living at home with mom is weighing on me. rents are selling the house and i've been keeping everything in top shape, while taking care of the dog during showings. lately her shouting has been about me not being helpful enough -- really unfortunate she feels this way.
i bought a vaporizer to kill the smell of weed, which it did, but sometimes there is a trace smell even when using it outside - it's completely gone by the time the house is shown - it also helps me sleep at night and not get hospitalized - but it doesn't stop her from waking me up to yell about it. she was even okay with weed recently before her life became more complicated. it's like she's grasping at straws to find an issue with me since becoming tidier. last night she came home from work - i was trying to sleep - 20mins later the dog (blind) pees on the floor. i hear her yell from downstairs about how that's my fault, but no thank you for the half dozen times i took him out earlier in the day.
now i have to remember to wear headphones around the house to keep her from picking fights with me. the worst part is she then resents me more for not talking to her. it's not a wonder where my low self esteem comes from.
I've found meditation to be expansive over time with practice. At this current moment, I am of belief that at a point of centering myself, I'm able to let my mind roam free-range without paying much attention - retaining the value of being centered while ever present thoughts work themselves out without concerning me. It feels rewarding in a way that is energetic and also soothing and catabolic, while also feeling as though I'm floating upside-down rotating in cerebral dimensions.
I think online poker players can naturally relate to this. After a tiring session, it's natural to sit back and relax and not think about anything for a minute while things decompress. It wouldn't be possible to fit this in the 5-minute MTT window because that would interfere with getting high.
If a clock were large enough, in one full turn of its hands the universe could age to its death.
Spoiler:
I meant to assume it was keeping Earth time. So that I or some fictional life form could view seconds tick from what might be a debatable optimal vantage point. Another concept is that the clock keeps time relative to a super massive galaxy existing only in thought.
A clock whose hands spin faster than the speed of light...potentially
Hold'em with computer assistance as a bonus, or used a set number of times per match, could be a thing in the future. An example could be shown via heads up SNG. Each player, on a single postflop street, may one time activate the GTO switch and receive a solution for their hand. The challenge becomes employing it early in the match, or hoping to still be contesting later when it would be more valuable, or knowing your opponent could option to use it directly after you before the river, and of course picking spots where it has any value at all! (e.g. when your opponent is not planning to fold to any bet.)
Eta - Dnegs may opine if he wishes -- instead of raising rake to improve game quality, how about offering GTO-solve-tokens to players in proportion to how much they lose?
This blog is like, a collection of attempts to cope within a realm of altered states written not very well. I don't feel it serves an outward purpose and am pressing it out of existence.
Mr. Feynman
Mr. da Vinci
Mr. Fischer
Mr. Turing
Mrs. Plato; Mrs. Sklansky; Mrs. Osipov (The Moms)
Vivaldi; Mr. Bach
Mr. Nakamura; Levon; Carlsen; MVL; Ms. Yifan; Ms. Polgar
Thom Yorke
Jim Carrey
Dali
Mr. King
Mr. and Mrs. John Nash
Mr. Ivey; Mr. Adams; Mr. Chen; Mr. Schulman; Mr. PA; Mrs. Andersen
Mr. Legend; Mr. Devil; Greg
Mr. Picasso
Mr. GB; Mr. JF; Mr. AD
Mr. Martin Shkreli; Mr. Karpov
Mr. McLovin
Ike; Galfond
Mr. Baldwin; Mr. Malmuth
Mr. Jimmy Page
I.S.
Mr. Pop; Mr. Bell
Rivers; Sandler; Mr. Travis Barker
Last edited by Tuma; 12-06-2018 at 03:59 PM.
Reason: Mr. Brunson; The Bear
In baseball, a cleanup hitter is the fourth hitter in the lineup. They are the ones with the most power in the team and their most important job is to bring runs in, the cleanup hitter “cleans up the bases” meaning that if there are runners on the bases the cleanup hitter scores them in ergo the name.
Two jumps in a week
I bet you think that's pretty clever, don't you boy?
Flying on your motorcycle
Watching all the ground beneath you drop
Two suicide attempts in one week,
Did you consider how others would feel?
(Boy)
I'll make it beautiful for you anyway.
Quote:
Kill yourself for recognition
Kill yourself to never ever stop
You broke another mirror
You're turning into something you are not
Lead with your heart
Bleeding and Beating
Being human is really tough.
Quote:
Don't leave me high
Don't leave me dry
Don't leave me high
Don't leave me dry
Don't be too lonely when you're manic or depressed.
Quote:
Drying up in conversation
You will be the one who cannot talk
All your insides fall to pieces
You just sit there wishing you could still make love
They're the ones who'll hate you
When you think you've got the world all sussed out
They're the once who'll spit at you
You'll be the one screaming out
Oh, it's the best thing that you ever had
The best thing you ever, ever had
It's the best thing that you ever had
The best thing you have had is gone away
We passed upon the stair
We spoke of was and when
Although I wasn't there
He said I was his friend
Which came as a surprise
I spoke into his eyes, "I thought you died alone
A long long time ago"
Oh no, not me
I never lost control
You're face to face
With the man who sold the world
I laughed and shook his hand
And made my way back home
I searched for form and land
For years and years I roamed
I gazed a gazely stare
At all the millions here
We must have died alone
A long long time ago
Who knows? not me
We never lost control
You're face to face
With the man who sold the world
making the contemplation of truth and meaning a primary objective (emotionally speaking, there are so many great pursuits and outlets within my reach) has been as challenging as it's been rewarding. many of the conclusions reached have been sub-par, such is the task of being an imperfect human, but not without a fine amount of good thinking too. one of the better conclusions is that i deserve to be happy, but also that happiness can be earned and that i'm more than capable of doing so.