I need to rant a bit.
We have a long-time player in my game who is becoming unbearable. I have empathy towards his life stressors, and I've tried having conversations with him, but he can be as thick-headed and combative as I've often been myself, but without as much self-awareness. So... yeah. I'm going to rant and ramble here, so that when I approach him in another week or so, I have it distilled, and can focus on only the primary bullet points in a constructive manner.
He does everything he can to be the absolute focus of attention. He fights me any time I ask him anything, and complains about everything. He has caused other players to stop attending. The problem is that he's the league leader, and I can't kick him out for "personality" at this phase. But I am going to request he stop playing cash games (he only plays occasionally), and if he doesn't start working with rather than against me, he's out completely after this season.
Thankfully I've learned a lot this past year and am much better at managing people and handling conflict. But I have my fiery legacy, so I need to handle this delicately.
Last night he almost pushed me to my breaking point, but then I realized he's a 4-year-old boy. I told myself he wasn't trying to undermine me, he was throwing a tantrum and pouting. When he tried half an hour later to continue arguing the topic that got me to be a little curt towards him, my response was a perplexed, "Really?" So, yay me. But I still have to deal with it for the group.
Okay, here are some juicy specifics. These are of varying levels of annoyance on their own, but it's death by a thousand cuts. Keep in mind he has been playing this game for YEARS, is knowledgable and skilled about poker, and should really know a lot of this stuff by now.
- He holds up action every single hand. Last night people started really commenting on it, joking that his stories get more colorful when it's his turn to act. I kept in mind a recent thread here that noted this is holding others hostage, and hogging the spotlight.
- He complains when others slow down the action.
- He complains that the levels are too fast.
- He argues when I ask him to take a moment out of his story and act on his hand.
- He pouts that he's not allowed to talk at all or have any fun because pfap is mad at him.
- He complains when nobody reminds him that it's his turn.
- He whines about beats, or about not getting enough action. (Keep in mind he is the league leader.)
- He complains about how hard it is to do all the things that everybody at the table is doing (shuffling, dealing, paying attention, etc).
- We're doing construction in the garage, and last night he complained that he was having a special hard time that deserves special attention because of the dryness of the air (because we're breathing different air, I guess?).
- He ignores requests for pizza topping suggestions, then complains about what I order.
- He complains I don't have the fridge stocked with his preferred beverage. These games are BYOB.
- He basically finds a way to whine about everything, about how unlucky he is, and how specially put-upon he feels.
- He will get snarky and smack-talk with others, then become personally offended when others return in kind. He puts those other people in the position of both having to defend themselves, and apologize for not intending to be mean.
- He asks EVERY SINGLE TIME what the bet is, what the blinds are, who raised, etc. I keep a clean table, all of this information is clear.
- He almost always has to be reminded to put out blinds and antes, and complains when we remind him.
- If we give up after four or five times, he complains that we didn't remind him to put out his blinds and antes.
- Even after all that, he often puts out the wrong amount.
- He gets pissy when I mention that the procedure is the same it's been for four years, or that the blinds are displayed on the board, or that the action is clearly laid out in front of him. (Granted, I'm a bit condescending with this, but there's not much more to do than point and go "duh".)
- He doesn't pay attention to the action, then questions what happened with his chips and whether he got the right change.
- He blames others when he misunderstands the bet.
- He fights me and gets defensive when I ask him not to look at the cards a certain way. We've had a problem with accidental denting, and this is an eternal struggle to curb.
- Last night after I busted I was dealing the final few players. There was a question on bet sizing and the source of some of the chips in the pot. I was on auto-pilot and had dropped the ball, so I mentioned that this is why it's a good idea for people in the hand to pay attention, so that we can help each other not make mistakes. He argued that he didn't feel he should have to do that, and that it was entirely my fault.
- He seeks out and nearly demands recognition and praise for doing basic tasks (ie, he wants to be complimented for dealing his button at a basic level of competence).
- He has come to me with problems he's had with others, and I have addressed them to the best of my ability. Yet he refuses to work with me when I go to him with problems others have with him.
- He drives people away with his behavior, then complains that attendance is down.
- He has seemingly no awareness that he is but one person among dozens, and that in addition to setting up the game and acting as party host, that I'm actually trying to play some poker from time to time. It's disrespectful to me, it's disrespectful to everybody at the game.
And it just goes on and on and on. I don't think it was this way when the games started, and I think my own co-dependent tendencies have helped get him to this point with me, but I'm done with it. I'm not angry about it, because it's not personal. I'm not frustrated with it, because I realize I don't have to convince him of motivation. I've turned a corner, and he's about to get the business laid out for him.
If he's doing it intentionally to gain an edge, then he needs to stop.
If he's doing it subconsciously and not intending to be a PITA, then he needs to let me help him stop.
If he can't do either, then he is out of the game.
No matter what, this crap is gonna stop. I'll let him play the final 6 league games, but nothing outside of that. I'll re-evaluate the rest next season.
It sucks because he's a long-time supporter of the game, and has been around since the beginning. I enjoy his particular way of looking at the world, and his energy can be very positive when he's not whining or causing problems, but this anti-social behavior is just too much. He's a small child, and I'm giving him a time-out.
Thanks for letting me vent a bit of the frustration. I need to get it out of my system and distill this down before attempting to talk with him. Otherwise it will be a 4-hour conversation with no resolution.
Whee, running a game is fun!
Last edited by pfapfap; 02-11-2011 at 06:05 PM.