Peeling away
the membranes
that make up
a dull brain

"Crucifixes work, but insanity might be better"

I found that Ace on the River contained many bits of wisdom pertaining to life subjects beyond poker. One I want to mention -- and I might misquote, but if I recall correctly Barry claims to not be a superstitious man, but if someone thinks their good luck is coming from a charm, or are just happier with it, it would be wrong to condescend them for using it.

It's possible that with a great enough technology peoples' minds and thoughts could be read. It also might be true that nature, aliens, or even pigeons (birds have been around longer than we have) are able to access our thoughts without our permission. I don't think either scenario is all too likely to be happening now, and if birds had telepathy they surely don't care about my own inner space -- maybe what I'm going to eat for dinner though, but I still really really really don't want to embarrass myself and have overly stupid thoughts, and I happen to like privacy. Still, I find myself anxious over the impossible happening, resulting in internal measures to trim the branches of my thought trees if they seem too ridiculous.

So I end up practicing my own version of cognitive behavioral therapy because of the aliens that I don't believe in hacking into my thoughts and laughing at me. I don't see how that couldn't be labeled an insanity, and yet it is helping me better myself and at maintaining my focus. Inspiration comes in fantastically diverse forms if you're willing to get creative and even a little bit crazy.

^^ like that

I don’t feel comfortable blogging anymore. A long time ago I invented a persona to help better understand my place in the world. A few years ago I took the persona to an extreme and found that I was loved despite being discombobulated. I then merged the persona with my own in an attempt to reveal my own voice without it being noticed as different. I have recently approached myself, and decided that due to not having enough of a handle on my life, at least compared to well adjusted adult people, I won’t be able to further share my thoughts due to a fear of what lies beneath and a petrifying insecurity that I’m not able to shake.

To Mpethybridge:

You were right.

Personally I think it's pretty brave to blog and the fact you do it with petrifying insecurities just makes it even braver and really speaks volumes as to the quality of person you are I hope you change your mind, but that's for my selfish entertainment purposes, so obviously do what's best for you.

Your writing is very interesting. I dont know how to comment on it but I like it. I thought we were headed places when you said you were peeling away membranes. Maybe this is it though. Best of luck in whatever you do.

I agree with everything in post #56 and #57 and feel the same . . .


. . .

I've given some thought and I don't accept

if You want to, that's on You but You should know And just to fill You in, were all in . . .

No matter what hand were dealt we have to play the hand dealt, that min that 30 second count down that last second, were all in , It's ok to be scared to open Yourself up and I'm in I'm down, I know Your incredibly talented can believe in Yourself as I do, I'm always going to be there , whether You chose to write or not . . .






. . .

Most people seem to have more handle on their life than they really have. Your write well and writing things out, also what is underneath, takes the power from it.

hey lapka. i am extra impacted by your compliments coming from a real scientist. at one point i had ambition to write in a logical, original way using words i actually understood; and i think i've accomplished that. it isn't too difficult to then falsely represent myself as a logical or original person, but i don't think it's the actual case; it's just abject analysis and fluid thinking, which is a positive but also empty of anything worthwhile if the rest of a good foundation is lacking, which it is.

it makes me happy when other people share that talking/writing/communicating helps with their demons or understand them better. for me it doesn't really work like that, i have to deal with things on my own. a benefit of writing them out is being able to look through old samples to study nuances and such. talking doesn't make me feel better, just less normal.

i am ceasing all posting on a beautiful number: 10,833.

I had written a particularly snarky and well thought out post regarding your denigration of us non-scientists Tuma, but then I lost it Lucky!!

Ah you think darkness is your ally? You merely adopted the dark. I was born in it, molded by it. I didn't see the light until I was already a man, by then it was nothing to me but blinding!
We need a free thinker link You . . .
Somebody came into my office crying. I said, "Look, don't cry to give up! Cry to keep going!!"

i wonder what % of hostile/combative political hobbyists are also atheists. the venn reminds me of the crass saying that i laughed at as a teenager, "you can take a girl out of a strip club, but you can't take the strip club out of a girl."

for what it's worth i like strip clubs when they're quiet.

If I could only answer yes or no to the question, 'Am I slow in the head?' - the answer would be yes. I'm not an especially fast learner of things that lack a geometry or are more arbitrary than sequential. I usually have to think intensively or with repetition to retain information that doesn't impact my life. I usually don't give enough of a **** to do this.

Once something has stuck with me I'm able get into deeper thinking. It's kind of a funny thing, but getting a math problem wrong will usually make it more memorable than getting it right -- an indication of being slow in the head, and yet 50 years later I may still be able to reproduce the problem as a result. Perhaps being able to access it like a slide projection is good to have in my bank of intuition for similar problems and maybe unrelated things too.

WWYD: Urban Meyer

- As head coach I'd fire the **** out of a wife beater. Ez game.

- As a regular dude, with a wife of my own: finding out a friend was roughing up his family. Besides deferring to my wife, and wanting to speak to the victims to console and get more info...I don't know what would happen after that, but I'm sure it would be exhausting and an awful situation to be in.

If (sizable, and tight-rope-walking: IF) my M-W benchmarks are met, on Thursday I will be dissecting Vivaldi's Four Seasons under the wizardry of heavy medication. It should be a spellbinding good time!

solve the anagram

Here's the thing about the world chess championship. If Magnus blunders the first game and Fabi plays for 11 draws following, it might cheapen the victory in people's eyes, akin to running out the clock in other sports. But there still should be ample credit to playing 12 games without error in the match.

I heard Radiohead made a stop in Detroit this summer when it was already in the past tense. I didn't feel much disappointment having seen them a few years prior interrupting their 15-year hiatus from Detroit. A lot was made about their aversion to The D, citing the belief in a curse and a grudge over a stolen instrument and other rumors. The prior show was excellent...perhaps short of brilliant -- or maybe as good as an arena designed primarily for basketball and ice hockey could provide. The coda to Karma Police was one of the penultimate moments and had the crowd really involved, the space providing a deep, long-lasting echo.

When I am king
You will be first against the wall.
With your opinion which is of no consequence
... at all.

What's that?

Psychiatry Today

I imagine this to be footage from a realistic initial-visit with a psychiatrist in the present:

Winners Win that's why they Win . . .

Deciding which limit to play isn't always so clear. Let's say a player has $500.

Protect Bankroll - .05/.10 NL. easier competition. book wins more often. mistake of playing has exponential effect (opportunity cost).

Play for the future - .10/.20 NL. plenty of fish. book bigger wins more often, but win less pots overall. mistakes are costly in the present (1 downswing away from being forced to play nl10).

In this situation I've deployed a strategy of mixing in the higher limit games, and as things go well I shift my game selection upward and when things go poorly I take days off completely of the bigger game. The strategy is a compromise that eases the transition to the succeeding level.

. . . .