I have lost my virginity at the age of 27 or something ? 29 now. I guess a major difference was that I lied from the beginning depending on social situation. If I was with frat boys its way easier to just talk along then to drop the V bomb tbh. This may have influenced how I reacted/felt about people knowing I was a virgin because it would be mostly people I felt save with so I think you might be right about that.

The weak/weird comment is probably stronger than it actually is IRL, Im friends with the guy, I think its weird he hasn't gotten one but Im really not acting any different, its just not that big of a deal to me. He also does loads of things that make him cool/nice/interesting OTOH which makes it less weird. I agree that for women its practically a non existent thing.

Eld doesn't have a car, I don't have a car and never had, many of my friends don't have a car and some of them don't have a license at the ages between 30 and 40. I mean come on.

The biggest pressure which I had, was being executed from my mom. She wanted me to study medicine. It is many many years in the past and she still brings it up today. I still studied, what I wanted. And as a female to go into physics and math is totally against societal expectations. And as a female with immigrational background: societal expectation is that I speak language of the country where I live, rather poorly, don't have any education and work as a cleaning lady and drink vodka for breakfast and dress skimpy to catch a sugar daddy. I mean, If I would confirm to all this ****, then my life would be really ****ty.

You make a big deal, where there isn't a big deal.

Fantastic. Well done for being open-minded.

However, first and foremost you're an exception to the rule and furthermore, the impact of prejudice isn't balanced out by those who 'don't give a single damn'. The fact that you don't care doesn't neutralise the fact that Absurdas and Yakmelk, nice guys though they are, simply can't help themselves but see people who can't drive as weird/weak and readily admit that most of their friends feel the same way.

I can't believe I'm using a feminist hashtag to illustrate this but the point of the #notallmen/#yesallwomen campaign was to demonstrate that whilst say, the percentage of the male population that's prejudiced against women might be small and whilst there may indeed be plenty of men who aren't prejudiced in the slightest, the latter don't nullify the former. The victims, the women in this case, still all feel the effect of the prejudiced minority.

Not at all, I care as much about how others may perceive me as is appropriate. You want that guy to give you a job? you care how he perceives you. You want to date that hot girl in the nightclub? You care how her friends perceive you.

The people who 'don't give a **** what people think', contrary to Hollywood myths, aren't manifested as loveable rogues, but as people who sit at home, smelly, picking their nose and generally being shunned by everyone.

Caring what other people think of you (to an appropriate extent of course) is a major part of being socially well-adjusted.

Basically what Yak said. It's not a very rational thought, I leaned how to drive, because as a man "I had to" and unconsciously there's this thought about other men too now.
Funnily enough I've been teaching my gf how to drive for the last 6 days as she got her first car, but haven't driven since getting license. Both learning and teaching is stressful as ****.

Can only imagine how much more stressful that experience must be learning in London. Don't get discouraged, once you learn it well, it can be a blast even if you don't enjoy/desire it now.

Sure it can be weird in some instances: Yak knows the guy, and thus knows the story about why he hasn't got a license. But it can go both ways. I live in Amsterdam: a car here is incredibly useless and a waste of money. If someone grew up there whole of his life, and is working their and planning to do so in the future: I could totally understand him when he's not getting his license. On the other hand, if he got a job elsewhere which he can't reach by public transport... Sure. A car and driving license would be incredibly handy.

But why should I judge him about that: it's his life. But maybe you are right and that's my state of mind. I rather judge someone on his character.

Yeah, sure. I'm not saying there won't be prejudices with certain people. That point doesn't need any proving.

All true. I'm not saying you should not be worried how you are perceived in a job interview. What I'm saying is that that perception should be based on your persona. Getting a drivers license because you want to apply to a job that's 50 m from the frontstep of your house is not necessary, but it is when applying for a position at that office which requires you to travel a lot. Getting a drivers license because 'society thinks people without it are weird' is also a bad reason in my opinion.

The first is an extreme hyperbole. I've got a friend who wears a manbun. I hate it, everyone of his friends hate, and his girlfriend hates it. Even random people at a bar tell him it's awful. Does he care about that? No, because he likes it.

My point: you should live the life you want, and not what you think society wants from you. That does not mean you should not conform to society in any way of course, but doing things just so people won't find you weird is not the best way of going about in life. I think I'd like to add some words to your sentence:

Caring what other people think of you (to an appropriate extent of course) is a major part of being socially well-adjusted when considering if you want to whip your dick out of your pants at Toys-R-Us, but when contemplating about getting a drivers license it should be a minor part.

Yup. Fair play. Completely respect your honesty.

The only thing I'd request is your solidarity in admitting that this prejudice exists when people try to deny it. I mean, you do admit that it's irrational after all right?

I basically can drive. I mean when I was learning I got to the stage where the lesson would consist of us just driving around with no major things to cover. I've been on motorways and whatnot and really got to the stage where I was thinking about booking the test. Then this new job came up, I was only getting an hour's driving in at the weekends. I didn't look forward to the lessons and didn't need a car etc. and basically quit.

The trouble was consistency. I just couldn't iron out all the mistakes. British tests are tough as well, much tougher than most anywhere in the world. Most people fail the first attempt nowadays.

That's not to say I was a fast learner. I must have had 40-50 hours worth of lessons total. I remember struggling to even move off and get things right in the second lesson and rather humiliatingly being driven back to the long, empty-ish road for the instructor to run through the complete basics again. I remember coming home and apologising to my M&D that learning to drive might take me longer than I'd anticipated.

Obviously with the sexual failures and whatnot my train of thought was the "Oh God this is going to be yet another thing that everyone else can do that I can't". Stuff like that really does feed into an inferiority complex that can lead you to aspire to simply be left in unthreatened comfort rather than take on the big wide world out there.

So, perhaps that's coloured my experience, but honestly, I just don't enjoy driving man! Its one of those awful things that manages to combine being boring with requiring a shedload of concentration as well.

Honestly, this isn't a case of sour grapes and nor is it any sort of criticism on those who have a passion for motoring, you guys go right ahead.

Me? I don't need a car, I don't particularly like cars, I hate the smell of petrol, I don't enjoy driving.

However, I'll be perceived as weak/weird if I don't do something that I neither want to, nor have to do, because of a prejudice that even those who are afflicted by it admit is irrational.

Not gonna lie, that does piss me the **** off.

Rasta,


GM gets it. But you seem way more interested in proving that you are "right" rather than actually listening, learning, and improving.

I read and appreciated the whole of your post, but I'm just going to zoom in on manbun for a second!

I would argue, personally, that people evidently don't hate the manbun that much. They might hate the hairstyle itself I guess, but it clearly isn't drawing too much hate towards *him* if his girlfriend and friends still stay with him. Its easy to mentally separate a man from his haircut I guess.

Being perceived of as 'less of a man' is, I would say, a bigger deal than being a guy who currently has a stupid haircut.

But yeah, its all about opinions I guess.

Ha! I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree. Besides, we only disagree on the extent to which driving specifically will impact your 'positive societal conformity perception' or (whatever you want to call it) and on whether it would fall into the category of something where you should just suck it up and do something to please society.

We obviously understand each other's opinions though, so that's good stuff

El D, you're not getting this are you?

I'm only interested in proving myself right to be asking the following questions, which I require the answers to before I have reason to listen to you more than I would the bloke down the pub:

Why should I listen to you? What qualification do you have that demarcate you as being someone who's advice has particular value?

Ditto. and learning what?

At what?

Now you might be putting these questions down to petulance, but they're really just the result of a natural curiosity as to who's advice I should seek and how they've demonstrated their expertise and necessary qualifications to give said advice.

Rasta,

I'm happy to answer whatever questions you have as soon as you show that you're going to actually take the time to read, digest, and try to understand the advice being given. We already established how to do that and I'm just waiting on you to do what you said you'd do rather than pile on more stuff you don't understand correctly.

Then I will answer your questions truthfully, but your whole premise behind them is absurd. You're going to use those answers to determine how much stock to put in my advice?

OK, fine. I lived at home until I was 28, was a virgin until I was 30, barely had any money or any kind of career prospects until 32, didn't learn to drive until I was 35, and didn't own a car until I was 40. I thought these things were big problems and led an isolated, unhappy life, worried that people were not going to respect me until I was 26. Never had a girlfriend or kissed a girl and was always worried about how I stacked up versus other guys. When I was 26 I met someone who lived an unconventional life but was full of confidence and didn't care what others thought. He taught me to be secure and confident and not give a **** what other people think, and over the next couple of years he changed my life. I turned into a social success with lots of girls, all sorts of unconventional but lucrative job opportunities, and just an overall amazing life. I see a lot of similarities in you, so I want to share a bunch of those lessons and learnings with you.

Some of these ages don't make sense but Im interested enough to wonder what the correct ages are El D.

Well if all this is true then you're precisely the sort of person I'd love to listen to. Thank you for sharing.

I must say I'm full of questions though (not because I'm sceptical of your ability to give good advice) but as your life seems incredibly interesting and I'm very curious.

Honestly, I had you down as an effortlessly-successful, likely good-looking and athletic, naturally intelligent guy who'd been blessed with a good family and through a natural inclination for hard work, was always very successful in all walks of life.

Given all of that, you understand why I've been asking you right?

I mean, if someone who lost their virginity at 15 told me that no-one cared about whether you were a virgin or not, I'd find it annoying as it'd be coming from a position of ignorance.

Likewise, if you were someone who had for example, gone through medical school to become a doctor after having aced his school/college/A-levels whilst nevertheless working his ass off to do so and were I don't know...26 years old-ish, I'd also find it a bit pointless, as such a person (though intelligent, talented, hard-working and successful) probably wouldn't be in a great position to really give advice for someone trying to turn things around.

Anyway, rest assured I'll most certainly listen to all that you have to say and the advice you have to give me. Having said that, I'd be very curious to hear about more of your life story as it really does sound fascinating and very inspirational.

Reckon you can tell us more about this character you met at 26? Who was he? What happened? what changed?

Thank you kindly.

Rasta,

Happy to answer/discuss those new questions after you've done this.

Ok; I'm just going to use your posts where you're giving feedback or advice as quite a few of them are just your side of our squabbles.

I'm going to have to do it in bits and pieces too as I'm seeing the gf tonight and a friend of mine tomorrow. Then Saturday its off to football with my mates.

Pretty self-explanatory, but not very encouraging advice. Not quite sure what constructive advice I can take from it other than to manage my hopes and expectations as best I can.

Well, same again really. Disheartening but that doesn't mean it isn't true. Trouble here is my instant response is to wonder where on my 'limits' lie. What sort of aims or aspirations should I abandon? When might my ambitions be misguided and lead to wasted time and disappointment? How does he know how intelligent I am and/or think I am?

How does he know how much 'pride and confidence' I have in my posts? What qualification does he possess to appoint himself the arbiter of my posts' 'quality'? Nevertheless, he's very confident that he's right.

I'm just a kid on the internet. My well-being doesn't affect anyone and no-one on here cares.

I'm a loser and should feel bad about it. I should also feel bad about asking people for help in such a weak and pathetic way, take some responsibility and change my attitude.

If you follow the advice of people on here things will get better. Have the humility to admit that people on here are indeed fully qualified to tell you what's best.

Set goals in your life and try and achieve them. Its that simple.

You're not a good writer. If you think you might have the potential to become one you have to work at it. Hard.

Nothing will change unless you start doing things differently.

People don't dislike you in the slightest, they're just remarking on what a terrible job you're doing of maximising your happiness.

There's nothing wrong with not making money, not getting a standard job and not living an unconventional life, but if that's what you're after, why aren't you chasing it?

A lot of people work for money and nothing else. You're certainly not particularly hard done-by if you end up joining their ranks.
Do whatever you want. Literally do what you want. Just stop complaining you aren't getting given something for nothing and don't have something you haven't worked for.

Self-explanatory.

Maybe I'm not quite the stereotypical loser he had me down as and I do indeed have mental issues which are somewhat different from the norm, but not at all unique. No shame in getting these addressed.

I'm lazy and I need to stop justifying my inaction and inertia.

...and we've arrived at post #216.

Phew. Quicker than I thought!

I dont mean to hate or anything but I feel like the tone of entitlement in those answers is part of the problem. I've only started reading your blog yesterday but obviously have seen the threads that preceded this one and you always have some view you think is right while the rest think differently. There is pretty much always something you can do about a situation and they are not nearly as bad as you think they are.

Being a virgin, not having a car, working a certain job, living somewhere or having some kind of aspirations are no reasons to not better yourself. Thats sort of what Im getting from most of your posts, you're not taking responsibility and will rather blame some situation or thing for whatever is going wrong. Again, this is what I've taken from my interactions with you in all the threads and not just this because this one is pretty fine if you ask me, the driving license thing and your reactions just made me flash back a bit to what I've taken from you as a poster in general. I think you're probably a good guy though, you dont seem mean spirited and you seem to try in some way because you've gotten pretty far from when you've gotten here imo.

El D is obviously not going about this in a softy way and he's right for not doing so. You should be wanting something from him, not the other way around, the guy is a ****ing legend around here and you're pretending like he owe's you or whatever that is. Submit to knowledge and stop fighting it, what could go wrong ? That rant was way too long but its here and I mean it in a good way.

Rasta,

Fyi, I'm really busy today so I prob won't look at those posts until tonight at the earliest.

Just wanted to let you know I saw them and am not ignoring them.

Well hold on that isn't quite fair.

1) There are plenty of times where I'm happy to take advice, even to the contrary of what I've initially thought might be the correct course of action, you just obviously notice these less as people don't go back-and-forth on an issue they agree with one another on.

(Check parts of the dating thread, there were several occasions where I came out and said "I haven't got a clue what to do here, my instinct is to do ABC", people responded by telling me that was laughably terrible and that I should do XYZ, and I proceeded to follow their instructions to the letter.)

Second of all, there have been several issues where I might have taken a minority view, but I certainly haven't been alone. Debates on feminism and suchlike might well have attracted a lot of hate, but I got a fair few messages in my inbox from people who didn't want to raise their head above the parapet of the thread itself, but certainly wanted to let me know they agreed with me despite the opposition.

This is the thing; I'm not just being obtuse or trying to wind people up when I ask what "bettering myself" would actually mean. My main problem is that I'm friggin' clueless as to what would make me happy in life. I don't have goals or ambitions. I don't know what I want to do with my life and to put effort into.

Sure, I mean its my fault that I can't drive. I've had ample opportunities to get off my ass and get it done. Don't get me wrong, I am a leeeeeeeetle bit ticked off that there's this completely and utterly acceptable prejudice against people who don't drive because they neither need nor want a car; but yeah, sure. If I feel the effect of that prejudice enough to motivate me to want to drive then its my fault I haven't gone out and done it.

Well, I understand that he's got a large post count and commands respect, but this is the point where it gets all rather cultish. I asked El D to tell me why I should listen to his advice not because I'm trying to be annoying, but because I do need to know why I should listen to him beyond other people. That's a reasonable question to ask, yet I was hounded for it and genuinely didn't understand why.

It isn't about intelligence or success, its about being able to give practical advice that someone in my position can take.

That's kind of unfalsifiable dude.

I bear witness that there is no god but El Diablo (SWT) and that Yakmelk is His Prophet.

I bear witness that none is worth of worship but El Diablo (SWT)

I bear witness that there is no god but El Diablo (SWT) and that Yakmelk is His Prophet.

I bear witness that none is worth of worship but El Diablo (SWT)

El Diablo Hu Akhbar

Cheers. No rush. I'm out today and tomorrow as well so its all good.

I think El Diablo is not perfect/a god at all but he has a pretty impressive well in the archived forum and he also seems very open to helping people/knowledgeable about quite some things (be it employment, social stuff, business stuff, food stuff, fashion stuff). Tbh I dont think you care at all what I say but I think I've been through some similar problems that you've went/are going through. Ill be here reading and waiting for el oh el to hop in. And I wish I was a prophet because they get all the pussy.

Ah I care what everyone here says insofar as its a community of largely intelligent, yet direct people. I might not agree with everyone but I most certainly value people's input as interesting at the very least.

Rasta,

Have you found time to start working on your blog? Or do you still not have time to do any writing?

Nah changed my mind about blogging. Don't think I'm a good enough writer.

Still no reply from LSE or indeed from the web content editor job I applied for.

Going to get the reporter job application that my gf's housemate directed me towards on Sunday.

It is tough re. time. Tuesday evening was spent with the family for a meal out, Wednesday was free admittedly. Thursday gf and tonight a friend. Tomorrow is football with mates.

Sunday I'll nail a few job applications though.

Will seriously be ticked off if LSE don't get back to me. Its a ****ing basic enquiry.

Rasta,

Thanks for reviewing all those posts. There are a couple of points I disagree with, but overall, you got the main points. So now read your summaries of the advice. Which pieces do you disagree with or sound particularly off-putting to you?

As for your questions: lost virginity at 17, learned to drive at 15, owned a (****ty!) car at 16.