Notes from Underground by Fyodor Dostoevsky
Conclusion
"You know, men take to drink from grief; well, maybe I am here from grief. Come, tell me, what is there good here? Here you and I...came together...just now and did not say one word to one another all the time, and it was only afterwards you began staring at me like a wild creature, and I at you. Is that loving? Is that how one human being should meet another?" It's hideous, that's what it is!"
"Yes!" she assented sharply and hurriedly.
At this point the Underground Man, so eloquent in print, finally finds his speaking voice. An hour or so after his sputtering drunken fiasco of a dinner with his co-workers, he's now here with Liza, a 20-year old sex worker whose family has sold her to a St. Petersburg brothel.
And here we find what may be a theme in the story: for all his off-putting antisocial behavior and attempts to land insults and diminish others, it seems that U.M. only wants to make a real connection with another human being. His method is terrible to say the least, but he wants the method to incite forgiveness from the other party: forgiveness for bumping into the unnamed officer, for insulting Zverkov, for holding back on his servant Apollon's pay, and finally for using Liza without acknowledging her humanity.
Here near the end of the second Act, lying in bed with Liza, U.M. finally gets what he's always been looking for, in that sharp "Yes!" of assent from Liza. But it can never be enough for him, because U.M. always has to push things past their limits, and besides that he's finally found his voice, so why squander that long sought-after embodiment after such a small bit of success?
It was the exercise of my power that attracted me most.
Encouraged, U.M. dishes out an eloquent multi-page soliloquy detailing all of the joys of couplehood, then marriage, then parenting--as if he knows anything about these things beyond what he's read in novels. Indeed, at one point Liza interrupts him to say,
"Why, you...speak somehow like a book," she said, and again there was a note of irony in her voice.
That remark sent a pang to my heart. It was not what I was expecting.
Now deflated and petulant, U.M. dishes out an even more eloquent multi-page soliloquy detailing all of the potential horrors associated with sex work.
"And for what have you ruined your life, if you come to think of it? For the coffee they give you to drink and the plentiful meals? But with what object are they feeding you up? An honest girl couldn't swallow the food, for she would know what she was being fed for. You are in debt here, and, of course you will always be in debt, and you will go on in debt to the end, till the visitors here begin to scorn you. And that will soon happen, don't rely upon your youth--all that flies by express train here, you know. You will be kicked out. And not simply kicked out; long before that [the Madame will] begin nagging at you, scolding you, abusing you, as though you had not sacrificed your health for her, had not thrown away your youth and your soul for her benefit, but as though you had ruined her, beggared her, robbed her.
And don't expect anyone to take your part: the others, your companions, will attack you, too, to win her favor, for all are in slavery here, and have lost all conscience and pity here long ago. They have become utterly vile, and nothing on earth is viler, more loathsome, and more insulting than their abuse. And you are laying down everything here, unconditionally, youth and health and beauty and hope, and at twenty-two you will look like a woman of five-and-thirty, and you will be lucky if you are not diseased, pray to God for that! [...]
And you won't dare to say a word, not half a word when they drive you away from here; you will go away as though you were to blame. You will change to another house, then to a third, then somewhere else, till you come down at last to Haymarket. There you will be beaten at every turn; that is good manners there, the visitors don't know how to be friendly without beating you.
U.M. goes on like this at great length, ramping up the melodrama almost beyond its limit, until he gets Liza to cry, for that seems to have been his object. After all of his prior failed attempts to speak his thoughts as well as he can write them, he has finally found success, and he uses his newfound power to make a young and vulnerable sex worker feel terrible about herself and terrified for her future.
At this point U.M. attempts to shift towards making his human connection by apologizing to Liza profusely and inviting her to his apartment. He's never made it this far with the others, always hoping to just once complete the cycle of insult, apology and forgiveness, but can Liza forgive him?
"I will come," she answered resolutely.
Liza doesn't show up at U.M.'s for more than three days, enough time for U.M. to get on with antagonizing his servant Apollon through withholding his meager wages and trying to make the poor man beg for them. Liza shows up right in the middle of U.M.'s screaming fit at Apollon.
"Apollon," I whispered in feverish haste, flinging down before him the seven rubles which had remained all the time in my clenched fist, "here are your wages, you see I give them to you; but for that you must come to my rescue: bring me tea and a dozen biscuits from the restaurant. If you won't go, you'll make me a miserable man! You don't know what this woman is...This is--everything! You may be imagining something...But you don't know what that woman is!"
Apollon sits and stares at U.M. for a few minutes, but the servant finally takes pity on U.M. and heads out for the refreshments.
I sat down again. She looked at me uneasily. For some minutes we were silent.
"I will kill him," I shouted suddenly, striking the table with my fist so that the ink spurted out of the inkstand.
"What are you saying!" she cried, starting.
"I will kill him! kill him!" I shrieked, suddenly striking the table in absolute frenzy, and at the same time fully understanding how stupid it was to be in such a frenzy. "You don't know, Liza, what that torturer is to me. He is my torturer...He has gone now to fetch some biscuits; he..."
And suddenly I burst into tears. It was an hysterical attack. How ashamed I felt in the midst of my sobs; but still I could not restrain them.
It was at this point in the story that I realized I was reading a very subtle and dense sort of black comedy. How else to describe it? U.M. is the original Oscar the Grouch, the original Grouchy Smurf, the original Eeyore. I understood, finally, that our role as readers is not to try to understand U.M. or to empathize with him, ours is but to laugh at him and to be glad that we are not him and that we will never be like him.
Dostoevsky's joke is nothing less than stringing me along on this guy for so long. Haha. I get it now.
Alas, poor Liza is not in on the joke. Leave it to U.M. to try to clue her in...
"Save you!" I went on, jumping up from my chair and running up and down the room before her. "Save you from what? But perhaps I am worse than you myself. Why didn't you throw it in my teeth when I was giving you that sermon: 'But what did you come here yourself for? was it to read us a sermon?' Power, power was what I wanted then, sport was what I wanted, I wanted to wring out your tears, your humiliation, your hysteria--that was what I wanted then!" [...]
"Surely by now you must realize that I shall never forgive you for having found me in this wretched dressing-gown, just as I was flying at Apollon like a spiteful cur. The savior, the former hero, was flying like a mangy, unkempt sheep-dog at his lackey, and the lackey was jeering at him! And I shall never forgive you for the tears I could not help shedding before you just now, like some silly woman put to shame! And for what I am confessing to you now, I shall never forgive you either! Yes--you must answer for it all because you turned up like this, because I am a blackguard, because I am the nastiest, stupidest, absurdest and most envious of all the worms on earth, who are not a bit better than I am, but, the devil knows why are never put to confusion; while I shall always be insulted by every louse, that is my doom!"
Liza forgives U.M. for everything and they end up in bed. Afterwards, U.M. sees the error of his ways, he marries Liza and they live a messy but ultimately contented life together.
Just kidding, after they sleep together U.M. tries to shove a five-ruble note in Liza's hand as a fresh new insult. She tosses it away and storms out. He chases after her through the snow, begging once again for her forgiveness, but she's gone and he turns back, now set up for a lifetime of bitter regrets and crushing isolation.
Next up: Mark Z. Danielewski's House of Leaves.
It looks like this book is going to take a while for me to finish, given that I haven't even started it yet and that it's a large book filled with quirky 90's style deconstructionist formatting.
Last edited by suitedjustice; 01-12-2020 at 01:10 AM.