--- 2/17/2023 ---
Change of plans in the morning, forgot that we have a giveaway on my twitch @ 8pm so have to start streaming later and fin later. My calves are killing me today! Probably will have to take a day of from running and to the steps today. GL ALL!
Aaaand we had horrible session today again 😄 Even after all these years, its so hard to deal with swings. Especially emotionally. One thing I tried that actually worked is from yesterdays podcast. After first horrible hour, I "rewarded" myself for being still here. Muted the mic on stream, told that I am doing good job, should focus on making good decisions and keep moving towards my goal. And it ****ing worked! Had more focus and energy (placebo?) and played great for next 40 mins until got smashed again. Then did the "trick" once more! WORKED. Got smashed after 30mins and didnt have enough will power or whatever to do it again, was down bad. But we learned something today for sure. Gonna try to do this more and we should get better with time.
I think since we are consuming so much new info now, different methods and strategies to do ****, have to try them all first and look what sticks to us. If pads or other guy we look up to says this is the stuff that works 100% and swears by it, but we try and fail doesnt mean something is wrong with us. I wasted like 2 years trying to just push trough **** with my will and grind, which just wasnt there. But podcasts and ppl I was watching at the time was saying that this is the only way to do it, and I was feeling misserable and so ****ing weak for YEARS. Have to try stuff and look for what works for us personally. We are all so ****ing different, our backgrounds, mindset etc. Most of us got ****ed up by our parents in different ways, and now it is OUR RESPONSIBILITY to fix that. (Just to clarify I was very much loved as I child and in top %1 run prob, parents are still together and never was abused in some way or whtaver, but they still ****ed up my system by giving me conditional love for good grades and simmilar stuff, they just didnt know better and did their best to raise me good)
Going for a walk now, then we study and watch the same podcast. Also not saying that I found something here with that podcast reward strategy, but I think it clicked something a bit in me and we should try it more and dig deeper.
Feeling meh, but as my new favorite quote from praaap says - "doesnt matter, tomorrow we get better"
Instead of running we chose 10k steps today, took way more time than I expected 😄 First half we spent walking with Goda, so some gto quality time, but since it was raining and its +2 outside she went home in the middle and I spent last 40mins walking alone and listening to new random podcast I chose, Philosophise This! Really liked it : ) Time to study and read/podcast now!
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1...it?usp=sharing
Done with the tasks for the day. Have planned activities with friends tomorrow, gonna see redbull event where build ships or cars and jump of snow trampoline 😄 Study before that, running in the morning if legs will feel good, podcast or reading in the evening. Rough day in general, but we know that we are getting better and thats whats the most important. Goda is worried that I am studying and "working" too much, but this is just normal working hours for a normal regular I imagine, she just never has seen me do this in the 2 years we are together 😂