One thing I haven't noted about my situation out here is that I don't own a car. My last car was company owned, and I gave it back to them when I quit. Up until this year, I also didn't have any sort of credit rating. I never cottoned to the idea of going into debt, so I've always saved up for necessary big ticket items, and then paid for them in cash. Out here, I've foregone a new vehicle for now in favor of allocating that chunk of money towards my playing bankroll.
Addressing the credit situation, I picked up two credit cards this year, and I have them set up for on-time automatic payments, so at some point I should have enough credit to finance a car. Until that happens, I will be riding the bus.
I don't mind the bus. The last time I was out here, I rode it for several years before I bought a car. Riding the bus is also the only real contribution I've ever made towards shrinking my carbon footprint, so there's that as well.
So this allows me leeway to get mildly ****ed up and then to go places without spending extra money on an Uber. Case in point: today.
I've talked about the cannabis gummies before, and how I built up a fairly quick tolerance to them. So yesterday I thought I'd try the liquid infusion instead, only I screwed up and picked up the 3 mg version for cheap. The usual dosage is 10 mg per dropper, administered under the tongue, so the stuff I got was weak sauce in the literal sense.
Arriving back home yesterday, I tried a dropper full, then waited two hours: nothing. I tried two more droppers full and waited two more hours: eh, slight buzz.
This morning, I decided that I wanted to see the Wreck-it Ralph sequel, because I'm a big kid who still loves animated movies. Of course I would have to be high for this. I pulled the dropper out of the bottle, and I gave my self a full dose under the tongue. Then I tipped the bottle up to my mouth and drank more than a third of it, probably about seven droppers full. That was more like it.
I hit the road out to the Suncoast buffet, and by the time I'd finished making a pig of myself, I had a good buzz going: probably a 6 or 7 out of 10--still in control and nothing like the 10/10 guy.
Everything was going according to plan. I had just enough time to hit the bathroom before the previews hit. I fronted up to the urinal, unzipped, and I could not find the front flap of my underwear.
JFC where is the ****ing piss flap here? Oh lord, I'm digging around down there like an old pervert. Everyone's going to think I'm a goddamn freak. I'll be arrested any minute. Any minute--Pee Wee Herman, Fred Willard and now me.
I realized then that I may have put my underwear on backwards.
Butters, I believe, is the South Park character who either doesn't know or doesn't care how the piss flap works, so when he pees, his pants and underwear are always down around his ankles.
I had no choice but to pull a partial Butters: undo the belt and pants button, pull down the undies and go over the top. I grew even more self conscious and I could not get a flow started down there.
HFS I look even worse than before with my goddamn pants half pulled down. I gotta go I can't not go the movie is two ****ing hours I...all right, let's make up a semantic exercise as a distraction from my anxiety: name the US presidents in order starting with George Washington, along with one or two facts about each one...
I had made it as far as #14 Franklin Pierce (serious drunkard, three dead sons, nagging Temperance wife who locked herself in her room in the White House) and had finally gotten things started when two loud friends walked into the bathroom and only left one empty urinal between them as they chatted away, breaking two cardinal men's restroom rules.
(1) Split up!
(2) No talking!
The stream died, and I had to get back up as far as #19 Rutherford B. Hayes (lost the popular vote, needed 20 out of 20 disputed Electoral College votes to win, was awarded all 20 of them by a congressional committee and one Supreme Court justice leaning towards his party, nicknamed 'His Fraudulency' because of that,) to get the stream flowing again.
Finally, I finished up, made my way to the movie and got home without any further high-nanigans. Once I got home, I dropped trou with the intention of setting things to rights, only to realize that I'd had my underwear on the right way for the whole time.
Last edited by suitedjustice; 11-28-2018 at 01:23 AM.