Hello. Im writing this high but it doesnt matter.
Im 22 years old man. I wanted To start this blog on New years eve but i didint.
This is my self improvement journal for myself.
I made a list of things i want To do: get friends, start New hobbies, start dating women, buy New car, take care of myself, become confident and mature man.
Since 1.1.2021 i have bought a New car, bought lyrica drug, bought New clothes, tv, nice decor, downloaded tinder, ordered a Canon camera and filming/photography is going To be my hobby, i have doctors appointment on next week.
My life went downhill at age 19. I took accuttane medicine for acne which ruined my life. I got rosacea from it. My face was always red and flushed which led me To isolate myself from friends and got me bad depression. Since then i have tried alot of things To help it, vbeam laser which costs 750d per session, Keto diet, beta blockers, hydrating skin and vitamins.
It has gotten better but still bothers me alot, i have vbeam session on next week and i hope it helps. I just need To get that evening flush away so i can go on dates and start hobbies.
I downloaded tinder Last saturday night. I had two shitty pics, one selfie and one full body shot with bad quality. I was amazed that i got likes, over 20 likes In 4 days, 8 matches. I talked To 6 of them, asked one out which she declined. Then i stopped getting likes and i deleted it. I dont wanna start New profile before i get my Canon. Im going To make a good profile with nice pics and hope To get actual dates.
On New years eve i realized that i have To start acting even if i have rosacea, depression and anxiety. I dont wanna be 27 and awkward dude with no experience with women, no hobbies and friends.
Im working full time, eating Keto diet, getting alot of exercise from work, evening walks and weight lifting. Im taking extremely good care of my apartment and car.
My main focus right now is my social life, dating, friends, social skills and my look. My eyes are really dry and red all the time which is big problem. I have gone To four doctors and tried seven different drugs but it didint help. I have To get a New doctor soon.
My face is clear but really dry and it gets red from pretty much anything. I only need To get the flushes down a bit then im just going To suck it up and be okay with it.
I know im pretty good looking guy and i can get women but i need To overcome my anxiety.
I want To get better Haircut, nice long coat, and nice shoes.
I have made three pretty good friends from work but we do not hangout outside work. My plan on getting friends is to start hobbies.
For getting women im going To use tinder for now. If i get friends To go out with im going To try picking up on bars.
I have improved my social skills alot In the past 6 months. I hate explaining myself and my actions. I currently have a shitty boss Who is control freak and just Hard To be around. I need To improve small talk and talking In General. Im happy that i can smile and laugh alot with anyone. It is a blessing, otherwise i would be really boring.
I got really Hard on self improvement, started mewing a month Ago which is ruining my teeth. I stopped it but im worried if it continues.
My goal for february is To hopefully get help from the vbeam laser, get my eyes better, start taking photos when my Canon arrives. Make a tinder profile, start dating, get friends.
I bought lyrica drug Last week. It was pretty exiting, figuring out how To get on dark web sites and the deal itself on Park at night. As im writing this im on it for the first time. It relaxed me and the only reason i bought it was To get over my anxiety when talking To women. I can function normally and i think women wont notice that im on something.
Im cutting my weight right now. Im really Lean already, i can see my abs clearly and i have alot of veins visible. My target is To get as Lean as possible.
Im going To update whenever i feel like it. Alot of **** is going on and i have To push myself everyday. I used To play videogames alot. I havent played since 1. 1.2021.

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Drinking vodka redbull and listening To music on my New 49" Tv. Really chill. Bought one gram of weed today for the first time. When i went To buy it we talked with the dealer on Phone and i thought he said he was the person In front of my car (my english is pretty bad) so i went To his car and opened the door. The man just looked at me and laughed. He was a food delivery man and i think he knew what i was doing. So i just stared at him and went back To my car. The dealer then showed up. We drove a few blocks and made the deal.
I might take one hit tonight. I have never really done any drugs or drank much alcohol. Only when i was under age we used To drink alot with my friends. Week ago i realized that i have To stop being so nice To everyone. Nothing bad is going To happen if i try some drugs. It does not make me drug junkie if i try some. At least i know how it feels.
I like To wear Black clothes. I have Black jeans, Black jacket, Black boots, Black shirt and Black hoodies that i love To wear. I bought blue jeans but i havent used them once. I have kinda like bad boy look and i think it looks sick.
The lyrica Last night had some side effects and i cannot use it anymore. I have really dry skin, eyes and lips especially In the winter. So it dryed everything alot. My lips started bleeding and my skin and eyes were really dry and still are. So now i have To figure out a New Way To overcome my anxiety with women. I think one To two beers before date could be okay.
Next monday is the Last day on my current Jobsite. My Job is really unstable because im still unexperienced. The business im working for is construction company. I have no worries about work because they Will find me a New jobsite.
Next week i have vbeam laser and after the session it Will take a week for my face To recover from it and then In the next 2 To 6 weeks i should see improvement on my rosacea. I have To find a good eye doctor too.
My camera Will arrive on next week and then i Will start filming. I think i Will look for some women on Forums or tinder To go film with me. It should be a fun hobby.
I have thought about other hobbies too but i really only like hobbies that reguire a friend. Tennis, disc golf, pool, hockey, fishing. One hobby i can do by myself is poker, but livepoker is not available here due To corona.

I had sex with a hooker and i for sure got some kind of std. I ignored 10 Big red flags that night. I was on adderral, alcohol and benzos.
I feel terrible, i was going To see this girl from tinder on the next day and i wanted to be more confident with her. I ended up not going To work on the next day and not seeing her.
I just took ksalol(basically xanax) and vodka. I think this is one of the lowest points of my life. My Dick and balls are hurting, throat is Infected, i have Ed due To anti histamine i have To take for my skin issues, i still have red face and eyes, i have wasted alot of money on drugs and other stuff.
I have made tinder account two times and gotten total 40 matches, but only managed To get one date. I went To her place for a Coffee. I took very small amount of benzo, adderral and alcohol before the date. I was super smooth talker and we ended up kissing. I think she wanted more but my freaking Dick cannot work right now ffs. It has To be the antihistamines.
I want To get In really good shape and start hitting the gym more. I also need To reduce benzos, figure out some other Way To get dates.