Oh, actually just before I go to bed, I do have one key question.

When I read articles like 6 harsh truths, (which I read back in 2012 six months after graduating from uni) I find myself agreeing with them utterly, completely, 100%.

However, for some reason I don't find them in any way motivational. My immediate reaction is just to feel unhappy, pessimistic and actually de-motivated.

Now this is the thing, I agree with the article entirely! yet I'm not convinced it didn't do me more harm than good. My immediate reaction was to think:

"Woah...yeah...that's all completely true...****...happiness is really, really hard and a horrible struggle to fight through to...is it worth the hassle? Maybe becoming a humble postman and living at home really is the best path for me...maybe I really can cope just fine without money, sex, independence or love and maybe those things really will be made up for by freedom, lack of work, time to do as I please and a tolerant group of friends... maybe comfort in underachievement and mediocrity actually beats the horrible struggle that it would take to make something of myself."

This is what depresses me the most, particularly with the new girlfriend. She works her ass off like 50-60 hours a week doing a combination of a 10-hour-a-day job as well as her own freelance work in video editing to try and make it in the TV industry. She's fantastically impressive and unbelievably humble about it. Every time I praise her and encourage her to keep plugging away she just dismisses it because 'everyone in TV works those hours, its no big deal'.

She wants to make something of herself, but for some reason I just can't seem to make myself want to make something of myself the way she can.

To say that I'm just whining here is really to misunderstand what I'm saying. For some reason my brain reacts in a very odd and unintended way to things that should be inspirational and motivational.

Sure, most people have defence mechanisms against an article like that and maybe I'm not so unique, but at least other people's defence mechanisms tend to defend by rejecting the truth of the article, not accepting it and then having completely the opposite reaction to what its supposed to do.

I had the same experience with the blog on here by that Australian fella who went travelling across the world and had incredible experiences in Africa and the like. Everyone else was full of excitement, praise and inspiration but after reading through it I just felt sickeningly, suicidally depressed for the rest of the day. All I could do was go through his stories reading page after page of him doing things that I couldn't possibly.

All I wanted to do was go back to the call-centre, work 2 days a week for pocket money and live at home glued to the computer screen except when hitting the gym, playing football or going out with friends. It made me want to be a manchild over that guy working his ass off chasing his dreams and happiness.

I fantasised about being 65 and retiring on the state pension, not having to work, not having to worry. I thought about saving up to go on a hedonistic bender before topping myself at the end of it.

And yeah, I know the response ought to be "well, suck it up; sit at home and be dependent on your parents or get out there and make something of yourself, that's life".

And whilst of course that's completely true, my immediate thought is "yeah...absolutely true...maybe I should actually just neck myself? Not tearfully throwing myself infront of a train neck myself, but have a party, see all my friends, say goodbye and head off to Dignitas and just sleep forever."

I'm not exaggerating, there are literally times where I feel like a terminal cancer diagnosis would be a blessing. Just the feeling of not having to work or worry ever would do it. Sleep forever beats the life I have.

Rasta,

That's a lot more words repeating the same stuff you've said multiple times. And I think it all comes down to just two key points.

1) you're lazy - unlike most others, you haven't needed to work hard. Instead you can earn a small wage and still afford to live and date in London plus go on international holidays. Thanks to your privilege, you've never been forced to develop any kind of work ethic.

2) you're afraid - instead of putting yourself out there and writing the kind of material that can move you forward, you just argue and complain here in essay after essay. Because it's easy to respond to criticism here and say whatever you guys don't know what you're talking about or how good I really am, I'm a really talented writer and I believe that. Maybe you have potential, maybe you don't. I don't know. But as long as you don't put yourself out there trying as hard as you can to be relevant and interesting to an audience that matters to you, you can always hold on to whatever self image you like. But if you try your hardest at the thing you think you're talented at and still fail, then you've got to reevaluate a lot of stuff. While you might not love your current situation, maintaining status quo is far more comfortable and less risky than the possibility of trying and failing.

Yes.

Sure. I thought the insults directed your way on your cricket post were unfair -- and not really based on your cricket post itself, but rather on the general impression of you from the sexodus thread etc. But that's why I said that I'm not taking a moral position here -- I think in fact you have the moral right of it in this specific case. My advice is instead simply practical.

In my own case, I (wrongly in my own view but so what) was thought of as glib very early in my career: as someone who jumped to conclusions without a sufficient basis or thoroughness. A mentor told me that; and after I thought about it for a bit, I decided that I would simply stop ever taking a professional position that I wasn't dead certain was right. For at least a year, I was routinely disbelieved on stuff that was entirely correct -- but five years on, I'd established a reputation for a very very high degree of reliability. Was it unfair for people to disbelieve me after I'd taken the lesson on board? Sure. And STFW! My thought at the time was that if I actually wanted success in that environment, then I needed to change my reputation. Period. Whether that was fair or moral or not was a lovely intellectualism that was entirely beside the point. Focusing on that unfairness was a) an excuse and b) not productive.

rasta - you aren't the smartest guy in the room. i think you acknowledge that but don't really believe it. this forum is littered with actual genius...pretty sure howard is an ivy league grad. chill out a little bit and aim to make objective progress in your life- take some advice, or rather absorb what you can from it without arguing formal logic (which is typically a broken record for any participant in life) and simply man up.

I meant no malice; none whatever, and since I came off that way, I apologize for it. I generally don't get mean unless I think a poster is a thoughtless ideologue, and you are nowhere close to being either of those.

One of the reasons that I like El D is that I have a fair degree of trust that he will tell me when he thinks I am making a mistake even if it is at risk of hurting my feelings. He may not be correct, but he is definitely genuine. He's also an expert troll, and part of the entertainment is figuring out when he's doing what.

OOT is in no way perfect. But the collective is generally pretty smart and full of mockery and humor, most of it good-natured.

This is completely true and nothing that I don't already know. The trouble is that I feel like if I were put into any sort of challenging or hostile situation beyond that I'd simply crumble and possibly die. I honestly believe that were my parents to cut me off tomorrow I'd end up homeless on the street very quickly indeed, and probably end up killing myself.

I've literally never said this, you've only inferred it from my posting style but I'd disavow this completely.

Indeed, the very real possibility that I've grossly overestimated my abilities and potential is a major reason for my lack of motivation.

Sure, sure, completely agree. It just really depresses me though.

Well, that's unfalsifiable. I can't defend against that accusation. How ought I demonstrate that I believe that I'm not the smartest guy in the room? I certainly have friendships with people who could fit into the 'genius' category you describe and there's no chance whatsoever that I could possibly come out of that believing they're not smarter than me. Sometimes talking to them is fascinating but makes you feel thick as pig**** by comparison!

Look, I realise my posts are very long, but that isn't really because I think that I have knowledge or wisdom to impart to the world, I'm just trying to communicate and express my mental states as accurately and thoroughly as possible.

I mean, take the Sexodus thread for example, I did all I could to get across what my experience of freezing up was like, and yet El D (who at the time was probably trying to help) sincerely believed that I was just a repressed homosexual. I just really want to avoid misunderstanding and communicate what its like to experience the thoughts that I do.

Completely agree, but it is a common theme that whenever someone meets with success or failure its put down to their following OTT to the letter, or failing to stick to the script closely enough respectively.

I picked and chose the advice from OTT on the Sexodus thread and it was largely useful. Some of it was however, incorrect and right to ignore.

That doesn't mean that its not a great resource, hell if anything, the fact that you get that selection of intelligent opinions, misunderstandings, compassion, trolling and suchlike in varying quantities and indeed, have to then choose your course of action on the basis of that selection, is what I'd say makes the learning experience on OTT not only valuable, but really quite unique.

I should probably mention that when I was reviewed by a child psychologist aged 8 or so (I had major issues not being able to sleep that I still suffer with unfortunately - gf has immediately noticed and become concerned with this) she discovered that the left side of by brain (analytical) utterly dwarfs the right side, more so than she had ever seen in any child before in terms of ratio.

I say again; ratio. I'm not claiming to be some sort of half-genius.

Stomach still hurts like a mother****er from the depression attack last night.

Oh and lastly, El D can you just briefly run down your life/achievements cliffnotes? I'm really not challenging you I'm just genuinely curious. You mention that you're a good writer.

Your psychologist sounds dumb http://www.livescience.com/39373-lef...rain-myth.html

It was 1998 at the time. It was also free on the NHS so perhaps wasn't the greatest quality.

And El D very obviously wasn't trolling. His brief argument on the issue was primarily with other posters (can dig up the posts to prove it if you really want). I simply dismissed him as just someone who couldn't conceptualise what my experience was like and moved on.

I viewed it as an innocent mistake really, I can completely see why a heterosexual male would struggle to understand how on earth another heterosexual male could consistently fail to get an erection with a naked woman he says he's attracted to.

IMO.

Internet people don't talk the way you do. They talk in short but precise sentences and have no patience to read through long posts because it could be said in much shorter manner. And often times may even feel insulted or ridiculed for getting a five sentences response when it could've been said in say two sentences.

It's kinda like in book "Men are from Mars, women are from Venus". If you and whoever you are communicating with speak differently, there will be a lot of miscommunication and quarrel.



Also if you truly want to achieve something but you are uncertain whether you are capable of it or not that should be additional motivation and not the other way around. So my guess would be that you don't truly want that.

[QUOTE=Absurdas;46288239]Also if you truly want to achieve something but you are uncertain whether you are capable of it or not that should be additional motivation and not the other way around.

But this is the trouble; for me, for some damn reason it just isn't.

Again, there's the problem; I just don't want anything, and you can't control what you want right? I mean, I'll give you $100,000 if you can make yourself care about *insert any sports team you don't care about* etc. etc.

I really envy/admire my gf who, though she's working her ass off in a low-paid position, she knows exactly what she wants to do with her life and I'd be gobsmacked if she doesn't get there. She wants to go into editing in TV, has a passion for film and her drive and motivation all flows from that.

I wish I had something similar. Just some kind of hobby that could be monetised. (EDIT: Radio perhaps? Meeting a friend of mine this weekend to discuss a possible podcast project, who knows? maybe that could be something...)

But yeah, its almost as if I've completely taken on the whole "the world is all just particles/nothing really matters/the planet is the tiniest speck of a dot in a vast solar system/happiness is all that matters/there is no morality/there is no free-will because determinism" mentality and can't escape it.

I just have no desire to actually achieve anything.

I can work hard. I can run 10km in under 45 minutes. Bench press my own body weight for 3 sets of 8 and hit the gym 4 times a week whilst playing football twice a week etc. but then again that's kind of only because I enjoy it.

I can achieve goals when I have an actual sodding goal (sexodus thread is a reasonable example).

I just don't have any sodding ambitions. Y'know, I'm not trying to be high-and-mighty when I say that I'm not money-driven. I'm deadly serious. Money, material possessions and suchlike, just doesn't motivate me the way that it does, or should for most people. Nor does anything really it seems.

Rasta,

Status?

Poker and pissup on Tuesday, Football Wednesday, Seeing Lucy tonight.

Meeting a friend of mine to discuss Brazil **** on Saturday, sleeping over at Lucy's on either the Fri or Sat night, meeting another friend of mine who I haven't seen in years to discuss potentially doing a podcast on Saturday as well.

ergo: 1) I'm busy and 2) I would actually go for the podcast over the website depending on how much of a go-er that is.

Rasta,

You've written approx 50 posts here since 3/3.

fyp

I'm going to spend tonight having dominating 50-shades-esque filthy sex with my girl for the last time in what'll likely be about 2-3 weeks. So no, I'm not doing the god damn website ahead of that.

You sound a lot like TB with his showering.

why not? I mean, I am female, so I don't know for sure. But I somehow never thought that some non-physical work diminishes male sexual function.

You guys know I have a 9-5.30 job right and I'm posting all this from the office? Its no excuse I know, but honestly, I couldn't just swap the time spent here for the time and put it towards setting up a site.

Whilst I'm posting on here, I still have to be one second away from quickly ctrl+a, ctrl+x and whacking that x in the top right.

Sure, but you could easily be writing content for the site you gonna set up later on. You could even do some writing while commuting.

mind blown . gif

Meh, fair enough, can't deny it.

http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2015...n_6798260.html

http://www.accuweather.com/en/br/rio...-weather/45449

http://www.accuweather.com/en/br/sao...-weather/45881

http://www.accuweather.com/en/br/flo...-weather/35952

Good news guys, its gonna be pissing down with rain and thunderstorms in Brazil. No beach, hang-gliding probably cancelled.

Just felt like brightening up the day of a few of my haters because I'm a selfless and wonderful human being.

There are no "haters" except in your head.