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Old 09-26-2016, 10:31 PM   #26
Bob148
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Re: 600th They Call Me Mad

Hello psychology forum.

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Originally Posted by Bob148 View Post
2k posts and about a year later, things are going well. I'm always looking for more exposure and the possibility of helping people. If this post hits home for you, then I strongly suggest that you seek professional help. It can change your life.
Quoted for emphasis.

I've passed a few milestones. Another year has passed without having to check myself into a hospital. Another thousand posts have been made by yours truly since the last update, and another year has passed since my last update. No news is good news I suppose.

I also invited some friends to check out this thread. Hello friends. Don't know where I'd be without you folks. Probably broke in a gutter somewhere.

Thanks for reading.
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Old 09-22-2017, 12:59 PM   #27
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Re: 600th They Call Me Mad

Another 1k posts; another year without having to go to the hospital. I still get a bit misty when I read this op. It wasn't easy to click the "submit post" button, but I did it and haven't had the least bit of regret because of it.

8.6k yo!
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Old 10-05-2017, 10:40 AM   #28
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Re: 600th They Call Me Mad

I hope this doesn't come across the wrong way but I feel like I have something to say about what has happened in the past week. Perhaps there is a better platform for this, but I really love this community. Much love. <3

I'm sad because of the recent shooting in Vegas. It's absolutely disgusting to me. I wish there was something that I could have done, or could do in the future, to prevent such atrocities.

In my Facebook browsing, I came across a link that hit home for me. I clicked and it brought me to an organization that seems to be currently in the beginning stages of formation. It's a bunch of cops, psychologists, and community members that have joined forces with one goal: to prevent the next mass shooting.

I contacted the guy that provided the link just last night, with no response yet. Here's a clip of my comment:

Quote:
I like to consider myself a mental health activist of sorts and I would be a poser if I didn't ask you about this. Do you think that it's possible to prevent mass shootings without infringing on life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness? How do we get there?
Questions or comments are always welcome as usual.

Thanks for reading.
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Old 10-06-2017, 09:10 AM   #29
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Re: 600th They Call Me Mad

Quote:
I contacted the guy that provided the link just last night,
Still no response from the guy, but I decided to go above his head and I contacted ATAP, which stands for American Threat Assessment and Prevention. I called the California phone number, left a brief message, and they called me back within an hour. They gave me the phone number and email of a doctor that is the head of their New England chapter. I called him and left a message. No response for a while. Then I sent him an email and he got back to me within an hour. His first response was something like "sorry but we don't need your help." So I said this:

Quote:
Thanks for the response, but I'll admit that I'm sad that I can't help. I feel a deep connection with people suffering from mental illness as I'm a recovered paranoid schizophrenic man of 37 years. As such, I consider myself an expert at actually living with, experiencing, and dealing with psychotic thoughts and behavior. If you ever need my help, I'll be there.
Then he responded a few minutes later:

Quote:
Might you want to come speak at one of our ATAP New England chapter meetings to talk about your experience with the illness? The majority of ATAP members are not mental health professionals, and it could be very informative to many members.
I said that I think it's a great idea and that I would love to.

So now I gotta write a speech. Paranoia levels are a bit high for me at the moment relative to recent years, but it's really nothing compared to the high paranoia levels that I experienced between 1999 and 2010.
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Old 10-07-2017, 07:15 AM   #30
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Re: 600th They Call Me Mad

i got schizophenia. i like poker/
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Old 10-07-2017, 09:03 AM   #31
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Re: 600th They Call Me Mad

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i got schizophenia. i like poker/
Hey welcome to 2+2. Thanks for sharing.
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Old 10-07-2017, 09:15 AM   #32
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Re: 600th They Call Me Mad

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Hey welcome to 2+2. Thanks for sharing.
do you work fulltime while on medication?
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Old 10-07-2017, 09:31 AM   #33
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Re: 600th They Call Me Mad

I used to work 20-30 hours a week but my boss, a great guy to work for, he had a heart attack and they let the two of us go. I've been unable to find a steady job that is accepting of my issues. So now I just take odd jobs when given the opportunity.
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Old 10-07-2017, 09:59 AM   #34
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Re: 600th They Call Me Mad

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I used to work 20-30 hours a week but my boss, a great guy to work for, he had a heart attack and they let the two of us go. I've been unable to find a steady job that is accepting of my issues. So now I just take odd jobs when given the opportunity.
what are your goals with poker?
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Old 10-07-2017, 10:01 AM   #35
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Re: 600th They Call Me Mad

It's just a hobby that pays me back.
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Old 10-19-2017, 02:11 PM   #36
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Re: 600th They Call Me Mad

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Much has been said lately about mental illness. One thing's for sure: we have at least one sick member of our community. I figure there must be more. To our sick members and lurkers, I say this: REFUSE TO LIVE IN FEAR! This is easier said than done for some. I know this fact all too well.

This thread is intended to be more than a self indulgent rant, and more than a coming out party for the mentally ill. Sickness touches every one of us at some point in our lives. I'm not a doctor. I can't cure you, but if I can help just one of you a little bit, then my goal will be accomplished.

You might be thinking, "But Bob, what does this have to do with poker?" Truth is: not much, but we have a little community here. We should work to build a stronger community. There have been times in my life that I wouldn't even have considered sitting down at a poker table. At those times I found it difficult to eat, sleep, go to the store, use a phone, etc. Now, thanks to medication, experience, willful ignorance, and the support of great family and friends, I can play this great game that we gather here to discuss and study. Unfortunately, many sick people are left out in the cold, literally and figuratively. I feel that the rash of shootings this past year has worsened the social stigma associated with mental illness. This is the time when it's most important for us to stand up against this stigma. We should be educating the public, instead of hiding the truth.

I realize that I might be burning some bridges here. Truth is that many, or most, of you wouldn't associate with me in real life. I don't blame you. I've been told before that I'm "clearly throwing the net out of the wrong side of the boat." Did it hurt my feelings? Meh. What that poster did for me was that he made me realize that even a joking post can influence the way others perceive me. We're not just talking poker here, but building relationships and communities. Let's just say that I've learned the hard way how not to post. You new guys paying attention?

Rewind to 1998:

I had been doing some soul searching over the previous few years. I studied Catholicism, Taoism, and a few others, but I couldn't find one that fit. I didn't believe in God anymore. I turned to science. I found quantum theory interesting and read more than a couple books about it.

I started college in the fall. My grades sucked. I didn't take it seriously. I dropped out. Then in the winter I did some experimenting with hallucinogenic drugs. This, coupled with a failing grip on reality, no thanks to quantum theory, led to early onset schizophrenia.

"Then they sent me away, taught me how to be sensible, logical....."

The hospital was uneventful, except for this one guy. He got hold of a lighter and lit his bed on fire while I was in the shower. I came out to the hallway, wearing nothing but scrub pants, to find it full of smoke and firemen. I held my breath and walked through the smoke to the community room where everyone looked at me like they had seen a ghost. When you're the schizo in the psych ward, you're the one that everyone's afraid of.

I was young and dumb and I told the doctors what they wanted to hear, instead of the truth. I left the hospital unmedicated, but stable.

The next twelve years were tough, but I managed to ignore the paranoid thoughts and hallucinations.

"The smell of hospitals in winter"

Now it was 2010, Christmas was approaching and I was dating a hot 22 year old. To make a long story short(too late I know), I thought that she and her friends were out to get me, one way or another. I came clean with my family. I told them about my paranoia and hallucinations. I told them that I never recovered from my psychotic breakdown in 99. A few days later I was back in the hospital.

I had matured a lot since my last trip to the psych ward. I took it seriously. I was honest with the doctors. They put me on medication. After my ten days were up, I requested discharge. They let me go. When I got out, Christmas and New Year's had passed. It was 2011.

The last two years have been the best of my life. I take my medication. I play poker. I've held a job ever since. I'm in love.

Well I hope this reaches someone, somewhere, in the way that I intend. Learn from my mistakes! Doctors are there to help you. Let them help you. You have a life to live.

Questions or comments are always welcome.
Well done but how does your story help others? Basically you went into hospital and got meditation? You give 0 advice or any tips on what helped you get though your hard times.
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Old 10-19-2017, 02:14 PM   #37
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Re: 600th They Call Me Mad

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Originally Posted by m869er View Post
i got schizophenia. i like poker/
^^^^cliffs
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Old 10-19-2017, 04:26 PM   #38
Bob148
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Re: 600th They Call Me Mad

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Well done but how does your story help others?
By being open about it, we open ourselves to a different life. A life that allows us to seek help when we need it and one that allows us to be honest with everyone.

Quote:
Basically you went into hospital and got meditation?
The real story is much longer than I could fit into a post.
Quote:
You give 0 advice or any tips on what helped you get though your hard times.
Nobody has yet asked this question, but I'll go for it now:

There are no "tips" that can prepare you for dealing with psychotic thoughts and behavior. I don't know what works for others and I'm not a doctor. That's why I can't prescribe any tips.

All I know is that if it wasn't for my friends and family being there for me throughout my life, I'd probably be dead by now.
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Old 10-28-2017, 04:30 PM   #39
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Re: 600th They Call Me Mad

My doctor and this is a true story will not change his mind I have spoke to the boss were he works who says he will ask him to change , he never

Spoke to my doctor he is just some other doctor and he gave me a stupid answer

I am now really pissed off and a friend say punch him because they won't call the police due to the facts that they now they are just given you drugs so big company's make money and feel bad for what they do basically drug dealers

I really want to punch this doctor so so bad but don't want the cops to Nick me

Should I punch him or wait for him leave his office and find out which his his car then keep letting his tyres down daily.......
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Old 10-28-2017, 05:00 PM   #40
Bob148
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Re: 600th They Call Me Mad

You can get a second opinion from a different dr. Might take some time but I think a peaceful approach is best.
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Old 10-30-2017, 10:57 PM   #41
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Re: 600th They Call Me Mad

OP is inspiring. The casino shooting tragedy was horrific. I'd like to know your thoughts as someone who's read and discussed about mental illness and shootings in society with people. Also, tilt. I wonder what you think about tilt in poker.

Last edited by leavesofliberty; 10-30-2017 at 11:05 PM.
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Old 11-02-2017, 05:18 PM   #42
Bob148
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Re: 600th They Call Me Mad

Quote:
Originally Posted by Singasong2222 View Post
My doctor and this is a true story will not change his mind I have spoke to the boss were he works who says he will ask him to change , he never

Spoke to my doctor he is just some other doctor and he gave me a stupid answer

I am now really pissed off and a friend say punch him because they won't call the police due to the facts that they now they are just given you drugs so big company's make money and feel bad for what they do basically drug dealers

I really want to punch this doctor so so bad but don't want the cops to Nick me

Should I punch him or wait for him leave his office and find out which his his car then keep letting his tyres down daily.......
I hope everything's ok with you.
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Old 11-02-2017, 06:06 PM   #43
Bob148
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Re: 600th They Call Me Mad

Quote:
Originally Posted by leavesofliberty View Post
OP is inspiring. The casino shooting tragedy was horrific. I'd like to know your thoughts as someone who's read and discussed about mental illness and shootings in society with people. Also, tilt. I wonder what you think about tilt in poker.
Thanks. I agree it was terrible. I've encountered all types of responses when discussing mental illness with people. Most just don't know much about it. I won't try and sugar coat it. Mentally ill people have committed some heinous crimes. I think it's very sad and I can't help but take the things some people say personally even though I've not even been in a fight since 1987 when I was in the fifth grade.

Here's my outline for the things I wish to talk about if and when I ever find the right soap box to stand on:

Quote:
* by being open and honest with others and ourselves, we open the door to a different life. A life where we are free to be sick without fear of persecution from our peers as well as the powers that be.

* by being open and honest with others and ourselves, we may change the status quo, which at the moment suppresses the mentally ill population into a life of secrecy and self loathing.

* by being open and honest with others and ourselves, we can help show society that the mentally ill population is comprised of many people that are just trying to live normal peaceful lives.

* the glorification of heinous crime most definitely doesn't help to shape the general opinion of mental illness. Television and the media keeps us up to date on all of the crimes committed by the mentally ill population. However, you don't hear of the recoveries on the news or in the papers because that's not how the media makes money.
Tilt in poker, in my opinion, is just irrational actions as the result of irrational thought. I loved the example from Shoonmaker's "Psychology of Poker." He explained that the "Law of Subjective Rationality" is of utmost importance when trying to understand the weird stuff that happens both in the real world and at the poker table. We are subjective beings by nature. Anyone that has ever experienced hallucinations, either as a result of mental illness or drugs, can tell you that "real" is just a made up word that people use to make themselves feel better about the world we live in.

Because of this subjective nature of my consciousness, I must actively think about and discern between these classifications of truth:

a) what I think

b) what I believe

c) what I know

Now, to the layman this may seem like an easy task. However, it can be difficult for me because of all the "what if" bs that goes through my head on a daily basis. I won't get into the details, but it's not easy for some people to do this seemingly simple task. For example, when on the pitcher's mound, I don't think that Roger Clemens ever had an existential moment of doubt where he asked himself, "am I really about to throw this ball?" Nah, he knew that he was on the mound and that the ball was real. However, throw a little existential doubt into the mind of someone that only has a superficial grip on reality and they will begin to have a problem discerning between what they think, believe, and know.

This is how I view tilt in life and poker. It's simply irrational thought and behavior as a result of a poor thought process. The law of subjective rationality rules us. If something makes sense to someone, then that's all that really matters.

This is why I've had trouble in my life believing things. Its the primary motivation behind irrational thought; when the lines between the imaginary and reality become blurred, it's easy to think, believe, and know stuff that may be unthinkable, unbelievable, or impossible to know for a mentally healthy person.
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Old 11-17-2017, 05:59 PM   #44
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Re: 600th They Call Me Mad

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bob148 View Post
I hope everything's ok with you.
Finally spoke to doctor who put my medication balls up, he promised a date then when that date came he told me I would have to wait another 2 weeks but hopefully be sorted

What kind of things get you though hard times when moods low?

I find that having different mantras daily helps as it gives you a boost but will only last a set time before it gets over used and lose its meaning

Fear and feeling worthless is a heart of most mental health issues and like all emotions you can never get rid of fear , maybe you should get rid of self loathing by doing stuff you feel pround of?..
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Old 11-17-2017, 08:14 PM   #45
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Re: 600th They Call Me Mad

I’m sure it’s a bit different for everyone. I reach out family and friends often and sometimes that’s all I can really do. Short of medical emergency? That should be enough. On a few occasions I’ve reached out to my doctors as well.
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Old 11-18-2017, 09:46 AM   #46
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Re: 600th They Call Me Mad

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I’m sure it’s a bit different for everyone. I reach out family and friends often and sometimes that’s all I can really do. Short of medical emergency? That should be enough. On a few occasions I’ve reached out to my doctors as well.
What helps you? As we all have are own way of coping, I repeat I am great and I think am God

Makes me feel better then everyone else and sometimes I belive I can make things easier by thinking hard

Sometimes it is possible to make people do as you want by tuning into waves of energy and if you perfect it the waves are faster then light and can enter people minds installed your thoughts into there brain and make them do stuff that they think is there own choice

If you read up and do research you can it is a fact as only reason not know is because the government don't want you to now as it would stop them being able to rule the masses....
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Old 11-18-2017, 12:26 PM   #47
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Re: 600th They Call Me Mad

I don't believe in mind control.
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Old 11-20-2017, 11:47 AM   #48
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Re: 600th They Call Me Mad

do we actually exist?
is being worthless in the eyes of others a issue?
being a winner of the wsop does that go to your head? then you get confidence based on the fact you have won the wsop? or do you get confidence when you strip everything away and realise your just here?

be real.

take care about pride about being proud of being a schizophenic. its nothing to be proud about. neither is being proud of being president of the united states. or having five chicks sucking your willy. pride destroys peoples lifes.

Last edited by m869er; 11-20-2017 at 11:53 AM.
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Old 11-23-2017, 04:03 AM   #49
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Re: 600th They Call Me Mad

wonder how you feel the last two years, with all the shootings, running over etc. just general nasty stuff thats been happening much more
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Old 11-23-2017, 06:47 PM   #50
Bob148
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Re: 600th They Call Me Mad

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take care about pride about being proud of being a schizophenic. its nothing to be proud about
You're right that it's not something to be proud of. However, the ability to make the best of a bad situation is something to be proud of. In that sense, I'm proud to say that I've managed to stay out of the hospital since 2014.
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