthy flounders at your table who hemorrhage stacks.
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Old 09-30-2017, 03:04 PM   #17
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Re: The end is near, losing my mind. How do I move on?

use the last of your 5k and get a top notch coach and study the game hard. Use the other 2k to play 100 buy-in live tourneys and get a part-time job. If this fails get a real full-time job and play poker as a hobby until you get better and always, always study. No study no honey
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Old 10-05-2017, 08:46 PM   #18
Jonkotemmer
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Re: The end is near, losing my mind. How do I move on?

Hello,

Thank you guys for your replies. Since I started this thread, it kept going downwards. I tried to play but I just can't win anymore. Im playin scared money, miss 99% off the flops completly, and my draws will never come. I also noticed that Im playing bad now, can't think clearly, make stupid plays. I know my game used to be not like this.

I already had a job all the time, while I still was grinding and had 30k. But I worked parttime from 3pm to 8pm. so in the evenings I had time to play, and enough time to sleep since I start 3pm working. After the ''downswing'' and money blew on pit games, I started to work in the mornings aswell. So now I work like 8 to 9 hours a day. I start from 7am to 10am and then have a break, and then start again at 3pm to 8pm.

However, I couldnt stop playing poker, meanwhile I have to wake up 6am now to go to my job. So this past 2 weeks, I kept playing (and losing) untill 2am or so, then wake up at 6, completly broken and I had to go to my job ofcourse.

Today is another day like that, here I am at 2:30 am. I just came back from a session where I dropped another 600$ and now I have to sleep and wake up at 6 :s. How can I sleep now? Losing another 600$ and how can I wake up tomorrow without being sick to my stomach? So I decided that I dont want this feeling anymore, never. Today was officially my last session. This game is the worst thing that ever happend to me. It consumed 10 years of my life, living in pain, stress, misery all the time. It has to stop.

I have 3k left (lol) I cant stop to think about the money I have lost. You know what the worst is? I haven't enjoyed single penny of my 30k bankroll. I havent bought anything from it, other then food. Just blew it away.

I want to stick with my current job. I work 8 to 9 hours daily, my hourly salary is 10$ so its not much. But I wanna save money slowly, and work on other aspects of life without focussing to much on money. I missed very much in life after all those years of poker. Time to focus on that I guess.

Suicide would be sweet, but its not a option imo. I hope for better days in the future.
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Old 10-05-2017, 09:54 PM   #19
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Re: The end is near, losing my mind. How do I move on?

Dude, please please please stop playing poker or gambling in any form. You're a gambling addict, and you don't have the roll to sustain any kind of variance now. Work as hard as you can and try to find a job that pays better. Maybe go back to school so you can get a better paying job, but you shouldn't play poker for a long while after this. You're a victim of your early success, but you really need to stop before it kills you. Just put your head down, work hard, and get a therapist. Things will get better, but killing yourself in a casino isn't the way to do it.
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Old 10-06-2017, 03:48 AM   #20
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Re: The end is near, losing my mind. How do I move on?

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You're not a poker player you're a gambler. Hang it up.


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Old 10-08-2017, 06:45 PM   #21
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Re: The end is near, losing my mind. How do I move on?

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Hello,

Thank you guys for your replies. Since I started this thread, it kept going downwards. I tried to play but I just can't win anymore. Im playin scared money, miss 99% off the flops completly, and my draws will never come. I also noticed that Im playing bad now, can't think clearly, make stupid plays. I know my game used to be not like this.

I already had a job all the time, while I still was grinding and had 30k. But I worked parttime from 3pm to 8pm. so in the evenings I had time to play, and enough time to sleep since I start 3pm working. After the ''downswing'' and money blew on pit games, I started to work in the mornings aswell. So now I work like 8 to 9 hours a day. I start from 7am to 10am and then have a break, and then start again at 3pm to 8pm.

However, I couldnt stop playing poker, meanwhile I have to wake up 6am now to go to my job. So this past 2 weeks, I kept playing (and losing) untill 2am or so, then wake up at 6, completly broken and I had to go to my job ofcourse.

Today is another day like that, here I am at 2:30 am. I just came back from a session where I dropped another 600$ and now I have to sleep and wake up at 6 :s. How can I sleep now? Losing another 600$ and how can I wake up tomorrow without being sick to my stomach? So I decided that I dont want this feeling anymore, never. Today was officially my last session. This game is the worst thing that ever happend to me. It consumed 10 years of my life, living in pain, stress, misery all the time. It has to stop.

I have 3k left (lol) I cant stop to think about the money I have lost. You know what the worst is? I haven't enjoyed single penny of my 30k bankroll. I havent bought anything from it, other then food. Just blew it away.

I want to stick with my current job. I work 8 to 9 hours daily, my hourly salary is 10$ so its not much. But I wanna save money slowly, and work on other aspects of life without focussing to much on money. I missed very much in life after all those years of poker. Time to focus on that I guess.

Suicide would be sweet, but its not a option imo. I hope for better days in the future.
Yep, your goddamn right, suicide would be sweet...

But it can go wrong, and we get to live disabled, or it can hurt, and for pain is enough when we destroy our money gambling and the full-on daily reminder.

And then there's also our family that loves us, and in my case, I can actually help by providing for them, by helping financially and emotionally...

My mother doesn't get tired of telling that I am the only thing that she ever wanted the most in her life, and that she loves me very much, and misses me... So if suicide could come with a chance to erase the world's memories of me ever being alive, I wouldn't be writing anything. I would be in the cemetery, or like, nowhere.

I got a credit card, 1000k plafond, to gamble, well, to play poker yes, not gamble, but an addict is an addict, playing poker addicted morphs into gambling as easily as the most easy thing we can imagine.

Then I found out, that if I canceled my payment midway thru the month, I could get the credit card payment, before it was made, even tho it was giving 1000k more to spend.

So, what did I do? I canceled the payment, and instead of 1000k that month, I got 2000k. So, I got to destroy 2000k that month.

And when the time came to pay the next month, I said, oh hell no, I won't pay anything, so I don't have to spend anything this month, and I'll "invest" (the most LOL term in the gambling addict mind) everything I have, so that when I pay up it won't make any difference.

It's been almost 1 year since I haven't paid. I have my name in the government now, I am in a special list of people that owe money, and either I pay or I pay...

I live everyday with the fear that maybe someday I will just be approached by the police, because they do that here, to pay, and if I don't, I will be deported. And everyday I wait for that to happen.

Because I don't pay, because I keep using all the money to gamble, to get more money so that I can pay, and still be comfortable afterwards.

The thing is 10 days ago, I was gambling, and I won 7000k dollars, in one day, from like 200 or 300...

But the thing is the same day, well not the same day, but I didn't sleep so it's not like it was the same day, anyways, I destroyed everything, and on top of the 7k, I had my own money that summed up like 1k or close to that, so what did I do?

I had to chase losses, so I also spent the remainings.

So we are in the month 10, and I've managed to live thru 10 months, destroying winnings, early in the month, and then living broke, literally, broke, 2, 3, 4 weeks at a time, with little food.

I worked like you did and played at the same time like you did, but that didn't took long until I was so bad I ended up destroying everything on tilt.

So you are good! You have money on your hand, and a job, and you seem to have left the idea of playing.

Good for you. And wish me luck next month when I gamble to pay my debts and still have money left, or wish me luck that they don't come knocking on my door to deport me, or wish me luck that I find a job!
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Old 10-18-2017, 03:07 PM   #22
fasterlearner
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Re: The end is near, losing my mind. How do I move on?

hey man I'll reply since I"m on a downswing also.

Your bacarrat playing is stupid. Thats on u

Sure you can play with less than a full buy in. It can actually be a big advantage against over aggressive players who don't account for short stacks. They raise there dumb crap & you shove your 88+AJ+ whatever & profit. Seems like a good strategy to me if your not full of coinfidence at the moment.

I'm seriously questioning whether pokerstars is rigged right now. This is probably my worst run ever, not financial, but its been like 30 straight bad days. I spend a good hour per day telling myself how crazy this is, and it can't be real. Probably sounds pretty similar to you, can't hit a flop, everyone flops the nuts. Losing money isn't fun but for me its much more about the way I'm losing and the feeling of being hexxed. I've never seen anything like this. I played 2 sessions yesterday and the first hand of session 2 I limped QQ flop 663 and guy with 84s & flush draw bets position and we get it in, Tournament, and he hits his flush. I went back looked at my first session after steaming, and didn't make anything bigger than 2 pair in 4 hours. This guy beats me in 1 hand. Everyday for 30 days has been like that. I wait 8-9 flops to hit a pair, and these guys smash that on flop 1. I lost my last 2 full houses too.

Anyone else running so bad they think stars might be rigged.

I've just never had a run like this, its extradonary to me. Its just getting hard to fathom that anyone could run this bad. Unfortunately I get tilted too, and have made mistakes I don't normally make. But its just so insane I can't make it through 10 minutes of session 1 without being astonished by the luck witnessed in front of me that might take me years.

I started PLO recently. This one steady reg who is the biggest reg at the stakes made 3 set over sets in 3 straigtht sessions, top vs middle each time, and then the 4th session after that he hit a 1 outer with AA83 on KQQ vs a guy with AKQ4. I went & looked back at all my set over sets and I have 3 top set vs middle set since I started playing the game period. He did it in 3 straight sessions followed by a 1 outer, something I've never hit in PLO. He's a decent player, but I just can't compete with this when guys are able to do this type of stuff. I'm torn all the time wondering, I'm a really this unlucky, or are these guys just so insanely lucky.. I don't understand how other players are able to pull off such miracles that I might not do in a entire year?

Anyways I'm venting too. Hopefully it goes better for you. There's a good app for meditation (simple habits) that I have been using before sessions for 5 minutes. Its worked somewhat, I have been calmer. Thats the best I can offer you. I still get mad as hell, cause within 15 minutes I lose dominating every day without question.
I fish I could just play for 30 minutes and go card dead and just fold that would be my best session in a long time.
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