600th They Call Me Mad
09-26-2016
, 10:31 PM
Hello psychology forum. 
Quoted for emphasis.
I've passed a few milestones. Another year has passed without having to check myself into a hospital. Another thousand posts have been made by yours truly since the last update, and another year has passed since my last update. No news is good news I suppose.
I also invited some friends to check out this thread. Hello friends. Don't know where I'd be without you folks. Probably broke in a gutter somewhere.
Thanks for reading.
I've passed a few milestones. Another year has passed without having to check myself into a hospital. Another thousand posts have been made by yours truly since the last update, and another year has passed since my last update. No news is good news I suppose.
I also invited some friends to check out this thread. Hello friends.
Don't know where I'd be without you folks. Probably broke in a gutter somewhere. Thanks for reading.
10-19-2017
, 02:11 PM
Quote:
Much has been said lately about mental illness. One thing's for sure: we have at least one sick member of our community. I figure there must be more. To our sick members and lurkers, I say this: REFUSE TO LIVE IN FEAR! This is easier said than done for some. I know this fact all too well.
This thread is intended to be more than a self indulgent rant, and more than a coming out party for the mentally ill. Sickness touches every one of us at some point in our lives. I'm not a doctor. I can't cure you, but if I can help just one of you a little bit, then my goal will be accomplished.
You might be thinking, "But Bob, what does this have to do with poker?" Truth is: not much, but we have a little community here. We should work to build a stronger community. There have been times in my life that I wouldn't even have considered sitting down at a poker table. At those times I found it difficult to eat, sleep, go to the store, use a phone, etc. Now, thanks to medication, experience, willful ignorance, and the support of great family and friends, I can play this great game that we gather here to discuss and study. Unfortunately, many sick people are left out in the cold, literally and figuratively. I feel that the rash of shootings this past year has worsened the social stigma associated with mental illness. This is the time when it's most important for us to stand up against this stigma. We should be educating the public, instead of hiding the truth.
I realize that I might be burning some bridges here. Truth is that many, or most, of you wouldn't associate with me in real life. I don't blame you. I've been told before that I'm "clearly throwing the net out of the wrong side of the boat." Did it hurt my feelings? Meh. What that poster did for me was that he made me realize that even a joking post can influence the way others perceive me. We're not just talking poker here, but building relationships and communities. Let's just say that I've learned the hard way how not to post. You new guys paying attention?
Rewind to 1998:
I had been doing some soul searching over the previous few years. I studied Catholicism, Taoism, and a few others, but I couldn't find one that fit. I didn't believe in God anymore. I turned to science. I found quantum theory interesting and read more than a couple books about it.
I started college in the fall. My grades sucked. I didn't take it seriously. I dropped out. Then in the winter I did some experimenting with hallucinogenic drugs. This, coupled with a failing grip on reality, no thanks to quantum theory, led to early onset schizophrenia.
"Then they sent me away, taught me how to be sensible, logical....."
The hospital was uneventful, except for this one guy. He got hold of a lighter and lit his bed on fire while I was in the shower. I came out to the hallway, wearing nothing but scrub pants, to find it full of smoke and firemen. I held my breath and walked through the smoke to the community room where everyone looked at me like they had seen a ghost. When you're the schizo in the psych ward, you're the one that everyone's afraid of.
I was young and dumb and I told the doctors what they wanted to hear, instead of the truth. I left the hospital unmedicated, but stable.
The next twelve years were tough, but I managed to ignore the paranoid thoughts and hallucinations.
"The smell of hospitals in winter"
Now it was 2010, Christmas was approaching and I was dating a hot 22 year old. To make a long story short(too late I know), I thought that she and her friends were out to get me, one way or another. I came clean with my family. I told them about my paranoia and hallucinations. I told them that I never recovered from my psychotic breakdown in 99. A few days later I was back in the hospital.
I had matured a lot since my last trip to the psych ward. I took it seriously. I was honest with the doctors. They put me on medication. After my ten days were up, I requested discharge. They let me go. When I got out, Christmas and New Year's had passed. It was 2011.
The last two years have been the best of my life. I take my medication. I play poker. I've held a job ever since. I'm in love.
Well I hope this reaches someone, somewhere, in the way that I intend. Learn from my mistakes! Doctors are there to help you. Let them help you. You have a life to live.
Questions or comments are always welcome.
This thread is intended to be more than a self indulgent rant, and more than a coming out party for the mentally ill. Sickness touches every one of us at some point in our lives. I'm not a doctor. I can't cure you, but if I can help just one of you a little bit, then my goal will be accomplished.
You might be thinking, "But Bob, what does this have to do with poker?" Truth is: not much, but we have a little community here. We should work to build a stronger community. There have been times in my life that I wouldn't even have considered sitting down at a poker table. At those times I found it difficult to eat, sleep, go to the store, use a phone, etc. Now, thanks to medication, experience, willful ignorance, and the support of great family and friends, I can play this great game that we gather here to discuss and study. Unfortunately, many sick people are left out in the cold, literally and figuratively. I feel that the rash of shootings this past year has worsened the social stigma associated with mental illness. This is the time when it's most important for us to stand up against this stigma. We should be educating the public, instead of hiding the truth.
I realize that I might be burning some bridges here. Truth is that many, or most, of you wouldn't associate with me in real life. I don't blame you. I've been told before that I'm "clearly throwing the net out of the wrong side of the boat." Did it hurt my feelings? Meh. What that poster did for me was that he made me realize that even a joking post can influence the way others perceive me. We're not just talking poker here, but building relationships and communities. Let's just say that I've learned the hard way how not to post. You new guys paying attention?
Rewind to 1998:
I had been doing some soul searching over the previous few years. I studied Catholicism, Taoism, and a few others, but I couldn't find one that fit. I didn't believe in God anymore. I turned to science. I found quantum theory interesting and read more than a couple books about it.
I started college in the fall. My grades sucked. I didn't take it seriously. I dropped out. Then in the winter I did some experimenting with hallucinogenic drugs. This, coupled with a failing grip on reality, no thanks to quantum theory, led to early onset schizophrenia.
"Then they sent me away, taught me how to be sensible, logical....."
The hospital was uneventful, except for this one guy. He got hold of a lighter and lit his bed on fire while I was in the shower. I came out to the hallway, wearing nothing but scrub pants, to find it full of smoke and firemen. I held my breath and walked through the smoke to the community room where everyone looked at me like they had seen a ghost. When you're the schizo in the psych ward, you're the one that everyone's afraid of.
I was young and dumb and I told the doctors what they wanted to hear, instead of the truth. I left the hospital unmedicated, but stable.
The next twelve years were tough, but I managed to ignore the paranoid thoughts and hallucinations.
"The smell of hospitals in winter"
Now it was 2010, Christmas was approaching and I was dating a hot 22 year old. To make a long story short(too late I know), I thought that she and her friends were out to get me, one way or another. I came clean with my family. I told them about my paranoia and hallucinations. I told them that I never recovered from my psychotic breakdown in 99. A few days later I was back in the hospital.
I had matured a lot since my last trip to the psych ward. I took it seriously. I was honest with the doctors. They put me on medication. After my ten days were up, I requested discharge. They let me go. When I got out, Christmas and New Year's had passed. It was 2011.
The last two years have been the best of my life. I take my medication. I play poker. I've held a job ever since. I'm in love.
Well I hope this reaches someone, somewhere, in the way that I intend. Learn from my mistakes! Doctors are there to help you. Let them help you. You have a life to live.
Questions or comments are always welcome.
11-23-2017
, 04:03 AM
