I had been thinking of making a thread in here for a while now. The main purpose is probably some sort of diary function so that Im able to keep logging progress in my life or how I feel personally. One of my easiest goals is to not let this blog die and post regularly, be it one line updates or larger ones, it doesn't matter.

I have been pretty miserable at times in my live and I've grown/fought myself out of most of those but Im at a point where things aren't really going that bad for me anymore and its making it hard to focus on goals I want to achieve in my life. Ill post my goals in this thread but it was kind of important to create the OP right now as I had a moment of strength, I've wanted to do this for at least a week and promised myself to do so every night (right before I embarked on getting drunk/stoned and pussing out every single night so far).

If its allowed Ill post some goals ITT that would be linked to a money bet/prop so you guys can make some money as well (or maybe not so much make money as take money). Money is one of the few things in life that can motivate me. I love money and always wished I had more of it. I need to thicken my ****ing stream.

I also hate a few things which Ill be working on first;
I hate eating
I hate sleeping

That's it so far, Ill probably update this tonight when Im getting home from work.

Man! How can you hate eating or sleeping. Can we exchange? You get some of my love for sleep/food and I some of your hate?

Anyway . For me writing here is an enormous help in regulating some things in my life. Hope for you will be the same.

Thanks Lapka, good to see you here I can only hope it will work out for me. I don't know why I hate sleeping and eating exactly, its kind of a waste of time to me and I can do pretty well without either of them for an extended period of time. I've always been underweight until I got some professional help to gain some (which worked out quite well). I was around 140 pounds no less than 3 years ago at +- 6'1 feet tall.

I really ****ing hate sleeping unless I cant sleep, then I want it pretty bad. I can stay up till 4am, jerk around on 2+2 and browse the internet and then go to work at 8 without too much issues. But if I have like 3 hours of work to do at 10pm Ill be practically falling asleep in front of my laptop (until its done, then I can jerk around for another hour or so before going to bed).

Most of my problems are only real in my head, so it makes sense that it works this way for me.

What sort of professional help did you get for your weight?

I suspect that jerking around until 4am is common around these forums. I do that too. Best way I can think of to sort of solve it would be to block out internet/games at certain hours that you'd prefer to spend sleeping until the habit forms.

If you're extremely money-motivated may I ask what you do for a living and how your money-chasing mentality manifests itself?

Why have you not made as much money as you'd have liked to?

I visited a nutritionist for a few months, gained about 10kg in the first 3 months. I didn't eat much because I didn't like it and also because I was often too poor to buy food. Not in the actual too poor to buy food way but in the 'I'd rather buy other stuff then food'. Stuff = weed.
I think I worded that wrongly. I used to be in debt a lot, that has become better over the years and I really hate losing money/giving it away when I could use it myself. I do this everyday when buying weed and booze but I have an easier time doing that then shipping people online money. I didn't get my own paycheck until about 2 years ago, I've been working fulltime for about 9 years now. I don't care about money in a way that I care a lot about what I earn in my job (or poker when I did that). I'd rather have a really fun job and make a bit less than have a regular or boring job. I do care about having money though, a feeling that was only made worse on 2+2 where everyone is either loaded or broke.

I haven't made as much money as I'd want/could have because I smoke too much weed and Im not able to apply myself for extended periods of time. I also blow it way too easily, Im kind of impulsive and I've done super dumb **** with my money like bought cars with my paycheck right out the gate and just sit tight for the ****storm that ensues. I'd rather not go through that again and offering up money makes me more likely to comply with my own goals I think.

I work an office job in project management for the government btw.

So today was pretty good, it was a sunny day which helps a lot. Had a great day at work, got some stuff done and a few positive meetings. I did some super boring yard work but it wasn't too bad with the sun out like that.

Last summer was the first summer ever where I had an allergic reaction to the sun. If I stayed in the sun for more than 10 minutes I would get all red, swollen and get these blisters on my skin. I read that early exposure to the sunlight may lessen/remove this issue so that kind of motivates me to go outside.

I used to play a portion of my cash games on the Cake Poker network. The skin I was playing on had a big rake race in which I was doing pretty good. Right around the end I seemed to be bubbling the prizes so I decide to stove a few hands and write up a strategy to shortstack the max amount of tables with a push/fold range. The price bump I was going for in the rake race was like 150$ and I proceed to bust my 900$ roll within 30 minutes.

Ill be logging my beer/weed consumption because thats on the top of the list after I fix my sleeping schedule. Smoked 1 joint and had 3 beers today. Going to bed now.

2/2 woke up in time and got to bed in time, behind my laptop and started working. I can show up at anytime I want to at my work and I can even not show up a few days in a row if I dont have any meetings and they will not notice. This is great for me if I could handle this but Ill have some days where Im depressed and the lack of pressure makes it really easy to take it easy one or two days. No more of that though so LEGGO.


1) I want to mow my lawn
2) I want to saw off a piece of some wooden thing in my house, dont need to saw it right away but at least I need to measure it today

I've gotten some advice on my life and one of the things that stuck was wrt me being overwhelmed by it sometimes. So Ill leave two or three tasks behind here every morning for me to function as an absolute minimum of what should be getting done.

I wonder about pot and beer. (I don't have much experience neither with pot no bier. Have tried it once or twice, but not my drug/alk of choice. So what I write is just, what I have heard/read) Both should contribute to weight gain. Pot should make you really hungry and beer are just tons tons of empty calories. And both should contribute to better sleep/ being more relaxed ( you can also express it negatively, like having less drive). Is that true for you? Can it be, that you get your calories from bier, and because of that, then are not hungry for real food?

And I so agree, that free work schedule is cool.

Well, the weed worked like that for me when I was younger. I've been smoking weed everyday for about 13 years now and it no longer gives me 'the munchies' or anything. Also, one of the key things I did to gaining weight was at least eating everyday, no matter what. I would be too lazy/stoned to cook so I made the deal with the nutritionist that I would at least order something to eat from a pizzeria or whatever I wanted.
Pork meat also helped a lot the days I was kind of brokish, forgot about that. When I started with the nutritionist I was not smoking weed for around 8 months in a row before I started again btw.

The beer isn't that much I think, one can has 141 calories. I drink 3-6 beers which comes down to between 420 (lolled) and 850 calories. It probably helps me a lot now to keep my weight when I think of it.

I definitely sleep 'better' when I smoke vs when I dont but thats just because Im used to sleeping stoned for 13 years. One of the main reasons for me to kick it is because Im simply dependent on weed to get a good night sleep. I've stopped before and it gets better.

My posts are definitely TLDR sorry about that to anyone who wanders in.

This brainy braces wearing milfy looking girl/woman (+-35/40 years old) came around to appraise the house, so that was a thing.

She was impressed by the maintenance level (surprisingly) and had compliments going to the room I had refurnished a while back with some help of OOT. One of my goals is to have a clean/organized house at the end of this year and this was my first step towards that.

I used floorplanner.com for the layouts, great and free tool for making such setups, will use it for any new refurnishing jobs I do.

Recently watched the whole back 8 of the latest TWD season and I keep forgetting how beautiful this girl is;

It was warm today so went for a salad, have been on a solid few day eating streak so far.

From l. to r. Mostly smoked chicken, romaine salad, tomatoes vinaigrette with some random good stuff and pasta topped off with some grated Parmesan.
A friend I hadn't seen in a while came over tonight and he looked at me when I stood up from my chair and he thought I had been working out but I explained I was just getting fatter. Thats a plus for me imo.

So I had to do two things today

Day	Task
10-4	Mow the lawn
10-4	Measure wooden stuff

Did the measuring, was pretty easy. I was smoking weed and set in my ways until I remembered I needed to mow the lawn so I jumped up and got it done, pretty impressive stuff tbh and this thread definitely played a role somehow.
Here it is, the mowed lawn. Was the first time this year so its kind of messed up but I've given it some tender love and sprinkled some grass-seed on the bald spots. Im trying to varnish the fence but not yet done sanding it down yet.

Worked from home in the morning because of the appraisal thing and came in around 1 after lunch, **** was epically terrible from that point on. Nothing I did wrong but other people messed up and reacted really bad but whatever, well see next week. Left 3 hours later because I had enough and had asked my gf to go have some drinks in the sun to make sure Im not some blister covered freak when it actually gets somewhat hot here.

Im at 4 beers and 1.5 spliffs and that should probably be it for tonight so not too bad.

Thats 5 and 2, decided to watch some TV after all.

Day	Task
10-4	Mow the lawn
10-4	Measure wooden stuff
11-4	Clean out my top top room and tent
11-4	Saw the wooden panels I measured yesterday
11-4	Take care of some work I have to do before tomorrow

I want to take up on a hobby I've slacked on for the last few months. Im the owner of a nice setup I use to grow all kinds of plants. I took the setup down and moved it to the upper floors, the problem is the rooms needs to be 100% dark which is far from easy (plants dont like light when they're sleeping ).

Thats why I measured the wooden panels and after taking a piece off today they should be able to slide exactly into my window blocking all light and keeping the temperature down a bit.

Im going to experiment with tomatoes now since Ill be quiting the weed soon.
Here is how the current tomatoes look, will place them under light somewhere next week. I already messed them up slightly by over watering them in the beginning but we'll see what happens.


My setup includes a 600w light unit, 700m3 ventilation unit, active carbon filter, a live webcam and some small fans, temp/humidity readers, etc. I also have some anti fire security setup and save electrical breakers.
I wont do weed for the coming few months so Ill be experimenting with tomatoes for a while. Here some pictures of my setup, I could grow up to 16ish plants in there but thats a bit too much for me.

dang ur gonna have some powerful tomatoes

I find it interesting that you changed the title of this blog.

Had a slow day yesterday, weather was terrible so couldn't saw outside, figured I'd finish up my work things today, first gotta go for a nice walk in the sun.

Day	Task
10-4	Mow the lawn
10-4	Measure wooden stuff
11-4	Clean out my top top room and tent
11-4	Saw the wooden panels I measured yesterday
11-4	Take care of some work I have to do before tomorrow

Im still looking for a good name for my supertomatoystrain of dank.

Yeah, the other title is a working title Im writing a novel under, I figured it wasn't as suitable and way too emo for what I had in mind for this blog/diary. This is way more suitable, its actually how I was called by a mother of a friend when I was 5-14 years old because of my inability to organize myself.

Had 6 beers and 2 spliffs yesterday, Im doing reasonable on the weed front but not so much on the alcohol front. Going for a walk now!

Yesterday was a reasonable day but the weather was terrible so didn't leave the house too much.
Bought this lawn mower kind of thing to take care of the edges that my actual mower cant reach.


Also made a great tomato soup with the GF



To top it off I also got a vinegar jar, a traditional French clay jar to make my own vinegar. I haven't delved in to the subject of doing that too much yet though.


You throw in an existing 'mother' or just add the bacteria needed yourself, a mother is like the yeast in bread, it looks like a jellyfish and is to be found at the bottom of your vinegar. Its a living organism and normally if I put a mother in that jar and add wine/cider it should become vinegar. I guess I'll report back.

So just took a walk in what they call 'The highlands of <town>', thought of you guys when I saw this;


Disclaimer, my photos are usually mediocre.


In the middle of all this beautiful nature we suddenly find this;

Its one of the larger indoor ski pistes, they are contemplating building an even higher one attached to it, this is just the top side. If they get to expand it will look something like this;


Here is the Hortensia Im attempting to revive, had a few rough years;

And my newly acquired peach tree has rooted itself and is feeling funky;

interesting neighborhood. it's some kind of... refugee camp?

Haha yeah, it kind of looks like it ....

I didn't find a good translation but its basically an association that rents out pieces of land (smallish, +-10x20meters) on which you can garden and built a little shed/house. People in the city that dont have one because they life in a flat for example can rent it from them and grow/garden stuff there or just come to sit in the 'garden'. It was translated as kitchengarden or allotment.

I remember first time I saw those I was on a train going through East Germany on my way to Berlin and I thought, wow, living conditions in E Germany are worse than I thought.

Haha well tbh, I've heard of people sleeping in the houses as temporary housing right here so I wouldn't be surprised if it was done out there .

Another pretty good day, weather was great and got to do some yard stuff again.

Day	Task
10-4	Mow the lawn
10-4	Measure wooden stuff
11-4	Clean out my top top room and tent
12-4	Saw the wooden panels I measured yesterday
12-4	Take care of some work I have to do before tomorrow

Haven't been able to do any new stuff today really, 3 was probably a little too much yesterday. Did get to do the laundry and whatever but dont feel like I should write that down because lolme. 1 spliff and 2 beers, sleeping in 30.

May I ask, where are you from? I mean I don't see any mistakes in your english, but from this I see, that you are also not a native speaker

Yeah sure, Im from the Netherlands myself , Im close to the Hague.