Life was great, sure I was coming off the drugs and sweating like a pedophile at a wiggles concert and my mind was like a slushy but I was happy. The times I was not with my lady I was being looked after by my father and a few of my friends. I could not be left alone due to there fear of me either trying to kill myself but both my vacuum and me agreed that I was of sound mind. I spoke to my fridge on a number of occasion and he was sure Id be fine by myself!! but others would not by it.

My woman would go through moods, at some stages I wasnt allowed near her then there was times like "that day"

The day I felt I was sexually abused and harassed

She used me

Abused me

And left me begging for more

We caught the train in and during the train ride she was very clingy which is pretty common for her but she constantly had to give me the softest of kiss with the look in her eyes that told me something was up. We walked into the Royal Women's and went in for the ultra sound, our baby girl was of perfect health and growing just nicely.

We could not be happier.

She could not be hornier.

NOW she said, Now? What did she mean by now. I want you now she stated again, I couldn't believe my ears. Trying to explain to her that we are in a public place all be it the bloody Women's hospital where we had to go for check ups didnt get through to her.

There I am with this tiny girl who looked no older then 16 with a massive 7 month pregnant belly trying to get me to have sex with her in one of the baby change rooms!!

She looked me square in the eye and explained to me that If I ever wanted another blowjob id want to be taking my pants off and allowing her to ride me as I sat on a chair that is ment to be used for breast feeding mothers but today it was me being feed some breast.

So there I am with a girl that has gone from an A cup to a D forcing my head in between her boobs and riding me like a boss.

Bam bam bam, ohhhhhhhhhhhhh yeh really get into it to me boges she screamed AND I MEAN SCREAMED loud enough that anyone on the 1st floor of the Women's that day would have heard it.

Bounce Bounce Bounce she went as im trying to get my load off as quick as I can, there I am being ridding by the mother of my unborn child with her pregnant belly slamming into my fat belly!! Talk about a sight to see.

There was no tender kissing that had become a trademark of our love making during the pregnancy, there was no holding in each other's arm. She wanted **** and she needed it there and then and god dam If I didnt give it to her she was going across the road to 7/11 and buying an electric toothbrush and doing it herself!!

As we leave the toilets she is slapping my ass and tell me that im going to get a great striptease when I got home, now normally id die at this chance but by the time she was 7 months in it just wasnt the same. To make it worse she felt the need to make sure that all her girlfriends found out that id shagged her in the toilets of the Women's hospital.

Well babe you might have told your friends but I just told the whole world xoxoxo

The date was July 26 and it was around midday as I walked to the fridge to get a beer in our tiny 2 bedroom unit

Boggggggggggggges
Boggggggggggggges
Boggggggggggggges

She yelled

What do you want woman? **** ever since she got pregnant she kept yelling at me to get her things.

"I think im going into labor"

****, ****, ****, ****, **** this is real fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck what do I do?

We jump into the car and start the 40 minute drive and finally get to the Royal Womens hospital when all of a sudden I get a text from her mother who didn't like me one bit and id go as far as to say she hated me. The text said that she was proud of me for the changes Id made and that she was happy to call me her son. This was a huge moment for me as a person due to being raised by a single father id never had that mother type person around to tell me she was there for me and here I was waiting to become a father and having my partners mother tell me that she was accepting me.

I was ready, I was going to be the best father you would ever see.

15 hours in and still no child, by hour 24 it was becoming a bit of a joke. I started to ask if I could go down to the pub and the death stare was like no other. After 30 odd hours in labor my child was almost here, I looked at my lady and told her that I loved her, she looked me in the eye and told me that im a ****ing **** how dare I try to gain browny points when she is 30 hours into labor that Ive caused this pain to her and that I was never getting sex from her ever again.

It was that moment that I knew what it was like to be married.

As she pushed and I could tell that it was almost time I got angry, there I was looking at my favorite playtoy that's the size of a 20 cent piece being turned into a watermelon pushing machine. How could I ever touch the sides again with my undersized penis?

My child was born just after 6pm on the 27th of July and as I held little Rose* for the first time It was like no feeling you could ever imagine. I was finally a Man. I finally had a reason to breathe, a reason to face this battle. I looked at my girlfriend who was sweating like all hell and looking a mess and I saw only beauty, I handed her our daughter and this time it was her turn to cry. She had faced her own demon's that are her's to tell the world one day but they are demon's caused by others and not by her only bad judgement like mine.

They tried to ask me to leave the hospital at around 10pm that night and informed them that if they tried to get me to leave Id have 100 people down with in a few minutes to make sure no one got in the way of my child and I. There was no ****ing way in hell that id go through the days of having my vacuum cleaner talk to me or not being allowed outside due to my own familys fear of what id do to not get to have this moment.

As I picked up Rose and carried her to a mother I became jealous of my daughter for the first time, she got to suck on some nice looking D cup boobies that I had not been able to play with in a long time and it was something that I just couldn't look away from. We then snuggled up together on the hospital bed, my daughter in the arms of the woman I loved and her in my arms.

It was that moment that I knew id made it, how dam wrong was I. Things went well for the first few weeks, I was working at a Rice Cracker factory driving a forklift and Rose was growing bigger everyday until the day I made the mistake of heading to the TAB after work.


In a moment of minutes Id dropped my whole weeks pay check. I went home and faced up to it and **** really hit the fan, I was kicked out of our family home and my lady wouldn't return my calls. I was a mess. On Boxing Day I went to a friends birthday and saw a friend of mine id known for years, he was a stats man for a local football team and was the happiest Id ever seen him with his lovely lady on his arm.

I drank a beer.
I drank 10 beers.
Hell I must have had 30 odd beers and broken down at the table.

"Whats wrong boges" he asked with such innocents in his eyes and I explained to him that my girlfriend had left me and that all the changes Id made had no use. His such simple reply was "Chin up boges, your a good man"

It took a few weeks to get things back on track, she finally accepted me back into the family home but she wanted things to change. She wanted to return to work and have her mother look after Rose all day but this wasnt going to work. I was her father and If anyone was going to look after it was me.

I was now a House Husband

The date was July 26 and it was around midday as I walked to the fridge to get a beer in our tiny 2 bedroom unit

Boggggggggggggges
Boggggggggggggges
Boggggggggggggges

She yelled

What do you want woman? **** ever since she got pregnant she kept yelling at me to get her things.

"I think im going into labor"

****, ****, ****, ****, **** this is real fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck what do I do?

We jump into the car and start the 40 minute drive and finally get to the Royal Womens hospital when all of a sudden I get a text from her mother who didn't like me one bit and id go as far as to say she hated me. The text said that she was proud of me for the changes Id made and that she was happy to call me her son. This was a huge moment for me as a person due to being raised by a single father id never had that mother type person around to tell me she was there for me and here I was waiting to become a father and having my partners mother tell me that she was accepting me.

I was ready, I was going to be the best father you would ever see.

15 hours in and still no child, by hour 24 it was becoming a bit of a joke. I started to ask if I could go down to the pub and the death stare was like no other. After 30 odd hours in labor my child was almost here, I looked at my lady and told her that I loved her, she looked me in the eye and told me that im a ****ing **** how dare I try to gain browny points when she is 30 hours into labor that Ive caused this pain to her and that I was never getting sex from her ever again.

It was that moment that I knew what it was like to be married.

As she pushed and I could tell that it was almost time I got angry, there I was looking at my favorite playtoy that's the size of a 20 cent piece being turned into a watermelon pushing machine. How could I ever touch the sides again with my undersized penis?

My child was born just after 6pm on the 27th of July and as I held little Rose* for the first time It was like no feeling you could ever imagine. I was finally a Man. I finally had a reason to breathe, a reason to face this battle. I looked at my girlfriend who was sweating like all hell and looking a mess and I saw only beauty, I handed her our daughter and this time it was her turn to cry. She had faced her own demon's that are her's to tell the world one day but they are demon's caused by others and not by her only bad judgement like mine.

They tried to ask me to leave the hospital at around 10pm that night and informed them that if they tried to get me to leave Id have 100 people down with in a few minutes to make sure no one got in the way of my child and I. There was no ****ing way in hell that id go through the days of having my vacuum cleaner talk to me or not being allowed outside due to my own familys fear of what id do to not get to have this moment.

As I picked up Rose and carried her to a mother I became jealous of my daughter for the first time, she got to suck on some nice looking D cup boobies that I had not been able to play with in a long time and it was something that I just couldn't look away from. We then snuggled up together on the hospital bed, my daughter in the arms of the woman I loved and her in my arms.

It was that moment that I knew id made it, how dam wrong was I. Things went well for the first few weeks, I was working at a Rice Cracker factory driving a forklift and Rose was growing bigger everyday until the day I made the mistake of heading to the TAB after work.


In a moment of minutes Id dropped my whole weeks pay check. I went home and faced up to it and **** really hit the fan, I was kicked out of our family home and my lady wouldn't return my calls. I was a mess. On Boxing Day I went to a friends birthday and saw a friend of mine id known for years, he was a stats man for a local football team and was the happiest Id ever seen him with his lovely lady on his arm.

I drank a beer.
I drank 10 beers.
Hell I must have had 30 odd beers and broken down at the table.

"Whats wrong boges" he asked with such innocents in his eyes and I explained to him that my girlfriend had left me and that all the changes Id made had no use. His such simple reply was "Chin up boges, your a good man"

It took a few weeks to get things back on track, she finally accepted me back into the family home but she wanted things to change. She wanted to return to work and have her mother look after Rose all day but this wasnt going to work. I was her father and If anyone was going to look after it was me.

I was now a House Husband

Oh what a wonderful time in my life this was, my daughter Rose was progressing wonderful and I was enjoying being a stay at home dad. I was progressing from being able to sleep only 1 hour a day to being a able to get a few hours in each day which worked perfect for someone with a young child.

My girlfriend Jade* was loving being back at work, she couldn't handle being stuck at home all day and our relationship suffered due to her not working. She was only putting in short hours and I could tell she was worried about me being in charge of Rose for such a long stretch of time each day but god I loved.

We had our little routine going we would wake up and both enjoy some baby custard, that stuff is like crack. You can't just have one spoonful to get your child to eat it you need to down a jar or two of it it as well and if Rose was lucky she would get a spoonful. We would follow this by a walk down to the park lands near me to get some fresh air. Id spent nearly a year of my life either in Rehab or not allowed outside so my anxiety levels were huge but god did Rose love it.

She smiled at all the girls working at the shops and would get us free stuff and she was always putting on the cute face when the single mums would sit there and have a chat to me, Rose was also a **** blocker though if she felt I was flirting a little to much she would scream and make sure that daddy was looking at her.

Daddy had to look at her.
Daddy had to give her every bit of attention.
Daddy was her world.
Daddy's world was Rose and everything he did was with her in mind.

And oh was Mummy starting to get jealous. No longer did Rose want only her Mum, she wanted Dad to put her down to bed and she wanted Dad to feed her. She wanted to only play with dad and dad had to carry her everywhere never mum. It was a hard time for Jade and she couldn't understand why it was becoming so hard to clinge to her child until she realized that she needed to add some fun into there relationship as well and started taking her out more.

I felt it was time to really show my girl I loved her. I grabbed together every cent I had and asked my father to help me get a home loan for the other 50% of the house and he agreed on the condition that if I left Jade and Rose or if I ever became addicted again they get to keep the house and I say good bye to the money I put in.

I felt it was time to take her out for the day down to Loch Ard Gorge...




It was a beautiful night and I was looking for something dumb to do so I said hey baby i think I want to marry you? Well no not really it was more along the lines of that she was the only one I ever wanted and the only one I ever needed and she looked at me and said yes and we got it on as the stars above shined down on us.

For her it was the moment she had always dreamed of, the man of her dreams (well I guess some people do dream big) the father of her child wanting to marry her.

Straight away I got on the phone and called her mother, I thanked her for the support she had giving me and I told her that she was more like a mother then id ever known. She responded by inviting us over for a Roast Lamb dinner, what can I say shes an old school woman and knows her place.

Jade and I drove home, but I took the wrong directions and pulled up in front of a 4 bedroom house that looked like it needed it a hell of a lot of work. The grass was higher then Keith Richards and the paint was fading faster the American economy but I asked her if she could see us raising a family here?

What the hell are you on about boges? What the hell is this place?

I explained to her that I wanted to buy it and explained how Id spoken to my father bout helping us out with a loan and how if I didnt gamble or do drugs and if she didnt go spend to much on shoes we should be fine paying it off.

Yet again she cried.

Dam these women cry a lot?

We went home and I picked up Rose and said do you want Mummy and Daddy to marry? She had no idea what I was saying but she hadn't seen us in 2 days and just had this huge smile.

It was the happiest moment of our lives, we had a perfect little family.......

And we had another on the way!

Wow how amazing can life be? Rose was growing bigger each day and becoming more and more like me every day, Id just bought our first house and Jade had just agreed to marry me and to make it even better she was pregnant yet again!!

It was such an exciting time as we went into the Women's to do the first check up we were told that things should be fine this time around. Jade had put on nearly 8kg's and had to this point overcome her bulimia and was fit to carry a child. She was so excited to be pregnant again and we were hoping to have a little boy.

This time I was going to be there to support her through the pregnancy. I wasn't going to be in rehab or needing to be babysat myself, I was fit and strong and ready to go. I would talk to Jades belly when ever she was home and I named the unborn baby Yoda because this was going to be the wise baby.

Dam I was excited, I'm sure it will be a boy. Positive ill have my little man to teach how to bowl slow out-swingers.

It was just ment to be... until the day that it wasn't.

Jade called me from working saying that she had bleeding and that I needed to get to her work now and get her to the hospital. We had a few problems like this with Rose so we didnt get that worried. We got into the hospital and they informed us that we had lost our child at only 12 weeks into the pregnancy. People sat there and told me that you still have Rose and that miscarriages happen but to me from the moment I found out Jade was pregnant it was my child.

It was my Yoda.

It was my fault for losing Yoda, my bad karma.

I sat there and looked into space but this time I didn't cry. I am a firm believer in Karma and I felt that Rose was Jade's karma, it was her gift to help her fix her life and to make the man she loved turn into the man he needed to be but I felt Yoda's premature passing was my fault. It was because Id hurt people and because Id done things that I could never write about to other people.

I looked into space for a long time and didn't hear a word someone said, I informed my friends and rang Jade's mother asking her to move in with us for a few weeks and help look over Rose. Jade and I didnt leave our room for over 4 days, we didn't eat. We hardly looked after our daughter.

Most of the time we laid there in bed holding each other and not talking our life had seemed so perfect and then this had to happen. I loaded the computer up for the first time and informed a few of my online friends about what had happened when one of the person I spoke to made a image that took a joke out of the loss we had just had and in a way that was ment to do as much damage to me as he could. That was the moment I lost it, I chucked my monitor across the room and put a massive hole in the wall and stormed out down the street.

Ring ring ring
Ring ring ring

"Mate can you get me a 8 ball of ice"
"Boges you are just going through a bad patch Im not selling to you"
"I don't ****ing care, you either sell it to me or I will bash you without a 2nd thought"

I started the 30 minute drive to the guys house when I stopped by the side of the road and called him back, I couldn't do it to Rose I thanked him for saying he wouldn't sell to me and told him he was a true friend. I had come to far to use drugs as something to cover my pain. I drove back home and picked up my daughter.

She smiled. She smiled a smile that only your daughter can, it looks into your soul. She gave me a hug like she knew I was in pain, she wouldn't let go. She loved her daddy and she needed him to be strong.