Background story:
Started playing online very little ago, after starting for 8 months live. Quickly realised how little I knew compared to what I think I knew, and how much more you have to study to be an online succesfull player than a live grinder.
Deposited 300 in 888 poker and I played ******edly outside my BR in NL50, but with a little sun run and the players at that site weren't very good I manage tu run my roll up to 1.4k. I played zoom and had like 10 bb/100 and 18 EV bb/100 so definately some run good, but on a small sample (30k hands). But after that, one session with extreme tilt, the usual story, get sucked out , fish hits 1 outter 5 times in a row, lose 5 flips, nothing new, but after loosing 5-6 BI, I tilted off a great deal of my BR in one night. I managed to be soo lucky that binked a tournament back to 1k. Decided to switch sites and start playing NL25, cause I could not handle the swings and was not good enough to beat NL50 in a consistent basis. So since the action at that lvl in 888 was non existent, I switched 500 to gg poker. The other 500 I spewed in 888 like a ******. I know, I suck.
I struggled at first, but in GG I managed to grind my br to 1k playing exclusively NL25. I continued to study, withdrew some to purchase flop zilla, all cool. Started shotting NL50, first 20k hands I run 400$ under EV, but I handled it kinda good, moved back to NL 25, recovered the money, took shots, lost it at 50 tables, repeated . Finally I ran better and could mantain a positive win rate and got 1.7k. I played around 70k hands of zoom and 40k of reg tables, in the process (since I deposited in gg) This was two weeks ago. Then, the same thing happened, and in 2-3 days I went into insane monkey tilt, and dropped to around 600-700 dollars. Then I decided to go full degenerate, and sat at 5 NL100 tables, and one NL200. I carefully selected them to be full of fish (it was friday late night), and it went awesome. I had returned to 1.7k in one night. But after a couple of days I lost 3 BI in NL50 and again, martingale style decided to recover playing NL100 , and even though I consider to be +EV in those games, I'm not properly roled for it, so after I reached 1.9k cashing in some rakeback, I decided to take about a week off poker, study, and get my **** together. I decided to read/ take notes of JTendler Mental game of poker. I did some other stuff but did not read the book. I decided I should never move up in stakes like I did, that it was a disaster waiting to happen.
Well the other day, the inevitable happened. Lost about 7 BI playing lots of tables, so I decided to take a hshort break, get something to eat. After I returned the ****ing ******ed thought of playing some 100NL reg tables. It went awful. Sat into 200NL. You can imagine the rest. The worst decision of the day was playing a 5$ tourney which I got itm, so I continued playing when I should have stopped. Loosing all the flips vs fish that are too rich to run it twice, some big coolers at high limits, and a little old tilt spazz. I now have 3 dollars in my account. Busto. Not a great deal, it was live earned cash, but still feel like an idiot degenerate, lost all of 1.5 months hard work. I remember when down spiraling , I looked at my BR and see 1.2k and think, damn, I lost 700 today, and 1.2k is nothing compared to what I had, now I'm back to 3 weeks ago, I might as well keep playing. What an idiotic mindset. I'll take a week or two off poker, but then what? I'm halfway through a cashback spin and it's due in 3 weeks. Spin's EV is 550$, and If I fail to complete I'll get 50$ of it back. I though about punishing my self and grinding NL10, practicing some BR management, but I won't be able to complete that spin time and loose a lot of EV. I have some cash stashed to re deposit and try bigger, but I don't feel nearly ready, need to do a lot work with myself. Or maybe this is not for me.
I also realised that my mood really depended on my BR and that really sucked. Like I was really happy to almost reach the 2k mark, or really bummed out when I loose some. That surely enough had to do with me chasing those losses and such. Also while playing, sometimes I added up how much BR I got to see how I was doing, and that... just can't be right. It feels like **** when you are feeling good about yor play and made some right plays that ended up loosing you some money and checking that you are now down 100...But if I wanted to implement stop loss limits I should be looking out for that. Definitely I lack a lot of discipline, and if I wanna take another shot at this game that's my biggest leak. Sorry for long post
Last edited by Matte_23; 06-04-2020 at 10:25 PM.