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Old 03-02-2020, 09:24 AM   #1751
suitedjustice
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Re: Suitedjustice's Ongoing Mid-life Crisis

Some of you may remember my chill born-again Christian landlord from Nit-tastic tales. When I found myself moving back to Las Vegas after 12 years away, I got in touch with him again for a room. I went to him again because his rooms were always cheap, and because I'm lazy and I hate and fear change, and because I had built up little or no credit history in my life up until then and I therefore carried a bad credit score.

When I left Las Vegas in 2006, my landlord owned 25 houses, most of which he rented out by the room. When the housing and financial crisis hit a few years later, he panicked and sold out at rock-bottom prices. Now he owns just his personal house, within which there is a single detached room and bathroom for rent, and this small space is where I live.

What I didn't know about my landlord is that he became much more religious during my absence. As it was, even back during my first stint here, he had been pretty serious about trying to proselytize me into Jesus's loving embrace, but only for a short period of time, because back then I had acquired some New Testament scholarship for myself, but in my case I was hate-studying the Bible, in the same manner that medieval monks used to study books of demonology.

In terms of the New Testament, I've always had some serious issues with Paul, aka St. Paul. Enumerating these issues would go beyond the scope of this post; besides, it's been 20 years or more since I last looked into the matter, and I don't really wish to fall back down that rabbit hole.

Suffice it to say I concluded that Paul was a charlatan and a pathological liar, and if true, that would be important because it was Paul and his various followers in several of his churches who put the New Testament together. They selected which of the Gospels would go in and which would stay out. They had the first cut on the editing, and Paul and his cronies are responsible for the vast bulk of sections which come after the Gospels: Romans, Corinthians, Galatians, Ephesians, Philippians, et al. And these latter sections make up the lion's share of a surprising number of sermons in churches of all denominations. You'd think that the preachers would stick mostly to the Gospels and leave the appendices alone, but they don't, not at all.

Basically, Jesus may be the main character in the New Testament, but Paul is its sometimes-hidden narrator, and he's a classically unreliable version of that. The upshot of my study back then was that I was able to use my knowledge of Paul to get my landlord off my back about Jesus.

Flash forward to tonight, where I'm putting every one of my Stephen King books in boxes to take to a storage facility tomorrow because my landlord feels that they are magically ruining his marriage.

Yep. A while back he was in the room fixing something and he saw them on the shelves. Lately he's been having trouble with his wife and he asked God about it and God told him in no uncertain terms that my Stephen King books are creating a demonic influence in the house which is negatively affecting his marriage.

He is paying for the storage space; I told him that I would not pay to keep my own beloved books stored away from me. He also said that he doesn't want "that Hitler stuff" in his house. By that he must mean Richard J. Evans's three-volume masterpiece of history: The Coming of the Third Reich, The Third Reich in Power, and The Third Reich at War, all of which are fantastic books and essential reading for anyone who doesn't want to see the return of fascism anywhere in the world.

That implicitly means that I have to get rid of everything else to which he would likely object. So now all of the sudden I'm the Pope, and it's the 16th century, and I'm censoring books. So here we go, Roma locuta est, causa finita est.

Fortune Telling with Playing Cards should probably go, but what about The Sivananda Companion to Yoga? Neal Stephenson's The Fall looks pretty harmless, and it takes hundreds of pages to find out that the main character is a cybernetic Miltonian Satan--but the subtitle is or, Dodge in Hell, but that part is written really small.

How about Mike Matusow's Check-Raising the Devil ? I'm prepared to explain how check-raising can be a means of thwarting. How about Nelson's, Streib's and Heston's Kill Everyone poker tournament book? Bad vibes? The sickly green filter on the picture of a thousand poker players in the Amazon Room could imply that some sort of mass murder is about to take place.

There are Lisa Scottoline's Devil's Corner and Douglas Preston's and Lincoln Child's Brimstone--I haven't actually read either of those; they're somewhat rare Advanced Reader copies that I picked up when I was a bookstore manager thinking that they might be worth something some day. Same thing with Dean Koontz's Odd Thomas, still in its plastic. The Koontz title is innocuous enough, so it gets to stay, while Stephen King's On Writing has to go because it's Stephen King.

Then there's Pratchett's and Gaiman's Good Omens. On the cover there's an angel reading a book, but the M in Omens forms itself into a devil's tail, and the subtitle is The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch." Goodbye, Good Omens. Other Terry Pratchett books which have to go: Sourcery and Equal Rites--puns can't save you now--and there's also his Moving Pictures, which sounds fine, but it has a little imp on the cover.

Here are some books that can stay: Cormac McCarthy's No Country for Old Men, his Blood Meridian, and The Road. Of course the existence of a loving God in any of these three books would be a sick, sick joke, but the titles and covers pass the smell test. Finally we have William S. Burroughs's Naked Lunch, a title that's a little risque but far enough removed from deviltry. Let's quote a little passage from Naked Lunch to celebrate.

Johnny extracts a candiru from Mary's **** with his calipers...He drops it into a bottle of mescal where it turns into a Maguey worm...he gives her a douche of jungle bone-softener, her vaginal teeth flow out mixed with blood and cysts...Her **** shines fresh and sweet as spring grass...

Yes, I'm aware that I should should move out of here on principle, but did I happen to mention that I'm very lazy and that I hate and fear change? Also, moving now would be a blow to the bankroll. Also, I care about my landlord as a person and I want to see his marriage work out for him. That's why I'm going to tell him that God told me that he and his wife need marriage counselling; I did hear a very firm voice in my head earlier today telling me exactly that...no joke. And imposing some magical Feng Shui/Marie Kondo theocratic nightmare on me his tenant is not going to spark any more lasting joy than any other placebo, which is never much.

Last edited by suitedjustice; 03-02-2020 at 09:44 AM.
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Old 03-04-2020, 10:35 PM   #1752
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Re: Suitedjustice's Ongoing Mid-life Crisis

Back at Planet Hollywood for the first time since last year's debacle. I don't recognize anyone on floor duty, so that's a plus.

Only one table of cash going. It could just be the dinner lull or it could be the start of a Coronavirus slump. Time will tell.
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Old 03-05-2020, 12:33 AM   #1753
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Re: Suitedjustice's Ongoing Mid-life Crisis

The PH dancing girls have arrived, and the tables are filling up.
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Old 03-05-2020, 02:06 AM   #1754
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Re: Suitedjustice's Ongoing Mid-life Crisis

I've just broken out into a sudden cold sweat all over, and it had nothing to do with the dancing girls. Best to call it a night and see what happens tomorrow.
Planet Hollywood: 2 hours:
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Old 03-05-2020, 11:03 AM   #1755
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Re: Suitedjustice's Ongoing Mid-life Crisis

False alarm, it seems. I probably just ate too many crab legs at the Paris buffet.
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Old 03-05-2020, 11:31 AM   #1756
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Re: Suitedjustice's Ongoing Mid-life Crisis

Might want to self quarantine, donít want an outbreak of corona virus hitting the mid-strip. Just hold up in your room, just you and your collection of Stephen King books. Oh wait damn forgot those demonic books where trying to break up your landlords marriage.

Like the results lately, keep it up SJ. Do you keep records, up to you but would be interested in your hours and win rate. That being said would totally get why you may not want to put that out on a public forum.
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Old 03-05-2020, 06:08 PM   #1757
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Re: Suitedjustice's Ongoing Mid-life Crisis

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Might want to self quarantine, donít want an outbreak of corona virus hitting the mid-strip. Just hold up in your room, just you and your collection of Stephen King books. Oh wait damn forgot those demonic books where trying to break up your landlords marriage.

Like the results lately, keep it up SJ. Do you keep records, up to you but would be interested in your hours and win rate. That being said would totally get why you may not want to put that out on a public forum.
Thanks Da_Nit! One good outcome of the Great Book Exorcism is that I now have room for more books.

As far as numbers go, if I'm still at this gig in July, I might be arsed to post some half-year results.

The first reported case of Coronavirus in Las Vegas was reported today.
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Old 03-06-2020, 06:43 PM   #1758
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Re: Suitedjustice's Ongoing Mid-life Crisis

The streak had to end some time. It ended on a night where I made the second worst mistake of my poker career. I didn't record the exact hand, but I was barreling with a flush draw on a paired board where it was unlikely that the villain had a boat, and I got my flush on the river and was so gratified that I didn't notice that it had also double paired the board, and now all villain could have was a boat, so I donked off the remaining $100 in my stack on a river $65 bet/$35 call.

I made my worst mistake ever last summer, when I misread my hand and barreled off $400 on what I thought was a straight, giving it to a villain who had actually flopped the straight in question.

In both cases, it was my emotion that was my undoing, causing me to turn off rational analysis in favor of "Haha, I got you now!." It's always difficult to separate competition and emotion. I was a football player in high school: a defensive lineman, and emotion was everything. I played on pure heart whenever two 280 lb (127 kg) gym rats came off the line trying to make soup out of me and I threw them off like chaff and took down the fullback barreling in behind them.

That sort of emotion doesn't work in poker. It messes with my process and occasionally blinds me to the obvious. It's one of the big mindset challenges that come with the game. With experience and a certain amount of mindfulness, I've become better at taming my emotions while I play, but I still have a ways to go.

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Old 03-12-2020, 02:24 PM   #1759
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Re: Suitedjustice's Ongoing Mid-life Crisis

I've been out the last few days with the sniffles; nobody at the table wants to see that.

I checked in today at 11 AM and there was no game at Bally's, and one table of $1/$2 at the Flamingo. If it gets worse--and it might--I think the last refuge might be the Orleans, with its cache of local players.
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Old 03-12-2020, 04:11 PM   #1760
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Re: Suitedjustice's Ongoing Mid-life Crisis

1pm. Thought I'd check out the Sahara's new poker room, what with the big construction Expo going on next door: empty.
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Old 03-12-2020, 04:43 PM   #1761
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Re: Suitedjustice's Ongoing Mid-life Crisis

1:30 PM. Game on at the Westgate. One table, infinitely better than zero.
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Old 03-12-2020, 05:10 PM   #1762
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Re: Suitedjustice's Ongoing Mid-life Crisis

Today was supposed to be a day when popular poker vlogger Stormtrooper97 played here at the Westgate, but he cancelled and the house "forgot" to inform his fans.
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Old 03-12-2020, 06:47 PM   #1763
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Re: Suitedjustice's Ongoing Mid-life Crisis

And the game breaks at 3:30, right after I get stuck from running a set into a flush.

The Westgate has one of the nicest and most vibrant sports books around, now it's 90% empty and eerily quiet with golf commentary and silent horseracing footage.

Westgate: 2 hours:
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Old 03-13-2020, 12:15 AM   #1764
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Re: Suitedjustice's Ongoing Mid-life Crisis

#RIPVegas
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Old 03-13-2020, 01:01 AM   #1765
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Re: Suitedjustice's Ongoing Mid-life Crisis

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The Westgate has one of the nicest and most vibrant sports books around, now it's 90% empty and eerily quiet with golf commentary and silent horseracing footage.

Westgate: 2 hours:
(-$114)

They have nothing to bet on.
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Old 03-13-2020, 08:30 AM   #1766
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Re: Suitedjustice's Ongoing Mid-life Crisis

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#RIPVegas
I'm wondering if I should read A Journal of the Plague Year next and start modelling my Las Vegas dispatches after that chronicle.

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They have nothing to bet on.
ESPN should cover esports and poker to fill the massive content hole. Replaying old games isn't going to do it; the ratings for ESPN Classic have always been dildos, probably because people can't bet on old games. With some clever adjustments, both esports and poker could be structured to limit exposure to the participants, and they could likely come up with some interesting betting schemes for the viewers.

Last edited by suitedjustice; 03-13-2020 at 08:50 AM.
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Old 03-13-2020, 08:41 AM   #1767
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Re: Suitedjustice's Ongoing Mid-life Crisis

Relatives of mine from the construction industry are in town for the big ConExpo trade show. I'm going to join them today and walk around the show. I'll have my aunt's badge, as she's staying back at the casino and playing the slots, so today I am Wilhelmina. I doubt that anyone will call me on it, but if it happens I plan on telling them that my name is William and that there's been a mistake.

Last edited by suitedjustice; 03-13-2020 at 08:48 AM.
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Old 03-13-2020, 08:53 AM   #1768
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Re: Suitedjustice's Ongoing Mid-life Crisis

Wilhelmina? How old is your aunt? In Germany, it's hard yo even meet a Wilhelm these days.
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Old 03-13-2020, 09:16 AM   #1769
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Wilhelmina? How old is your aunt? In Germany, it's hard yo even meet a Wilhelm these days.
She's in her mid-80's, bless her. I changed the name, though. I change everyone's name or I use their online s/n if they have one--but she does have a very old-timey name, and the best equivalent I could find for it is Wilhelmina.
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Old 03-14-2020, 12:47 AM   #1770
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Re: Suitedjustice's Ongoing Mid-life Crisis

I've found surprisingly good games at the Westgate. Mainly Canadian tourists there to sports bet and listen to the condo/timeshare spiel. Nothing higher than 1-2 though.
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Old 03-14-2020, 05:50 AM   #1771
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Re: Suitedjustice's Ongoing Mid-life Crisis

Will you be staying home as much as possible now, Suited?
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Old 03-15-2020, 12:49 AM   #1772
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Re: Suitedjustice's Ongoing Mid-life Crisis

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I've found surprisingly good games at the Westgate. Mainly Canadian tourists there to sports bet and listen to the condo/timeshare spiel. Nothing higher than 1-2 though.
Yeah, it's decent when it runs. Even the crew who showed up for the Trooper day were all loose/passive.

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Will you be staying home as much as possible now, Suited?
No, unfortunately. I have to eat. I think that Las Vegas will be the last of the destinations to be shut down, given that $100 bills are this town's only product and cash crop.
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Old 03-16-2020, 03:53 AM   #1773
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Re: Suitedjustice's Ongoing Mid-life Crisis

MGM has shut down their casinos. I expect Caesars and the rest of the properties to follow suit, given the potential for lawsuits if any casino were to become a major vector. I'll have to try my hand at online tournaments for a while.
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Old 03-16-2020, 04:25 AM   #1774
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Re: Suitedjustice's Ongoing Mid-life Crisis

Itís time to global/ignition/ACR/WSOP.com it up
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Old 03-18-2020, 01:18 PM   #1775
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Re: Suitedjustice's Ongoing Mid-life Crisis

Probably a good idea. People are at home, bored, can't bet on sports; so they're gambling it up at the Pokerz like there is no tomorrow!

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