signs I'm going to die any minute:

the veins of my left wrist shouldn't be bulgy when my right one isn't. this is definitely some type of heart failure. congestive, I think.

gg SA

rip

I've been doing urethral strengthening exercises all day and I can't shake the feeling that I had to do something today

I was born ready and I'll DIE ready

****, christmas presents.

No one is ready to die. Except perhaps suicide bombers.

LOL.

Merry Christmas.

so it's me and biggie versus them, to the death obv. in an epic battle of snes tetris on LEVEL NINE for the title of master grand world champion of the year of all time

dear diary:

i've been dicking around, not really going for the Master of India achievement, just sort of taking over africa and still messing around in south america and the caribbean, and for what? the No Pirates in my Caribbean achievement? sure. but that just gets me into trouble with the trade powers with big navies like the ****ing swine in britain and the netherlands. so this time i'm just gonna start as spain and go around africa real quiet-like and start ****ing with those weak indian bitches asap, preferably like before 1650. early 1600s should be ok, and i'll just try to play nice in europe, ally austria and britain early, keep a moderately sized defensive army on the mainland to repel any incursions from aragon and see how it goes.

he was poisoned... WITH AN AXE

I got a response, I got a reponse, I got a response.



Just a few more hours SA and you will have lived to see another year.

million dollar tv show ideas:

twilight zone meets fantasy island. horrifyingly ironic dreams turn into nightmares every week.

Noah was the world's first doomsday prepper

I'm completely convinced I'm moments away from death at least once an hour for the last several months

who's to say a 40,000 dollar watch wouldn't INSPIRE and MOTIVATE me to then make MILLIONS of dollars? I mean, am I crazy? am I crazy right now? am I, am I, am I, am I crazy?

You're not crazy. They're the ones.

having strong principles means sticking to them even if there are a thousand good reasons not to

billion dollar theme park idea:

instead of paying $79 to wait hours in line to be terrified, we terrify people completely randomly, by jumping out of garbage cans or busting out of windows or leaping off buildings into crowds. call it ambush gardens

dennis rodman is a genius. maybe an accidental genius, but a genius. who has the BALLS to bring diplomatic relations on however small a scale to the hermit nation? mj? f no. RODMAN.

and if he just played basketball it'd stay a small thing, but he's sitting there with his sunglasses and cigar and he knows he needs some ****in press for this ****in game, stateside, if he's ever going to realize his ultimate dream of world peace. he's gotta do something big. he's gotta turn the cnn newsroom into a bona fide SITUATIONIST EXPERIMENT.




note to future self:

write a series of books about this moment in history.