Rasta,

Many of your posts sound to me like you have a crippling fear of failure. That's something some counseling might help you address.

As for not knowing what makes you happy, there's nothing special about that at all. You know how people find out? By trying a bunch of different things. Including things that are "whimsical" ideas.

You also seem incredibly fearful about what other people will think. This sounds exactly like how you were in the sex thread. You were confident nobody would have sex with a guy living at home, with a low-paying job, without a car, etc. Yet that turned out not to be the case.

Live your life for yourself and be confident and secure in who you are, and the rest of this stuff will take care of itself. This is another area some counseling can maybe help you with.

Ok; but you've got to understand that a lot of people have told me precisely the opposite, that you have to really, really want to succeed in yadayadayada to even make trying worthwhile. Especially WRT careers.

Could you respond to post #187 where I address this point? I'm only concerned what other people think insofar as they affect my life, but I am realistic and humble enough to know that the aggregate view of a society is certainly capable of doing that.

Like I say, I feel no urge to learn to drive or buy a car, surely you don't mean to advise me that I shouldn't therefore bother?

Fair point. I've definitely been pleasantly surprised on that front. Although when it comes to relationships I think its a little different. We'll see if Lucy wants to make our relationship official. She might find me funny and a good talker on a date and a good-looking guy, but lets see how she handles having to tell people her boyfriend lives at home with his mum.

Do you not think that living your life for yourself and having everything 'take care of itself' is a luxury that you have because you're rich and conventionally successful?

I have a friend in London. Shares a big apartment with 7 other people. 400 pounds for a room. I mean students are living in London and they don't have more.

Gogogogo! Your have a ****ty job. Go study. Your life will be better.
Student life in a student accommodation is cool, fun and social.
Apply for this master funding and write here about that.

That one really made me laugh. You definitely have humour. And I can't decide yet if I like you or the or the opposite.

And I don't have a car, and I don't have a TV and many of my friends don't have one. Why buy one if you don't need one. And in London I can very well imagine, that a car will actually reduce your quality of life.

Rasta,

You're lazy, which makes it easy for you to fall back on stuff like that. In the time you've been writing long essays here, you could have written a blog with a lot of well thought-out essays on the topics/fields you're potentially interested in pursuing, something to point to as a qualification/differentiator as to why you're the right guy for them. But you haven't done that. How about the volunteering stuff you talked about pursuing? The only sure way to not succeed is to not do or try anything. You are self-perpetuating your situation and keep coming up with all sorts of reasons not to do anything.



That's exactly what I'm saying. If you don't have a need or desire for a car, why bother?




I had a well paying job right out school that let me do whatever I wanted financially with a great career path. But I quickly knew climbing the corporate ladder wasn't for me. So I quit to start my first company and went from quite well off to having very little money. That was my situation for a few years til I finally had some money again. Things ended up working out well and I did ok financially, but I had a great life in the years I didn't have much money. I knew it was a much better path for me personally regardless of the financial or professional outcome, and I built a network of friends who had similar feelings. I still have many friends with pretty nonconventional lives. Some have lots of money, some have very little. Those with interesting lives filled with unique adventures and experiences are generally much more fun to be around than people who are more "conventionally" successful.

Could you please address post #187?

So you're saying you wish to move out of your parents house because you think it will be good for you even though you don't really want to move out. Guess what. Every day everybody does things they don't really want to do because they're good for them, from setting an alarm to wake up on time to get to work, to doing that tedious paperwork, to scrubbing the toilet bowl, to not eating chocolate all day long. I don't see why you think your situation is anything noteworthy.

The fact that you make such a big deal about doing things that you don't actually want to in an abstract sense makes you seem either spoiled and entitled, depressed, or lazy, or maybe all three

This is Rasta's main problem. He seems to think that most parts of his life are unique and his situation is special, or at a minimum he's part of a select group that are different from "regular" people. See the Sexodus thread.

Rasta,


I did, as did the last two posts as well.

Not at all. A psychologist has however, informed me that my brain is somewhat different to the norm and secondly, I encountered issues with ED, which very rarely affect people my age. I furthermore believe it very likely that I suffer from depression and I don't have a desire to attain status or money to the same extent that most other people do.

This doesn't make me special in the slightest, but its kind of a salient point as to why and how I think and behave the way I do, I'm just giving my background really I guess.

Not that it matters to what actions I should take though, everyone's unique just like everyone else etc. It doesn't change anything important.

Are you kidding me!? WE AGREE!!! WE FRIGGIN' AGREE!!!

El D's the one telling me that I shouldn't bother to learn to drive a car or work to own one because I have no interest in motoring, I'm the one saying that I probably ought to do so in order for it to benefit me in the long run.

My situation isn't special or noteworthy, I'm just a straight-up loser getting royally bent over by life in every aspect aside from my social side where I have a good selection of friends and have a girlfriend (she made it official last night when I went on a night out to be introduced to her friends- journalists and young investment bankers earning 35k-50k plus bonuses, but nice guys too)

El D is the one telling me not to!! Other people have told me not to! They have directly advised me that career A, B, C or D is only worth going for if its something you 'reaaally want to do'.

People tell me that the main thing you need is direction, to have a goal, to have a passion. I don't have any and that's what's screwing me.

If you're saying that I should just bite the bullet and do things (including finding a job) that I don't particularly like in the slightest, but do so to facilitate other stuff, then sure! I'd instinctively agree that might be the best course of action, but you and El D are directly contradicting each other.

Is that the psychologist who told you were more left-brained than anyone they'd ever seen, even though there's no such thing as being left- or right-brained?

I was also told that I was five times more distractible than your average child.

This was all due to chronic insomnia aged 8-9 or so which prompted my parents to take me to the doctor's, insomnia being something I've never really got over.

I was prescribed Zopiclone aged around 20 and got really ****ed up from the withdrawal effects of that; damn near came close to killing myself.

Look, I'm not saying I'm the most hugely handicapped guy in the world, I'm just trying to describe my circumstances like anyone else would.

Could you perhaps copy and paste post #187 and go through it step-by-step, and deconstruct it? I'm really very stupid and I just can't get to grips with the nuance of your message or how it relates to what I've said in #187.

Could you simplify/dumb down your responses a little?

Rasta,

No, I agree totally with Gregorio and my advice doesn't contradict his at all.

Your views are utterly incompatible. You're telling me to do what I want, he's telling me to do things that I don't want to do that I think would be good for me for instrumental reasons.

Rasta,



Re-read all my posts itt a few times.

After you've done that, starting from my first post, summarize my key advice/observation in each post in a sentence or two.

That'll prob take a few hours, but that's a small investment to help address your issues and challenges with your life.

After you do that, it should be obvious how that post has been completely addressed.

If you still have questions after going through those steps, I'll go through the point-by-point breakdown you request.

Rasta,


Wrong.

Ok; I'll do precisely this. Got a mate coming over in a moment (he's showed up 2-3 hours late) but once he's gone I'll definitely do that.

Rasta,

Is this your friend you're doing the podcast with?

*Let me just preface this post by assuring you all that I am not just being pedantic or trying to point-score or whatever. I honestly just don't get it. The views expressed strike me as incompatible but apparently I'm mistaken. I don't understand how this is so, so I'm just humbly requesting clarification. I am not being sarcastic I am just genuinely struggling here*

Ok; Gregorio, please answer me this:

I personally have no interest in driving. I don't enjoy it, I'm not good at it and I honestly think I'd be absolutely fine in life (speaking purely WRT to transportation) without ever owning a car.

However, a clean driving licence is useful when it comes to applying for jobs that require one. A car is further considered by society as a mark of status, with a nice one commanding respect and the absence of owning one looking infantile and immature. Being unable to drive begets a great deal of bemusement and disrespect as well.

So, we have a clear task which I don't actually want to do for the sake of what its meant for, i.e transportation; but that I think I would be wise to do despite not wanting to, for the instrumental value it affords.

I personally would go towards the latter and book more driving lessons, I would imagine most people would give me similar advice...right? no?

Yet El D, to my surprise, has directly advised me not to do this.

Do you not see why I might find this surprising and confusing? Do you agree with him?

Rasta,


If you are interested in jobs with this requirement, I'd advise you to learn how to drive.

Which of the jobs you've mentioned are they?

Having a driver's license is probably something that will come in handy at some point during your life. Even if you have no need or desire to have a license right now, it makes sense to get it sooner rather than later, since it takes a while from the time you decide you do want to drive until you actually can get your license. And if your parents have a car, it's a lot easier to learn to drive while you're living with them then if you are out of your own and don't have easy access to a car.

greg,

I don't think it's any big deal for someone who lives in a certain set of dense, urban cities to not have a car or know how to drive (SF, NYC, London, Hong Kong are some that come to mind). Between walking, public transit, and taxi/Uber/etc, cars are becoming way less a necessity and even more of a hassle than convenience. I got rid of my car 5 years ago and many of my friends in SF and NYC don't have cars. The numbers without cars are even bigger among younger people.

Now, as far as driving being a life skill that's useful to have, of course I agree with that. But I don't think it would be any big deal if he didn't know how to drive.

With respect to doing things that you don't want to do, you should do them if they're required in order to be able to do something that you do want to do. You shouldn't do them as an end in themselves just because you think that's what society expects.

Rasta,

See? Gregorio and I don't contradict each other on this topic, we agree.