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Old 05-01-2015, 08:22 AM   #426
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Re: We in a rastamouse blog thread now

Do you think women with children are red flagged by any men?
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Old 05-01-2015, 09:24 AM   #427
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Re: We in a rastamouse blog thread now

If you're asking me -
I think more and more it's becoming less of a one. I think maybe it's more of a "I just don't want to deal with that baggage" thing for both men and women.
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Old 05-01-2015, 09:25 AM   #428
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Re: We in a rastamouse blog thread now

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WRONG! You did not go me one better. You very deliberately dodged my question. Do YOU personally have any red flags? Please don't quote some nameless person in some obscure article.
Feet. Give me the most beautiful girl in the world that I'm madly in love with and who's personality I adore, but if her feet are anything above or below precisely a size 5 I simply can't develop feelings for her or even find her sexually attractive...

In all seriousness, what point are you trying to prove here?

The honest answer is that 'no', I don't have any disqualifying red flags but I don't think you'll much like that answer. And if I did, what are you trying to show?

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Fwiw I think it's fairly decent to assume a woman of, say 30, who has never had a long term relationship (regardless of number of men slept with) has some red flags.
Hmm...maybe... but I know attractive girls who aren't in any way short of admirers who just don't seem to want a relationship. Still they are mostly early twenties.

I think the red flag for such a woman would be her lack of a desire for a relationship rather than her inability to attain one (as, like I say, I don't think there are many female incels or women who can't attain a r/ship whatsoever).

I guess its the old societal dilemma where most people dislike the fact that there's so much conformity in the world but nevertheless tacitly accept that the 'ability' to kinda 'dodge' that conformity and peer pressure does betray a degree of social maladjustment.
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Old 05-01-2015, 10:11 AM   #429
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Re: We in a rastamouse blog thread now

My point was that there's going to be red flags for people forming relationships.
As you say, women can easily find a man to **** her. That doesn't mean she's found someone to have a relationship with. Because of societal pressures, a woman who hasn't had a relationship at the age of 30 (or whatever) is viewed as having a "red flag" (for relationships) the same way a man who hasn't had sex at an older age will have some red flags for women (because of society)

And I agree that these societal expectations should be changed - it's okay for women to just want to have sex. It's likewise for not all men to be "ladies men" known for their conquests.
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Old 05-01-2015, 10:35 AM   #430
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Re: We in a rastamouse blog thread now

Rasta, you are correct that I do not like your answer, but not because I think you are lying, I think that you possibly have not thought this through. Would not drug addiction be a red flag to you?
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Old 05-01-2015, 11:58 AM   #431
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Re: We in a rastamouse blog thread now

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Rasta, you are correct that I do not like your answer, but not because I think you are lying, I think that you possibly have not thought this through. Would not drug addiction be a red flag to you?
Sure, drug addiction. Lets go with that.

That's not exactly a prejudice though is it?

I'd be concerned both for and about any drug addict, male/female/black/white/tall/short/young/old. They're self-harming and harming other people around them for extremely short-term pleasure paid back very quickly in deteriorating health. Its an objectively bad thing.

So...yeah OK I wouldn't want a relationship with a heavy drug addict. So?
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Old 05-01-2015, 12:20 PM   #432
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Re: We in a rastamouse blog thread now

First, I think it may be necessary for both of us to define what we mean when we say red flag.

A red flag to me does not necessarily mean that I would not pursue any sort of relationship with someone. In the case of a drug addict, I would not. In the case of a convicted sex offender, I would not. In other cases, a red flag means to me that I would proceed in any type relationship with a bit more caution than usual.

Someone who had been treated for a depression or was a bit nerdy or overweight wouldn't be met with an instantaneous shutdown on my part. But, someone who was immediately clingy, whiny or controlling, hit the pike. These qualities vs looks are an immediate deal breaker for me.
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Old 05-01-2015, 01:09 PM   #433
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Re: We in a rastamouse blog thread now

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I said nothing of the sort and its very disingenuous to suggest otherwise.
Then please parse out what you said so I might understand - I know several men who have at my age, slept with fifty or more women, as well as many who've literally had maybe one drunken one-night stand in Malia when they were 18, another in Uni and that's literally it. That or they're still virgins..
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Let me ask you; do you think that the bell curve is any different in number of sexual partners for men and women aged...lets say 25?

As in, for women it hovers around the average far more, whereas for men they are far more in both extremes.
I would say it is far more similar than you believe.
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Old 05-01-2015, 05:12 PM   #434
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Re: We in a rastamouse blog thread now

Ahhhhh my bad. I meant they've slept with a girl in Malia and got laid one one occasion with a fatty (and that's it) <- meaning 'that is it, that's the sum total of their sexual experience'.

I apologise, completely fair to misunderstand. I communicated that badly. Of course there are a tonne (indeed most guys) fall within the what? 5-15 partner average.

Re. your other point; its certainly far more similar than you believe I believe, but not more similar than I believe.

The Cracked 'six harsh truths' article lets it slip http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-harsh-...better-person/

"What, so you're saying that I can't get girls like that unless I have a nice job and make lots of money?"

"No, your brain jumps to that conclusion so you have an excuse to write off everyone who rejects you by thinking that they're just being shallow and selfish. I'm asking what do you offer? Are you smart? Funny? Interesting? Talented? Ambitious? Creative? OK, now what do you do to demonstrate those attributes to the world? Don't say that you're a nice guy -- that's the bare minimum. Pretty girls have guys being nice to them 36 times a day. The patient is bleeding in the street. Do you know how to operate or not?

Girls in their early twenties and younger don't have to do anything remotely close to that, and deep down, everyone knows. The frustration comes from society's failure to overtly admit it.
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Old 05-01-2015, 05:19 PM   #435
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Re: We in a rastamouse blog thread now

Again, are we talking about just having sex or are we talking about forming a relationship? Because girls may not have to do all of that to attract a guy, keeping them may be another thing.
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Old 05-01-2015, 05:28 PM   #436
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Re: We in a rastamouse blog thread now

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Again, are we talking about just having sex or are we talking about forming a relationship? Because girls may not have to do all of that to attract a guy, keeping them may be another thing.

^^^this.
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Old 05-01-2015, 06:02 PM   #437
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Re: We in a rastamouse blog thread now

Rasta, I have found the post I was looking for.

#265 in the ITT we discuss the shy and gameless thread. You discuss the stereotypical woman that you WON'T be dating. I don't know how to copy it here. Take a look and tell me what you think.
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Old 05-01-2015, 07:26 PM   #438
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Re: We in a rastamouse blog thread now

Please stop using Cracked as a reference.
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Old 05-02-2015, 04:50 AM   #439
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Re: We in a rastamouse blog thread now

ill go ahead and make a helpful post
rasta I have been reading the last few pages in a bad mood and my main thought - I would just like to say that in my opinion if youre that worried about it maybe you should hire a professional. I havent read all your post in case that was covered in depth.

:shrugs:


Also this is going off some old posts but in my opinion; it pretty easy for a guy to hide thier weight but not if their 250 pounds! If you lost 30-40 pounds you could get a good tailor and no one would think of you as fat. my guess is you are not as bad as you think deep down even if you do suck.
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Old 05-03-2015, 09:45 AM   #440
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Re: We in a rastamouse blog thread now

I thought it'd be better to reply here and leave sex is weird thread for vibrating legs and stuff.

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Back to weird sex:

I'm really enjoying my relationship at the moment as well as the companionship that goes with it. Its got a good balance and whilst I don't think we'll be all together forever and married and ****, I definitely think that its the sort of relationship I'll look back on with tonnes of positive memories when it does draw to a close in the hopefully still fairly distant future.

Trouble is, now that I've actually been able to get over my ED and have sex and stuff, I've recently become subject to an absolutely huge amount of lust for other women. Its not that 'Lucy' isn't beautiful, its just that she's...well...one woman. I'm really struggling to imagine myself being ever able to stay faithful to ONE woman when older. Obviously this is all new for me at the ripe old age of 24 but I've basically only just now realised how daunting a prospect monogamy actually is. And like I say, I really like Lucy!
That lust will never go away completely, but as you get with more women you may start valuing relationship more than satisfying ones primal desires so you'll think less of it and it will be easier to resist the urges.

Now I also think that this illustrates somewhat how it's not worth it for a woman to devirginize a man. Say you have two women, Megan just wants to have fun and some casual sex. A virgin doesn't know wtf he's doing so that won't be as quality time as someone with experience could provide.

Then you have Betty who wants a serious, long lasting relationship with potential of marriage. She may see a virgin as someone who is more likely to cheat somewhere down the line as he didn't have sex at all and won't be as willing to settle down for having only had sex with one woman in his entire life.

Obviously it's not a deal breaker, but it's hard for me to come up with a reasonably sane situation where being a male virgin would come off as positive or break-even.
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Old 05-03-2015, 03:49 PM   #441
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Re: We in a rastamouse blog thread now

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Please stop using Cracked as a reference.
Well when it was highlighted by a million and one people on this forum as gospel and it proves me completely right I can certainly see why you'd like me to do that.
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Old 05-03-2015, 03:50 PM   #442
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Re: We in a rastamouse blog thread now

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Now I also think that this illustrates somewhat how it's not worth it for a woman to devirginize a man. Say you have two women, Megan just wants to have fun and some casual sex. A virgin doesn't know wtf he's doing so that won't be as quality time as someone with experience could provide.

Then you have Betty who wants a serious, long lasting relationship with potential of marriage. She may see a virgin as someone who is more likely to cheat somewhere down the line as he didn't have sex at all and won't be as willing to settle down for having only had sex with one woman in his entire life.
That's absolutely fine. More than welcome to think so.

However, do you think its OK for men to discriminate in a similar manner with women who have had a lot of sexual partners?

Because if not, that's the real double-standard.
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Old 05-03-2015, 03:51 PM   #443
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Re: We in a rastamouse blog thread now

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Also this is going off some old posts but in my opinion; it pretty easy for a guy to hide thier weight but not if their 250 pounds! If you lost 30-40 pounds you could get a good tailor and no one would think of you as fat. my guess is you are not as bad as you think deep down even if you do suck.
Eh? I'm in really good shape and a good-looking guy.
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Old 05-03-2015, 04:10 PM   #444
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Re: We in a rastamouse blog thread now

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Rasta, I have found the post I was looking for.

#265 in the ITT we discuss the shy and gameless thread. You discuss the stereotypical woman that you WON'T be dating. I don't know how to copy it here. Take a look and tell me what you think.
Yeah found it, here it is:

"Seems to make sense but at my age isn't a fair old degree of sexual competence rather expected? Like I say (and I know I've probably overstated this but honestly, you've got to take my word for this guys) I'm pretty outgoing and come across as fairly confident. I'm not going to be dating an awkward, obese, female-gamer-nerd-virgin stereotype with the cynicism to accept that she'll jolly well get what she's given."


I think the bolded is something I haven't communicated well.

What I was trying to communicate to Sgt. RJ was that I'm a relatively decent-looking and socially well-adjusted guy and that my virginity really was down to ED rather than a lack of admirers.

I wanted to make clear I wasn't just some fat gross stereotype willing to settle for whatever I got or looking for a female version of that.

I mean I quite like girls with a geeky side to be honest. Obviously obese is a deal-breaker as I wouldn't find the girl sexually attractive.

But in terms of red flags? I don't know. People don't really wear them on their sleeve but I suppose one good example would be a girl that was obviously quite keen on me in 3rd year who I hooked up with several times.

I found out that she had a bf and was essentially cheating on him with me and I did find that very off-putting. There's no excuse for cheating. If finding action with other people trumps staying faithful then the right thing to do is to respectfully bring the relationship to a close.

What else? Oh yeah, I remember one girl who was a utilitarian saying that she was comfortable with cheating on her bf on the basis that the happiness of all three parties was boosted by doing so.

Naturally I wouldn't dream of getting into a relationship with someone like that.
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Old 05-03-2015, 04:41 PM   #445
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Re: We in a rastamouse blog thread now

LOL.

double standards..... go figure
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Old 05-03-2015, 05:12 PM   #446
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Re: We in a rastamouse blog thread now

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LOL.

double standards..... go figure
I'm speechless that he can't seem to connect the dots with this post.
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Old 05-03-2015, 07:03 PM   #447
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Re: We in a rastamouse blog thread now

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Eh? I'm in really good shape and a good-looking guy.
I think I have you mixed up with typical bro, sorry. Someone said you and typical bro are the same person I guess not? I guess someone should forward that advice to typical bro .
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Old 05-04-2015, 08:30 AM   #448
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Re: We in a rastamouse blog thread now

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LOL.

double standards..... go figure
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I'm speechless that he can't seem to connect the dots with this post.
Where are there double-standards?

I don't believe that women should be slut-shamed and I don't believe men should be virgin-shamed.

It would be double-standards to be in favour of one and not the other.

If however, you see virginity as a red flag when looking for a man, that's absolutely fine, its your personal decision.

However, by the same rationale, you can't complain if men see your high number of sexual partners as a red flag when looking at yourself as a potential girlfriend.

Where am I wrong? Please let me know as I dislike double-standards and will change my views as soon as I realise I am applying one.
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Old 05-04-2015, 10:32 AM   #449
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Re: We in a rastamouse blog thread now

But you do virgin shame the women. You do obese shame the women. You do slut shame women.
"I found out that she had a bf and was essentially cheating on him with me and I did find that very off-putting. "
And what I find especially funny you do geek shame the women. In this context I also do find interesting question you directed at me in sex is weird thread.

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Have you ever quite seriously attracted the interest of the kind of man that johnny is describing?
Keep in mind, that you have no idea, how I look like. But you still imply with this question: 1. That I can not attract interest of a certain type of man. 2. That I do find intellect sexy, only because I can not attract bad aggressive boys with sexy body. The second point means that YOU do find overweight shy nerds less worthy of sexual interest from women. YOU do find that given a choice every woman should choose aggressive bad boy.

I mean this gap between you fiercly protecting overweight shy nerd guys in your surrounding and implying that I do discriminate against them and at the same time being yourself really discriminatory against overweight shy nerd girls and boys and against girls who are attracted to nerd guys is amusing.
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Old 05-04-2015, 10:48 AM   #450
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Re: We in a rastamouse blog thread now

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But you do virgin shame the women. You do obese shame the women. You do slut shame women.
"I found out that she had a bf and was essentially cheating on him with me and I did find that very off-putting. "
And what I find especially funny you do geek shame the women. In this context I also do find interesting question you directed at me in sex is weird thread.



Keep in mind, that you have no idea, how I look like. But you still imply with this question: 1. That I can not attract interest of a certain type of man. 2. That I do find intellect sexy, only because I can not attract bad aggressive boys with sexy body. The second point means that YOU do find overweight shy nerds less worthy of sexual interest from women. YOU do find that given a choice every woman should choose aggressive bad boy.

I mean this gap between you fiercly protecting overweight shy nerd guys in your surrounding and implying that I do discriminate against them and at the same time being yourself really discriminatory against overweight shy nerd girls and boys and against girls who are attracted to nerd guys is amusing.
I have been trying and failing to verbalize these exact thoughts. You have done so quite succinctly. Thank you, Lapka.
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