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Busted my BR in one evening, now what Busted my BR in one evening, now what

06-04-2020 , 10:00 PM
Background story:

Started playing online very little ago, after starting for 8 months live. Quickly realised how little I knew compared to what I think I knew, and how much more you have to study to be an online succesfull player than a live grinder.
Deposited 300 in 888 poker and I played ******edly outside my BR in NL50, but with a little sun run and the players at that site weren't very good I manage tu run my roll up to 1.4k. I played zoom and had like 10 bb/100 and 18 EV bb/100 so definately some run good, but on a small sample (30k hands). But after that, one session with extreme tilt, the usual story, get sucked out , fish hits 1 outter 5 times in a row, lose 5 flips, nothing new, but after loosing 5-6 BI, I tilted off a great deal of my BR in one night. I managed to be soo lucky that binked a tournament back to 1k. Decided to switch sites and start playing NL25, cause I could not handle the swings and was not good enough to beat NL50 in a consistent basis. So since the action at that lvl in 888 was non existent, I switched 500 to gg poker. The other 500 I spewed in 888 like a ******. I know, I suck.

I struggled at first, but in GG I managed to grind my br to 1k playing exclusively NL25. I continued to study, withdrew some to purchase flop zilla, all cool. Started shotting NL50, first 20k hands I run 400$ under EV, but I handled it kinda good, moved back to NL 25, recovered the money, took shots, lost it at 50 tables, repeated . Finally I ran better and could mantain a positive win rate and got 1.7k. I played around 70k hands of zoom and 40k of reg tables, in the process (since I deposited in gg) This was two weeks ago. Then, the same thing happened, and in 2-3 days I went into insane monkey tilt, and dropped to around 600-700 dollars. Then I decided to go full degenerate, and sat at 5 NL100 tables, and one NL200. I carefully selected them to be full of fish (it was friday late night), and it went awesome. I had returned to 1.7k in one night. But after a couple of days I lost 3 BI in NL50 and again, martingale style decided to recover playing NL100 , and even though I consider to be +EV in those games, I'm not properly roled for it, so after I reached 1.9k cashing in some rakeback, I decided to take about a week off poker, study, and get my **** together. I decided to read/ take notes of JTendler Mental game of poker. I did some other stuff but did not read the book. I decided I should never move up in stakes like I did, that it was a disaster waiting to happen.

Well the other day, the inevitable happened. Lost about 7 BI playing lots of tables, so I decided to take a hshort break, get something to eat. After I returned the ****ing ******ed thought of playing some 100NL reg tables. It went awful. Sat into 200NL. You can imagine the rest. The worst decision of the day was playing a 5$ tourney which I got itm, so I continued playing when I should have stopped. Loosing all the flips vs fish that are too rich to run it twice, some big coolers at high limits, and a little old tilt spazz. I now have 3 dollars in my account. Busto. Not a great deal, it was live earned cash, but still feel like an idiot degenerate, lost all of 1.5 months hard work. I remember when down spiraling , I looked at my BR and see 1.2k and think, damn, I lost 700 today, and 1.2k is nothing compared to what I had, now I'm back to 3 weeks ago, I might as well keep playing. What an idiotic mindset. I'll take a week or two off poker, but then what? I'm halfway through a cashback spin and it's due in 3 weeks. Spin's EV is 550$, and If I fail to complete I'll get 50$ of it back. I though about punishing my self and grinding NL10, practicing some BR management, but I won't be able to complete that spin time and loose a lot of EV. I have some cash stashed to re deposit and try bigger, but I don't feel nearly ready, need to do a lot work with myself. Or maybe this is not for me.
I also realised that my mood really depended on my BR and that really sucked. Like I was really happy to almost reach the 2k mark, or really bummed out when I loose some. That surely enough had to do with me chasing those losses and such. Also while playing, sometimes I added up how much BR I got to see how I was doing, and that... just can't be right. It feels like **** when you are feeling good about yor play and made some right plays that ended up loosing you some money and checking that you are now down 100...But if I wanted to implement stop loss limits I should be looking out for that. Definitely I lack a lot of discipline, and if I wanna take another shot at this game that's my biggest leak. Sorry for long post

Last edited by Matte_23; 06-04-2020 at 10:25 PM.
Busted my BR in one evening, now what Quote
06-05-2020 , 11:42 AM
Sorry, I didn't read through the whole post. But from what I gather, you're another good , young player, with some potential. But yeah, it seems to always happen to so.many the good young, talented players.
So if you can recover your br after losses, and if the game is still fun for you, then don't do what some people might come out and suggest here. Don't quit. At least not just yet.
Basically, you know your leaks and what you have to fix. My suggestion to y would be to force yourself to stop playing when you feel tilted. And of course work on mental game.
But if you see after a while that you're continuing to tilt and are reaching the point of starting to overextended your finanances in order to continue playing, then maybe it will be to time to quit. I don't think there is a hard timeline on how long that should take. Maybe others here have more concrete advice.
Gl
Busted my BR in one evening, now what Quote

      
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