BTW, when I first came forward with this issue, they gave me some medicine that was dissolved in alcohol. Applying that to the skin I'd scratched open previously, temporarily made me forgo other methods of self-harm.

Have you tried to hold ice cubes? Eat some chilli or ginger? Put a rubber band on your wrist and snap it few times when you feel the pressure to self harm? Go to a tattoo saloon and get a tattoo without anesthetics? Piercing?

I mean....You are not a first one with such problems. It is pretty normal. You just have to find a way to release the tension without really harming yourself.

Another thing you could try to get this pain release of tension without really harming yourself: depilation of your legs with wax. It is definitely painful, it doesn't do any real harm and instead of leaving scars it will leave you with nice smooth skin.

And no I am not trolling, I am just looking for a good even if not so conventional solution.

There is evidence to support the hypothesis that I'll never be happy.

I tried and failed to get a Bachelor's degree. After that I got a job, but got fired from it because, "going missing after a failed suicide attempt" is not the career booster one might expect it to be. Dreading looking for another job without a degree, I decided to re-enroll to college. (Side note: living with your parents whilst having nothing going on in your live, really allows you to save up for a second attempt at education.) Telling people that I wanted to get a degree to show that that was within my capacity, seemed to somehow be interpreted by them as something positive. What I intended to say was "I want to prove that I could have done this the first time around and that I've wasted 10 years of my life because I'm an idiot."

Anyway, at the beginning of this year I successfully defended my Bachelor's thesis. At what should have been the happiest day of my life, I cried myself to sleep. I felt like a complete fraud.

This has led me to the realization that, whatever I might achieve, there will always be a "but" that will loom larger in my mind than the achievement.

I will never be happy.

Then get through life the best you can, I try to. **** happiness!

First, congrats on your degree. It is a proof that you are like 80% of this forum: with problems but functional.


Who the hell told you that a degree will make you happy? * shock* Do you know someone whom a degree made happy? I don't. And I myself have a bunch of degrees and if they did something to my happiness, it is only decrease it.

So...

And in general.... you write about all that stuff: depression, mental health issues, self harming like it is a big special tragedy. It is not. It is pretty normal and common. You plain have somehow to live with that. And you proved with your degree that you totally can do it.

And a paragraph on happiness.

I have an absolute sure trick, how you can feel happy for a day. Everyone who tried it confirms. You certainly have a bicycle. Right? Choose a route between 200 and 250 km and ride it in one day. Then a day break and on third day ride it again. Somewhen on third day you will start to feel happy. Your butt will probably be shredded and you will be in physical pain but happy. It will also decline relatively fast. But.... I mean...

That's a great idea Lapka, and totally relate to your fear of never being happy but at this point feel fully committed to striving towards that no matter how many times I get smacked down.

Sometimes listening about someone's successes overcoming these maladies can help Tyson Fury will be fighting Deontay Wilder in a heavyweight boxing title fight this December and after listening to his chat with Joe Rogan he has won me as a fan!