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I kept trying to find an app that could potentially provide that experience and I could not
Really? We've had several of them advertise on this forum. Many before the "no self marketing" rule went away, so they got locked, but I'm sure several of the threads are still searchable ITF.
Most poker players don't consider cards and chips a hassle, though, but a feature. E-poker tables don't do well in casinos, and most people would find a home game played on devices about the same as online poker, so they just play on the apps if they like that and don't gather in anyone's home.