This morning, I lost nine thousand dollars.

It isn't everything to my name. My poker bankroll is at $24.6k. If I go busto, it won't be the end of the world; I have nine months' rent and rice/beans money, and a car and grand piano I could get a total of ~$25k for. I have an almost-practical degree and some marketable skills, despite the resume gap.

Still, the nine thousand dollars hurt. It hurt especially because of the way I lost it: I played Open Face Chinese with an opponent against whom I didn't have an edge. I expected to lose up to $1000 (more likely a few hundred) of EV as a way of blowing off steam, but I didn't quite fathom the variance of what I was doing. (I agreed to play an hour at $50/pt).

I wasn't even sure why I thought gambling would "blow off steam." I wasn't consciously trying to win back my losses (I didn't expect nearly this big of a swing), and I'm not sure I find OFC fun anymore; there's too much work and sweat involved to do it unless I'm playing with a total fish. I spent a lot of time learning the game, but my game selection has been atrocious.

But that's the thing about tilt: you do irrational things. This morning, I was on tilt.

I settled, told my OFC opponents I'm quitting for the foreseeable future, and now it's time to rebuild.

Pokerwise, rebuilding involves playing live 5/10nl. It's a game I think I can beat for my (fairly low) monthly nut. $24.6k is a pretty low but doable roll for it (due to taxes, I am effectively playing 3/6). But more importantly, it involves many things unrelated to poker. Hanging out with friends, going for walks, playing piano, volunteering, and sometimes looking for a job.

And in the back of my mind, wondering and planning: how will I avoid disaster next time?

You approached OFC like it was craps or sports betting. Can't do that if poker is your living right?
Where do you play?

You're mostly right. The difference with craps is that you know that you're at a disadvantage regardless of strategy. With sports betting and OFC it's a bit different: it's not really clear who has an advantage and who doesn't.

Anyway, I don't think I had an edge. And even if the odds were close to neutral, I was subjecting myself to an unhealthy amount of variance.

SF Bay Area

South Bay? You don't play up in my North Bay neck of the woods?